sandra harrison kay literary & mixed media artist



Sunday, December 31, 2017

External Memory Storage -for (me!) sandra, tvgp

yes.. my blog  -external memory storage.   -there is apparently not enough room in there..  keeps spilling:

so, yes..   I laugh at myself, at the.. paradox? irony? contradiction?   -because, I am in love; its true.  and we have been so intimate; as lovers tend to be..   and, yet

Robert:  "I might just pop in the bathroom while youre taking a shower, to brush my teeth.."

(me!):  "you will not.  I do not know you well enough yet.."


and good Lord, do any of my imaginary readers remember (#?) of my most  -most!- embarrassing life experiences?    how there was that one time I added more water to the toilet, to avoid having the splash echo throughout the neighborhood..   and how,

how I learned, that the water level in the toilet  -is at the level that it is, for very good reason..

because if you add more,  and are sitting, as females tend to do,  and then go to wipe...

honestly..   I am not my mother's brightest child.. just a very self-conscious one

and, there I was facing the same dilemma in Robert's room...           where he paused the TV show we were watching, so I wouldn't miss anything when I used the restroom..

but then, when he paused the TV show:    

            -dead silence-

so after a prayer, I just opened the bathroom door back up, and sat next to him, in a cold sweat, with a blushed face,  "I can't go.  it's too quiet!  it seems like it will echo to three neighbors down in each direction.."

and, that's when I learned that not only is he sexy as all get out, but he is compassionate too.   and, I just love thanking him for being sexy and compassionate.

and he seems to like the way I express my gratitude.


revisit:  kernel of truth.  how excited I was, when I realized..   it does not mean  -small.   which is how most people employ it in conversation..  as meaning a small amount of truth within a larger communication

but what it really speaks to is this:   truth,  -is like a popcorn kernel in a microwave   -it pops out under pressure.

interrogators are well aware; so are parents...


what you see is what you get   -revelation here for me also..  because most people employ this in conversation as a way of saying,  -this person has nothing to hide; no agendas; no manipulative persona to mask.. no façade   -what you see (the good, the flaws) is what you get.

but,  -what this can also mean!  has to do with understanding the law of attraction:   what you see

in a person  (what you choose to see, when we know everyone has flaws, strengths and weaknesses)

is what you get.  

so, if you see the flaws; the flaws will be magnified; if you see the strengths; their strengths will be magnified.           -what YOU see.. is what YOU will get


rape on college campuses/by students:   my most immediate response is that we need to bring back the guillotine.  -and as ive written in length before, I will just note:

1.  the college students responsible for raping other students   -they have 'qualified' for college.  they have files..   with letters of recommendation from teachers, professors..  singing their praises.

they have academic credentials..  good grades/test scores

how does this GARGANTUAN evil and unevolved character quality get missed?   by so many people in teaching and leadership positions?   -what have we been teaching about the importance of respecting fellow human beings vs. how important it is to succeed academically?  get good grades, and 4.0's

we need to TEACH the importance of respecting fellow human beings with even more vigor, passion and emphasis than we do math and science  -and until students demonstrate this as a core competence    -no diploma; period.

I try to imagine that..   a shift in what pressure students experience..  write now, they feel pressure to make good grades, pass certain tests,   -pressure to qualify for specific colleges

what if the pressure they experienced was   -you better be able to demonstrate respect for others..   you better know all the humanitarians...   you better be able to demonstrate you are evolving in that direction...

and, currently, it is all, hush/hush..  because  -money and reputation-  for colleges are at stake, and  -who would want to send their young adult child to a college where...   and, so they are at risk of losing student populations; i.e.,  TUITION.

but making money and reputation more important than truth, safety and justice is exactly the mentality that breeds the problem in the first place; and contributes to its growth

   -show me the college that does not hush/hush the issue

  -show me the college that addresses it immediately, loudly, boldly   -holds rapists entirely accountable; publicly   -the college that punishes the crime; the criminal.. and works to make the college campus a safe place for everyone  -where truth and safety are more important than $$ and reputation..

because that IS the reputation worth risking/fighting for    -and these students are the future of the world      -each campus/population a micro-version of the world to come..

and the more we can improve the culture on each campus..

truth, safety, justice, respect for one another    /no one should graduate unless!

the better off the world will be.

                          /should we send rapists to jail.. or back to a type of mandatory school where you must learn what apparently you did not...


I am near the end of a gentleman in Moscow..    I positively love the writing! the story! the characters..  and as you know, I forced myself to read it slowly..

we all want to stretch out our favorite things/times/reads.. yes

and it was my plan to finish reading it on the airplane to montana..  but,

I ended up sitting next to one of the easiest and most engaging people to talk to, and we talked the entire flight!    name a subject   -food, movies, documentaries, India, God, prayer, college, family, friends, Tolstoy,    -he is a phD student at univ of Utah, if I remember correctly, and is going to contribute to making the world a better place via,  -flexible solar technology

never did get his name, but..   enfolded in my prayers for success..

and it struck me..  the last time I talked through an entire flight..  /ignoring the fact he tried the kindle trick to dissuade me

well, on that occasion I blamed the seattle coffee..   I usually respect social queues pretty quickly,


maybe, it wasn't the coffee.. maybe, it turns out, I just delight in meeting total strangers.


"Thank You!"  here to my dad and Chris.. turning me onto     -So moved by the founders story..  her dad's story..    her motivation..   and her ted talks..

would love to be a part of that team    -and when they ask what languages

I answer:  English; Secular and Christian.

   -and I am absolutely convinced..  well, whenever I hear about a book translated into (#) languages,

I think,

this is really what languages they should be translated into:  Secular, Christian, Atheist


and I hope one day, students will take me up on the challenge:   translate Robert Schuller's work.. from atheist perspective

translate Christopher Hitchens -from spiritual or Christian perspective

apply world views to interpret biographies;   -that is all any of us are doing at any given time

interpreting our lives according to...



..and in with the new ~wine.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i am praying for everyone   -new!- in the new year.  

"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins.  For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins.  New wine...

is stored in new wineskins! so that both are preserved."   -Matthew 9: 17


and like what I read:   you can't get new ideas into old mind-sets, or new results with old behaviors.

"to new mind-sets!   to new behaviors!   to new love!

In Jesus,  loves a new year celebrations'   name,  cheers! &  amen!


p.s.    did you see that Warrior game last night?!   crazy exciting...  oh, the moves!    if I had the means, I would create my own commercial

they have:   'this is why we play'

I would create,  'and this is why we watch!'


Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Very Close (me!) sandra, tvgp

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

They put the Merry in my Christmas, and the Happy in my New Year

it's the song/lyrics in my heart every time:

"...if i'm well, you can tell, they've been with me now
and they've been with me now
quite a long, long, time
yes, and I feel fine..."


I am at least 20 post ideas behind..   

look forward to..               hallelujah/amen.

Monday, December 25, 2017

How cool is that... for (me!) sandra, tvgp

things I need to, inspired to write/blog about..  piling up.   to catch them before they disappear, quick jot them down

and I will revisit kernel of truth; add on, different spin on  -what you see is what you get  -I will also be writing on the sure fire way to end rapes that happen on college campuses..
and!  then

I jotted down, not in my own strength..    then asked myself,  like, what passage is that? where in the Bible

and then looked it up, and

"I spy my very lucky number!"

Happy Birthday Jesus..   "Thank You!"  I love you,  amen.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Friday, December 22, 2017

Pragmatic Christmas Prayer by (me!) sandra, tvgp

The opportunity to become over-stressed and over-whelmed   -to lose sight of the real reason for the season, to confuse priorities, to accumulate long term debt to meet the unrealistic expectations of one day

-very high.    


so, before I even left the house yesterday, I sat down with Jesus..   telepathically

  -k, Jesus..

here is my Christmas budget:       /and by 'budget' I of course mean...  the amount of credit remaining open on my two credit cards

here is the list of people I want/need/get to buy gifts for:    /which would be way longer if I had more money, or more credit.. but, leans, under my current circumstances, towards immediate family 

here is the amount of time I have today to get the job done; and the amount of energy   

-and, "thank you!" for both by the way...    time and energy   -and for my family..   and for credit..


  -there will be traffic.    -there will be lines.     -there will be crowds..

please help.   I love you!   Happy Birthday!   Peace on Earth.  Goodwill    amen.


and, I was centered enough, that every stress was put on hold, and I was able to prioritize correctly! by having lunch and dessert, and a wonderful, good, long in-person visit with my daughter..

and I may not have the best track record when it comes to money.. but the record will show,  -when it comes to how/when/where I invest my time and energy..

my R.O.I's  are  awesome!   "Thank You!"  Jesus...     

and now I will Re-Joyce..

Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Heart Seen, by (matthew!)

Jesus vs. Snow White. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

...over the most exquisite steak dinner at the derby:

Auntie Sandy:   "how many of the fruits of the spirit can you name?"

Niece:   "is peace..   ?"

Nephew:  "joy?  Patience?     I can name the 7 dwarfs though, can you?"

And so, as a family team we were indeed able to name all 7 dwarfs.   Score one for Disney.

Auntie Sandy:   "but what I'm hoping..   since I just painted them on your that by the time I come for my next visit you'll be able to name the fruits of the spirit...      -amen"

Saturday, December 16, 2017

"Don't Let the Game Change You!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

as it arrives to (me!), it arrives to you  -and, so explains the order/organization of this post:

TRUST:  how sad is this.. when I saw my Robin Williams on TV..  I thought to myself,  -well, actually I said it out loud to my sister..     "I miss him.   But at least he died before all this..   before all these sexual assault/sexual misconduct/rape reveals in the press.    I get to keep him on the pedestal in my memories.      -because, write now, every time I see Charlie Rose..

I think of psalm 118:8.


but before I learned he turned out to be   -quite contrary to his persona on TV-    an ungracious, self~serving, manipulative adult male, who abused his position, influence and authority to take advantage of young, aspirings  

before I learned that about him   -I watched a wonderful interview, featuring Macklemore.   /and the first thing I had corrected was my pronunciation, because until this interview, I had been saying

mac-kel-more.   but it is,  mack~la~more.     -and I still listen to every song on the heist CD.   and i'm still wow'd by the songwriting; the lyrics.    the range, the content, the emotion, the philosophies, the life experiences shared, processed, transcended..   through music.

"make the money, don't let the money make you.   change the game; don't let the game change you.

             -all my people stay true...  stay true."

"see life's a beautiful struggle, I record it.  hope it helps you maneuvering through yours.."

"Ive been staring into this pad for over half my life.. a true artist won't be satisfied..  so I guess that's the sacrifice"

          -I trust Macklemore   -not to be perfect, but to keep it real; to sing me his version of his truth.


TRUST:    hypocrisy report card:   was it two days prior? I had a conversation with my nephew about trust, and I said, "I've lived both ways..   not trusting anyone..     that is no quality of life; it's awful..  it makes life not even worth living...     but, learning to trust again...    trusting people..    a much better quality of life"

and then, I had the great privilege of teaching him to drive..  his first behind the wheels..   and he didn't slow down across a certain intersection because the other person had a stop sign..   but, the other person was not slowing down in any way that indicated he was going to  -pay attention- to the fact he had a stop sign,

"DO NOT TRUST ANYONE!"     I said in a panic.   don't trust blinkers, don't trust when they don't use blinkers, don't trust people to stop at stop signs, or to not go through red lights.. !!   you need to watch behavior, not signs or signals...   are they slowing down?  moving over?  

and of course my nephew says back to me,  "didn't you just tell me about trusting people.. now you are saying don't trust anyone."

                       "well,   don't trust anyone on the road.    and don't trust celebrities.   or men in power positions.   and don't trust...     ..and you can't trust..."           

and, so..   

TRUST:   I mean, ive had it all ways:    I have trusted when I shouldn't have; I have not trusted when I should have..    I have trusted correctly; I have mistrusted correctly.     A type of constant vigilance and discernment is required..    and over time it happens so second~naturedly you don't even realize you are constantly exercising that spiritual muscle. 


recently when my sister and I were Re-Joyce'ing     -She said, what I have heard often in churches by countless ministers:    "...  and God will pour out a blessing..."

and i'm like,  -darn it!    the very kind of blessing i'm hoping for write now

it cannot be poured!    TRUSTWORTHINESS CANNOT BE POURED OUT.  it does not fall in that blessing category.

financial matters  - money -   a sudden monetary windfall..   that can be poured out, and the evidence can be seen/experienced immediately.   no money..  and then..   tons of money!

health... this can be poured out; experienced immediately...    sick/near death.. and then suddenly..  feeling great!     health can be poured out..

status/promotion/opportunity:  this can be poured out, and experienced immediately!   no job.. and then suddenly, a great opportunity!      

those three just mentioned, and many others, can all be experienced within a 24 hour period.  they can be  -poured out...

but not TRUSTWORTHINESS.  it can only be PROVEN  true or false.

and that takes both time and testing.   not one or the other; both.  and time cannot be poured out either!   we can hope we have time..   but we do not know.

                        [how might that changes things?  If God  -poured out time..  and we KNEW!   you have 37 years total.      you.. you have three more years...   guaranteed!]

is my new romantic partner    -trustworthy?      /note, having written on the topic before, the semantic emphasis..     not,  can I trust.    but, is he trustworthy.    -there is a distinction.

what we do KNOW   -is that we can't get time back..  it is irretrievable.  when it's gone; it's gone..

it makes it quite a valuable life gift.      very precious.      so, when you give your time to someone, or to a cause...    

but the main point:  - time can't be poured.      so, the blessings I am grateful for:

the willingness to invest my greatest gift:  that of my irretrievable life time...   with the hope, my new romantic partner proves to be trustworthy..

and what I believe equips me for the risk   -/which some people, for very valid reasons, do not take again in their senior years..

I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old, to   -if circumstances dictate:

cut my losses, grieve and go on...

and I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old    -to skinnydip dive all in, in the deep end; and not tippy toe at the shoreline.       -more than my feet will be getting wet,  /she says with a smile.

because God is my buoy.    -amen.


but my closing thoughts on TRUST are this:    -what mechanism inside us, allows us to experience/interpret when we are, in fact, trusting or not trusting a person, or situation..

when you say "I completely trust you."      or, "I have no trust in you."     

where is that trust neuron?    let's couple it with, "where is that care neuron?"

"I don't care whether you trust me or not..."

"I have put my trust in you to care about, and take care of this/that....."

 And seems to me, we can all be trusted in some areas; and not in others; simultaneously.   so it becomes very important to learn the whens, whats, whys, hows...   etc.

i.e.,   I can be trusted to do a stellar job once I get there; but not always trusted to be on time.



I Can Talk Write. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I may knot bee the best speller, but I sure no-how to talk write.


-because it has long been believed that the illiterate among us, are somehow inferior to those who can read and write


I've never had a conversation with an illiterate person who had to interrupt our dialogue to inquire

"I'm so sorry, but by that do you mean, like..  apart or detached from others; separate; distinct?    Or do you mean, like..  careful about respecting privacy?"

Based on my life experiences, it is the literate among us, who seem to need for us to slow down, who require a great deal more explaining time and attention to unnecessary detail in order to comprehend, understand and move forward... 

When it comes to communicating, is not the most important thing to know, hear and act on,
what someone

1.  Has in mind as a purpose or intention

2.  Quantifies midway between two extremes

3.  Has as available resources

4.  Does with their angry dispostion


  in Jesus,  -hears- your prayers, -knows- what's in your heart's  -name.

Hal-Lay-Loo-Yuh! And..   A-min!   

Friday, December 15, 2017


original post 01/02/2010


re-post inspired by visit with neighbor, Debbie, who collects coca cola ladies, and who watches turner classics movies.


feel a certain magical synchronicity going on

something romantic in the air...

only fairly recently became a fan of [turner classic movies, channel 501, in my area]

and then add on, a recent spontaneous visit with my aunt june vaughn (my mom's brother's wife),

where my mom had printed/shared a filmography for robert foulk

and then i re-learned, in a way, robert foulk and barbara slater are my aunt june's parents -both now deceased, but what a legacy!

him, an american actor performing in too many classic films to name, but a very impressive list here: ROBERT FOULK

and her, a beautiful robert powers model and television/movie actress -seen here: BARBARA SLATER

but gets better, because...

tomorrow, sunday jan 3rd, 2010, they both appear, in seperate movies, on the same day on him, in the love bug (1968), as bice, and her in blue skies, uncredited, as myrtle. -now you can't learn that type of information

if your brain works like mine

without finding it very romantic.


and while i don't know their life stories very well, i can tell you, with great certainty and awe, that their combined talent, creative spark and attractiveness were indeed passed on to their daughter, my aunt june, and her children, my cousins

everyone is gorgeous, tall and highly creative in their own unique ways


  bragging writes:  (me!) with my aunt june & uncle bill.    google:  bill and june Vaughn pottery.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

slow rhythms, deep rhymes. a poem, written for/inspired by Robert..from (me!) -tops.

no secret really, -to your success;
to getting what you want

won't make you guess, or let you fail;
I can tell you quite up front:

"music!"    /commercial-free music.

~music makes my body groove   -turn it on, I can't not move
makes me need to be all up close to you

                  will make me crawl up on and in your lap
make my tongue navigate   -your skin my map

 be back soon, kiss your face
go explore, dictates the bass

want more longer,  -better hit repeat
             I go cold quick, without a sexy beat

to get lost in

 music to turn you on
    your rapid breaths my favorite song

yes, please, thank you
        -not just for me

its the music..  baby,  brought me to my knees

to trace you.

to slow rhythms, deep rhymes   ~I must taste you
with instrumental solos I can pace you.
with Ginuwine low lights  -I ride and race you
extended version - we remix - and
         cant wait to double back and face-to-face you.

kiss to where weve been, and what weve seen
to how me met, and what love means

to staying hot, and staying true
to the marionette I am for you

and sensual music

that's what pulls my strings
that + you, and i'll do sexy things

listening for my favorite song
 sing my rapid yes's write along

then thank you.

second round    ~hit repeat
back on for you and a sexy beat

that's what pulls my strings
that + you,  you sexy thing.



oh! I love terms of endearment..  and write now, I just call him sexy   /for very obvious reasons..

and he calls me tops.

the origin of this can be traced to our stroll along the boardwalk in capitola..  when, tucked within a longer conversation, Robert talked about having friends of different levels..

and then, sometime after that date, and a great meal, and spectacular intimate relations..  

I said to Robert with a smile, I said..      "whatever level friend I am to you write now...  I want to stay at this level for a good long time."

   ~ i made it to the top!
woo hoo....  

and Dear Jesus...   I want to stay there!     amen.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017

...let's get back to my robert... /she says with a big smile...

where were we?    wherever it was..  it was getting pretty hot, and God knows I'm not good at self-pacing, so..   we are apart for several weeks

but text and talk daily.


so, politically; opposites, with the mutual ability to listen to each other's perspectives, go like,

"mmm hmmm, I see"    and "didn't know that.. "     and "that's not my experience, but.."

and then we both land at the same place after our conversation.

           /in bed.

 -because, its exhausting, those political conversations..    what were you thinking?


the thing we have in common is Christianity.    and that is usually what I lead with when I share with anyone,

and everyone,   -about meeting Robert..

"He is a Christian,  -Single,  Father of two,  Deputy, great work ethic, phenomenal cook,  -sexy as heck..      add the dance moves..     the smile, the laugh.."

but, I have never had it in my mind, that I must date a Christian..     ive always thought I have enough faith for myself, my family, my friends, and a countless number of total atheist strangers..

but the JOY! of dating a Christian, is that we speak the same language..   we have the same vocabulary; understanding

so, in our conversations when words/phrases like, faith, hope, love; belief, salvation, mercy, forgiveness, blessing, favor, anointing, testing, temptation, God's signature, Jesus, savior, gratitude, service, humility, the pit, the enemy, the devil, rescued/restored, consecrated, sanctified, baptized, holy spirit, yoke,

hallelujah, amen..  

...long list...

but when any of these words/phrases come up..   there is no explanation needed; no convincing; no persuading

no arguments; no debates

just mutual understanding.     and, I do still pride myself on the ability to communicate in both secular and Christian..

but, how much easier..     we do already speak the same spiritual language.    it's beautiful.

and it is speaking that same spiritual language;  -as our primary language, if you will; our Holy Mother Mary Tongue..

that allows us,  I believe,  to respectfully communicate on other issues, where we do not see eye to eye..

/but end up lip to lip.


oh!   have I mentioned how wonderful...       the kissing!

"thank you Jesus!"    -amen.

And win by 10 they did! "WARRIORS!"

my brother called it very early...   "win by 10..."

and it sure didn't look like it, in the 1st & 2nd..

not even at the end of the third..

and even in the last minute or two.. it flipped, it dipped..

but final score:

125 - 115.

and we won!  -because, how blessed to hang out together
this unexpected, unplanned family time
and watch the Warriors  -together.

/with great service & food at buffalo wild wings.

almost forgot where I was..  until the game ended, and I headed back into the parking lot
where the temp was like,  15, and I could see my every breath..

"you are not in California anymore Dorothy.."

In Jesus turns us spiritually white as fresh fallen snow's name   -amen.

Monday, December 04, 2017

Saturday, December 02, 2017

Can you see here what I am talking about.. (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. it is dense, so dense! with the most amazing paragraphs, which with only a few master level crafted sentences...   captures truths and patterns in humanity which take decades to observe or experience and reveal.  
And there are countless paragraphs like this, prior to page 306..
And I know in advance he will keep on delivering..
"Cheers!" to you amor towels..  
Pg 307:  And so it began.

Friday, December 01, 2017

Public "Thank you!" to everyone at St. JAMES .. from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Honey.. these are not empty words in a frame for good publicity.  My sister received exceptional care across the board!  From Gina B, to Karen, to Brent, to cassie, Dr Russo, to larry, to pam, to Jenny, to val.. and I'm leaving some names out, from lack of memory but not lack of appreciation..

You know I worked in clinics and a hospital in my 20's..

I've been a patient..   I've visited loved ones, friends/family in these settings..

I am, in fact, comparing.. . My sister was at all times, with each staff team member, a person first, and a patient second.   - My God, it was refreshing!

And..   I could not be more impressed or grateful.

...  the fragrance of the knowledge of God is at and in and all around st. James..

In Jesus must be smiling's name..      amen!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Thursday, November 23, 2017

i am grateful for all things alden lane (me!) sandra, tvgp

God, my family, friends..    private "I am thankful for's..."


public "thank you!"

Heroes wall at shadow puppets brewery in livermore

of recognizing, celebrating, appreciating, valuing
and investing in our heroes..

LOVE what they are doing here at shadow puppets brewery in Livermore

light~heartedly, playful, joke:

it is here

in a public place..

where Gerry took me to  -break up with me.

of course, not -break up..

but rather..   it is where she told me she'll be leaving alden lane

"did you tell me here in public to try and avoid a scene?"


but, so happy

1. to have crossed paths and became friends!

2. that you will no longer have to commute!

3. that you will have weekends off!

that's awesome..

"to klove radio, and our future friendship dates to new places..."

why they're called hot topics as shared by (me!), sandra, tvgp

politics & religion:

politics:  I will start with how are longer conversation ended; it ended (something) like this:

(me!):   "yes.. well, even though...   I will still sleep with you."

Robert:   "I know."

/and now I know..   or at least..  I have new and different reasons for why they call it a hot topic.

      -because things sure did heat up after that talk...


and now..   I talked about reading the audacity of hope.. and how much I respected...   and how the Obama he described to me, was not at all the same Obama I came to know and love..

and I told him about...   watching that man on tv...  many years ago...    how ugly!  how he took such pride in screwing someone over financially.. but couldn't stop there..  had to also make sure he publically humiliated the person he took so much pleasure in screwing over...   and how..   -that is not anyone I want representing me, or my country..   and it turns out that ugly man I witnessed on tv many years ago..  is  -trump.   and to my current eyes, ears, he has not evolved an ounce...

and robert told me, about how -early in the aftermath of 9/11.. bush administration,   our law enforcement and first responders were appreciated, respected..     and then during Obama's administration, there was (remains) a huge shift, and law enforcement, police specifically..  were vilified, disempowered, demonized..

and i'll tell you this..   I cannot argue that point..   it has been a quite tangible shift..   and, I will summarize by saying

it is a repetitive, ongoing, and horrific, counterproductive problem, across many, many, organizations, from law enforcement, to the Olympics, to coaching, to churches, to our military, to   -name the industry

   -that we continue to project on to the whole, the corruption/abuse/evil of the few...

   -that we marginalize, that we all together ignore the great work, devotion, sacrifice, effort of the good character, write motive masses, and spend all our attention, energy on the corrupt and evil

and I do believe the law of attraction is at work..   more visible in media than any other platform.    

evil cannot be ignored; obviously..

but, if I may generically, ballpark:

in a given industry:   15% corruption; 85% noble service

mass media tends to give 99% attention to the 15%, and .05 to the noble.

        one side note:  having just watched,  -one of us..    

do we not still understand..  domestic abuse is not exclusive to a religion.. to a race...  to an age; it is found everywhere  -in the secular, in the churches, across the globe..     

these are individual character issues    -but whatever group the individual belongs to, gets blamed..

we have to extract the corrupt individuals, or corrupt teams, or groups from what are much, much, larger populations

we really need a new vocabulary to work with   -which can help solve this growing problem..


but yes,  -we are currently, on the whole..   demonizing, marginalizing, way under-appreciating, and way under respecting, and way under-valuing our law enforcement; our first and last responders

our heroes & sheroes.

and we need to turn this around as soon as possible    -I do not have time to detail the consequences of no noble young people wanting to join the field..

of what happens when you become unable to recruit new law enforcement employees/leaders; or become unable to keep the good ones you have

but the price is VERY HIGH    -and so, we need to identify/weed out the corrupt; yes.. of course

but we need to recognize, celebrate, appreciate, value, reward the heroes   -invest in them. 


and speaking of rewarding and heroes..

I must set out to properly thank my Robert for all the good work he has and is doing...

and return to write more on politics, religion, sex, and money later


yes.       they do make me hot; these topics...


In Jesus..   you might want to look the other way's  name..     amen!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

words are things.. by (Dr Maya Angelou!) as heard/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I have the quote verbatim somewhere... but for now..

what she said, if I may paraphrase..  

she believed that words were things..     -things..       not invisible, evaporating into the air and oblivion as and/or after they are spoken,

but words as things, that seep into your hair, and the furniture, and your clothes, and the walls...


I believe it too.   words are things.   they each hold power...   strong, neutral, weak...  a spectrum; but each and every word holds, carries, transmits, spiritual power

every spoken word; every written word; every word thought...

and when you believe this, understand words this way.. as I do;   then you start to do personal inventories..

what words am I using? reading? speaking? hearing?   -on an hour to hour, daily.. weekly.. ongoing basis


I am very selective exactly because I realize that what Dr Maya Angelou said and taught, all those years ago..

is true.

ephesians 4:29

hallelujah & amen

victim blaming -a final re-visit to the topic.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I will address this one last time, and move on; forward..


your car is parked at the local mall. there are no valuables inside.  the windows and doors are locked.


your car is parked at the local mall.   you have visible valuables inside, the windows are down and the doors are unlocked.


now, no matter which way you slice it   -breaking into a car, and stealing is wrong; period.  it is against the law..       and the sloppiness of leaving visible valuables..    and sloppiness of leaving windows down, doors unlocked

this still does not justify the crime.   there is no justifying the crime.


when I park my car    -I remove any visible valuables, and I make sure my windows are rolled up, and my doors are locked.


In Jesus..   is a God of justice' name...    amen

The News is Crap & I Still Love My Charlie Rose.. (me!) sandra, tvgp


isn't it just the ugliest feeling..

like, if you were a long time bill cosby fan, or Michael Jackson fan..

  -long list here-

and you admired, enjoyed..


and then, you get hit with mass media reports of

sexual harassment,

or sexual assault,

rape.             -how the heart and mind have to wrestle..     argue...    debate...    defend...    question..


so, let's do that together:

   -because I do not like anyone messing with my Charlie rose!    I will not have it!

it just can't be..      "it. cannot. be!"


so, my first instinct, as a long time fan..  is to defend.   and my first line of defense is to share TWO VERY REAL LIFE sexual harassment occurrences in my very own life:

even when I think about it.. I'm like..    you have got to be frickin' kidding!   please tell me you are kidding...

the first one:

my daughter was in elementary school.  3rd grade, give or take..   I don't remember exactly.  but we are talking about a very dedicated, conscientious student, who loved school, and her teachers and her friends and life in general..   a happy, healthy CHILD

an elementary school age child.   like, I can't emphasize that enough...

because, I sat stunned on the phone, when the principal of the school called me to say that my daughter and (2?) of her friends,  -they had mentioned something about liking a boy..

yes, you are reading it correctly...   about liking a boy..

not chasing, touching, hounding..

but it made the boy uncomfortable, and so..    it was therefore considered a form of sexual harassment, and I needed to talk with my daughter to prevent greater consequences.

here is how I handled being on the receiving end of that conversation:

internally only:   shock. and then, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?  can we really be having this conversation?   the boy/girl  (or girl/girl..  whatever)   -the crushes of elementary school children are a given..    girls liking boys..    boys liking girls..     whispers..     do you think he's cute..  I think he is so cute!   go ask if so n so likes so n so back...       the mark the box letters

do you like me      (    ) yes            or   (    )  no.

and my 3rd grade daughters name in the same sentence with the words sexual harassment was almost too much to bear, it was so over the top ridiculous

really, almost any 3rd grade child's name in the same sentence as sexual harassment is very difficult to take serious.

but I knew immediately not to let my energy get sucked or drained in the longer debate.  not to be provoked by the ridiculousness...   my goal became to keep the conversation as short as humanly possible; my goal was not to make matters even worse, or flame fires so that it would remain the talk of the town and campus for the next several weeks or months..   it was stupid. I knew it.   and my goal became to directly address and minimize and move on...

I do not remember verbatim, but..

what I verbalized essentially, was..   "thank you for letting me know about your concern..  and yes, I will talk with my daughter..."

 and when I did talk with my daughter..   I essentially compared my elementary school youth, and how common something like that was..

vs. her generations elementary school youth..      and, the boy was made uncomfortable, so..  be sensitive to those feelings

-and I never received a phone call like that again...    for either of my children.   and I don't remember any long, blown out drama resulting from the phone calls,   -although the potential was certainly there initially

like daughter, like mother  

mom's turn:   I have myself been written up for  "sexual harassment."   yes (me!)..

in the workplace.   i'm laughing write now just to remember..    

it went down something like this:  I worked in a winery.  I poured wine and talked with hundreds of people about hundreds of things ...  and it was a tourist destination..    and I worked along side both very beautiful women, and very attractive men..

and the colloquial term at the time, for an attractive man was "hottie"     /is it still?  I don't know..

but anyway..    on more than one occasion, a small group of beautiful young women friends would come together inside in the winery, and ask me,  "will you take a picture of us with that hottie over there.."

they wanted pictures with the hottie that had served them their wine tastings..  this is so common!

and so I said, or would say..   "hey hottie..   they want a picture with you..."

and THAT! got me written up for sexual harassment.

what a frickin' joke!


and so, based on those two very real life, very personally experienced "sexual harassment"  -cases

I can not even take the term serious when I hear it.




I don't watch the news..   the bullshit, hype, repetitiveness, skews, motives, hideous commercials..    it's just plain toxic.  so, I only know about my Charlie rose being fired because my mom mentioned it to me..


I did a small amount of online reading..     and I read, already with a heart to defend..

innocent!   until absolutely very proven, unquestionably guilty


   -and, I don't need to read every clip, every news report to get the gist..

after I read things like..    "put his hand on my thigh"   and "finished his shower and walked past me naked "   /while I was working in his private home..


and read my Charlie rose described as a sexual "PREDATOR"

I virtually vomited.

really people?!    sexual predator.     we have a very real lack of vocabulary problem here.

let's review my history, as it is entirely germane:

when I was 6 years old..   -a masked man, broke into our home, and stole me from my room, in the dark of night...    THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.

when I was 16..   a man, already in the wanted profile book within the police department  -accused but not prosecuted for rape..   he lied about everything from his name, to occupation, to place of origin.. he premediated, calculated, manipulated,  -isolated and attacked.    THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.

when I was 17...    a man ambushed me in a parking lot, and put a gun to my head.. kidnapped and raped..   THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.


we should not use the word predator

IN MY HUMBLE, over-experienced opinion, when we are talking about what..

well, I still want to believe the best; I just do!


let me allow in the worst..  

he     -a powerful/influential heterosexual male..   in a place of authority,

abused his position,    -and made inappropriate sexual passes at;  -took advantage of young, ambitious, subordinates

for me personally...    the behavior is stupid.  it is wrong.   but he is not a "predator"

   -give me a break.


if any policies/procedures were to be changed/improved, based on this happening..

I would be very comfortable saying..


if you put an older person of power/influence..  

and a young ambitious person

in the privacy of a residence; a home.. where there is a shower..  a bedroom...   hallways..   alcohol..  and no other co-workers, people..    vs. an office, in public with co-workers..

well, one environment is more conducive to personal accountability, responsibility..

and one is more vulnerable to sexual misconduct.

; period.


now, I would say... I would discourage my own daughter, or any young person from going alone to a power-players house to  -work.    like, that seems kinda sketch to me from the get go..

but,  -also, young people these days have amazing phones in the palms of their hands..   what a great tool for recording/capturing any inappropriate sexual conduct; conversations, etc.

   -be wise.


confessions & caveats:   in my 5 decades, of course I have myself encountered 1 or 10 power players..    the kind with powerful positions, wealth, charm..    that can seduce a young woman with fancy homes and cars and opportunities

and out of those 10 or dozen..

there were 2   -in which, I hoped I could be their personal secretary.. I aspired to be alone with them in their home.   that was my dream!  and I hoped I could see them naked in the shower..

"how can I help you?   ... I type...  I file...      is there anything I can do for you?"

        -fleeting affairs.


In Jesus..   is the light, the truth..   the way...          -amen.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

getting to know robert... even better (me!) sandra, tvgp

Territorial /Jealous:   is it too soon? to think and feel so territorial.  so,  - only in my prayers, I said to Jesus, I said, 

"can he please be mine, all mine, and only mine.  amen. -   and    -honey, I would have NEVER said it out loud,   but, he did..   he volunteered it.  -said he would not be  (not) sleeping with anyone else.

and, I said, i'm going to check back with you, in the sober morning, the light of day, and see if you still mean that..  because we all say things after a beautiful day, a wonderful meal, and great sex..  you know,

and when I checked back with him in the sober morning and the light of day..

he confirmed.   so, "thank you!"  Jesus.

 JEALOUS:   of every creature, every animal..  that can mate in the beautiful outdoors without being interrupted or arrested.    so, again, not out loud..  but I prayed to Jesus..  I just glanced certain places on our walk, and I said, ..."if I could..    if we could...    I would take advantage of him write there..    and there, and probably over there..      /but not on the cobblestone..   ouch.

   I will return to write about politics & religion -but must get ready for work..

and I don't have time to organize these pictures..   or un-do strange, glitch

-es to spelling,  underlines I didn't intend, text color...       not easy to upload pictures/arrange text to my aesthetic taste..

oh well,  gorgeous just the same..

oh! what heavenly landscapes..                hallelujah & amen.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Friday, November 17, 2017

The coolest things that (charly!) said -as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

sometimes someone will say something during a conversation, or in passing

and it hits me the same way a beautiful sentence, or paragraph does when i'm reading

    -in a way that makes me hunt and grab a highlighter,  -make sure I re-read it write then

and can find it easily again later


someone this time was charly

and these favorite things she said..    they took place in two different conversations, and several months ago, at this point

but I remember

I will remember these for a long time:

1.     about her boyfriend, she said, "I get to feel more like myself when i'm with him, than I do when i'm all by myself..."

there is so much tucked in there...    and it cerebral hyperlinks to the newspaper clipping in my scrapbook, the e.e. cummings quote    -which I must have read/clipped/saved from the late 1970's or early 80's

I don't have time to go on and on...  but,   I do wonder, how far back and by how many poets, writers, scholars has this struggle been identified and articulated using different words?

to know when you are being yourself..    when you can be yourself..
                the understanding of who that is exactly, and the liberty to be it..

is this a permanent challenge for humanity?  for each individual?  or relative to cultures..  families..  societies..  the times...

but we sure do have a common denominator when it comes to how rewarding, wonderful, comfortable, peaceful, joyful it is      "I get to be myself"   "and I can just be myself around this person..."

and, as it has been already identified..
and the rewards are as great as they are..

shouldn't we each work on it; toward it from an earlier age...

               life!   the free indeed kind of liberty and, the pursuit of

 relationships, places, circumstances, environments that let us just be ourselves...


and then,  2. on a different day.. when we worked side by side helping sue with one of her, ultra awesome, over the top, children's birthday parties at the nursery

when we were walking enroute..   passing one row of gorgeous plants after another, 

charly, who is one of our horticulturists, 

she said, "if the little girl me could have known that she was going to get to do this for a living..

she would have been very happy."


you can't use a highlighter on verbal conversations...

but you can use your blog!


In Jesus, my Bible is full of many pink, yellow, and double underlined scriptures, name


Thursday, November 16, 2017

with love & healing prayers for iran -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Robert's Cooking. photos by (me!) ~top shelf

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

daytrip: Coyote Lake in Morgan Hill "thank you!" (robert!) -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

...has to be three of my best sundays of the year:  capitola, vasona, and then:

coyote lake in morgan hill


excerpt from a handwritten love letter   /snail-mailed

              ~there is just something about being out in nature that awakens in my spirit the truth

of how blessed and natural

sex & romance are.   yes..   comes quite naturally to me when I'm with you.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

HOT DATE.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

"I got to go on a date!"      /and not just any ole date...      she says with a big smile.


let me start by saying  -that for no other man would I drive more than 2 miles..   but, when Robert suggested we meet first at his place, and then drive together from there (there = san jose) to capitola, my mind started coming up with a hundred reasons not to drive, but out of my mouth..   an altogether much more agreeable answer.    so,

to san jose I drove.   and I arrived at his door with some fragrant, pink, cyclamen from alden lane that Dianne had pointed out to me earlier in the week, and some cognac which he had mentioned liking in one of our many flirty texts..

and a wonderful tour inside his home of memories, treasures.. family pictures.. art, mementos from varying places in the world,  Taiwan, Africa, Germany...      and typical single male big screen tv and multiple recliners in a way cool media room     -lots I'm skipping here for now to get to the good parts:

/oh, my.. he has many good parts!

and what mom doesn't melt at the sight of children's pictures...   so, I was quite taken by the sight of a photograph of his son and daughter as toddlers, young children.    sweetest faces ever, posed on a ladder, and then, another, on a different wall,  as grown young adults..  the sister, tilted affectionately with her head resting on her brother's shoulder.   beautiful children.    and lots of family photos on the refrigerator..  and skipping lots again to get to the good

/his very good parts!


-k, so capitola is an ultra charming beach community, and we landed on a day tough to find parking because there was also a high school surfing competition going on, and a Halloween parade..  but we found  -after circling..

spot 789.  and the only reason I remember is because of the kids joke:   why was the number 10 afraid of number 7?       -because seven 8 nine..


had lunch at a wonderful restaurant,  looking out a giant window at the water, the birds, tourists, locals..    

let me correct.  I glanced out the window, but I stared into Roberts eyes..    was trying to be a good listener but was distracted by his smile

and occasional laugh

and the way he would squint..      /hey, that reminds me of steve shaw..

the way he would smile and stick out his tongue at the same time..   /that's what Michael Jackson used to do..

   -so, may I stop write here to point out, that while Robert is his very own unique individual self, and really should be compared to absolutely no one

damn it if he doesn't have these characteristics, these gestures that cerebral hyperlink to:

steve shaw:   my very first crush and first boyfriend.

and Michael Jackson:   my very first true love.

but its all very good.

so,    -he is a wonderful conversationalist! Robert..     passionate. intense. detailed. entertaining.  and I listened the very best I could in between my imaginations of having him alone and all to my very self.

and after lunch we walked out on the dock, where..   "do I hear live music?!?"

and turns out, there was a live band,  -joint chiefs, someone said they are called.. and they play old school, Motown, groove..  and so there we were, at a beach version of barones,  -outdoors, in capitola, surrounded again by slightly intoxicated happy dancing people, taking in the live music above the water

great atmosphere!     and, we strolled the neighborhood afterward..  hand in hand, pausing on occasion to kiss and kiss some more

and watch the surfers..

and eventually it was back to his place  -where he fixed me dinner.  a wonderful, delicious, pasta with Italian sausage/meatballs, asparagus flavored in some magical way, and fresh artisan bread with oil/vinegar to dip in, and a smooth cabernet

   -speaking of smooth..

[thoughts here I must keep to myself]

at some point he reached over and gently touched the tattoo on my face, and I explained "conquer the world with kindness"   and shared how it is 11 years old now, my tattoo..

and then he asked me if I had any others, and I nodded yes.

"where? what?"

and I just kind of smiled without saying anything.   so he said, "oh, are they in private places?"

and I said with a smile, I said,

"well, I think you might appreciate this more than others   -because you work in a prison system,"

   -and what I was inferring is that:   it is more pronounced, understood and applicable and hopefully exercised, in jails than other environments and industries

"I have two other tattoos.   -on the inside of my upper left thigh,    [and he smiled just to hear the location]  I have an outline of the state of California.

and, on the inside of my upper write thigh..  [and he smiled again just to hear the second location] I have an outline of a church."

and I watched his eyes as he imagined...

and then I said with the same smile, "because that is my way of helping remind people about the importance of the separation between church and state."

              -priceless expression on his face!  priceless..    the kind you thank the heavens for

and he said, "... for real?!    is that real?   or is this just a story..  it could be either.. "

and he searched my facial expressions and my eyes and my smile to try and determine whether or not I have these tattoos

so, I said, "well,   as we get to know each other...   when we know each other better..   you can find out for yourself."


and, my night driving, my vision,  especially in unfamiliar territories..

I mean, it would have been downwrite dangerous, and irresponsible! for me to drive home in the dark of that October night all the way from san jose to san leandro by myself!   dangerous!

and that is [not] the only reason I had to stay over night on our first -real- date.


and then at 4 o'clock-ish this very morning I sent him another text and shared my morning prayer
   -something like this:

you are Christian.  A devoted father.
A wonderful conversationalist.
-have a strong, established work ethic
A gift for hospitality,  .. you cook..
your dance moves are enticing
you have a knockout smile
and your kisses drive me wild!

so, Dear Jesus..  whatever I have been doing write
to cause you to show me such favor

that I get to cross paths with this man            the narrow path..

please help me keep doing it!

hallelujah & amen!


now,  -what is one supposed to wear on a first date?  to capitola..    my sister and my daughter would usually be the ones..    yes this/no that;   get back in the house, try again..

but they are both gone.   I'm blessed also to work with some very beautiful, young high school girls who are savvy about current fashions..   the input from both jasmine and ava...

and according to pictures they pulled up on their phones   -the thing I should have worn:   flowy pants with a print and a solid sweater..

    -yeah, don't mix prints..      flowers or stripes on the pants.. not the top, top solid..

and, if I had the time, resources and all things required

truth be told..     who doesn't want to look and feel their very best?  I would have:   spray tan, wax, make-up, new outfit, new shoes, perfume, pedicure/manicure, emergency plastic surgery, ...   you name it.

but I was without both:  time & resources.   had to work with what was already in my closet.   jeans, strappy sandals, cute sweater..  but!  my toes are painted..   and with flowers..


the way he kisses, everythings gonna come write off eventually

timeless fashion:   birthday suits and the naked truth.



speaking of the naked truth.  Robert..   -a hard body.  works out like 9 days a week, and in 24 hour shifts or something

                [solid arms...  arm skin..    allow my mind to drift....]

this is a challenge..   (me!): female soft body..   not becoming so self-conscious I would miss out on...

            /to the saints..   "I am not going to miss out on this! are you kidding me.."

so, they toggled my self-conscious switch to the off position, which allowed me to remain quite turned on


when Robert grabbed my behind...    

   -sometimes you just want to die; yes..

"this is the BEFORE...    this is the BEFORE...      BEFORE you become my very personal trainer.."

and he said, in the worlds most sexy voice you ever have heard..

"we can work that..  "   and he smiled, and mischievously laughed, and stuck out and bit his tongue like Michael Jackson used to do..


now I have my very own gorgeous, sexy, personal trainer.   and I know

1.   there is a GOD.

2.  GOD is GOOD all the time

3.   I am the luckiest woman on the planet


Saturday, October 28, 2017

Last Night of another awesome season...

and the grieving begins..
but! oh, another awesome season
exceptional climates, amazing live bands, hours of outdoor dancing

I always describe it the same way:
~hundreds of slightly intoxicated happy people
/many who have given marriage a try one or three times..

some key people were missing on the last night for one reason or another -my favs, the regular dancing circle I am blessed to be a part of

"... mary re is in the house tonight...   'gonna make you feel all write.."

see my most pleasant surprise up there

"I got to slow dance!"   and..
fast dance

and dance, and kiss at the same time.

and I said to myself, 
to myself, and Jesus, and the saints,  
with a smile I said, 

I'm gonna need more than one of you -k.

~ to peel my hand off this body


next thing you know, my drink got accidentally knocked out of my hand
spilled all over the dance floor

that freed BOTH of my HANDS 
so, I could grab Robert on each side of his face and really plant one

/no help at all those saints.


then let myself get lost in the every kiss of each moment

sing hallelujah!


two times!

did you SEE that WARRIORS victory last night

in Jesus is the reason for every season's name..     amen!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Patience. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

it is a fruit of the spirit

and I wonder, 

how many people on the planet write now
could accurately describe their patience
as being in full bloom?

it would be a good self assessment exercise:
if you think of your spiritual nature as a garden

where the seeds have in fact already been planted:
love, joy, peace
kindness, goodness, gentleness

which are in full bloom? in you  
which need some more water and/or sunshine?
which need pruned here or there?
how's the soil?   etc., etc.

I have become more and more patient over the years, 
but full bloom?  ready for anything?    a noble goal.

to flirt or not to flirt... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

it is an important question.    -the act of flirting will remain the same throughout time, but the cultural environment that encourages and/or discourages it can literally change from one room to the next.  one social setting to the next

safe here?     yes here.    not there.  

is there such thing as 'innocent' flirting?      -safe to flirt with that person, but not that one..

/oh, what I have learned from try..      from mostly error.

turns out the whole topic is far more complicated than one wink of an eye might suggest.   but, as I've mentioned before, there is a flirt that lives in me.  but, -had to put her to sleep for a variety of reasons


the chance it could be misinterpreted, or cost me my job, or cost a friendship, or cost me time/energy

but the good lines I have   -almost!   vocalized,

restraint.      ive been letting restraint win for some time now..

which is all prelude to sharing with you, how funny it was, when vanessa came for a surprise visit, and,

since I do not work with Robert, and since Robert is not married, and since Robert is in fact incredibly sexy

when she asked about anything new going on in my life,  -with great enthusiasm I said,

"I have someone I can legally flirt with!"

and she said,  "why?   did he just turn 18"


I just love that girl.

Monday, October 23, 2017

good times! & worthy causes! public "thank you's!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

to lee ann for hosting a most wonderful   -save your sanity-  night, where we visited, enjoyed a potluck variety of delicious foods, and played LCR where the $ was matched and donated to help in Puerto rico

and, jokingly when she brought out the dice, I was like, "I'm good at this game!"   -because 1. we play it at my mom's annual cookie exchange parties, and 2.  the criteria for playing is that you can tell your left from write from center...    and just for the record:   I did in fact win the first round.

to     -& everyone who showed up to support both the band, and our local firefighters       -what a concert!  the band was on fire..    exceptional, and the family-friendly brewery was packed with children, parents, singles..   young adults, grandparents..    kids were playing connect four, adults were playing jenga..    great environment

and we made a new friend  -from ohio!-   my parents homestate..   in the area for 10 months on a work project/assignment

and we met  -gunner, the ambidextrous chocolate lab, who will shake, and then if you say, other hand, will shake with the other paw too.  precious.

"thank you!"    xoxo   blessed to know you!

"why are you skipping?" -she asked (me!) sandra, tvgp

it is that time of year at alden lane:  school tours.   -mostly elementary school age children, 1st and 2nd graders

and mostly they go in groups  -by classroom.

but we had a grandparent call, not part of a given school and ask if her grandchild could be included in one of the tours

the answer was yes of course.

and now, having worked there over a year now, and participated last year..  I have the advantage of knowing just how awesome these tours are

when the grandparent/grandchild arrived at alden lane, they approached me with some concern

"are we too late for the tour?  did we make it on time?"

and I immediately projected a grander, deeper level of concern than may have actually existed, and I kicked into gear trying to find out which tour..   what time it was write now, what time it was leaving, etc.

and, I just did not want this precious child to miss out on this tour!  I was determined to find a way even if they were late

but as it turned out

"you are not too late!   you've made it on time!   -follow me!"    -and, I started kind of skipping toward the area where the kids wait for the tractor

and the precious little girl..    she says to me with a bit of confusion

"why are you skipping?"

"  -because I'm so excited for you..."


but maybe..

maybe the real underlying reason I was skipping

is because

"I have someone I get to slow dance with!"  

  -at barones      ~music under the stars

for the final night of the 2017 season

and, I did some calculations the other morning, and looked at the calendar, and added this, and subtracted that, and threw in some long division


what I realized is that

"it  has been 100 years since I slow danced with a man"

I might just show up at 2:30 in the afternoon and wait...

        /and since it has been such a long time..   he text to help remind me what is involved:


something about how his arms will go around my waist

and he'll pull me close to him..

my arms go around his neck and shoulders..

              [keep your arms and hands around his neck and shoulders Sandra]

we get to slowly sway...  

and I told him..

with my age..    and vision...       its hard for me to read small text sometimes.   he might just have to whisper these instructions in my ear


In Jesus is my favorite dance partner's name...      hallelujah!

Saturday, October 21, 2017

2 out of 3 insights. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

when people say You are God, or God is in You.

to my understanding, if you start with God is LOVE.  as synonyms.  then, the way we experience love is via interpreting an internal experience; we feel love inside ourselves,  whether it is we love someone, or feel loved by someone; either way, it is an internal experience, and so it rings true.  If God is Love, and you experience love internally  -then you have God in you..  what is in you, is a part of you..


God is good all the time.   again, God is Love, so..   start with those as synonyms:   Love is good all the time..

and sometimes when you see raw suffering/tragedy..   secular people will respond  -like, how can you look at this, and regard God as good all the time?

-fair question.

to my understanding, let's use a square as an analogy:   

in order for a square to be a square  -it must be equal on all sides; yes..   the size does not matter, 2x2x2x2, or  16x16x16x16


when four sides are straight/connected/equal; you have a square.  that is always true.   -all the time.

if you make any alteration...    any bump, any curve, one side different from the others..   even by a fraction of a fraction of an inch

you no longer have a square.  it ceases to be a square; period.  you are no longer talking about a square.

same with God being good all the time.    -God is good.  God is love   -all the time

if you make any change to that as a true, fixed definition   -you are no longer talking about God or love.

it would be similar to trying to make a small change to the definition of a square..

any change to square; any change to God; any change to love; any change to good

    -ceases to be what you called it  -and becomes then, something else.

these are the analogies that allow me, personally, access to understanding

that is,
  to -feeling-   like ooohhhhh,  yes,  I get it.  I understand it!

God IS in you!   and/or  God IS good all the time!


now, I do not currently have an analogy which helps me have that same internal  -feeling-
of understanding regarding the omnipresence of God


I do understand the definition of omnipresence; that is not the issue.

            but God; all seeing/all knowing/everywhere at once/inside the hearts and minds and motives..

 I would describe myself as in waiting for words, or an experience, or something I can't quite articulate, predict, but which will provide insight/understanding on a deeper level.   -and I will KNOW when I have landed on it

and I will share it when I do.

In Jesus always holy, always wise, name    amen!

with love & healing prayers for california -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Friday, October 20, 2017

Foreigner. Turns out this was...


Thursday, October 19, 2017

BLINDFOLDED by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Blindfolded..  all the way from Indonesia!    The quail sold at alden lane.   I did this last year too..  for the first time,

unpackaged and priced.   after you unwrap the first layer of cardboard, the last thing to get removed is this..


and every time, it reminds me..  of the man who was blindfolded by his friends for his 40th birthday, and brought to Otis spunkmeyer's DC3 sky tours

as his friends held his hand, and helped guide him up the stairs into the plane, they asked,

"do you know where you are yet?"

and he was like, "are you taking me on a roller coaster?"

and they had so much fun,   "nooooooo"

and then after he was in the plane..   they removed the blindfold


   -super cool! moment to observe and be a part of..

/my goodness..   he must be having his surprise 70th or 75th this year..


I do it with the quail..       all the way from Indonesia!

point them toward the greater nursery..   do you know where you are yet?  

  whip off the coardboard blindfold

"SURPRISE!...    you are at Alden Lane!"


and what a pleasant surprise the fall is..

Brain PlumBing ... II.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

   ~sometimes you have to flush twice; yes..

 pictures to come..

THE RING  -several months ago my mom bequeathed to me her "mother's ring"    -which has the 3 birthstones of her children:   two amethysts (my brother and I, both February aquarian babies) and an alexandrite in the middle (my sister, a june cancer baby).  a ring she gifted herself in ...(year?).   -and, may I say, at the time, her ring finger must have been.. well, I believe it to be about a size 5.  much too small for my ring finger now.

"thank you! so much...   it is now a sibling ring then!"    and I placed it on the pinkie finger of my write hand     /which is my left.

and so it has been my morning jewelry ritual for some time now..  the mother/daughter necklace gifted to me by my daughter on my 50th, the courage/strength bracelet gifted to me by my daughter on a past mother's day I believe, a few color coordinated sparkly bracelets from rick's picks, and a pair of earrings..   and my new sibling ring

and, then..  

I looked one day and it was gone; my sibling ring   -just gone.  I never even felt it leave my finger, I just put in on in the morning, and then at the end of the work day


and of course I prayed to the saints of lost things  -whose names I still have not memorized, and who show nothing but mercy and understanding..

but simultaneously     I may never see it again..  and I know it is only a symbol, that the true love for my brother and sister...    etc.

and several weeks passed.    and in the meantime my mom received a new ring from her husband for their anniversary, and as she shared it with me..

well, that would have been     -well, germane to the topic to have mentioned what happen to the mother's ring she gifted me, which became the sibling ring..

and it is not that I didn't trust that she would understand and forgive me..  of course she would..

but I couldn't get the words to come out.   I skipped the topic all together


how this is sequenced may be off some, but..   that very morning, as I walked through the employee room there was a conversation about some customer/item in the lost and found at alden lane


and when ava went to look for this item..   she had seen a ring in the lost and found box

she mentioned it to me..     does it have two bands, like multiple bands?

I said no..   disappointed..   but it has 3 birthstones...

but just to double check on the maybe..     sue brought me and showed me the lost and found box


don't you know!    there was my ring;   my sibling ring!

and I stood stunned for quite a bit..   looked at sue saying,   I never thought I would see this ring again.    who turned it in?   who do I thank?

and I do not have a name of the person who turned it in..     someone just handed it in at the information desk

but, whoever you are...   "THANK YOU!"        it means the world to me.


and I have long noticed and claimed and shared:   alden lane not only has the best customer service of any place I have ever worked

they have the best customers of any place ive ever worked also!

    -correlation?     when you treat your customers so wonderful, with such care and attention..

they give the same back to you.


just yesterday a customer who had   -accidentally-  received a couple extra bags of soil LAST SPRING    -insisted!-   on paying for it upon her next visit, which was yesterday    -months later..

and alex, management..  he tried insisting she not even worry about..   it was not necessary for her to pay, we could just let it go,

but she INSISTED.

and doesn't that just do two things

[1.]   make you ponder the internal difference between a person who will launder/steal from all kinds of people without any regard for the consequence on others   -vs. the person who had been excused from an accidental oversight, but insists on making it  -write, where the actual dollar amount is of no great consequence to the individual or business..

I'm so wow'd by the moral/conscience/integrity spectrum in human beings..

would not steal a penny......  hurt a fly    

   plot to steal millions..   violent; quick to murder a human life

-this customer, she mentioned while at the register      "we answer to a higher authority"

and I was like,   YES!   and  [2.]  THANK YOU for restoring my faith in all of humanity!

and she is only an example!   so many of our customers share this value system..

and I have already mentioned, yes..   how the young people I work with give me such hope!

outside of alden lane, I hear such concern and criticism of the young people today..

but, what I see vs. what I hear..

the world is in very good, capable hands...


that said,  I want to add on to what I see as the greatest challenge of our time

I have already mentioned   -technology out-evolving human beings, and how we need to HELP HUMANS EVOLVE

and, look to the example of the customer above vs. the criminal to see an unevolved and very highly evolved human being

but, also..

getting more people out of poverty...    closing, shrinking the exponentially growing gap between rich and poor.    I believe this generation and the next can address this

it is internal and cultural      -not race culture..    attitude culture!

        -what makes you proud?      owning slaves..    having way more than others...   and the less others have that are around you the better you feel about yourself?    look how many little people compared to ME!

or,   -helping people UP..   helping others thrive?   the more people you can bring into livable, thriving circumstances..    look how many people I have helped!

so,   -remember I said culture is malleable..  don't ever forget it..       apply.   and culture is everywhere!   nationality, race, geographic,  cultural dance, food, celebrations, traditions  -that is just one

every home, every workplace, every neighborhood..   there is a culture.  and that culture is malleable, and if you don't like the results..

BE THE CHANGE   ~maker.


SWEET PEA    -oh! I was provided an opportunity to rescue a toddler.    and it was such a sweet moment

but it started out not sweet at all.   it started out with a child screaming, crying..

and that sometimes happens just about anywhere children go.. but it is usually pretty short lived.  in this case..   the crying, screaming seemed to be lasting longer..

I was working with Daniel.. who I just love!  so funny..  hardworking..   and he had visual access from his side of the kiosk, I said,

what happen, did a kid fall?      can't have a pumpkin he wants?

and pretty casual Daniel says, "no.  a kid just got his head stuck in a hole."


and so speed walked toward the sound of the crying and screaming which was increasing in intensity and volume

"oh...   you're just nervous..   that's okay"  I said,

as I landed upon the planet's cutest little blond two or three year old (?) boy with his parent holding him up so he could put his precious face through one of the cut out circles of a painted wood board which allow up to two people at a time to poke their heads through and become part of a sweet pea painting

and don't they make the cutest memories and pictures!

the problem was..   the cut-out for the sweet pea is not exactly a perfect circle.  it is oblong, and tilted slightly.   very easy to see you need to tilt your head slightly to enter through; you have visual access going in

-but not memory.   and while the back of all mom's heads have eyes, this is not so for our children.

  -the instinct and nature then of a toddler:  pull your face and head straight back out.

by the time I reached the scene this effort had been tried several times unsuccessfully, and the little boy was in a very big panic   -trapped for life! with his head on one side of the world and his parent on the other

and the parents..   their efforts to guide and help..   well, he was just a little too panicked to hear or take instruction

I touched his cheek very gently, and he immediately calmed and quieted   -such a beautiful moment! and I said with a smile, I said,

"honey.. if your head went through the hole this way.. it will for 100% certain go back out too!  but what I'm noticing is that..

well, I'm going to need to turn your head a little bit, would that be okay?"

and in under one second..

out! safe and sound, quiet and calm.  

and now, did I a little bit expect a gesture of gratitude from this precious toddler I had just calmed and rescued from having his head stuck for life; the toddler I spared from becoming a permanent sweet pea picture icon

from being separated from his parents...  being fed and read and talked to through a hole at alden lane into his middle age

I did.

but, you know what he did instead..  he brushed me off and clung to his parents like he may never see them again; ever! he held on so tight.  very quiet.   -recovering.

but on my way home, I said to Jesus..

"thank you!"     I'm so glad that kid got his head stuck in that board..

and that's not write is it..  but, did it ever feel good to help calm and rescue someone.



there is no counting how many customers pass through alden lane with dogs, that will share in conversation that their dog is a rescue

just yesterday a customer said she and her husband will go to the pound and determine just what dog is in the most need out of all of them..  and that's the one the take home and nurture..

and these rescues are not overnight adventures.. in many cases..   it took three years before..

or longer.

and, alden lane's famous dog..  haley..   she herself was rescued by the general manager, cyndee..  at 6 months..   and what a win/win that has turned out to be..


so often I want to share..  I want to say in response,

and only one time I did

"I'm a rescue."    -because that's how I feel:    rescued and restored by Jesus.

do we refer to humans this same way?   children in foster care, that were abandoned, but placed eventually with healthy families..  people who care

the lost or lonely or addicted..     who eventually are found, loved, made free..

I like this word:  rescue.     and I love this pairing:   rescued and restored.

"to human restoration!"     amen


SKITS!   it's my favorite night as a parent of the school year!   -save of course, proms & balls..  when I turn into mama~razzi     -but, skits!   so entertaining, funny, light-hearted jabbing from one class to the next.  non-stop smiles

and to see my son this year..   animated, dancing, singing, being silly and having fun
-to see my friend's young adult children.. ive watched since..   in some cases, pre-school
-to see kids I don't know, but..   just enjoy watch being young and having fun

/he can dance!   he's got some moves, that one...

highlight!   and if I can figure a way to share clips of video..    "treasure!"

you can't tell we're proud or anything, can you?

and so happens, we went to the 5 o'clock show, which allowed us to get back in time for


it's WARRIOR season again..    !    oh!  just painful watching them lose by one, home court, opening night..    and I know, I know..

everyone thinks it has something to do with the way they were..   playing.   but I know..

well, I had my shirt on.

my mom had her shirt on.

   -her husband rick   -he did not have his shirt on!    and they lost by one.


do not underestimate your contribution as fans


Robert and my entertaining vision    -k,

he works out.  he has muscles..     he has the kind of muscles you can see,   /and can't wait to touch..

and!  more importantly he has exercised the kind of muscle you cannot readily see or touch

  -flesh and spirit muscle.    in our conversation he shared about how he trains the younger men who will be working in the jails.    and the criminals; inmates..  they will instigate, provoke, irritate..

and he explains to the young recruits..   you have to know it is in you..   the natural instinct to react

but you cannot react   -you have to rise above..  you have to take it and rise above..

and that muscle!

everyone should be trained this way.


and I really appreciate how he acknowledges,  it is in you..  

because it seems true about temptations of every kind..

          -if you are committed to another person in a romantic relationship..   but, a he or she comes along that can potentially distract/destroy..   the instinct to take bait; it is in you..

it's not always that it isn't there.. doesn't surface..

it is in you..   but you do not react; don't take the bait!    -rise above..

same, if you are committed to a diet, or studies, or any goal..

the opportunities for distractions..    to be tempted by this or that

the ability, the cerebral and spiritual muscles you must know and work and exercise daily in order to keep your eye on the game..  on the prize...  higher goals; noble

that's the muscle I'm most interested in learning about when I meet people     -and it may very well be the ignorance and/or neglect of that very muscle that lands people in jail in the first place.  the ignorance and neglect of that muscle that ='s divorce, drop out, addictions, unemployment, etc.

that's the muscle ive been learning about and exercising for  -ever!;

and quite to the exclusion of any of my physical muscles,

so I had to say to Robert..      who does a physical work out every day..    " I'm much more familiar with nestle crunches than the kind of crunches you are doing.."

and my entertaining vision was of the two of us standing in front of a mirror naked..

 " you are not allowed to laugh or grimace; promise!  swear on a stack of bibles!"

i'm like,   -"what can be done with me from this point?   can you help?"


this explains why   -I so often look like a crazy person

so randomly giggling out loud while I stand somewhere all by myself    -no one near, only in the distance

you've seen people like (me!), yes..

walking down the street, talking to no one, laughing..  

it's all in our head.

do I hear an amen?      why yes I do!   even when no one else is around...


my art pricing experiment:   lots of compliments  -no gamblers.    but I have incredible patience..

I want to really explore how we place monetary value on art..

and, a part of me..  

well, the price is only going to go up!    and in the near future I'm going to bullet point out things, and let people determine how much one of my California wine poppy bottles is worth at what bullet point..

top dollar based on....


but overall:  the ignite event  -a very successful launch!   a great joy to see the community out and about, good people traffic..

and, not living or working in Pleasanton anymore..   what a good number of familiar faces I got to re-see..  visit..  say hi

climate was perfect     -and that's been key to the level of success for the quilt show and fall fest at alden lane too.


on my list to do a prayer flag picture for northern California fire victims..

          -surrounded by tragedy and trauma - everyone/everywhere write now..  all parts of the world; visible  -hyper media attention and the ongoing but unseen

so, grateful to be attending a potluck  -contributing to raising funds..  helping even in a small way

overwhelmed; yes..

but trained with ability to compartmentalize; cast cares.. so I can be present and of value at work, with family, friends, etc.

Praise God!


details later:     full understanding of God in us; full understanding of God is good all the time

   -waiting for full of understanding of  omnipresence..  that one word or phrase which locks in the understanding..  makes it all perfectly clear.


your mind is the battlefield..  title of a joyce meyer book


working on analogy:

with computer hackers vs. helpers..

the enemy   -hacks.   breaks in..  against will, with ill intention..

the holy spirit   -must be invited..  welcomed..     like when you provide the password info and someone from remote location can  -with your permission,   take control of your cursor..

Monday, October 16, 2017

getting to know each other... robert & (me!) sandra, tvgp


allow me to introduce Robert..    my most pleasant surprise!   the one I mentioned in a couple previous posts, that I met at Barones Music Under the Stars..

He is single.  Christian.

and will dance all night long..     -has quite a gifting for hospitality,  i.e., 

founder:  Party Time Productions

and is a master level de-escalator in his position as a deputy

my admiration/respect is very high for de-escalators; and very low for people who are consistently easy to provoke; agitate; irritate, etc.   -or who enjoy provoking others


today he is co-hosting a golf tournament..

and to introduce the writer in (me!) to him..    I quite think he should read this:

"did you just say golf?"      /cerebral hyperlinks..


and now, Rick..   retired san leandro police officer and friend for life      -he just comes and goes too often, too unpredictably

or rather I take that back..   quite predictably he just takes off...      and randomly shows back up...

and so, 

what heart can invest?      not mine.

but I love him like..    I cherish him!   I will cherish him always just the way he is..

platonically; forever.

and as he knows    -he is the ONLY person in my entire life history, that  post, romantic relationship, we have somehow managed to remain friends    -with every other past intimate relationship.  once it is over, it is OVER.  -all contact is terminated quite permanently; save only the father of my children, for the exact reason that he is their father..

Sunday, October 15, 2017

2nd stop coffee house tour... xoxo

Saturday, October 14, 2017

California Poppies. mixed media wine bottle art by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Ignite Your Chances -

~ To own one of Sandra Harrison Kay's inspired, hand-painted, hand-designed, California Poppies recycled wine bottles; limited editions $150.00/each

Unless you would like the chance to pay only $25 by your willingness to risk paying $279.

Opportunities to gamble will ignite your risk taking impulses. Inspired by a combination of love of state, beauty of Alden Lane and an orange flower fetish, these pretty mixed media wine bottles sparkle as home décor for wine and art enthusiasts and can romantically illuminate any area with just the lighting of the candle on top..

Center of attraction:

Booth #3 at tonight's IGNITE event, downtown Pleasanton to visit and learn more. Created by Pleasanton's Past Poet Laureate 2013-2015, and non-stop blogger
[ ]

there will also be poetry worksheets and quick crafts for children.

Scatter things of beauty

Catch an eye ~open hearts

California Poppies

charm with color ~fresh new starts

"Thank You!" for your support

-for helping keep my creative fires burning...

Saturday, September 30, 2017

NIGHTCLUB DISCLAIMER part II by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and while I was dancing with Robert, I was thinkin' ....

wouldn't it be nice, if there was some...   I don't know...   an obvious code of some kind..  like,

a ring on your left ring finger [at least in theory] indicates you are married;  -it does not however, 100% indicate if you are happily married; or monogamous

but I'm off point already

I was thinkin' ...    /well, I'm not going to share everything I was thinkin'...


wouldn't it be nice, if there was a ring, or a tattoo, or nail polish color...  or a pendant...


a missing eyebrow..

or an earring...

or a necklace...

or a patch!      

anything..  any icon; quick visual, at-a-glace- no-questions-asked kind of tangible, socially identifiable/acceptable thing so I could avoid having to

and the thing is..

you can't even whisper, because the live music is so pumpin'

so, I said a prayer, and I was like...    here it goes..      like it or not

[tap, tap on his... strong, solid, shoulder.  lean toward ear with my mouth]

no nibbling

just, kinda loud and clear

"the whole casual, recreational sex thing...    it's not for me..  I don't do that"

and, of course he didn't hear me the first time

/what man ever does..

and so, closer to his ear this time

no nibbling or softly blowing..

I said, "..if you are in the market for casual sex...   not me."      and then, I opened my hands and gestured toward the larger crowd..   "but there is plenty to choose from here"

and he indicated he heard me..    and accepted my terms.

and so, we danced some more,

and sang together,

"...ain't no party like an entourage party, 'cuz an entourage party don't stop..."


he included me in some larger group photo being taken with and by his friends.   AND

he walked me to my jeep blue see

and he seemed to know, to recognize my decal:

AND  he gave me his telephone number.




besides all the entertaining twists on nursery rhymes I learned from my dad, I learned this

            1 out of every 10 women will say yes  [at barones I think your odds a little better, like 1 out 3 or 5..  or, including 3 or 5...]

also, my dad often mentioned his "3rd date" rule,  which referenced the fact, that there was no woman he ever dated that he couldn't land in bed by the 3rd date.


having successfully communicated my nightclub disclaimer    /disclosure?

I must now successfully communicate my dating disclaimer..


don't you wish...

don't I wish..


if my fingernail polish is    -purple...    that means...


having these conversations is just so awkward.

necessary, but very awkward.


seth was emptying the contents of a small trash container into a larger bag 
and as he did, some torn paper spilled out on the floor
in the cashier's kiosk
where ava and I were working side-by-side

"oh!  a heart!"  I said with a smile
"do you have your phone? take a picture for me"

and the wind took it for a little ride, but she was able to 
find it again and get a picture


to my delight and surprise
TWO heart seen pictures arrived via text
because she spotted another one after she clocked out.

you are doubly~blessed!   xoxo

 what happen here

TSA opened her luggage, and when they re-packaged
everything, they weren't as careful as she was when she
initially packed; and it arrived home broken

"but there's a heart.."  and I pointed to the larger heart
-because I didn't even see the 2nd smaller one
until I posted this write now

but it is an heirloom from her mother
now in heaven

so, isn't that beautiful.

you are loved & blessed; blessed and loved.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

the bible
the secret
the law of attraction
your life is waiting..
finding your own north star

they are spiritual
and secular texts
that provide the same primary message about thoughts & feelings

Nightclub Disclaimer -by (me!) sandra, tvgp

let me start by sayin' I'm not even sure that's the write word..  it sounds write: disclaimer.   but anyway..

dear perfectly handsome, nice to talk to and dance with person I met last week at barones.

may I spare you the guessing game:

casual and/or recreational sex:     no.      you will get none from (me!).     if that is your desire..   there are plenty of other women in that same market..

my dad always said, 1 women out of every 10, will say yes..  

and we could all clearly see the behavior of the two women who appeared to be auditioning for a soft porn movie on the sidewalk outside the club after it closed..


my point:

God does not give as the world gives.   and God gave (me!) a most rare.. ultra rare! one of a kind, wonderful human being and dance partner who

never hits on me; never acts inappropriately.  never makes me feel obligated.  is married; respects his vows.   but loves to dance as much as I do; maybe more..

a platonic friend dance partner who allows me to have a great time, without ever having to negotiate the meat-market aspect of the nightclub scene

and as a result..   I get to focus on the awesome bands, the live music, the beautiful outdoor environment, the dancing!   the friends..

and it is the happiest, most fun and awesome night of the week for me, may - October.


am I not the luckiest, most blessed single woman~mom in the whole world?    to have a male dance partner friend who loves to dance, never makes me feel obligated..     just have a great time, and go our separate ways

and this spares me from having to mislead anyone, or provide disclaimer

and spares him from having false expectations projected on him by any other women he asks to dance..    and spares his wife from any concern that another woman is undermining her..

it is my definition of a miracle; huge blessing!  HUGE!

and, so..  but usually Motown leaves early,

and there was mary & I, still dancin' up a storm..   closed the place down, and just before it did close a gentleman came and danced with me..

handsome.  great dancer.

and then we all went to the bar inside, after the outdoor closed, and band left..

and talked..

for a bit.

and, he inquired if I would be back this Thursday.. as in  -tonight.

and mary explained to him, Motown was married..

and, she was explaining the dynamics..

but now,

lets say he is there again tonight, and our conversation picks up where it left off..

at what point?

like, how..

honest to God, should I just have it put on the back of my t-shirt:

not in the market for casual/recreational sex.

-because there is an awful lot of guessing...   potential mixed messages...

wrong projecting, false hope..    expectation.

   -see, the very second a different male..    who I do not know...

and who does not know (me!),


it always serves to remind me..   just how blessed..

you are my miracle Motown!   in a nightclub world full of...  

we get to be in it, without being of it.

we get to

   ~just dance.

hallelujah!  & amen!


on this same topic..

rick cahall surprise visited me recently, and took me out to dinner..

I know him well enough to say it playfully, but straight up:

   "this dinner doesn't buy you any...  no sex."

and I told him, he'll probably go down in my own personal history books as the last person I ever had sex with..


he tried to talk about how..

how, when you get older, things change..    and he told a couple funny stories about senior citizens and sex..

and I just smiled and laughed, but I thought to myself..

the answer is still the same:  no

check back at 61..   no.

but wonderful to see you!   "thank you!"    

and I did explain how I learned that about myself..

how I learned casual sex is never worth the aftermath for me personally..

I cant just hop in and out, with other people who just hop in and out...

and now that I apply what I learned..  -about myself  /quite apparently doesn't apply to everyone.

I am a much happier, much more at peace, healthier, more confident and creatively productive human being.

"Thank You!" Jesus..     amen

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

645 Bancroft Ave. San Leandro, CA

pleasant surprise, this lovely, casual coffee house..  got in a 3 hour visit with sue-sue... and we've decided to do a coffee house tour..great idea sue-sue! I'm in!  Love you! "Cheers!" & amen xoxo

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

netflix original pick of the week.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Monday, September 25, 2017

SHE SAYS WITH A SMILE... (me!) sandra, tvgp

 -if i got paid for dreaming big or power napping, i'd be rich.  i'm very good at these things.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Public "Thank You!" to (kari lizer!) -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

it remains the hardest and longest I have ever laughed.   -and,  -ive heard reports that laughter is a social thing,  -that people will laugh more in the company of other people

but I was alone watching tv

and I doubled over, fell off my daybed..

curled up on the floor, laughing so hard, tears..

   -no one could have played the scene better; no one.

Julia louis dreyfus, as the old Christine,   in what I am identifying as the 'unsend' scene,   -where she chases the cord in a panic to the outlet in the wall and yanks it unplugged in a desperate effort to unsend an email..

and then,    the scene where she describes to her son's teacher about what her son found in the drawer ..       "... for my neck pain..."


and when I need to instantly transport my mind, mood and attitude..  I pull these scenes up in my imagination.   so, "thank you!"


In I even heard Jesus' laughing's name...     amen!

sometimes it's slobbery
sometimes it stinks;


Saturday, September 23, 2017

"...unless you know what it means..." smiles (me!) sandra, tvgp

customer:    is that a real tattoo on your face

(me!):    yes, it's real..

customer:   what does it mean?

(me!):   conquer the world with kindness

customer:  [moving closer toward me for a better look...]

(me!):   unless you know what it means....?....

customer:   [gestures he doesn't know]   no..

(me!):   okay then, yes..  it means conquer the world with kindness then..

customer: in what..   

(me!)  japanese calligraphy

customer's girlfriend or wife:   "conquer the world with kindness..    I like that..

(me!):   "thank you!"


and that takes courage now doesn't it....           big smile.

Friday, September 22, 2017

"..Mary Re is in the spot tonight.. music under the stars (barones!)

I sing it like this:

Let's get it crunk, we gonna' have fun
Up on in this dancery
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for (me!)
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dancery
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for (me!)

Come on everybody get on up
Cause you know we gots to get it crunk
"Mary Re is in the spot tonight!"
As I'mma make it feel alright (Make it feel alright)
Come on baby just party with (me!)
Let loose and set your body free
Leave your situations at the door
So when you step inside jump on the floor


It's only gonna be about a matter of time
Before you get loose and start loose your mind
Cop you a drink, go head and rock your ice
Cause we celebrating No More Drama in our life
With a great track pumpin', everybody's jumpin'
Going ahead and twist your back and get your body bumpin'
I told you leave your situations at the door
So grab somebody and get your ass on the dance floor

We don't need, don't need, no haters
Just try to love one another
We just want y'all have a good time
No more drama in your life
Work real hard to make a dime
If you got beef, your problem, not mine
Leave all that BS outside
We're gonna celebrate all night
Let's have fun, tonight, no fights
Turn the Dre track way up high
Making you dance all night and I
Got some real heat for ya this time
Doesn't matter if you're white or black

Let's get crunk cause Mary's back!!

on a broken plate; my memory served... (me!) sandra, tvgp

to the accuracy I cannot speak.  but to the memory, as it presents itself to me

well, it goes just like this:

I'm guessing I was 14..  give or take, and had learned the art of crank calling people from my older brother    /a bart simpson of his time

with great certainty I can tell you:  on my own, without learning it..  without having someone else show me how..   I would have never came up with the idea.. or initiated crank calling on my own.  I did not have that kind of an imagination..

and i'm sidetracked here to wonder:   who made the very first crank call in history?  and what

oh, my goodness...   I'm mean prank, don't I..  prank call.

okay.. so, who made the very first one, and what did they say?     I remember my brother having me pick a telephone number out of the phone book   [CH: the jerk/steve martin]

and, go, like

"is dave there?"      and person would say, "no dave lives here"  or "you have the wrong number.."

but I would call the same number again,

"can I talk to dave?"     -same response.

and continue a couple times repeat calling, and then about the fifth or sixth time, my brother would coach me:

"now call one more time, and say..   Hi.  This is Dave.   Has anyone called for me?"

    -and, we thought this was absolutely HILARIOUS....

and, just about every prank call I heard bart simpson do on that TV Comedy...  I was already familiar with thank you to my brother.


but, from the broken dish my memory is served on...    in the particular case of this memory

of this WILD memory,  -where a series of prank calls resulted in a friendship that has spanned several decades..

in this case, my brother was not there.  

in my memory, it was just the girls..     me n' sue~sue for sure..  and maybe one or two others, but

rather than being witty, or funny, or silly

us girls..   under the oceanic influence of mass media from which we all almost drown..

we were predictably,   -well, the adolescent version of seductive..     when you know the what, but not really the why or how

and we decided to pick numbers randomly out of the phone book, and try to sound like a potential mistress to upset the wives..


we tried to put on a sexy voice, and say like, "is Mr Davis there...?"     and this only really worked if a woman answered, and then we would try to go like,

"will you tell him i'll see him again on...      Friday.."   /all sexy, and try and make the Mrs. suspicious.

-of this, I am not proud.   but I do remember...

and what you learn as you get older, is that, to a 14 year old,   -in our minds, we really sounded older..

like 20!

or, 25!     like, a real, genuine potential threat...

but to anyone who IS 25 or older, a 14 year old trying to sound 20, sounds exactly like a 14 year old trying to sound 20:  it is so blatantly obvious.

and that was the advantage the person had who answered the phone we next prank called.  to my memory it went something like this:

".... yes, is Mr Souza there...    "  /all breathy~sexy

"... senior or junior?..."

[grasp at phone to cover speaker..  look at sue-sue in a panic..    senior or junior?   there is a senior AND A JUNIOR...    what do I say?"

".. senior!"    in a loud whisper..

"... Mr Souza senior please..."       /in blatant 14 year old trying to sound 20+ voice; highly questionable, entirely entertaining

"well,   Mr Souza senior is not here..  this is Junior...     I can pass a message on.."


and, now,   -if eddie's family does not have a senior/junior with matching names,  -this whole memory goes to trash..    but this IS how I remember it


and, then..   the way a 20 something year old, can detect 14/15 year old teenagers trying to make prank calls   -the junior on the phone, engaged us in a longer conversation for his personal entertainment

I have some memory of saying my name was  -tina.    and when asked my last name, I said,

entirely unrehearsed and unprepared "curshner."       I knew it phonetically, had heard it somewhere..   and that's what popped out,  'tina curshner.'

but then, the junior male person on the phone, who knows he is speaking to teenage girls who really have no idea what they are doing..  he goes,

"how do you spell that?"

                 -I had no idea how to spell the last name I just made up...


long silence.    looked at sue-sue.  covered the speaker.   how do you spell curshner?

and so,

I think I spelled it that way, but with the tone of a question mark in my very breathy seductive voice as I pronounced the letters..

             c?...    u?...     r?       shhhhh...         n.e.r.

and then,

junior with all the advantage of knowing..    he goes, like..

"that's different.    -the famous music producer don kirshner spells it with a K..   K.I.R.S.H.N.E.R."

and, after the next long silent pause, that lasted several years..     I go,



and, then according to my own personal memory..   we chit-chatted for a while..   sue-sue got on the phone, I got on the phone, and we learned not only was there a senior and junior.. but even more brothers..

we hit the jackpot!

and then we learned they lived not too far away...

and at some point,  -when the gig was up..     and we got honest about who we were and what we were doing

we adventured to go visit them and meet in person..   and there was a son, our age... sue-sue's age.. I was couple years younger..

and then we actually became friends, and met for coffee at denny's..   and went bowling together..  us, and eddie souza (sousa?)    -the youngest of 4 brothers (?)

and we stayed friends for a long while in our youth..   and life sent us ultimately in opposite directions, and we lost contact..

but, for sue-sue and eddie..

the friendship picked back up..     remained...

and exists to this very day.    


and I know sue-sue does not share this memory in common with me..    but, she wanted me to share mine

how we met eddie sousa.


with love, laughter, fond memories..      xoxox

~being 14.


and spiritually speaking..  I think the wisest men on the planet today; the oldest and wisest:  still adolescents in God's knowing eyes.    amen.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Cerebral Hyperlink Overload.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

in the course of one working day..   too many to count.   I will 'click open' three:

The peanut butter story

because I had cause to clean up a bunch of ants yesterday.   -and there was some liquid ant bait, but, I wanted the job done a little quicker so I packaged taped them; to death! I am a fan of adhesive solutions.

and then,

and then, as I was walking past josh, for the 3rd or 4th time, I said in passing, "think I might invest in some of those roller shoes..."

and then he mentioned working at this other nursery, where he did a lot of walking from one side of the nursery to the other, and he said, "I used to call it the GREEN MILE...   "


having just been to see beach blanket Babylon..    any song that played on the radio in the cashier kiosk  that was a part of the show..    -so, all new cerebral hyperlinks; songs I had heard prior..  but usurped by the entertaining, humorous, performances; iconic costumes...

putin on the ritz...    -a new permanent visual image established.

more later..

in loving Jesus with all my heart, my soul.. and my mind's  name..  amen!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

lucky & blessed are synonyms -believes (me!) sandra, tvgp

you have probably heard, 'luck is when opportunity meets preparation'  or something close to that.  but i believe,

lucky and blessed are synonyms; secular & spiritual interpretations; vocabulary.

how lucky we are to be blessed!  how blessed to be lucky...


let us experiment:

lucky are those who are poor and realize their need for Him; the Kingdom of heaven is theirs.

lucky are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

lucky are those who are humble; they will inherit the earth..

lucky are those who hunger and thirst for justice; they will be satisfied.

lucky are those who are merciful; for they will be shown mercy

lucky are those whose hearts are pure; they will see God

lucky are those who work for peace; they will be called Children of God

lucky are those who are persecuted for doing write..   the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs..


and, amen,

amen & hallelujah are spiritual synonyms for the secular,   that's write! didn't I tell you!

thank you, ~ totally organized universe that just popped into existence without a creator...  -for the series of random, but unpurposed events that lead eventually to that good thing that just happened...

and/or    who wants to second that..

with love & healing prayers for london -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Sunday, September 17, 2017

someone get oprah on the phone for (me!) sandra, tvgp

the customer brought up a token gift for a friend to the register, and with concern in her expression, and tone, she said,

she said, to (me!)    -sandra, tvgp..

"live. love. laugh...    do you think that is too,  religious?  over religious-ee?"

so, I said with a smile,

I said,

"heavens no!   those are spiritual laws..    they apply to all of humanity  -it doesn't matter what faith system or religion..   no religion has the monopoly on love..  or laughter..

just like the way physical laws apply to all of humanity, no matter what age..  no matter what you believe..

that's true of spiritual laws as well.    everyone!  any age, ..  any nationality...    any religion, or even no religion at all!  

love.   live love laugh..   no worries, that would be a great gift even for an atheist or agnostic..

great gift!"


and perhaps she was just asking a yes or no question,  but after she bought the gift, I thought to myself,

I really need to talk to oprah, and be on one of those super soul sunday shows, so I can set the record straight.


in Jesus holy name..     amen! & amen!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

he never spoke a word. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I was home~schooled:    and the cat, who did not even speak one word of English, trained me to interpret his gestures and expressions in under three days.  

what the cat did
what the cat nonverbally communicated
how I responded


strut toward my bedroom
"window time write now"
here let me get the door for you...

jumped on my bed
"... the blinds..."
quickly i turn the wand to open the blinds

stare at me
quickly pull the cord so blinds go up

jump on window ledge, glance at pull cord then at me
"that damn thing. it annoys me"
immediately tuck the cord out of his way

look directly at me for one second and then out the window
"that will be all"
"may I be dismissed now, sir..." 


and it is true.  I am allergic.  but that doesn't stop (me!) from eskimo kissin'; and that doesn't stop me from pet~sittin.

and speaking of pet-sittin'

I have dog only, multiple dog, multiple cat, and dog & cat sat for a few friends over the past couple years and...

in one home, due to a sibling rivalry, the cats needed to be in separate rooms.   -and so in separate rooms I kept them.  I brought one out at a time, to exercise and play..   feed, etc.     and, it seem to me the cat was pretty quick to figure out that when I teased it with a certain string toy...  it was ultimately going to end up in the room with the door shut.

the cat did not want to be shut in the room; it wanted run of the house, at all times.


even though the cat had learned, after my first few successes, that if it chased the toy into the room, I would shut the door..

 even though the cat began to demonstrate a reluctance by not getting too near the door anymore...  

eventually...  her reluctance to go inside the room, lost against her stronger instinct to chase the toy.

so, my patience grew...

because I had learned also..   that



and in my most recent cat~sitting adventure..     the backdoor was open for the dog, and, but..   the indoor only cat, got out.


searched the backyard   -nothing.

what feels like a bolt of intuition hits me..    I quickly open the front door.    there is the cat, on the fence.

if I go to grab.. it will flee.

I tease it with a string that is on the ground...

it looks enticed. I'm optimistic.   I wiggle the string...

when I look up again..

there is a second cat on the fence, that looks IDENTICAL to the one I am pet-sitting..


I have no idea which is which..

I try to entice them both off the fence, and in the house..  

if it worked, I was going to take pictures, send to owner, and figure out "which is yours?"

I wiggle the string..

when I look up again..   the identical twin cats dash down the fence and out of my visual field.

I call the owner, and try to mask my concern...  

"There are TWO!  I don't even know which one is yours...  this is terrible.. I'm so sorry... and they ran..   I don't know what to do?!  what do you want me to do?"

and the owner said, I don't think, even if the door was open...  my cat would not go outside... look under the bed.. with a flashlight if you need one...  he is a good hider...

and sure enough..

the TRIPLET..     runs out from his hiding place under the bed.

I was suddenly so glad about being unsuccessful with the TWINS on the fence


if you ask me to...

pet sit.

I will.

but, i'm like,  Dear Jesus..      will you help me sell some of my art please...



"... if i'm well, you can tell they've been with me now...

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

"Thank You!" Ava ~great recommendation! in downtown san leandro /we name dropped..

how to heal from cataract surgery:  shopping/eating; repeat.


fun greek related cerebral hyperlinks from me n' my mom..   
coming soon..

The Heart Seen.. & Memories Shared by (mary [gerace] re!)

   we both grew up on Peterman ave in Hayward    -went to the same schools    /that is,  when I went to school...

she was a dear friend to me..    my brother was her 1st boyfriend..      and, my family, my parents, my sister, my brother..   we all cherish her still; love her!     mary re

ive had the great honor of staying in touch..   watching her baby girls grow into amazing young women..    attending her wedding to jon...     occasionally visiting over the years..

and three years ago, we had a goodbye party at barones, music under the stars, when she moved to texas,

this heart seen contribution is from her; from that very night

     -and, another of her heart seen contributions, was the very most beloved when the exhibit was at the alameda county fair:

  it is of her dog (RIP) riley.. who happened across an ant hill; scratched his nose raw...       but what a heart seen in the healing!  xoxo

 I am so very happy to share..     SHE'S BACK! from Texas,  [having escaped the flooding, with their former house still standing, and providing shelter for friend victims of the flood]

and,  we have so many memories..     I'm not sure where to even start..

but I've invited her as a guest blogger, and her response, which made me laugh out loud:

Sure!  Do I have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth??

      and my response to that, is:      Please Do!

  -one of my strong memories   -quite entertaining, possibly humiliating if videos exist..

taking turns dance~charading and lip syncing to Queen album   -bohemian rhapsody

    you, me, sue-sue, Debbie (?)

are you mary, as grateful as I am, that cell phones with video capability/instragram/social media/facebook did not exist when we were teenagers?

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

The most important thing she said (jacquie williams courtright!) as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, at our meeting [and in our employee newsletter] Jacquie reminded everyone

"use your senses not your schedule."

and what she was referencing/referring to, was plants.    -she was explaining, that some people continued to employ their plant watering  -schedules-   even when we just experienced the extreme heat wave we did..     temperatures in Livermore, for example reached 115 degrees.   -ultra hot.

of course plants,  -just like people,  require more water when temperatures are that high.

   -it seems like common sense to me, but, I do realize...

I do realize, I, like many other people...  sometimes we stick to schedules/regimes/habits of behavior; 'what we've heard'  or 'what so n so said'  over using our own common, or 5, or 6th sense..

but it reminded me...

how my children reached a point where they would roll their eyes, and in an annoyed tone,

   -before I could finish the sentence, they would go, like

"I know, I know...  listen to my body."

and I repeated that very often throughout their childhoods exactly because I was seeing the same thing with people, as Jacquie sees with people and their plants..

my life experience has revealed it is VITAL to ignore schedules; and CRUCIAL to use your senses when it comes to your own health and well being

so, it may be said,   you need 8 hours sleep every night.     -but, I'm here to tell you, that that is only true for a % of humans..

some people need more; some less..   AND!  it varies with your age, the season, geography, etc.    so what you really need to do, is PAY ATTENTION, to how well you feel, perform, etc. based on how many hours sleep you get...     experiment!  and listen to your own, unique body..    PAY MORE ATTENTION to you, than to what you've been told is the  -write- thing to do

same with food, same with exercise, same with calories, same with recreation, same with quiet time, same with solitude vs. social..

USE YOUR SENSES!   LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!   don't use a schedule, or paragraph written by an 'expert'  or a brief news report, or a commercial..   etc.

I want to pause and "Thank You!" Jesus here,   -because, for over a decade, I have had no need for a doctor visit, or emergency dentist visit, or psychiatry visit

I have maintained essentially the same weight,  remained essentially the same size,

I have energy, creativity, verve, joy, peace, patience..      an appetite for life; energy for work; enthusiasm for time off to play..    good relationships with friends, family..

      grateful for daily blessings..    -daily.

and I credit my health, happiness to Jesus, first and foremost, and then next..

to exactly what Jacquie described; prescribes:

I use my senses.  I pay attention to my senses; not schedules.  I listen to my body, not experts with cookie cutter advice.  I don't step on a scale, I don't count calories..

I listen to my body    -when its hungry; eat.   when it's not; don't.    -that is revolutionary for many people.    thirsty; drink..     not; don't.       and I drink, lots of water..    each day, without counting whether its 8 glasses..     and I pray, lots throughout the day, without keeping track of how often; how long..

I use my senses.   I listen to my body.

tired; sleep.   energy; create..    I do not live according to a clock   -I live according to my senses..  intuitively;   honoring what my body tells me;.... not 'experts' or friends, or family.. or someone else does; or insists on..

we are all unique individuals..

I know my sleep, rest, water needs may be different from yours.   So nor am I going to advocate/dictate that what works for me, will work for you...

I know for example..    because MY BODY TELLS ME...     that just prior to starting my period, I need more sleep and more food; with great consistency..  I hear this, with my senses, I listen, I honor by providing myself with more sleep and food during that time..      -and with great consistency; those appetites subside after my period ends.   and I hear, listen, and honor that too.

if we listen; pay attention; notice.. use common sense, and tune in...

our bodies communicate with us, our needs, just as plants communicate to gardeners..

I need water..

I need more sun..

I need shade..

this soil; not that soil..

near that plant; but not that one..


more space..

smaller pot...

whatever the need/requirements might be

   -there is an ongoing message and opportunity to communicate when you learn to observe and pay attention..   and take note of external changes in temperature; environment, circumstances etc.

and the language is very clear

and the results speak for themselves...

happy, thriving, producing    vs.   slouched, losing color.. stagnant

so, at least for me..  based on my life, and my life experiences:   I do not use books, or tv experts or magazines to dictate to me how much of this, how little of that..  yes to this/no to that..

I listen to my own body and honor what it tells me.    and for over a decade, longer, in some areas..  shorter in others

- the result, is that I am a happy, healthy, creative, loving, caring, enthused about life, relationships,  -with an ability to directly address, process, and prayerfully work through the ongoing challenges intrinsic in life.

it is the upshot for gardeners when it comes to watering plants

it is the upshot for humans when it comes to health & wellbeing: what/how much to eat; sleep; drink; rest; play...



amen & amen!


and these bible passages come to mind,  -because in each, Jesus healed on the Sabbath:
  Matthew 12:10; Mark 3:2, John 9:14-16

Sabbath = Schedule
Senses = Well Being

and I do remember, not the date or time, but I remember my internal reaction the first time I read John 9..

are you kidding me?!?   were there really people who witnessed the miracle  -a blind person having their sight restored..

a blind person can now see!!     and were there really people who ignored that miracle in favor of complaining that it took place on the Sabbath?

they focused on what day, not what happened?!?

one of many very sad stories about pharisses in the bible


and then, this schedule vs spirit..   schedule vs. senses..

robin williams voice...  surfaced in my mind..    I could hear bits n pieces of the beautiful scene in good will hunting on the park bench..   the beautiful monologue

because the term visiting hours don't apply to you

Monday, September 11, 2017

Who said 'Steve Martin?' cerebral hyperlinks for (me!) sandra, tvgp

on my charlie rose


visit to ricks picks


things will even out
                  steve martin/jack handey?


self portrait poem:

i am rudy. pistol pete.
but mostly fisher king
i am maya, pi & braddock
a giant redwood tree.
i am million dollar baby
but parry through and through
i am mother goose and gilbert
a me of many you's.
stella luna, owen meany
every child in silence screaming
i am every poet ever born
awake, but always dreaming.
i'm eleanor
i'm roosevelt
i'm jefferson on tuesday
rogers in a gypsy skirt
love everyone that moves me.
i'm seabiscuit
the shop girl
charlie rose
and sunday morning
i'm every artist ever born
creating without warning.
i'm every woman ever born
i'm blessed. i'm loved. i'm cursed.
but i am mostly fisher king;
here to quench your thirst.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (spike!) & (squidmann!)

Large paint chip from our fence, photographed by Spike!

with love & healing prayers for mexico -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

              with love & healing prayers for florida

ongoing forms of prayer...   by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Cheerleadin' Mom. a poem by (me!) WriteousMom, ~sandra, tvgp

 -i am a cheerleadin' mom,  "do your best!"

with a daughter and son,  ~doubly blessed

"fight the good fight.  walk in love.  holy spirit within, loved ones above"

spiritual armor.  your life ~God's light
in the fruit of the spirit    ~delight

-i am a cheerleadin' mom, your biggest fan
watching you grow into God's master plan

of love.

you are intelligent, funny
insightful and kind

gorgeous, handsome
unique, sublime

back on your feet
wiser each stumble

observing and learning
grateful and humble

discovering, uncovering   -revealing God's gifts in you
born in (not of) this world,  with your part to do   ~God's will:

shine.  bear fruit.  

love, joy, peace

from the womb, seeds in bloom  ~released

patient, kind, good   -move in this spiritual neighborhood

good soil.

forgiving, gentle, faithful

mastering self-control

living toward God's promises..   long ago foretold

i am a cheerleadin' mom, "just keep on doin' your best!"

do you know the 9 fruits of the spirit?   master them  ~ pass the test

i am a cheerleadin' mom..   most grateful and doubly blessed.


In Jesus, loves all children     's, name..   amen!

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Craft Night at Alden Lane... (ruth, heather, sue, cyndee, shirley & (me!)

"Thank You!"    ... you amazing, creative, talented, fun women you...     i am perpetually inspired in your company and by your creations     "cheers!...    to felting, to leaf art, to mixed media, and colorful clothes pins, and fairy doors, and the quilt show, and t-shirts, and patty..

the cow..         and glitter!"

The Chain Breakers of each Generation. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Chain breaker: any child who survived dysfunction/abuse/neglect/poverty of  financial or emotional support

and who as an adult, broke free from, vs. repeated the pattern.


and it struck me, how jeannette walls is a chain breaker..

how Joyce Meyers is a chain breaker..

How Dr Maya Angelou is a chain breaker..

Anyone breaking a pattern of racism, sexism, ageism..

Anyone breaking patterns of status quo..

Breaking patterns of addiction,

Of tyranny, of misuse of power/influence..

-where you can clearly see..   there was a negative pattern which had existed for multiple generations..   or popped up like a weed, threatening a current one..

and then an assessment, and then a conscious effort to break the pattern:

Chain Breakers.

There is a very large and growing population all over the world!!

and in any memoir worth reading; is the bitter sweet unfolding..

But the distinction

Between those who never assess, never make the conscious effort, and just continue negative patterns..

Those are the tragedies,

Families, neighborhoods, societies, cultures in waiting

for a chain breaker to arrive

    -because things only get much better from there.

So, I do a coffee toast this morning..

"... to each and every chain breaker, a big CONGRATULATIONS! to you!.."


it is the theme of a toastmasters speech I gave while pursuing my CTM.. the video is in a box...  one of these boxes...  somewhere....

As I gave the speech, each time I mentioned an addiction within the larger family tree, I stapled a paper strip to create a link, and the link became a chain.. which I put on around my neck.. and then of course, broke through it for the conclusion..

But it was just symbolic of course..   negative patterns in families/cultures are certainly not made of paper

What are they made of?


In Jesus,  master chain breakin' name,  hallelujah & amen

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Light of Alden Lane... (vanessa!)

   remember how I said, I had decided..

I decided I would rather let myself get attached to people, and experience the pain of goodbye's vs.  avoid getting attached so I could avoid cry


                                                                                crying, when it comes time to say..


-this is a tough one!   SHE is the LIGHT of ALDEN LANE... Vanessa..       a dream to work for, to work with..   to talk to,  to learn from..  

and ive had the great pleasure of working directly with her, in the small, intimate quarters of the cashier kiosk, where the environment itself brings people closer together; and the shared work objectives create bonds which deepen with the..

start/stop; start/stop..   conversations about our real lives, outside of work.

this is how we've gotten to know each other:   share a little..   STOP! in the middle of a conversation..  serve customer(s)..    PICK up conversation..  fold boxes...    STOP..   help customer(s)...

it is the polar opposite of my uninterrupted coffee visits with friends, where the conversations remain fluid...

I have gotten to know Vanessa over the one year plus I've been at alden lane, and over, what must be now..   300 multi-interrupted conversations..  

some of which, get started, and so much time passes, we forget...

some of which get started on a Monday, and conclude...     'when I see you saturday'

but, -Vanessa..

What a joy! it has been to share the kiosk with YOU!  Knowledgeable, professional, kind, creative, supportive, encouraging, and   -very entertaining!

I will severely miss your spontaneous Disney soundtrack mini performances..      the way you know every lyric; light up, dance and sing us into great moods; give us more energy...

and your big heart for alden lane's senior/elderly customers..

and your love for all the pets..    the dogs you know by name...

and, the spiritual blessing the name Barbara inspired..

and your wonderful doodles, with the fancy fonts..

your fantastic photography

your million dollar smile

your outstanding customer service; integrity, compassion..

and what a blessing it has been for me, to cross paths with you and work side by side during this specific year of your life, so filled with major milestones...  

"Congratulations!!" to you,   and "Blessings!"  on your journey

and "Thank You!"    -for being the light..


Self Appointed President of the Vanessa Fan Club,

xoxo   ~sandra

Friday, August 25, 2017

ALDEN LANE QUILT RENDEZVOUS 2017: Sept 23rd & 24th

from the archives:

as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp


THAT'S WHAT IT IS!   "... very,  ~romantic."   this union, this pairing, this coming together,  -of fine art and venue.  how beautifully they meet:   colorful designer quilts and the big oak trees

under a perfect blue sky, with a gentle breeze sweeping quilt and alden lane appreciators write off their feet.   yes.  in one word:  romantic.   the way everyone strolls through alden lane with a smile on their face..    soft whispers of ooohs and ahhhs making their way from the entrance to the greenhouse, from the maples to the succulents, and everyone is so in love with alden's

"OAK! trees.."    

that's what it is..  romantic! to see these magnificent quilts in the great outdoors  -sending each other compliments all day long; nature flirting with fine art

"... hello darling...  you can hang from my branch anytime...  "

~ just look at that great big oak with a string of beauties...

yes. it was romantic, and beautiful, and colorful, and fun..   and inspiring!  to see the sun shine on these quilts vs. a spot light. to see the flowers, trees, plants,open sky, serve as a backdrop vs. an enclosed gallery of walls.    alden lane as venue, has a natural way of elevating the aesthetic value of each and every quilt; and each and every quilt has an artistic way of elevating the natural beauty of every living thing at alden lane.

and they have been meeting like this   -annually; for how many years now?

so, it just keeps growing; this exciting weekend romance..     and, if you missed it

jot rendezvous at alden lane September 2017 in your secret garden notebook write now

and seal it with a kiss.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

MAPS. photo series by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Speaking of brain glitches... lost in san francisco (me!) sandra, tvgp

long ago and far away I requested sat august 19th off..  switched to working on a sunday, so I could, on the Saturday, go see my friend, former manager, anne, in her debut hula performance at golden gate park in san Francisco.   important to note, this is not the  -vegas/show girl, touristy hula type dancing, but rather the -authentic/cultural traditional hula..

I think she has been taking lessons for 2 years plus..

so -no one can go with me.  I opt to go on my own, daring to do so ONLY BECAUSE I would be going to the same place in Europe I went before with gerry...    and could follow the same route:  bart to embarcadero, to bus 5...   /and only know that,  -not because I remembered on my own, but because of how my blog serves as my external memory storage and I had written about it..

skip, skip..

off at embaracadero -and up the stairs.. and...   bus 5?  every bus stop has several different numbers, but not a 5 among them.   around in the circles, and finally ask a person in a neon vest

"oh.  so if I walk up two blocks... "

and sure enough, two blocks up, a bus stop with a number 5 option..    pop in $2.50...    ask, and learn I need to exit at 10th to get to golden gate park.

visit with a couple of my fellow bus-mates..   all native san Franciscans..   one with a bag that had ALOHA printed on the front..   so apropos..

all is well.  exit at 10th...   and now I am to find, pioneer meadows...  

"you've never heard of it either?"     -no one.    circles, circles...   check the list..

nowhere to be found, ask the shuttle driver,   -nope.   and so I finally surrender, realizing that her performance has already ended by now, and so..

may I report here, that ive never been lost in a more beautiful place in my whole life!   when I saw botanical gardens.. and then adults $8...    I jumped write in, and joined a tour that had only been already in progress about 5 or 10 minutes..

took lots of pictures; great joy!

and then, not enough cash on me to also visit de young...    so, headed home.


and so, I went searching for a bus stop with #5....

and searching...

and back..   and forth...   and two blocks up...    and two blocks over....

past the homeless man under the big tree...      along a narrow sidewalk...    where for art thou bus stop with number 5?

and then it started getting cold, and then it started getting dark, and then it started getting late.

and then, I stood at the next bus stop I could find, giving up on finding a #5 because my feet were aching. I looked at the map.   and that is all I can do; look.  I cannot understand, make sense of...

such a simple question:  do any of the buses that stop here go anywhere near embarcadero bart station?!?  yes or no?

stare at map.  I have no frickin' idea...     its all just a bunch of squiggly lines; it's like looking inside a computer, or anything with a million small wires...

yes. I see all the wires.. criss crosses of colorful confusion...     I have no idea where they originate or where they go or what they do...    its just abstract art to me.   nice curves..   loops...   pretty colors..  fascinating design...    tells me nothing.

  when a bus finally stopped I said to the driver,

"where is a bus stop with the bus 5?!"    -and he started giggling.

"that's on the opposite side of the park"       /my feet were throbbing..

"well, how can I get to embarcadero bart station?  do you go there?"

he laughed out loud.  "you're on the wrong side of the street.   cross the street, on the other side, bus 7"

/can you trust a bus driver who is giggling..  having a hard time containing his laughter..?   might just like to toy with tourist and people who don't know east from south?

but he convinced me that if I crossed the street, bus 7 would get me to embarcadero bart station.

I knew if I tried to navigate my way to 'the other side of the park' to get to a bus stop with #5, i'd end up in Detroit, so

$2.50 in bus 7...   "I was told you will go to embarcadero bart station...?   please.."

can you trust a man with a Russian accent who paused for 15 seconds before answering with a slight nod? and questionable yes

I was so nervous he would forget to tell me...

"is this where I exit?"     5 stops in, and he smiled...     not yet.   i'll tell you.

/i'll bet you'll tell me...     but I will not be still sitting on this bus, as everyone else exits..    I will not be on this bus alone...      wherever the group exits; i'll exit..

and so, many stops later..     many. stops. later.  people getting on, people getting off..

my occasional eye-contact through the rear view mirror with the Russian bus driver, which clearly communicated in anxious American English     don't forget about me.. embarcadero station...

and eventually,  "you get off here."    all handsome, and nice and trustworthy

and, even though I was at address 555, I remembered I had seen a 333, and I might not be able to read a map, or know west from north but I can know direction by whether the addresses increase or decrease.. so

with aching feet I walked a few blocks to "embarcadero station!"


awful, missing anne's debut hula performance...      sorry my friend,  "Congratulations!!"

but wonderful, getting lost in the botanical gardens!     -concluded that visit by finding my very own two black n' blue birds of great happiness.   now, I have fed/seen pigeons this close..   and black birds, crows, finches...   but this is the closest ive ever been to these colorful Audubon delights:  stellar jays

In Jesus,  is the spiritual map to heaven,   's name...    amen!

Cerebral Hyperlinks to St.. Stu... Stut.. stut-t--t-er-er-er-ing & brain glitches.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

I consider it a great privilege, working side-by-side high-school age young adults, and helping them navigate, what is for some of them, their first real job.

my first real job..   I was 15, so I have to work at remembering how young I was, how awkward it all felt, how new everything was, but I do remember..

and, as ive had several jobs post divorce 11+ years ago, as an adult,  and have started new several times...  at a variety of places, some of the awkward/anxious/nervous feelings are more fresh and easy to access than I would choose..

but I especially remember how awful/awkward answering phones for the first time, professionally, at a place of business, vs casually from home..

one of our newer employees confessed it was over a month before she answered the phone..

and another one confessed being concerned about stuttering...   "oh, I know all about stuttering.." I said with a smile,

"what does it feel like?"  she asked (me!),

     "it feels like, your brain knows what it wants to communicate, but your mouth won't cooperate."


  we are now all engaged in conversations about.. and I could not,  -not, open these cerebral hyperlinks in conversation:

     "sit on your hands."    -origins/first memory... or at least, didn't help matters

itz itz:
how I named my art


In J..   Je...     Je-sus, sus, sus'  name..     amen!

The Cartoon Panel(s) in my head (me!) sandra, tvgp

real pictures from the great depression, with captions/quotes/sage advice from all of today's money gurus

"..if you would just learn to live within your means...

" you didn't budget properly...

"you wouldn't be in this food line, if you had saved...

"let's look at the way you've been thinking about money...    or,

"how would you describe your relationship with money...


as I recently heard on tv, by rich person...

"wealth is its own prison too"

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

" I Got to Ride in the Real Batmobile!" (me!) sandra, tvgp

from the archives.  article written for Pleasanton patch.    -inspired to repost story/pictures because..  every time I see a child wearing a t-shirt with the batman logo [CH] I want to share..  "I got to drive in the batmobile!"     -but I never have any pictures on me.. and, no child is going to go online and "then in the google search, type..   tully's corner, Anthony Bettencourt..."    so, I think i'm going to have these pictures printed and keep them in the kiosk..  anyway, "thank you!" again Anthony Bettencourt!  -great memory.


Tully's Corner:  Meet Batman, AKA: Anthony J. Bettencourt III

Introducing the beautiful people I randomly (and sometimes intentionally) meet at Tully's Corner
— downtown Pleasanton's No. 1 people watching hot spot.
by Sandra Harrison Kay,  AKA WriteousMom

I'm very excited to introduce all of you to my new superfriend, Anthony J. Bettencourt III. He is a husband, married to the lovely Karin Bunnell, president of the board for Valley Dance Theatre; a father of four, with beautiful 23-year-old triplet daughters, Candace, Ashley and Jessica, and a beautiful 14-year-old daughter, Tory, a freshman at Amador High School.

Bettencourt is a 14-year Pleasanton resident and world traveling president, CEO and chairman of Coverity, an international software company that does...something really important, I don’t remember.

But let’s be honest. Who cares about software! The man owns and drives a real life, Gotham City, flame-shooting, lights-flashing, custom-designed and entirely rebuilt BATMOBILE! Like, straight out of the comic books, straight out of the legendary 1960s television series and onto the downtown streets of Pleasanton.

It is impossible for me not to project on him all of the wonderful crime-fighting, justice-seeking, super-power characteristics of Bruce Wayne himself. Impossible not to hear the theme music and envision the “Pow!” “Bang!” “Boom!” speech bubbles that assured all of us Batman and Robin were conquering the villains and saving our world.

The very sight of the Batmobile triggers a million positive memories fighting for their own spotlight in my mind. And, after watching everyone's reactions upon seeing this car, it obviously does this for countless others.

There is no counting how many people I watched — adults, children, teens — who stopped to admire, take pictures of, and pictures with, Bettencourt's Batmobile while it was parked on Main Street, near Baci’s, last Saturday morning.

So that inspired my first question, when I met him on Corner, a couple of blocks from where he parked his hot, new, very popular mobile: How comfortable was he, on a scale of 1-10, being down the street and away from being able to see all the people hovering around the Batmobile.

"Oh, a 10," he said, with complete confidence and genuine peace. "People are very respectful. I’ve sat and watched from a distance. They just smile and look and take pictures."

Bettencourt waited more than 10 years before finally bidding on and purchasing his Batmobile via Ebay. Luxury cars are a long time passion of his. He has bought, driven and sold many elite and rare automobiles over the past several decades, including seven Ferraris, three Bentleys and one Rolls Royce. He has his eye out for a Rolls Royce Phantom.  He was 27 when he bought his first Ferrari.
“I had a lot of people ask if it was my father’s car,” he said, smiling.

He acknowledges that his other luxury cars don’t draw the same smiles and acceptance. A few select people will demonstrate appreciation at the sight of a Ferrari, but the majority express disapproval; too showy for the hard economic times we’re facing.

The batmobile is a Lincoln Continental originally constructed by Detroit Customs and then super-hero enhanced by a team Bettencourt hired to re-construct with a new LS1 Corvette engine, new transmission, exhaust, radiator, starter, brakes, tires, etc.

“Now, when you turn the key, it starts.” he said.

But the Batmobile, from my passenger seat view during a quick spin downtown, appears 100 percent beloved. It is an attention magnet of the best kind, inspiring thumbs up, waves, big smiles, lots of pictures and triggering wonderful memories for anyone and everyone familiar with the Batman empire.

The Batmobile travels primarily from his batcave in Ruby Hill, to downtown Pleasanton. It made a debut appearance at Amador High for a sporting event and will be parked on 264 Main St., outside Heroes and Villains Comics on May 7 for a special event hosted by store owners, Catherine De Dood and Jim Cravens.

See you there.

Monday, July 31, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (taryn!)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Go Out of Your Way to see this interview! says (me!) sandra, tvgp

  that is my brother, larry Harrison (gene simmons!) of KISS rock n roll legend...

you know this,  -write..   my brother used to use a hanger, hair spray, lighter...  spit fire   -in our house!   like gene simmons..

well, last night, I learned so much..   nothing I ever knew in my youth, about gene simmons..   extraordinary!   in  -the big interview-   with Dan Rather and Gene Simmons

and I only happened across it, so saw, say..  the last 20+ minutes, not the whole thing..    but now I'm on the hunt for a repeat so I can see the entire interview.

every generation will get KISS~ ed,  by one band or another, but..   we had the original experience,

and enormously influential...


In Jesus,   long way to the top's,   name...    amen!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

who is that? .... wondered (me!) sandra, tvgp

true story..

i was diggin' through boxes, necessary for memoir, and ran across this picture..

for around one second, i, ...   who?

and then got to laughin'

"that's (me!)"    20+ years ago...


and i thought to myself..   was i ever really that young, healthy, pretty?   and this is the color original of the photograph that appears as a black n' white version on a piece i wrote for a toastmasters newsletter after earning my CTM.    this picture also represents for me, a significant turning point in my life:  BIG!

-from life was hard, traumatic and mostly sucked.. to I AM DEEPLY BLESSED.   in this picture, i am FINALLY on the other side of graduating from Cal State Hayward..  having earned  -quite slowly- my AA from Chabot Jr College, and then a B.A. from CSUH, in mass communication.  and icing:  my CTM,   -Simultaneously working full time + battling PTSD, and..   more than one failed romantic relationship...   and, moving a number of times, both places i lived, and jobs i had..         in one word:  exhausting.

..but to reward myself...       i exited officially from the repeatedly failing romantic relationship scene(s), and decided to, on my own, with family love and support,  say yes to motherhood; no to marriage...              It may go down as the single smartest, best, most blessed and life saving, life affirming, joy-spreading, love expanding catalyst for positive change decision i ever made.

that's what this picture represents for (me!)...this is when my life started to notably, experientially, turn around for the much, much, better.    -still, struggles lie ahead, but..   love; true love..  would both contribute to my healing and better prepare me for any/all spiritual battles in waiting  -which, to date,  all pale in comparison..


and speaking of love; true love..    a mother's love.    in this picture, i am in Hawaii with my best friend..  my sister.   it was a gift to me from my mom, having graduated from college [the first in my family].   -and she treated us...     she treated us to a Hawaiian vacation before she even had ever gone their herself.     -that continues to move me, even to this day..     how generous!   we had the time of our lives!


In Jesus, eternal aloha spirit, and Mother Mary's true love name..    amen.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

The Most Important Thing SHE Said... (Louise Pentz!)

"...   at the same time, there seem to be so many stories in the media


about the atrocities and injustices being put upon women around the world.

and I thought,

am I contributing to the problem by my silence?

and I came to the conclusion    ... that I was."


"those who perpetrate hateful things on others...   they're banking on our silence."


FORGIVENESS' POWER as explored by (me!) sandra, tvgp

it is 2017..   can anything original or new be written on the topic of forgiveness; no.   You can only look for common themes; common experiences..   and capture the essence of what has been repeated in different ways, using different words, over and over again, for -ever, across the globe, across time.   agree or disagree based on your own life experiences.  Apply the lessons (#?) sages have attempted to teach..    over and over and over and over...  

I am a student.   I have taken many tests.   And I put my teachers to the test too!   What you've said...     is it ~true?  


One of the common themes regarding forgiveness, as shared by many, many.. is this:

"We do it for ourselves."     Over and over, in different words, in different ways, the sages try to explain and teach..  when you forgive..   it is really something you do for yourself, and not for the other..  to free yourself.

It is my experience and opinion that that is true; but only partly so.

people who have genuinely forgiven someone..   know that truth.

                      -but it leaves out the experience of being the -genuinely- forgiven person.

there are two spiritual experiences/practices regarding forgiveness that make one whole.

  1. being the  forGIVER       2. being the forGIVEN.

equally powerful, spiritually speaking.

forgiveness is two-fold.   if you live on the planet for any length..  you will need to learn to accomplish both:  forgiving someone for hurting you.  being forgiven for hurting someone else.

the better you are at one; the better you understand/appreciate the other.

It is my experience and opinion, that Michael Beckwith sums up the definition and goal and result of forgiveness the best with these words:

"the purpose of forgiveness ...   it releases toxins and rancor in our own system so that the spirit can flow through us."

to which I can only say, "YES! HALLELUJAH! AMEN!"

but even beckwith limits forgiveness to being something we do for  -ourselves.  "... in our own system.."   and the focus again is on -the forgivER, vs. being forgivEN; the recipient..

    -there are in fact cases, where you might hold the power..   and if you forgive someone..  if they hear you say it and mean it, "I forgive you"     -if the recipient is evolved enough to receive the gift of your forgiveness..

you have helped them release toxins and rancor (guilt and shame)..  and helped their spirit flow through...   along with yours...   win/win.

when a person is capable of genuinely feeling/experiencing  -forgiveness-   that is genuinely offered by the person they hurt;   or, when the forgiveness is NOT offered by the hurt person, but person who did the hurting forgives him or herself...  [still a recipient of..]

        you will never forgive me; I must forgive myself

that too..    releases toxins and rancor for the forgiven person,(self or other) and allows spirit to flow through

its spiritual plumbing, if you will..

if you've been hurt/betrayed; pain/anger = clog.    forgiving...     pours into the damaged, clogged drain...     releases; frees...

if you've hurt/betrayed someone; guilt/shame = clog.   being forgiven..  pours into the damaged, clogged drain...

                                 return flowing....   spirit

but my even greater fascination is this:

1.  The mechanisms within human beings which allow us to  -know-   to experience/interpret when we need to forgive; when we have been forgiven; and whether either/or is  -genuine.

2.  The mechanisms which allow us to -know-   ;to experience;interpret,  hurt/pain/anger/guilt/shame..   clogs.       vs.     free flowing spirits...

In Jesus is a synonym for genuine forgiveness name.     amen!

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Thoughts on Forgiveness.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

notes for future writings:

the way I have personally explained it, "Forgiveness is PhD level spirituality..."

the way Joyce Meyer described it:   forgiving people who hurt us is the most powerful and spiritually mature thing anyone can do.

as worded by a fellow Christian:   to return evil for good is devilish; to return good for good is human; to return good for evil is divine.

    [contrast to loving enemies... King Herod...       addressing enemies passages...]


every fake flower has authentic roots..    need to write more on this,  -to the extremes:

the beggar, who was given coins
the authentically physically disabled beggar who was given more $..

the beggar who upon seeing that,  faked being disabled to get more $


everything that falls in this PATTERN...  

PATTERNS harder to break than habits..    identifying patterns of behavior..

always needing to identify the authentic from the fake...  over and over...

the real from the manipulators...   the actuals from the thieves...


dangers of commission sales...

In Jesus  -New Testament!  teachings     amen!

Friday, July 21, 2017

SANCTIFICATION.. (joyce meyer!)

                              my life experience validates this teaching

Praise God, "Thank You!" Jesus..    amen.

we are in school.   LEARN. then TEACH.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

SPIRITED AWAY highly recommeded by (dalynn!) and then.. (me!), sandra, tvgp

something about this movie made me recall 
how often ive told my children, 
when they moaned about having a test at school

"you are always being tested.
but only sometimes they tell you."

Tuesday, July 18, 2017


appreciate you asking.. yes.

100 temps .. so needed air conditioning.  could not make it from the driveway to the air conditioning shop, until it got a new battery..   got new battery & air conditioning..    -battery worked so well, the lights wouldn't go off; period.    still in the shop, getting lights/blinker repaired.   in the meantime, big "thank you!" to rick for loaning (me!) his car..   to jonathan/AAA...  to everyone down at san leandro radiator..   my mom! always..     everyone helping me get from here to there and everyone nursing the jeep blue see back to 4 wheelin' good health.    /here is what ive learned...     before being a proud jeep owner, I never waved to anyone who drove a jeep..  

although I always waved to the walkin' man..  and young woman

then, joined in on the jeep wave..   and then, became a habit.  and now, even in this other car, still wavin' up a storm at every jeep drivin' by....    

and, pretty sure I was being followed...   and now might have a date.    

so,  get your wave on...     never know where this might lead.

In Jesus, signs, wonders & waves,  name,   amen!


in waiting:  art under the oaks/pallet painting...

Sunday, July 16, 2017

The Heart Seen by (lee ann caldwell!)

Saturday, July 15, 2017

HOW DID I EVER FIGURE THAT OUT?! laughs, (me!) sandra, tvgp

-k, so there i was in a small plane en route to butte, montana..    and i see this man, this terribly gorgeous man sitting behind me, and he has a suitcase

in the shape of a musical instrument.   i said to Jesus, i said, "if i were 25 years younger i would devour that .... but you can trust me...    amen."   and, then, i said to myself, like, hey..  gorgeous  man + musical instrument shaped suitcase + butte, montana + folk festival.....     ='s!

"hey, you don't happen to be performing this weekend at the folk festival?"

and even though the answer is quite obvious, just let me feel like a genius,  -k.    and that's how i briefly met, Jorge Herrera, of,  -and add some extra to the cool factor, because the unofficial theme of the 2017 folk festival in butte was:   SIBLINGS   -because some large number of the bands performing all had some kind of sibling combination going on, with a brother singing, sister playin' the drums, or vice versa, and in their case  -hermanosherrera:    5 brothers/1 sister   -awesome family band!  

and if my trip to butte had its own unofficial theme, it would be exactly the same:   SIBLINGS!  spending time with my brother and sister..    niece/nephew...   takin' in the spectacular views, the incredible live music/the sensational venue, and delicious meals..

three days of live music, under the big sky, in front of the original historic copper headframe, within the divine presence of our lady of the rockies, and write beside the ones i love

does it get any better?

YES!   ...there was lunch, "thank you! matthew" at the montana club..   dinner, "thank you! keeshie" at the derby, lunch a different day at broadway pizza, and a different time, at Christina's..   and shopping in uptown, "hi!" to Debbie,  -and the farmer's market..     and!  a visit to my brother's co-owned, cards &; collectibles A gameZ... which happens to be across from The Quarry {heart shape/heart shape}..    and still another visit to Butte Brewery, where the view was as wonderful as my visit..

and, a grand finale which included wine, cheese, crackers, and tons of belly laughs, thank you to the comedy sisters,  starring tina fey & amy poehler


still marinating in love and gratitude,

and close with two, "great to meet you!'s"  to my plane seat neighbors..  who made my flights, both coming and going, a joy with their friendly and delightful conversations   -kate, and darla

perhaps we will cross paths again..   and do contact me if you make it out to northern, california...      blessings!

as i head to alden lane, for their annual art under the oaks event, happening write now

in Jesus trustworthy and holy name,   amen.

Friday, July 14, 2017

LUCKY (me!) sandra, tvgp

this is just 3 of about 12, in one day!

and, in order!  i didn't even have to do any creative math to = my lucky number.   and, a page of "thank you's"  my next day off, but for now

another "thank you!" to my mom & rick (my mom's husband)   -for the use of his car while mine was in the driveway getting a new battery, and then, at san leandro radiator, getting "air conditioning!"   - and funny because, i kept giving the jeep club wave to fellow jeep drivers, out of habit, even when i was driving his non-jeep car

so, must of looked like i was flirting.

yes..   cool is king!   it's going to be like 90+ this weekend...

and, so "thank you!" here to rick (as in cahall, retired san leandro police officer) for the ron klaas san leandro radiator connection...     enjoyed listening to you two brag about each other behind each other's back..   -and marie, lovely to meet you...

and at least a dozen cerebral hyperlinks..    for next window of time to post.. and i haven't even had a chance to share montana yet...!

In, if Jesus had a lucky number, what would it be  's,  name...   amen!


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

PUBLIC "THANK YOU!" 'S from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-to rick/mom:  quick to the rescue with a back up vehicle when the jeep blue see didn't start.

-to surgeon/healthcare providers: for the successful addition of a pacemaker to help regulate my dad's heart

-my daughter:  for the surprise visit which lifted my spirit, blessed the day

-shawn/kelly moore paints:  for the very generous donation of 12 colorful paints for the upcoming art under the oaks event at alden lane

-family:  separate post coming soon .. gratitude for montana visit

-to darla [my stranger turned friend plane ride companion] for guiding me to the write location for my luggage, and.. for a conversation regarding dancing, specifically tap dancing, which served as a cerebral hyperlink to this:


-Jesus:   for every one and everything,  amen.

Monday, July 10, 2017

harrison siblings (karin! AKA: keeshie) (sandra!) (larry!)

Thursday, July 06, 2017

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

SUPER AMONG THE STARS (eva igo!) as seen 7 times by (me!) sandra, tvgp

part of me just aches, when I think about how awful it would have been...   if she would have been on tv when i was child.  when the tv programs and performances aired in one time slot, and if you missed it; too bad.  -there were no means for recording; no dvr's, no on-demand, no youtube, and no re-runs.

"thank you!" Jesus that today we have means to watch our favorite shows, performances, moments, again and again and again...     /because that's what i've just done

and remember how i early on spotted the super among the stars on the voice, and correctly identified the winner

well, i've done it again, only this time, for world of dance.    they are all stars, yes..   but we are talkin' super star

here she is:      "ENCORE!  ENCORE!   EVA IGO" 

In Jesus... she has taken the gift you gave her to new heights..  name,   -amen.

JULY 2017

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (charlotte severin!) on mt. shasta

what a most pleasant surprise to see charlotte severin at alden lane,    /she was actually there to show Jacquie a painting she commissioned, and will be surprise gifting friends..   i can't give it away, but..

it is spectacular!

but, BONUS! she had these photos to share with (me!)..    the heart seen on mt shasta during a recent trip she took

look how big!  gorgeous..   i said to her with a smile,  i sure hope you are feeling blessed! look at that!

and she remains a great inspiration to (me!).. charlotte severin,  living, keeping on, painting, creating, supporting others, teaching, traveling..   in recent widowhood, and with health challenges..   

she shared with me her day to day life motto:    choose joy

love you charlotte!   xoxo   and "thank you!" so much for these heart seen contributions

Monday, June 26, 2017

Two Most Important Things He Said (jack ma!) by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i have a project which is a priority.. and which prevents me from writing in detail write now on these topics, but I want to remember:

two most important things jack ma said during the interview with my charlie rose:


customer's happy
employees happy
shareholders happy

even more wonderful:   letting culture influence the behavior; not rules and regulations...

/big YES on that from (me!)    lots on the cultures of different places ive worked..


notes jotted at midnight:

different topic:  the most important spaces to preserve:    safe places.

/lots on preserve national parks; open space, etc.    but places,   -safe places, where the public can currently go, live, learn, hangout, explore, etc.      -safe places, where they are safe...  but without needing metal detectors, iron rods, three levels of gates/security, cameras,

  distinctions between entering an airport, or sporting event vs.

   a library, grocery store...     imagining  every single place you go, from the local grocery store to the park, requiring the same level of security employed at airports/jails...

recognizing/appreciating, upping the level of importance for preserving safe places, that are safe without the need for so much security..    how/where do they currently exist?    how/where do they disappear?   how can we grow/multiply those safe places/areas/spaces..    vs. lose them

employing a similar code system to species, for safe spaces:  endangered..    extinct...   vulnerable... under threat...    -thriving..


back to project...

In Jesus holy name...    amen!

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Pallet Painting/Haiku by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I just think the annual Art Under the Oaks event is    -awesome!  and love at this time of year, to point to the nursery and say to customers who ask...

"Art Under the Oaks...   look out there... it's all that beauty, but then add, live music, wine tasting and lots of artists..."             -and,  my de-cluttering/moving project may have provided a clue to what year I was first introduced to alden lane, which I believe was at one of these annual events, because I found a small paper flyer from 2008.

2017 SAVE THE DATE:  July 15th & 16th, 11am-4pm

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Happy Fathers Day to (My dad!)

ONE of my proudest accomplishments is a family video I created quite a number of years back for my dad, for his birthday..   it is as hokey as an ameuture family video can be..   none of the technology on phones or laptops today that makes instant mini movie making so easy was available to me at the time. 

for background music I would run, push play on a boom box... and then run back and pick up the video camera..

For 'slideshows' of still shots..   I placed pictures side by side on the floor and then moved the camera over them slowly ...

But the thing I most wanted to capture was my dad's granddaughter (My daughter, 4 years old at the time) repeating all the nursery rhymes I was also taught, as his daughter..Xoxo

As I've mentioned before..  my dad never changed his material, he just waited for a new audience...       -grandchildren!

Here's one of my favorites:

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with Mary
Between two slices of bread.


Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone.
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare

So the dog bit her!


Hickory, dickory dock

Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
-and the other two got away.

Hickory dickory dock


There was a thousand legged worm
Who let out a little squirm
Has anybody seen a leg of mine?
If it can't be found
I'll have to hop around
On the other nine hundred ninety nine.


The dog was standing on the deck
Flames were shooting round his neck


Really, I did capture some magic and some awesome one of a kind moments no one can script...   and when I have the opportunity.. I will upload the entire video to YouTube and share it with the world at large..

Love you Dad!    Happy Fathers day!

Saturday, June 17, 2017

embarrassing moment # 79212 for (me!), sandra, tvgp

so what happened this time, is that..    keeping in mind, my age,  lighting, and my (in)ability to see certain things.   

i readied myself for work..   shower, shampoo, shave, shine..

and in the bathroom, -according to the mirror in that lighting:   good to go.

but then, when i went outside to get in my jeep blue SEE...   and caught glance of my face in the reflection of the window    -in that natural, bright light, the sun revealed...

"like,  OMG, i have a beard!"    

so, if you were watching me from a short distance... which, i would later realize, a neighbor was..    you would have seen me go to get in my jeep, and then dead stop.   check my face in the reflection.    and back away in a panic, and then go closer, and then stand there and start cracking up...  laughing.    and then look again...

and then run inside the house, saying "try again, try again..."

but the reason i stood there laughing for a moment, is because it flashed in my mind:

i was sitting in a luxury leather recliner, with shaving cream all over the sides of my face, and covering my chin and above my lip,

and there was a super sexy man, with a warm wash cloth and a razor...     shaving my female mid-life beard

and he was leaned in to me..  real close.

yes..    close shave that was!


In Jesus...   thank you for the sun and truth's   name..    amen! 

AWARD WINNING LANDSCAPES for ALDEN LANE NURSERY at the (alameda county fair!)

i'm so proud to work at alden lane nursery   "Congratulations!!"    to the landscape design team for winning


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Customers Cerebral Hyperlink; opened with one penny.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

(me!):  "your total is $9.99.."

customer:   -hands me a $10 bill.

(me!):  "so, sometimes, it's fun...   when you get just one penny back for change..  to take a look at the date on the penny, and come up with a memory from that year..."

customer:  "i don't have a good memory"

(me!):  "no?  no memories from...    [look here, and wiggle the penny until I can make out the date]...   from 1975?"

customer:   "1975?    terrible memories.   -you wouldn't believe me.   -you wouldn't believe me."

(me!):   "no..   I probably would."

customer:   [gestures toward himself]  "see... I'm Eastern Asian..    1975..      the killing fields."

(me!):   ".. those are terrible memories...    yes.    -good to be on the other side of that...."

    -tried so hard to leave the wound I opened with some salve..

-now is he a direct survivor?   the details I may never know.   and if he crossed my path again in the near future, I don't know that I have retained exactly which customer..   -these are very brief, passing conversations...

but,  -fascinating how cerebral hyperlinks work; isn't it.     -the date on the penny idea...    a thing I used once upon a time for creative writing workshops I taught

and, a gift too, when it comes to learning more about human memory storage; yes...


and wars, genocides, holocausts...     I have no words; no answers..  only questions.  and heartbreak.

In    -if I gave Jesus a penny with a date...   's  name..      hallelujah & amen.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

my favorite word pairing: " WORLD CHAMPIONS!" (golden state warriors!)

Monday, June 12, 2017

"WINNERS!" 3 favorite photos for (me!) WriteousMom.. xoxo

know what you believe. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

operates on a day to day basis according to what they believe
-not what they know;
but what they believe.

which is why it is crucial to know what you believe; and why you believe it.

in Jesus name,    -amen.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Glossary of terms used by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Vaudeville  -when I use this word/expression, what I mean, is something not entirely authentic..  something where, the point is to get people, an audience, to participate with booo' s or cheers..   so extra drama is incorporated on purpose.

When I say 'WWF'  it is similar..  I am using this term to indicate that I suspect there is deliberate choreography going on behind, and sometimes within the scenes.  It is not spontaneous and true

It is entertainment.  It is business.  But you don't only find vaudeville and/or WWF habits in the entertainment industry


3 times in 10 years.. best guess for (me!) sandra, tvgp

ive mentioned before, it is the exception and not the rule, that people ask me about my tattoo.  and only one time so far has this happened:

him:   "i have that same tattoo on my leg."

(me!):   "well, what do you tell people it means?"

him:  "why... what do you tell people it means?"

(me!):   "i tell people..  'it means conquer the world with kindness.'    -unless, like you, they know what it means, in which case, I say,  'because that takes quite a bit of courage, doesn't it."

and he liked that.


and I think over the past 10 years plus that ive had my tattoo, only 3 times   -and I'm guessing, I never wrote it down or documented it, but perhaps 3 times, ive encountered people who just can't seem to let it go..   how much they detest my tattoo..   they want to go on and on about how much they hate them.. would never get one...  cant stand the way...    etc., etc.,

I am a good listener and a good sport for a while..    but, I feel compelled at some point to remind such people

with as much politeness and respect as I can muster,

"yes..   I understand you don't like tattoos.  I hear you...    but, your liking it was not part of my criteria for getting it...      -I understand they are not for everyone..."

-and they don't like that.     people who want their opinions to control/dictate other people's opinions/decisions/behavior..   they are not so sure what to do with themselves when it doesn't work.


false labor:  not uncommon for a first time pregnant mom to show up at the hospital and learn she had 'false labor' pains..   and the only way she knows/learns the difference/distinction is when she has had the real actual labor pains to compare it to...     yes.

I am not a first time writer..   but!  I think I have had..    and only because write now I believe I have a real/actual true start   -only in comparison with what I am writing now, everything else feels like a false start..   to a real memoir.   my argument/plea/proposal if you will, has been for an advance.. so I can buy myself the time/space to organize the overwhelming amount of material that already exists on my blog.. but not in a reader-friendly format...     it takes time/energy..     but, all efforts for an advance have been unsuccessful.    -when I prayed on it..    and Joyce Meyer, will know immediately of what I speak..     I did not have my prayer answered in the form of an advance...  I had my prayer answered in the form of being provided  -verve in extra doses, and determination..    -so as time allows..  the writing continues.


label me suspicious:   in a conversation with my co-worker friend kurt..  my coworker friend and fellow Warriors fan..   he said to (me!)..  I never wanted to think so..    not in professional sports.. but..    did you see the game yet?       -and I knew in advance what he was eluding to..  I said, 'without specifically suggesting corruption... I already planned on writing about it.   -and, he shared his concerns, and I was sorry, but could only mostly validate his concerns...     in my 5 decades on the planet, I have learned..  that almost anywhere you have that kind of money on the line..      -so, yes..   I am also suspicious.    but! 

and light-heartedly, I joked/apologized I was not able to watch the game, and always joke that is why they lost...  

and offer the spiritual perspective   'it didn't happen to them... it happened for them...     so they can win at home in Oakland!"

-and since I will be able to give that game my undivided attention...  we know with great certainty!

and can't you just feel the celebration in the air...


and the reason I could not give my undivided attention to the potentially history makin' 4th game of the NBA World Championship FINALS, is because

I was giving my undivided attention to the dancers/performers at the Dublin High School Center for Performing Arts where Jazz n Taps was presenting their annual show..

and, I say it every year...   because every year it's true... but, THIS YEAR!!   best of the already best..

the theater itself; wonderful, spacious..
best seat I ever did have!  I could see the facial expressions of any dancer I focused on..

and, I focused quite a bit on my beautiful mom friend's daughter..  my reason for going..   

   -watching her evolve year after year..   and master tap, jazz, lyrical, musical theatre.. modern..

   /I'm not sure how many different genres'... but EXCEPTIONAL in any number she participated/contributed..

   -to see young children evolve into young adults...     always brings love tears from my eyes..   and to see young children/young adults discover their God given gifts/talents and to put such time, effort, energy, dedication and heart into developing, challenging, growing, improving...

and,  -to witness the consistent level of excellence for the duration of the performance:   lighting, costumes, music, choreography..   back to back fantastic dancers     -what a great job jazz n taps does .and what an honor it must be to be a part of the JnT family..



much going on/to look forward to at alden lane..   berry festival, art under the oaks, quilt show..  to name a few, but the official  -spring season-   is reaching its end.   I have been educated.   the spring season in the nursery industry is analogous to Christmas season in regular retail...   only longer by a number of weeks..        -but how exciting!   the pace, the volume, the variety of flower, plant and trees that have crossed my visual path over the past several months..    learned more than I have time to write about..  but want to remember the level of happiness from all the gardening customers  -so many people   -excited-  again, to plant what the long drought had prevented them from planting and enjoying..

and, I want to remember one of the silver lines:   that as a result of the drought, many people purchased/experimented with succulents for the first time..   and almost across the board, this introduction

a direct result of the drought, and probably not happening otherwise...

started a bran new love affair with succulents/cacti that I have no doubt will last for life times.

and there is quite an analogy there also, isn't there..

when in drought...


I am fascinated by things I don't think medicine/science can measure/see yet, by x-rays, or fmri, or blood samples, or dna, or urine, etc.

like,  -verve..   quantify/measure; report.      love.  peace.  ...   bonds ....    like, if I went to a doctors office, or scientist..     do you have tools which can show you my friendship bond with sue-sue?  because we just got together again, and its been a good long while, and I just love her to pieces, and our conversations pick write up.. and we share and enjoy each other's company so much..   

I know these friendship visits have incredible value..   on my heart health.  not monetary, not..

my friends mean the world to me..     do we have tools which can show/measure/quantify?   -because I don't think if you used number of calls, texts, or time of actual visits..

it really is a quality over quantity experience...      such a number of my friends are people I see/visit infrequently...   but very beloved friends they are!      I'm blessed.  blessed and grateful...

and again..   fascinated by what can/cannot be seen/known by doctors or science..
LOOK  -today, so popular, we have two things:  1. genealogy.  2. dna.
that is, we have ways to look back, and learn about our ancestry.  and we have ways to spit in test tubes, and learn about potential health risks, physical factors we may face in the future..
          I will not go on, write now, about the legitimacy/integrity/credibility of either/or,
my point, is we can -theoretically/practically look way back, and look way forward

but in my own life   -would any of this have been valuable to (me!) ? 

If I had an ancestry report in my left hand, and a DNA in my write..   would either prepare me for a predator breaking into my home? Jumping out from behind bushes with a gun?

-what would let me know I would have evil, wicked kidnappers/rapists to deal with?  PTSD does not show up in ancestory/DNA reports... 

it is  -post-   TRAUMA.    so, unless you can predict...   TRAUMAS...
violent attacks; sudden death; kidnapping/rape; human trafficking; terrorist attacks; domestic abuse, car-jackings, murder..  

so, i'm saying this so you can see...  with all the information we (potentially) have at our fingertips..  
            none of it is as valuable to me..    if you are using knowledge to prevent...

what good to know my aunt/uncles name from 1542?  or that I might one day battle alzheimers..
when what I had to worry about between then, my birth, and my unknown future were RAPISTS.

so, my interest is not as it seems to be with others -genealogy; dna reports...  looking back/looking forward
my interests are toward good and evil and spiritual warfare and helping humans evolve -spiritually.

any reports where science can quantify the fruits of the spirit?  how evil/how holy..  the soil of the mind/heart..

/am I being productive write now...   or procrastinating on the memoir God has gifted me the verve to...

let me not waste...

In Jesus name...    "Thank You!"             -hallelujah, yes and amen.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

...than time to write them... (me!) sandra, tvgp

Friday, June 09, 2017

SLAFE. WOWN. FLEAS. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

it is a spiritual practice:  shrink attention to the negative.  magnify attention toward the positive.  and in my effort to shrink..   I don't write much, and try not to think about my commute.  although, I have to say, it does tax me, and I always have to spend a couple minutes  -recovering- when I arrive  "I'm alive!" to work.

and as cars speed by, cut between, zig zag, and selfishly put so many other people at risk, in order to not let their arrogance, ignorance get the best of me, I just pray.

I look directly at the car going terrible speeds..     and to Jesus I say,

"keep them safe.  slow them down.  wake them up."      and I must say it six or ten times to and from work..  the opportunity presents itself quite frequently..


and so, ive gotten pretty good..  I stay calm.. I pray...  I listen to music..   I drive...

but then,

I do have a number of accidents ive directly been in always reminding me..  how quickly it can all go wrong   -one false move..     one bad judgement on whether or not you can fit, at 85 mph between two cars going 70 mph..

and so, I was all cool, calm and singing, driving when I glanced in my rearview mirror and in just a prior glance, no one for several car lengths behind me, but now all of the sudden..    a car going 90, and coming up so fast...   -1/2 INCH FROM MY REAR..   like someone changed my rearview mirror to super sonic zoom

" slafe...  Jesus...   flease... them awake.. slow..."

I could not think or organize my thoughts.  it startled the order write out of my prayer and rearranged sounds..

so, now I don't bother with the whole... keep them safe. slow them down. wake them up.  who has time for all that...

I just say

safe. slow. awake.

and sometimes,

slafe. awow.   sake.

and sometimes I say,

Jesus take the wheel...   

and sometimes...       can someone please get me out of here.

hallelujah & amen.


 I can drive all freeways with God who strengthens (me!)....

amen!    I will not write on this topic again.    


"Thank You! Jesus!"  for all the blessings I am swimming in..  itemized list in prayer..



Thursday, June 08, 2017


...who could breathe?...

how exciting!!

"thank you! Warriors!"

if any team can make history...  we know it's you...



Wednesday, June 07, 2017

in bloom now at (alden lane!)

anthony:  "did you bring your camera?"

so, i know there will be .... something....   something to see without knowing what it will be.   and during my ten minute break, i followed him through the statuary garden and around a slight bend

(me!):   "that is magnificent!  is that all one plant?"    click.  click..  click/click

and he did tell me its name..   but i already forgot.  and i must have asked about a dozen more trees and plants in the area..   "what is that one called?  what does that one do?   that?! is a flower?  -how wild!  is that...  what it's supposed to look like? or ..    is that in bloom, or pre-bloom?"

    (photos when time allows here...)

and i'm not sure why i ask so many questions because i cant retain all the answers anyway, but i sure am impressed with, and grateful for all the people who can

"thank you!"   anthony         -can add to my list of those i will

 recognize by face, but not by name.


and im just certain, my future grandchildren's photo taking devices will include auto-recognition/identifiers for all living things..    "cheers!" to e.o. wilson here..   and "thank you!" to our heavenly creator   -amen!

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

and that 'Somebody' was left-handed.. notices (me!) Sandra, tvgp

sapiens. a brief history of humankind.   yuval noah harari.

Oh my gosh, I can't even get past the very first page without responding immediately. 

as a left-handed person myself, and an artist, and having painted my own nails, and traced my own hand

i can see write away, this 'somebody' was left-handed.   -because you would place the hand that you don't draw/paint/chalk with on the wall   (empty canvas... )

so that the hand you do draw/paint/chalk with would be free to hold the tool

was it okay 30,000 years ago in france to be left-handed?


it is not the first time ive visited this topic..    so fascinated by learning the history.  how much unfounded, unnecessary fear was directed toward left-handed people  -during what time frame? in what geographic areas?  how it was an accepted practice to try and 'correct' left-handers and 'make them'    -write handed.

repeat here:  i am a write-handed lefty to be sure   [and to (me!) anyone with instincts/inclinations to write is write-handed...   no matter which they use to hold a pen or pencil.  and you need both for keyboards don't you..]

anyway..   eventually we did     -we have

EVOLVED enough to realize..    to stop trying to unnecessarily punish/correct lefties, and MAKE THEM use their other hand...   -the whole thing was silly; quite sdrawkcab

and a division surfaces for me:    orientations vs. behaviors.    

i cant go back 30,000 years..    my observations/curiosities/fascinations are just from what ive experienced/observed during my own life time

without going on and on, like i certainly could.   i think on the following:

honoring orientations. -born with...     correcting behaviors...  which form from..     and distinguishing between the two..

what is innate vs. what is shaped..   nature/nurture

and most importantly...  in 2017..   what stills falls in that category?

things we fear today...   try and correct; or force to be differently..     when, if we just let it be

   -like we have learned/evolved to just let left-handers be left-handers...

it would be to all of humanities advantage.  


ever wondered?   -when Jesus spit on the ground, and wrote in the dirt..

which hand?   Jesus...     why would it even matter?     amen.

Monday, June 05, 2017

The Heart Seen.. by (carla graci!)

..on first street near a bus stop....   -great find!  wonderful contribution..   and blessing.. "Thank you!"  xoxo

"Warriors!!" photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and amen!

"Twins!" photo by, proud grandparent.. (anthony lovercamp!)

Saturday, June 03, 2017

"Our God is a God of Hearts" repeats (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Three steps to the write. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-before I opened this book this morning, I had already prayed.  and tucked within a larger prayer, I said to Jesus, "... thank you for understanding..."

and then, I spent a few minutes just thinking about that word..   understanding.   -how wonderful, beautiful, helpful, validating, comforting, reassuring it is when you meet someone who  -understands.  when you hear someone say,  'I understand'

if even someone says, 'I don't agree... but I understand'    -this is helpful. it is still good to hear.

and better yet

if they really do.


and so, you can see then, why I stopped to highlight and share this page I read this morning.. because the word stood out having just prayed and thought about it..  and then,  -look-   it is included in every passage on both sides of this page under the topic of wisdom.  

a good word to contemplate.    ; to understand...


now, I've been on the hunt for a catch phrase/or one word to capture what I just described above.. the way you can suddenly be introduced to an image/thought/word/object...  which was before you a million times before; in-specifically-noticed, but then suddenly..  you see it everywhere.   I think ive addressed this before..   

but, it sure has happened again, since watching the video on the filoli website.   -and I didn't even retain many details, there was so much story/information, but..    suddenly, I must see at least a dozen trucks on 580 to and from work with matson painted on the side..    never noticed them before.

please feel free to put in comments if you know a word or phrase which short-cut explains this experience.


and I am most grateful!   for two catch phrases ive heard watching tv, that do exactly that..  simplify things I say, using way too many words,  -long sentences..

example #1:   in a light-hearted way, I describe, and like to tease, my mom's husband, for the type of warriors fan he is...    -very passionate to be sure..      an authentic warrior fan.   -but if you listen to him during the game..     if the warriors get a basket or two behind, he talks like they are bound to lose...   and if they get one or two baskets ahead.. he cheers like they are destined to win...    and he will admit he doesn't always keep the faith..  and is surprised when they have those 22+ point come-backs..

/now, see how long that took me to explain...   

I heard a sportscaster use the term:    prisoner of the moment.                  and I was like, "thank you!"   -don't be a prisoner of the moment!  that's the type of fan rick is...     but don't be a prisoner of the moment   -ever!    as in, not just sporting events; but in life...    don't think a bad day, or bad season ='s the rest of your life...  and don't be deceived to think a great day, great season, represents your whole life...       life is full of ups and downs..      -keep the faith! be a prisoner of hope, faith, love

/and now I hear the song, I dedicated to my sister...   God gave me you for the ups and downs...


also, I heard recently, someone say, "they corrupt you so they can own you"   -think it was Stephen Colbert..   but anyway,   -yes-   that registered also..    and sad to say, how long I went without realizing; without seeing..    how there are people out there; awful people..    who consciously cause others to stumble, quite on purpose..     and then hold that over them.   forms of blackmail I guess you could call it..    and all these phone cameras, recording devices, are new tools used for both good and evil..       and the set-up..    good people, unknowingly entrapped  -self blaming, when they were manipulated all the while behind the scenes by crafty ungodly types..

    -I quite believe in a God of justice though...

and a God who   -understands.


In Jesus,  mighty counselor, prince of peace's name...   amen!

Friday, June 02, 2017


and, now..   love how they don't make you choose between watching the game, or dancing; you can do both; at the same time!   and it was so similar to before, i'd just about be writing the same things, just changing who was there; so..  it was much like this

"Thank You!" Jesus.. 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

i spy with my filoli eye.... (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh! the pictures I have to share from filoli!  I will be in pain until I have to time to edit; share..  but! before I forget.. have to share/capture/post my favorite line of the day..from my friend Gerry's granddaughter.. who thoroughly enjoyed the treasure hunt booklet provided by filoli for children..   so of course, I asked Gerry if she had taken her granddaughter to alden lane to hunt for the fairy doors    -and she had not.

granddaughter:   "will you take me there to find the fairy doors..."

Gerry:  "yes.. i'll take you someday.."

granddaughter:  "but can we go while i'm still 6 years old"


oh! I fell in love with this sweet, beautiful child...    newest recruit to the heart seen team:

now, I have more pictures/stories than I have time/patience.. my photos, that used to load instantaneously, now take forever, so i'll upload just a few each day, for the next several days..   and of course, if you are on the heart seen team, you need to also be a photographer, so I gave her my camera..   and she did a great job!

"do a funny pose"

contributions to the heart seen:

I spy with my filoli eye:

way cool to (me!):   /+ the heart seen in this one

i spy snuffaluffagus:

miracles on a stem:

    and these sweet peas are so fragrant...   

a million opportunities to marvel...    filoli.

and my new favorite succulent:

truth be told, mansions, big fancy, formal spaces, with luxurious/expensive furniture..  these areas do not speak to me in a way that nature does..   i'm a funky, casual, creative, eclectic..  ricks picks kind of person..   oh! I would love to take one of those ultra formal rooms and..    you know,  -help

but I joked,  -exactly because every room is so..   larger than some of the apartments, duplexes, townhomes, mobile homes, ive lived in;... the individual rooms, and each had something very entertaining..  a piano, or incredible library, or place for tea..

"if you were a kid, and your parent gave you a time out..   'go to your room!'   -you'd be like, 



I took only one picture:

but the marble fireplace; gorgeous...  the tapestries..    the design that went into...   the detail...  
the paintings, inspiration...

the gifts/talents of everyone contributing..   initially, and maintaining...

there is something to behold around every corner, down every hallway, throughout every space,

but for (me!)

"the gardens!"      and so close with a public "thank you!" to lurline b. roth

In Jesus...    

In God so loved gardens too, name.    amen.


this marks my 2nd out of the bubble adventure with Gerry...    my cherished new friend from alden lane  "thank you too!"

remember when we went to Europe on bart..

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Speaking of hostess... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

All paths lead to HOSTESS for (me!) sandra, tvgp

I recently revisited Hayward and the area where Dr Bruce Allen, the best, most gregarious, humorous, wonderful dentist in the world..  once worked.  The office on Tennyson Avenue  I returned to several times to have my 20 cavities filled.

I do not speak Alden Lane... (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, ive already written about how  -terrible..    the scientific names for plants, trees, flowers.. and how desperately they need poets..

and how grateful for common names..

and, as a cashier at alden lane, we wear the same denim shirts as the educated/trained/certified horticulturists, and so people naturally ask us lots of questions,

and several times a day, as politely as I can, "i am merely a cashier, and I don't want you to have to repeat everything, so I'm going to direct you to one of our horticulturists.."

and several times a day, calls come in, and we are supposed to call on our radios out to the horticulturists..   and try and pronounce words/terms/names.. so ...  foreign..   so awkward..

I have absolutely no idea what I'm even trying to re-pronounce..

I usually previse everything by saying, "i don't speak alden lane..."

but,  -yesterday...    fun.   because, I could hear over the radio that I gave my co-worker horticulturist friend gerry the giggles..

I had a customer set a couple grapes in sleeves on the counter..    "i want to know if you have more of these"

I looked at the tag with the grapes..   

  -grapes.  I can say that word.  I'm familiar..  

but, the customer emphasized, "specifically these grapes"

and so I checked the tag, to look for something more specific..

turned my radio to the broadcast to the alden lane world channel, and was like,

"green goods..  can anyone tell me if we have more grapes..   specifically..

/and I had no idea how to pronounce, so I just spelled it:

the V.I.T.I.S.  kind..."

and if you are a horticulturist, or in the nursery industry..   I just made you laugh too.

In guess what Jesus needed to turn water into wine's name     -amen!

LSR picking up where i left off.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

LSR = Lakeside Serial Rapist


the next place..   I mean no memory for me whatsoever, from the time I ran like the predator was still on my heels, from the car to the front door of my mom's house.   -nothing.  

the next thing I do remember, is being at the townhome I lived in at the time, in San Leandro, with my dad, and two police officer/investigators visiting me there.

collecting information

now, I had only seen his face for 1 second at best.  I was walking toward Mark's apartment from the parking lot, heard foot steps behind me, thought it was Mark, and that he was just trying to surprise me, and so turned around to surprise him first,

only when I turned around

not Mark.

A black man in a hooded sweatshirt who put a gun immediately to my head and told me to turn around


the rest ive written, and so will skip to


when the police officers gathered information..   what did he look like.. what did I see/remember

and important to note here, it was 1983 or 1984..

at some point they pulled out a piece of paper from their briefcase which was of a black man in a hooded sweatshirt

and if you want clear evidence of PTSD

when I saw the  -picture!    on paper!    -clearly harmless; a picture/a paper..

my entire being reacted as if it were the predator come to life..

terrified, all over again.


eric kandel has done some great work..   


my layperson analogy, is touch screens on computers..

there is a sensitivity spectrum:    how much pressure to get this link to click

on one credit card machine Ive worked on, you had to press, CREDIT, with all kinds of pressure, three or four times before the darn thing would click to the next screen

and on another,

you barely place your finger over the word, and don't even have to actually make contact, and the next screen appears..

trauma comes along, and resets the sensitivity settings in your mind   -sensitization

and, imagine if you will, a perpetual state of hypersensitivity to every black male, to every hooded sweatshirt; to every sound, to every parking lot;

non-stop.  no breaks..

and then news of another victim...

and another..

but please pause to add this on top of, two prior kidnapping/rapes, and the bank I was in when it was robbed, with a gun held to my head during that traumatic event also..

and here are a few things I think contributed to the severity/longevity of my PTSD

 -the term/condition was not even part of our vocabulary in 1980's the way it is today.

- I went undiagnosed/untreated

-taboo/stigmas attached to rape as a trauma vs. natural disasters, or war or socially acceptable traumas

-my own inability to communicate what I was experiencing

-shame of my behavior(s)

-not knowing/being able to communicate with the other LSR victims

- group counseling  -disaster! as now, each person's story adds another area/predator I need to fear

                   as a matter of fact, I would pause here to say; to recommend

NEVER place a rape victim with PTSD in a group counseling session, probably one of the most counter-productive to healing things you can do     /**caveat below

The healing thing..  would be to place the victim/survivor with a group of healthy people who have never had such an encounter, and just offer unconditional support/love.  you want to remind and give exposure to the fact that there are safe...    there is safe..

** the caveat..

one of the most healing things   -not a group of rape victim/survivors from a variety of predators..

   -you will never leave your house again.

but I still use analogy, and believe, it would be healing/beneficial for those of us, who survived the same predator, to meet/talk with each other

the only other ones who truly know each others suffering/experience

and the analogy that there is a bond, like military people, who serve in the same branch, serve in the same war, and survive the same ambush..

there is a healing thing that takes place, without words even..

just to know; to be in the same room..

just hang out.   you don't have to retell; re-live..

you already know, and move forward from there...


so, PTSD..

perpetual/chronic/non-stop hypervigilance; exhausting.   with no ability to change the channel in your mind

no ability to not react..

and such states of physical paralysis, even though all the parts of my physical body worked fine.  no broken bones, or sprains, or strains..

but long nights, where one sound would paralyze me..   I could not move.   frozen.     any effort to talk myself into moving

    -just move your finger..  just lift your hand..    your hand is not broken..  move it!


frozen.   frozen in position until i'd fall asleep from exhaustion.   repeat; repeat; repeat.

evening/night awful..   dark lighting..


  -but the break of day...    light!

I could function.     

   -have you heard that term..     functioning alcoholic.

it means, an alcoholic, but someone who can still hold down a job..   

that's what I was like,

a functioning PTSD person..

and, I will close with this analogy regarding addiction

I know about addictions from my years as a smoker, and my couple years with prescription drugs

and I have been delivered   -fully!  -completely!   from both,

but it gives me access, and ability to make this analogy

                    -as I am here, revisiting areas where traumatic events took place many years ago

ive learned this

images/pictures, over time, places..       I can go past, visit, look at, see, etc.

and my emotions are entirely neutral; indifferent.   I have the memories; there is no stopping the remembering part

but it does not bring back any associated fears/emotions

                 -as a PTSD survivor         /which is this whole other beast you have to survive after surviving violence/rape/kidnapping

as a survivor

it is not places/pictures that put me at any risk of going backwards in my healing

it is the emotion..   the emotion of fear itself..

that is what can threaten my progress

so, if I experience fear,  for any reason..    

it is like,  if a recovered alcoholic has just that one drink...

like, if a recovered drug addict has just that one drug...

if a recovered smoker, has just that one cigarette...

  you are always at risk of the one small thing, sending you back into a downward spiral

so I have learned to really manage..

I do not, for example, volunteer to watch scary movies..   even though, it's just a movie..

I don't volunteer for anything that makes me scared..

and when I do experience fear, and feel that sensation coming on,

from a loud bang here, a near accident there, a suspicious person over there..

I talk to God immediately!  meditate..    start exercising that muscle/neuron,

whatever it is in our mind that allows us to recognize our thoughts/state of mind

and change it!


once again,

I'm going to do that write now..      "because I can!"

In Jesus miracle working name...   amen!
 this rose is named:   walking on sunshine


What to say to a rape survivor

"Do you know what you should have done..."

"Why didn't you....

"Do you know what I would have done..

"No One Should EVER Have To Experience What You Have Been Through."


Who is to blame?

When a person is kidnapped/raped, violated in any way
of course loved ones review the days/months/hours/years preceding the tragedy

and might spend some time
if only I would have...    /done this or that...
it could have been prevented.   it's my fault...

For the Record
NOT FOR ONE SECOND have I blamed
any family member or friend..

you are not responsible for the fact that rapists/evil exists in society.

but I have spent a lot of time wondering
HOW does a person become a rapist.. what series of life events/circumstances?

I don't think there is a person to blame.
it is an evil disorder
something has gone very wrong in this human's life; very wrong.

proverbs 19:21
Man's plans will never supersede God's purposes.

Roots of PTSD revisited by (me!) sandra, tvgp

once again, i'll be all over the map.. bear with me:    first I have to write about this:

all interest/attention on human behavior:   human behavior, by the way, of predators, and victims, and law enforcement; and family/friends thereof..    everyone's behavior    the ins, the outs, the why and why nots of how/why people  -behave- as they do

 cross-dressing:  as mentioned before, I have only personally known 1 cross dresser; and it was long ago, and I also had access to literature regarding this society of people; primarily, at the time, white males over 40..

I speak then, from a very limited/restricted view, but I want to share a few things anyway.   when I learned the one cross dresser I knew, was a vietnam vet, I did not ignore this information; I was certain it factored in

I had another friend say, "no, there are plenty of men who served in the war who did not become..."


that's fair.  but guess what else:   not every vietnam vet battled PTSD either; only a %

it is my guess, that cross dressing, is another symptom of PTSD; as was my eating disorder, which I will discuss again, and in more detail later, but

but!  PTSD is not the exclusive factor; it is one of several contributing factors toward cross dressing; as war is not the exclusive factor resulting in PTSD.. 

nothing is this one thing ='s that, but rather

this, + this + this + this...     ='s that.

as, my eating disorder, was not   -in my opinion of my own experience-   the result of being a rape victim;  my eating disorder was the result of  -several-  traumas/experiences/pressures all combined

but, I'm pointing to the following as evidence regarding cross dressing as a behavior/and a link to experiences of war

this is an excerpt from one of my posts regarding being a rape survivor:

SHE HAS A NAME TOO!   -though ive never been privileged to know it. I wonder what HER name is..  I bet it was something very, very, beautiful; soft and feminine and lovely to pronounce..


let me place it also here to show where I want to direct your attention:

SHE HAS A NAME TOO!   -though ive never been privileged to know it. I wonder what HER name is..  I bet it was something very, very, beautiful; soft and feminine and lovely to pronounce..


when I review my own writings, I can see...    the association of violence/trauma/ugliness/harshness with masculinity and the associations of beauty/soft/feminine/lovely things with..  femininity.


it makes perfect sense to me, personally, that a person traumatized by war..   predominantly men/male/masculine, might seek out  -unconsciously-  soft, feminine things.

but, as I talked/listened/learned, this cross dresser and others,  also took great pleasure in tricking men of higher ranking in the corporate world.

it is my opinion, that  -stuck/controlled- in the corporate world by wages/position, and by higher-ups who were blatantly hypocrites, also contributed to the cross dressing behavior

it provided some means to say, f you!  but, quite strategically, because, what recourse would the white, male, married, heterosexual CEO have; when he took the bait..

so, I combine, exposure to war/masculine violence/controlled by corporate hypocrites, and..

  -preoccupation- as a numbing device.

the entire time, a man is thinking about what dress, what hair, what make-up..    the time devoted to getting ready,

/and any woman knows, this does all take some time..  amen

anyway,   all of the thought and practical time devoted to living this lifestyle is time that cannot be spent thinking about other things..

  -preoccupation-   of any kind, from my multi-traumatized point of view and life experience is

the ultimate survival tool.   

and, now..

this is all from my very limited/restricted exposure, point of view.   and clearly, I am putting cross-dressing as a behavior

I am lumping it in the same category with eating disorders

that is to say, I think it is a dis-order; a symptom..

but, if someone wanted to argue, with more exposure/experience, that it is not a dis-order, but just a entirely common and natural, healthy way of life for a certain percentage of the human population,

I would be open to hearing these positions out

I do believe that homosexuality fits in that category:  as a perfectly healthy, quite natural orientation for a certain percentage of the human population; for all of time. I do not regard it as a disorder or symptom.

but, who does make these calls correctly?  what is natural/healthy..   what is a disorder/symptom to be healed

based on what criteria?


all of what ive written above, is the result of hearing from my friend in conversation    -and translating in my own mind:

     " the Vietnam war experience did not contribute to the cross dressing behavior"

I'm quite convinced it did.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

HAPPY INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE DAY! from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i would make one great big collage here if i had the time.  but a few highlights..
with gratitude!
as a reader/responder, book lover, and personalized autographed book collector    -i really appreciate our independent book stores.  my local favorites:  town center books in pleasanton, and rakestraw in danville

you can't meet the authors in person, listen to inspirational talks, get autographs and pictures with the authors you admire when you shop and purchase books online   -write.      -how boring.  efficient yes, ive done it, but..

look how much more fun this is!    cause to celebrate... today is national independent book store day!

tithe your offerings in Jesus name..    He obviously has a deep respect for good books... and great stories and ... words...


Friday, April 28, 2017

Public "Thank You!" to (sue fordyce!) from (me!), sandra, tvgp

... for turning me on to Chonda Pierce.     -I shall enjoy more as time allows..


and I don't know if she already includes this in any of her comic routines, but  -me personally,

I was laughing hard and out loud, when I read Song of Songs in the Bible..

and, I thought, during that time..    I realized rather..

ive never seen anyone cracking up as they read the Bible..   but I sure have:

    -romantic love; the head over heels kind

and what was considered compliments in that era..

                                                 your hair ... like a flock of goats..

                                                 your teeth..   each matched with a twin..

                                                your neck... like a tower

                                                    your breasts...   twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies

your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices..
                                                                      henna with nard,
                                                                               nard and saffron,
                                                                                       fragrant calamus and cinnamon,
with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, and every other lovely spice

In Jesus great gift of laughter's name..     amen!

Thursday, April 27, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

on the sidewalk in front of the pleasanton post office 
-not quite sure
what this is the result of..  ;what it is made up of?  -bird poop 
but couldn't help but notice and snap a picture

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Grateful to cross paths with YOU! (Melissa!)

I've already written about how hard..   working side by side, getting to know/admire/respect my co-worker friends and then..
How they abandon me for silly things like college.  And how I decided I would rather go ahead and get attached and feel the pain of a  /word that starts with Good..  but ends with..  bye.

but when Melissa shared with me..   "I'll be leaving..  I accepted a position as..

-I didn't even hear the rest of what she had to say.

"NO!  No, no, no..  I absolutely forbid it! You may not leave" and I stamped my foot on the ground, but knew it was all for nothing.

Then of course she went on to repeat.. "a full time position as a music director"

-well of course that is exactly what she should be doing! And I know she will be an awesome blessing to everyone she serves.. 

"Congratulations!!" Melissa...  
I'm proud of and very happy for you!
And will be first in line for a future concert

Love & blessings!  Xoxox.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Proud & Happy (me!) -writeousmom

like I said..   one of the most important days of the year for paparazzi: the Oscars.
                                    for mama~razzi...    Jr Prom.    -brought me to tears to see my handsome son dressed all...   like this:        and with such a beautiful, gracious prom date...      oh~  happiness is...   happiness is...         plus:  reports of a very good time:  chocolate fountain with strawberries/marshmallows; nice indoor space, hockey table, basketball hoop, racing car simulator..          "Thank You!" Jesus..   amen.

Perpetual state of marvel for (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, I had my camera nearby, charged, ready.. because my son was coming by with his prom date.. 

and since it was so nearby and ready.. I couldn't resist:

and this rose!  the customer offered it to me..   "cut it off..

I was like, "oh my goodness.. I would never do such a thing.. I don't want it..   just a picture... but thank you.."

-she ignored me.

surprised me a minute or two later, and brought it back to me in a plastic vase with water..

it's on my mom's kitchen table write now.

"thank you!"   jeri..      entirely unnecessary; completely generous; much appreciated


alden lane has the best customers...

and really, I had no idea..   no idea, how many people grow their own vegetables!  how many people with a passion for gardening...

In Jesus name.. amen

The Heart Seen.. by (leonard stegmann!)

This rock was very beautiful. It’s even more heart-shaped than it looked, but there’s a little sand on it. If I come across it again I’ll brush it off! hahaha!


"Thank You!" squidmann....   got some cool markings, texture, contrast here

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

 ive been enjoying passing this heart shape for several days now on my way home from work, and finally had a chance to pull over and capture a picture of it.   -so sweet... the way the flowers clumped together to form a heart

and this heart was seen as I passed sue by, as she was watering the bonsais 

and yesterday was a particularly wonderful and blessed day...      as I mentioned; for us mama~razzi's.   pictures coming soon...    Thank You Jesus..  amen!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

"because i can!!" (me!) sandra, tvgp

analogy:   you can use your hand/arm.  -then you break your hand/arm..   and you cannot use it, until it heals.   this is much  -much- easier to see/understand, than spiritual/mental/emotional parallels


you can control your mind    -and then it breaks.   and you cannot control it again until it heals.


when you have PTSD it is equivalent to having a broken brain for a while.  So, during that time, even if I wanted to

I could not override certain thoughts.  I could not CHOOSE what I wanted to think about, and then think about it    -whatever muscle or neuron or synapse in the brain allows us to do that; it was OUT OF ORDER

but I can now!   and so I'm going to.    exactly "because I can!"   I can change the channels in my mind at will

oh what a very beautiful thing!   and so I'm CHOOSING not to think about past traumatic memories for a few days or so

and instead

     -YOU know one of the most important days of the year for paparazzi....    The Oscars.

and one of the most important days of the year for mama~razzi's:    Jr Prom's & Senior Balls!   What a great time,

what a blessing to have a handsome son, and a camera fully charged...  so excited!



you know, a flirt has always lived inside me.   always.   and while the flirt has always lived there, the cultures ive lived and worked in   -those climates have changed dramatically over the years

and, in some places, it is way too cold and hostile to go outside, if you know what I mean

mostly, she stays in doors

and  -these days! especially..     one false, light-hearted, move and  you're written up, or fired



here's what I didn't say to alex.    -because

well, alex, you know, he is the super hard working, ultra knowledgeable one at alden lane.  lots of responsibilities   -I say he does the job of least 3 people, but anyway..

every once in a while, I think..  God, i'd love to make him laugh or smile.    and so, yesterday

he was wearing this..  I don't know.. light teal colored shirt, over his alden lane t-shirt.  collar, long sleeve; looked nice.. and with his beard, which also looks nice.. anyway

I say..

and i'm confident I wouldn't get fired for this, because all I said was:   that shirt looks nice on you.

   -the end. 


and he said thanks..       

then, I don't know  -say an hour later or so,  when he passes back by, he has by this time, removed the teal long sleeve shirt, and only has on the alden lane t-shirt

I said,

oh, no.. Jesus  tame my tongue!  tame my tongue!     -because in the worst way, I wanted to say..   if I compliment that t-shirt will you take it off for me too...      how bout if I compliment those shoes..

I wanna see how this works...

In Jesus knows I'm innocent's name...   amen!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

all paths lead to hostess -sandra, tvgp

   so, near the railroad tracks on halcyon is where the lakeside rapist disappeared into the darkness.     -how many days prior had he done the exact same thing?   and at the same location?    -but, I was number 2.     some time prior, he had raped a different girl behind san leandro high school.   she would end up taking her own life in the aftermath.

what stands out memory wise   -is that, ultimately, I was also raped behind san leandro high school, and there was a female officer on the police force at the time.   she reported thinking about going and checking behind the high school    -the night I was in fact being held by gun point there

but ignored her instinct because she didn't think a predator would return to the same location with a different victim.     -and, we've all taken turns ignoring our instincts; I understand

and, also..   to my knowledge and memory, he did not return to that location with victims, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

but he did remain in the san leandro area.    and he did claim other victims from the parking lot of the lakeside apartments.   -hence the name.

my greatest stand out, a memory I can recall at will; but not re-experience, is how, after my face was covered and I was being raped

my spirit left my body.    so fascinating to me even now.   I did not rise above my physical body, and look down, as you hear people having surgeries have reported; a birds eye view of their bodies on surgical tables or in hospital beds

rather, it is so distinct to me that I hovered off and over to the left; just above the concrete

so, clearly! I was not in my body      -he raped a physical object;over there;  not (me!)

but for what amount of time did I hover over and off to the side?  and I have no recollection or memory or strong association/sensation of popping back in my physical body;

but at some point, I was in fact, back in the driver seat of the car; rapist to my side; gun in temple to keep my now, uncovered face, forward facing only; and my spirit/body were one again

and I was taking instructions on where to drive; where to turn..    

and having the gun shoved hard in the temple of my head repeatedly while he wondered out loud whether he was going to have to kill me or not

strong memory also, that in the distance, in parking lot at a strip mall-ish place we passed; sat a police car.

and I remember that..   how I was so close..    and only yards away and this police officer had no way of knowing we were driving by

and there were a number of occasions I thought about..   what if I just drove over there.. or honked the horn..

but ultimately; I just followed instructions; terrified/in shock

and it was the longest drive of my life, as you can imagine, but turn here; turn there, and I had that gun in my head from san leandro high school to the railroad tracks on halcyon.

and the feeling of the metal being shoved in my head for a good long time after that.



The Lord is my Rock, my Fortess, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my Salvation, my High Tower.  I call upon the Lord, Who is to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.    -Psalm 18:2-3

        -although, in my youth, I prayed for and during emergencies only; what felt like life/death circumstances    -I do not remember praying during this traumatic experience

I was literally too in shock; too threatened/terrified to think that clearly   -pure survival mode.

but I was in fact delivered from this enemy.

the upshot in the aftermath, is everything ive learned about PTSD.  and certainly as far as life journey's/experiences are concerned

the greatest one for me is to go from having such severe PTSD to knowing the peace I do today.

and no one can see it..  but a visible analogy would be

            if you witnessed someone who was physically paralyzed; walk, and run again..   -someone who could not feed or change themselves,

one day being able to return to independent life and take care of themselves..

   a miracle

this is equivalent to my life journey   -it has been of the spirit though; not my body

but the peace I know today; it does in fact, surpass human understanding    -and there are countless passages in the bible which, in different words, different ways, by different authors, say essentially this same thing:

Peace comes from Jesus.

so, "Thank You! Jesus!"             amen.


fruits of the spirit I manifest successfully; remain as priorities in my day to day life:

love. joy. peace. patience.
kindness. goodness. gentleness.
faithfulness. self-control.

these are INSIDE of us; spiritual seeds in the soil of the human body

with this as an analogy

it is spring! this season of my life.  when fruits of the spirit are in full bloom.    and I have the best case of spring fever

in love with life itself

hallelujah..      amen...

The Heart Seen.. by (leonard stegmann!)

I love finding these in my gmail!  "thank you!" squidmann     ~s.c.  xoxo


    This from a sign at Pigeon Point. Apparently both the Grey Whale and the Humpback Whale like to spout in the shape of a heart. Each with its own particular version, of course!

Dressed in Orange photo series by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Point A to Point B by (me!) sandra, tvgp

is this true in a factual way?  we shall see.   but it is my interpretation of my life; where my life is write now

like, I am quite literally going back and forth each week between two very wonderful, loving, safe and beautiful environments.    home to work; work to home

Point A

and I believe these two environments are exactly what will allow me to revisit hard memories without sinking.  like I was positioned here and there intentionally.  it literally feels like my responsibility:   two things

1.  feels like I am responsible for remembering/sharing events/experiences related to being #2 victim of Lakeside Rapist

2.  feels like a personal responsibility to make sure, San Leandro, the city itself, is recognized for all that is wonderful here...   and not polluted; ruined by the evil of this one predator  -from so long ago

and, it feels like

but it is certainly nothing I can prove; but it feels like, there is something wonderful waiting on the other side

once these responsibilities are fulfilled/met.    is this my imagination; hope..?  wishful thinking?

   -only one way to find out; write.


so many things; ive already written about, captured here or there in posts over the past 10 years.  no need to re-write

but..   I feel compelled to speak..  /writing is how I speak..

speak about the train tracks on halcyon.     this is where, after the predator shoved a gun in the temple of my forehead for..

   /and have I reported?  I can no longer feel the pressure of the gun when I think, or write or mention it.. but I did for years after..   as if it was there again.. 

anyway, after shoving the gun in my head with so much anger..   debating out loud whether I should live or die

   -as i'm driving, looking forward, with the gun to my head, and he is in the passenger seat directing me where to drive

I end up on halcyon and at some point he tells me to pull over.   some point being at the railroad tracks.   I am certain this is the last few seconds of my life, and he's going to pull me out and shoot me

but instead, he threatens with knowing where I live, he flips the rearview mirror up and takes off into the darkness

            I think, ive written about it before..  how..   he had all these ways of making sure I couldn't see him/identify him.   from coming up from behind..   keeping my head forward by keeping a gun in the side, covering my face..   uncovering to drive, but keeping the gun in the temple of my head and flipping the rear view mirror up.   looking back, I can know,  -this was certainly not a first act of crime; he was very practiced

and when I cry,  and I do still, all these years later, cry..  it is not for my own pain; it is because I know as I write this; this crime continues all over the world; so I ache for all rape victims/survivors

and I sure do pray for a cure to this evil.  an understanding of cause; and a cure..

in any case;  fresh still, even to this day, 17 then, 51 now

I remember being paralyzed    -that is the best word.    he flips the rearview mirror up  -takes off, and now I am alone in the car and

I knew I needed to drive off   -but I couldn't move at first.    and on instinct, anytime you take off in a car you kind of glance in your rearview mirror; and when I went to do the instinctive glance, and of course its flipped up, so I can't see

I also could not take my hands off the steering wheel to move it.   my hands would not move.  I could not touch that rearview mirror.  I was frozen.

and I remember; fresh, even all these years later; how my mind raced for where to go..   and I visualized going to the Lakeside Apartments,   -back where I was headed when I got ambushed in the first place

but "i cant get out of the car."     it was another form of paralysis..    the way my mind functioned in this state of shock

    -if you could get inside and read what it was communicating to me

it was very, very, specifically saying:  if you get out of the car and try to walk anywhere; the same thing will happen again

           -not maybe it could

it most definitely would.     -I like being able to look back..

rationally, you can know..   he took off into the darkness; long gone..      in reality; there was next to zero chance/probability of encountering the same or another predator

but, I was in shock and panic and kept knowing   -knowing!-   even if I can get to the parking lot..   I can't get out of the car..  I cant walk alone..  it was if he was still there; waiting everywhere at once

I cant get out

I cant get out

I cant get out

I could not touch the rearview mirror.  I could not get out of the car.   -could not even walk two feet away from the vehicle alone or the same thing would happen again..

that was locked in and I was paralyzed

my mind raced..   where can I go?  what can I do?   I cant get out of the car was a repetitive fact, and it flashed in my mind

how, at my mom's house at the time, in Hayward

there was gravel that lead all the way to the front door.    there was not just a driveway..

I would not have to park near the street and walk   -any distance-   to a door

I could pull all the way up to the front door itself

that is exactly what I needed.   my only hope.   I was physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually..   

without this ability to be able to open the car door, and go directly into a safe place

I would have been driving around in circles until the gas ran out, and then paralyzed.

so I headed

-at full speed, without ever touching the rearview mirror;   -to my mom's

I pulled the car as close to the front door as possible; ran like the predator was on my heels in that very moment to the door and started pounding

my memories get vague after that...  my brother says he opened the door, and I just pushed him away, screaming



Point B


The Lord has declared that He will restore me to health and heal my wounds.  Jeremiah 30:17

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Images are to memory.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

images are to memory; as reading is to mind.

that is to say,

once you learn how to read..   you can't not read a word presented to you


/see what I mean.

and with pictures/images/objects...    once a memory is associated with a given image/object/picture

you can't see that given image/object/picture without remembering..

you can't unread words any more than you can unconnect memory to image.

file this under:  things to keep in mind.


on another note:    sure wish I could open and close my ears with the same ease and speed that I can open and close my eyes.

file this under:  if ears could blink, like eyes can wink

/and I feel a poem coming on that I don't have time to write...

In Jesus precious name,   amen!

Paradiso in San Leandro w/exceptional service, food & drinks (francisco & nathaniel)

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) in the Starry Night Petunia's at Alden Lane

aren't these spectacular!  and if you search images of starry night petunia's on the web:
lots of hearts to be seen...

when the night sky is in full bloom

Thursday, April 06, 2017

LOCATING THE (me!) IN YOU -by (me!) sandra, tvgp

excerpt from/to brain initiative subcommittee:

you have to have already arrived at the knowledge/understanding  -our physical bodies are containers.  we are spirits having a human experience; not humans having spiritual experiences.


I'm convinced! that master level actors hold the key..    

  -if you take a master level actor..   and put a camera as close as you want..  they can mimic/exactly accurately provide micro/nano level facial expressions and voice tones which communicate given emotions/experiences

which demonstrate almost exactly; an authentic reaction

so, I repeat..   the only way an actor can act..  is if authenticity exists in the first place; yes.


now, somewhere <--------- and="" are="" is="" locate="" nbsp="" p="" place="" that="" the="" to="" trying="" we="">
somewhere inside the master level actor  -who may have in fact, inhabited, the character they are playing so completely, its as if they become that person/character

but  -somewhere-   inside that brilliant, master level actor

they know, they are portraying authentic responses, but it is not  -really-  them

even though an audience, may be convinced..

crudely spoken

the master level actor knows when they are being their authentic self vs. accurately portraying someone else's authentic life experience

...  that place of knowing...

and I repeat what a gift it is!  this ability to act..

all the rest of us are kind of stuck being who we are at all times.  

and I used to think, anyone comfortable in front of a camera was potentially an actor; born to be an actor

but what ive learned is,  lots of people are comfortable in front of cameras, but only a % of them can act.

the same way, or similar I suppose to..

lots of people have voices, but only a % can sing.

and a very long list of human traits/characteristics fall in this category

I would love to name them, as time allows..


PRAISE GOD!   -briefly..

/how funny, I don't mean only briefly praise God..    but I only will briefly describe,

the pain in her voice months ago... "i just want my life back!"   and one medical complication after another, after another..

and she would joke, "if I was horse, someone would just shoot me.."

   -it was her legs, her arm, her back..

but fast forward to yesterday, and..    there she is, running this way and that, handling multiple problems, stamina, health..  

and I said to Jesus,  "SHE GOT HER LIFE BACK!"   

big "THANK YOU!"   hallelujah & amen!

"WARRIORS! #1!" photo missing because of (me!) sandra, tvgp

what I created,  -what I was in the process of creating, to take a picture of, was a #1 out of blue and gold...


"Congratulations WARRIORS!"



yesterday I did a little watering at alden lane,  -do you remember when I tried to explain how   -I can feel information stuck inside me?  I tried to use a clear glass of clear water, and put a straw with a knot..

I know the information is in me. its clear.  but it wont come out of my mouth...  like its trapped and cant find a path

so frustrating!

and when I was watering yesterday..  the way I could turn the water on or off, adjust the pressure/the flow; but mostly in the way the hose would get kinks..   and stop the flow

I'm just certain there are analogies there for how the flow of information works; and doesn't work, or stops working inside our brains..


and also..    having just had a conversation recently regarding an elderly person with dementia..

  -these brain issues/memory issues:   dementia/alzheimers..

if you listen closely..     2 categories:    accurate memories/based in reality, but from a different time.        and then,   -hallucinations

very separate.    like, in one, time is confused within the mind; in the other;
objects/place are confused..

and then..   that distinction well worth paying close attention to:    not,  -where did I put my keys

but,  what are keys for?

 -what we remember/what we forget/what we create/what disappears/what gets confused or distorted or vague..   what becomes more clear...

especially as I revisit my own memories/good, traumatic, otherwise..     my fascination/curiosity remains very high:   human memory collection/ storage/organization/retrieval system...

for which we already know, the computer yields the best and highest number of analogies.

hence, cerebral hyperlinks..   default settings, etc.


once upon a time, on my wall..   I had a sign, a quote..   maybe it was from oprah magazine, I don't remember

but it said,

what you find in your mind is what you put there.  put good things in there.


I have come to realize it is only partially true:   what we find in our minds, is only partly what  -we- put there..


the amount of information/thoughts/ideas/suggestions that other people aim to put in our minds

via advertisements/commercials/billboards/pamphlets...    long list


it is exactly as Joyce Meyer's book title suggests isn't it:  the mind is the battlefield.

a constant vigilance is required..

to filter, analyze, keep, toss, ignore, delete, store, examine..

it is a full time job everyday.

in Jesus name,   -amen!

Tuesday, April 04, 2017


and so, after freshman year at mt eden high school in Hayward, -we moved again.. and I landed for a while at san Lorenzo high school my sophomore year

what is stuck in my memory about san Lorenzo high school, is that it was here

    -the very first time I remember feeling...    SMART.    EVERYONE ELSE'S KIND OF SMART.

My brother's kind of smart!

what I mean is this..

I was the good kind of smart..   student council president at my elementary school, leadership at my jr high school.  I was the do your best/ try your best; that kind of school girl smart

turn your library books back on time..

throw your lunch trash in the garbage...   scoot your chair back in.

put your name in the upper write hand corner, turn homework in on time..

I was creative; yes.  -but never clever.

san Lorenzo high school represents for me, the very first time I can ever remember feeling


what happen was..   I started there after the official school year had already started.  that meant, that I had to go to the office first, have my list of classes assigned to me, which classes/what teachers, in what order, etc.

and they handed me a piece of paper with the list of classes, room numbers, teachers, and gave me these instructions:

"what'll you'll need to do, is hand this paper to the teacher at the beginning of each class, and they will add you to their roster and include you in attendance..."

/something along those lines

and at the moment I accepted the list of classes in my hand  -at that moment, I had every intention of going to class, and handing the paper to the teacher at the beginning..

but after I was handed the list

but before I actually reached the first class on the list

somewhere in the hallway

it    DAWNED on me!    like,   hark the herald!  angels sang...

 if I never go to class...   they will not add me to their roster... they wont even know I'm missing!
they don't know I'm supposed to arrive!

-perhaps this does win as the happiest day of my high school experience.  the day I applied what I had been learning from smarter others..

genius!   genius level...

and so I crumpled my paper list and tossed it in the trash, and kept write on going down the hallway and out the exit door.

how long I got away with this?  I don't remember..   

but my dad would drop me off in front of the high school...  and I would wish him a good day... wait for his car to leave..

out the back door to freedom!



I got away with this for a stretch..      then spent some time communicating with the high school counselor there...   I want to say his name,  -his last name was  Thomas?   can't remember..

but he was the first person to suggest to me, that I might actually/really    -and I wish I could remember the exact vocabulary

but in one of our exchanges, I explained to him, that..  I was having a feeling; a sensation of some sort and knew my boyfriend..

that there was something wrong.

and when I did finally get a hold of him..  it turned out he was in the hospital.  

my boyfriend at the time:  Michael Jackson..    yes, real name, and the one I ran away to be with in santa monica        -another long/exhausting story, but

the point:  the counselor at san Lorenzo high school was the first person to part-explain/part-validate that I might have...     some sort of telepathic abilities.

a real type of sensitivity that gets communicated   -how?    not in person/through direct communication but..   over space/time..


the only other thing that stands out, is it must of been him..  the counselor,   seeing that

   -surrendering, like my parents were forced to

to the fact, that no matter the punishment, or incentive, getting me to go to class was not going to happen.    and I learned about a test I could take

a test that would allow me to graduate early.   it was like a G.E.D., only for people under 18.


my relationship with Jesus today is so intimate..     but back then, it was..

it was more on emergency only/as needed basis

and I do remember praying about that test.  I remember well, making a pact with God

and what I said, was...     if I don't pass the test; I will finish high school.  but if I do pass the test..

that is green lights from you!  I'm outta there!

and I prayed, and prayed and prayed to pass that test.

California Proficiency Exam, is what I think it was called.   and my friend Debbie took it on the same day  -for many of the same reasons.

and, I remember Debbie finished hers before me... and left early.   and my whole being sunk... like, I was sure that meant she passed with flying colors to freedom, and I was doomed to imprisonment for several more years.


polar opposite happened.   she did not pass.    "I did!"

there is a God!


AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES! for musical programmers -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

to take advantage of this amazing opportunity  -there is this pre-requisite:

5 minute walk in nature.     -enjoy the quiet, the occasional bird chirping songs..  

now, 5 minutes inside a busy grocery store, with self-check-out counters

                     -hear the loud and obnoxious computerized voice; the buzz, buzz of scanners; the beep of buttons  -and realize..  this is multiplied out by machine, by product, by person, all day, every day.

it is ghastly awful; it is ghastly awful for the shoppers, but they are only in the store for a while.  my heart goes out to the employees!   -to listen to that ALL DAY?!?

now-    surrender to the knowledge that people & computers, and scanners and touch screens are married forever; there is no divorcing them from society...   

forced to live together like it or not.


don't you think it would be AWESOME if we..

we, as in my idea + people/programmers/musicians that can actually make this kind of thing happen.

if we could change every beep/buzz into...             music!   ~beautiful music!

and then I was thinkin'...    like, what if every obnoxious BEEEEP was turned into a PIANO KEY SOUND!

but, even better, even better...

the scanners were programmed to create whole songs...  that played as you scanned your products

so each product contributes to an excerpt of

Mozart!          or, wait...     !   yes, in addition to a touch screen menu which asks bag/no bag/cash/credit/debit

the menu could include SONG CHOICE!   before you start scanning your cart!   NATURE.  ROCK. CLASSICAL. COUNTRY.

I want my full cart of groceries to play some  [touch screen: Motown]

I think we could create a musical incentive for things to move faster, and sound more beautiful.

don't you?

what I'm certain about, is that...   we have got to do something to change the obnoxious noise into beautiful music..

music makes everything better.

In Jesus loves songs of praise..   and praise Jesus..     amen!

Monday, April 03, 2017

red means stop. green means go! -memory of my arrest.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

awesome day in Hayward yesterday with my mom & rick..   more later, but among the highlights..  well, I asked rick if he would please pull over, I needed to take a picture of the exact location where I was once arrested..     -for grand theft auto.  yes.  (me!)..    your favorite cussing Christian.   my mom said, "tell us what happened again..."   and I was like...  "it's too exhausting..."   I briefly shared.. but, I do have it here in the blogosphere and the picture below, is the very intersection where I learned the lesson   

-didn't I just get done sharing how every single lesson ive learned; ive learned the very hard way.  -true story.   the difference now, is that there are   -arrow- shaped green lights...  which = safe to turn left.   that didn't exist in 1981.   in 1981, I did what the red car here is doing.. only.. 

there was an animal control truck who had the write of way.


also..       while in Hayward..    we also toured past the bank I was in, during an armed robbery    -and my mom was very surprised to see "there is still a pixie donuts!"  but the barber shop is gone, and the bank has changed names, and been redesigned...


perry's liquors..  my mom loves to tell the story of how she brought my jr. high picture to the store manager and made them hang it near the register...    "she is not allowed to buy cigarettes!"

and this is quite out of order, but earlier...

we drove past holiday bowl...  boarded up/closed.   and the vacant lot where valle vista roller rink used to be..    remember that story?  I was in a gang...

fun times. 

and sometimes..  the only way to appreciate any of this, is to know me now, at age 51..  how tame, and kind, and hard-working, and honest I am.    how,   -almost normal I am.   and then to contrast that with a bullet point list:

teen age pregnancy/miscarriage
suicide plans x3
arrested for grand theft auto
ran away to santa monica on greyhound, with a pocket knife and change
in a gang
high school drop out with ambition of being a traveling gypsy
kidnapped/raped 3 different times, by 3 different predators
in a bank during armed robbery
boyfriends of every variety
eating disorders
20 cavities
married/divorced 2 1/2 times

and, now..     when I consider how I'm sometimes described..   the gray-haired lady with a tattoo on her face..

only those who know me well can laugh and smile...

& Jesus loves me; this I know...


look where else we went:   and may I say for the record...   "thank you!" because anytime I order a hot fudge sundae, I always ask for 3 parts hot fudge and 1 part ice cream...  but rarely is that request honored..     dairy bell did it write though!    delicious...

   /that's my mom & rick...  cute couple aren't they.    and a lady did ask me, while I was there, what my tattoo stood for

"conquer the world with kindness."     -and people always respond favorably to that.

and before we went to dairy belle...   look where else we went:   
sonics!   -where the cars can pull up & order, and your food is delivered by talented in-line skaters..

and after delicious burger/fries..

at one point, with a perfect blue sky backdrop... I could see two kites, the moon and a drone in one shot, but I couldn't get a picture...

anyway..   beautiful!  -garin park.   perfect picnic spot.

and also, in this one short big day..   a little shopping, and I told my mom, as we went drove on halcyon to bayfair mall..    I'm gonna get a picture of those railroad tracks too.. but not today.

and I confirmed with her..  it was wear...    the last place...

a place, at one time of great terror.   terror is not something I have to imagine.. or wonder what it is like..

I know.

WOW'd by the WARRIORS -again!

now,  -there were some passes, some baskets, and many moves on the court last night that only get to be witnessed by fans
-and executed by players

after  -years of practice as an individual; and many games together as a team.   the combination of practice, instinct, opportunity, generosity, collaboration, intuition, awareness,

perfect timing; perfect aim; perfect pace; perfect spin...

what a blessing to be WOW'd by the WARRIORS  -again!

In Thank You Jesus'   name.   amen.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

EXCITING AS DUCK -the final four! as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

did you keep the faith?  "i did!"     -as is my nature, my practice..   a victory mindset start to..

i did not want it to finish!    what an exciting game!

i'm always with a little guilt..   like, watching you players who have worked so hard; practice, practice, practice..

the dedication, determination, faith, blessings, anointing, set-backs to overcome,the spiritual and physical and mental and academic obstacles course for any college athlete

giving it all you've got + dipping into the reserves

and my end of the bargain:   chicken quesadilla, lagunitas, snickers bar and a large screen tv at beeb's sports lounge 

but i feel so proud of you!    awesome job!    so close..  so close...    

you gave us 76 reasons to clap and cheer and smile and be wow'd

the championship is yours next year    "cheers!" to you,  you awesome ducks

and "congratulations!" to north carolina & gonzaga

In Jesus..   loves team sports, name,   -amen!

Saturday, April 01, 2017

MILD FORMS OF TORTURE for (me!) sandra, tvgp

k. so one of my dreams/goals..    a poem in the new Yorker.  here's the rules  -you cannot have the poem(s) you submit already published anywhere else..   including, they make sure is clear:  including personal websites/blogs.


I don't agree..  but

and so, yesterday I spent an hour writing three original poems  -unpublished anywhere else, and as you can {not} see:

I have not posted them here on my blog either.   -torture!      and now, I wait, up to 6 months..   

and,   -what are my chances?    but, I do have my blog, as a means for sharing, at a later date,  whether or not they land in print in the new Yorker;  -write.

now, I think..   I should be able to share them with you WRITE NOW..   and then!
if they were accepted, I would remove that post, and replace with the info on when/where they could be found in print.

remember..  it is that very rule:   must not be published anywhere else...

that  resulted in my 9 years worth of daily entertaining comment/responses being removed from leonard stegmann's blog.

I hate that rule.

in Jesus name,   amen.


"I DO! WRITE FOR SOMEONE!" (me!) sandra, tvgp

k.  went down like this:  first, as you know, I had my vision.. my dream for an unknown other.  the "perfect!" I tell you, "perfect!" location for the next mel's diner   -what better location for people who like to hang out, show off /enjoy their cars, friends, food...   -write.   it looks like it was literally designed to one day host..

and I told my son, and I thought..   other people need to  -see-   what I see.  so I text him, and asked if he would park his, and have a few friends park their cars.. and take a picture

and doesn't my optimism shine so bright..   mom text to teen age son.   even as I sent it, I knew..

aint never gonna happen.

so I took matters into my own hands.    left early for work even, so I could get a picture   -and there happen to be a truck, and a man..   

handsome man.    /sidetrack..   

he wanted to know who I was..    pulling up, backing in, snapping pictures   -and those of you who do know me will appreciate this exchange more than those of you who don't but..

tony..   turns out his name is  /hear the song...?   tony, tony, tony.. 

anyway..  he projected on to me..  what?  that I was spying...   no.  that I had financial interest in the building?   no..     that I was making sure everything was up to code?

he must have asked me three times, "i'm trying to figure out, who I'm talking to..?  who are you?"

"i'm just..   certain this needs to be the next location for a mels diner!   -but you already have plans for it don't you.."

and I pointed to the parking spots..   and I asked him how well he knew the town.. how well he understood people like their cars here..     how and what a cool place this would be to hang out..  how it just must, has to be..   somewhere where you pull up, park, and have the food brought to you..  and music..piping through...

I'm just here to take pictures.."

"who are you?"

and I told him,  I said with a smile..   "i'm a writer.  an artist.  a visionary. a poet...   "   and I pulled out one of my business..   my new vista print 9.99 for 500 business cards, cards    -out from the pocket of my denim alden lane cashier shirt

and we did shake hands..   and we did introduce...  and we did talk  -mels diner-   American graffiti..   and he knew part of the movie was filmed on the streets in Fremont..     and he seemed pretty knowledgeable about Pleasanton

but he did tell me..   

that the perfect location for the next mel's diner is already slated to become the next

cook's seafood restaurant.

like the one in Menlo park.

write away, in my heart, I was like...      /so temporary.

I don't mean to wish anyone anything but success, but..       

so, I switched it up.   "well, whatever its going to be," I said with a smile, "it needs to be where you pull up in your car, and be served..   "

and he talked to me about city codes..   policy/procedure/rules/regulations..

"I'm gonna be late for work."  I told him, and..

off to work I went.


now,  sidetrack..    I mentioned the word 'handsome' and 'tony' in the same sentence to a friend, and she write away asked if he was wearing a ring

I just smiled.

sometimes I don't have time to share everything ive learned, know and might be thinking, but I'm gonna take a brief moment now

because  -if there was EVER a day when the presence of a wedding ring ='d a devoted, loyal, married man; and the absence of a wedding ring ='d a man was single

it was before my time as a single woman.

what ive learned   /the hard way.  always the hard way!

is that sometimes a man wears a ring to bait a woman who only wants to feed off someone elses husband.

sometimes a man wears a ring to appear married to ward someone off

sometimes a man wears a ring to indicate he's married, but it doesn't mean he is also monogamous.

sometimes a man doesn't wear a ring, even though he is devoted and monogamous, but his occupation prevents..

sometimes a man doesn't wear a ring, because he wants to appear single, even though he is married
and he toggles his ring on or off, depending on the given situation and prospects

the point I'm trying to make is that to use the presence or absence of a wedding ring as any kind of indication of anything is about as reliable as

           [insert your own analogy here].

so, I never even bother to look.


as I have mentioned on one or two occasions before

in my mind, all men are married with twelve children unless proven otherwise by an FBI, CIA, NSA, and S.A.N.D.R.A. background check.

please remember my conversation/experience from many years ago:

"why didn't you tell me you were married?"

"you didn't ask."

These are people I share this planet with....

sometimes I wonder if there's enough Jesus to go all the way through and around...

do I hear an amen in the blogosphere


and so at some point, after chit-chat, after pictures and before I left, but after I presented my vista print business card to tony, tony, tony

he said to me..   "i thought you wrote for someone, like a newspaper.."

"i do write for someone!" 


in the self-control chapter.

Chosen by God for this new life of love, I dress in the wardrobe He picked out for me:  compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  I am even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. I forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave me. And regardless of what else I put on, I wear love.  It is my basic, all-purpose garment.  I never want to be without it.

colossians 3:12-14 (the message)


this is the day the Lord has made..   I will re-Joyce! and be very glad in it.      "Thank You Jesus!"  amen.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

DID YOU KEEP THE FAITH? i did!! (me!) sandra, tvgp

by the time arrived, parked, ran in the house...

they were 22 points BEHIND

Rick was sure they were doomed...

I think my mom registered as hopeful but uncertain...

but I ran and put my shirt on anyway..

all 3 of us had our shirts on

inside, my mind  ~ my heart..

I was like,   -this is the Warriors!  watch them turn this around...


/p.s. here to my new co-worker, basketball fan friend, Kurt

he was expressing his doubt during our day shift; before the game even started

I said with a smile,

let me help you reword things..

it will be a challenge; yes..

but last night's victory was a prelude to tonights victory!

 -now repeat.

In Jesus,  -did you see that hallelujah of a pass n' shot?!?'s name,   amen!

Mom's World Famous Ultimate Fudge.. by (my mom!) AKA (grandma sharon!)

Monday, March 27, 2017

Self-Appointed Location Scout for the next Mel's Diner.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, i am just absolutely certain...   "Certain!"   that in Pleasanton, on the corner of Valley & Bernal, is the PERFECT! location for the next:  MELS DRIVE IN

it already has the perfect, half circle shape, parking lot perfect for cool cars to pull up..  for young adults/families to hang out..   it's on the corner; write across from the alameda county fair... quite near a freeway entrance/exit..    near a ton of new resident developments...

it would be perfect!  perfect i tell you!

/filed under dreams for unknown others.


now, my own dream..  /one of many to be sure.   well what i realized:

when i was looking again, from corner of main street in downtown Pleasanton/and st. johns..

glancing over at the building that currently serves as location for milfleur...   and has unknown to me residence living on 2nd floor

well, i was scoping it out again; projecting my wildest dreams

and i have my store downstairs...    and sell lots of purple The Secret Power of Speaking God's word, Joyce Meyer books, in addition to all the books ive ever read/loved..  so a mini book store, but only selling books i personally love,

plus, my mixed media art, of course, photography, my own books, a whole line of décor..   framed poetry..

and the visible outside wall painted by trenton

with some sculptures by ju ju koops, and gary winter...

and then since working at alden lane, i now project...    "a roof top garden!"    -and Charles huff comes and re-does the top, so that there can be clear glass..   green house on top..

then i live on the 2nd floor

commute downstairs to my day job..

walk to barones for music under the stars..

host my guests at the rose hotel..

walk to the library..   any downtown restaurant...    park...    gallery...   firehouse art center for theater..   meadowlark for frosties

-have awesome view of any parade for my future grandchildren...

-but what i realized,

is just serious i was taking this dream of mine, because when i was on main street viewing it all again,

out loud, i said...  "oh no!   there's no garage!"


In Jesus loves this dreamer       's name,     amen!

The Heart Seen by (squidmann & spike!)

per email:
Melinda found this one on the back of my sweat pants, and is the photographer. I’m just the model!


"thank you both!"        /and I hear Jason mraz in the background singin'  "'s laundry day!"

xoxo  ~s.c.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

"CONGRATULATIONS DUCKS!!" to the final four; prelude to final WON!

Friday, March 24, 2017

"VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!" for (ducks & warrior & charlie rose fans!)

march madness

72/72...    "OH! THE HERO SHOT!  DUCKS WIN!"
and now, you can't not notice that Kansas was on fire..   maybe a t-shirt/jacket/cap/sparkly tattoo won't be enough.
I'm gonna go green/yellow paint a fire extinguisher...

really, I can't articulate how exciting...    fun watching with my mom & rick..
and, true story:  they were down a couple points, and I said in panic to my mom

"we don't have our shirts on!"

and we quick, both went and put our shirts on.   -and "THEY WON!"


MY CHARLIE ROSE IS BACK. "Thank You Jesus!"   xoxo

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Mom~mosa. (me!)~mosa. and hostess cupcakes.

honey, the sign said, $5 bottomless mimosas
I said with a smile to my mom
"you know what that pairs well with..   write..

..and I intend to eat the whole thing.    /for breakfast.



Attention Documentary Filmmakers: from (me!) sandra, tvgp

having recently watched, and thoroughly enjoyed the documentary on PBS of Dr Maya Angelou's life..    got me thinkin' again

how much the world needs THIS DOCUMENTARY

  -and there's so much more...   

"this is the day the Lord has made..   and I re-Joyce in it!"


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

awake! aware! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and so yes, there was a notable, experiential change.. when I graduated from just having thoughts; to observing my own thoughts and weighing them against God's word, and keeping or deleting them accordingly.

and, there was a notable, experiential change, when I went from being unconsciously manipulated/influenced by   [variable here]

influenced by people older, with intention to manipulate
by advertisements/commercials
by peer pressure
by substances
by culture
by insecurities, fears, movies, music...

and then became aware and awake to how these things were influencing/manipulating me..

significant milestones. 


and lets revisit the greatest gap   -between the intention of a law, and the result,   -on two other occasions

the intention of the law was to protect women against sexism and sexual harrassment in the workplace.  one of the actual results I witnessed was women entrapping men for financial gain.  setting up the sexual harassment case, with the very intention of winning money in court.

-made me so heart sick for the genuine victims...   

solution?    I don't pretend to know.

and, then we have the war against drugs, with its obvious noble intentions..

but then the RESULT..  is an increase in sex-trade/human trafficking..

because if you get pulled over with drugs in your car    -evidence; jail.

but if you get pulled over with teenagers in your car..

harder to prove you are using them as prostitutes.

solution?   I don't pretend to know.

all I do know, is that there sure is a counterproductive result from very well intentioned laws we pass.

and it is that gap  -between intention and result, that speaks to why I always have been, am now, and will always be

pro-choice when it comes to the issue of abortions.

because while the intention of a law against abortions might be noble, the result is:

increase in suicides
increase in self inflicted abortions; which can go very wrong
increase in black market abortions

and I am grateful to learn, that without a no-choice law on the books, abortions have been on the decrease in general.


and, does anyone see why..     see the correlation between the old testament   -law based

and the new testament..   

because God himself saw that while the laws were well intended...

the results?!

seems like a fair analogy.

IN Jesus loving, merciful, true and trustworthy name...   amen!


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

let's review -san leandro. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

k.  I really wanted two pictures side by side to show you, visually, what it was like..

I will describe instead:   as, it is true that for years,  post kidnap/rape, I lived, worked, played, danced, healed, etc.  in san leandro.

[picture of somewhere in san leandro here, place 4 or 5 pieces of vellum over it]

and, it was not until I got away, that I realized    

[picture of Pleasanton; no vellum]

i had been in a fog..    like I could see everything; yes..    but it was not until things became clearer, that I realized there were...  layers.

and i came to love Pleasanton very much.   and feel safe.   and built a life..     and worked, and married, and had children..  and raised children..  and made friends..  and created things..  on and on..

and during those years, even when i drove past san leandro on the freeway..    a weight would visit my spirit; light and temporary; but there was never not a change/shift in me..

i could feel it.    look forward to it passing..  and returning to Pleasanton.


some years later..   my mom and her husband, who had left Hayward for Patterson, then left Patterson for

-san leandro.

i experienced a sense of betrayal...    what a set back...

and when i did visit, the weight that was light and temporary as i passed san leandro on the freeway.. that darkness became very heavy and lingered..

symptoms of my PTSD would return.  

so, what we worked out between us, my mom and i, is that she would visit me, and her grandchildren, in Pleasanton, and that i just would not come to san leandro

and i think this was pretty good for the most part, but as my mom hosted the thanksgivings dinner in san leandro..    the entire family, including my sister, her kids, and my ex-husband, and my children..

everyone went but me.

thanksgivings were difficult, but..    for me..     having one awkward day, vs. an ongoing dark weight that lingered and threatened the progress i had made

made it easy.

but as time passed..  i could feel..    a different weight.    a weight of guilt, i suppose, for not going..

i would return to the pros and cons of going vs. not going; and not go.

Jesus understood.


the turning point, was when i went to san leandro for an entirely different reason...     -to help a friend of my daughters who was having issues with drugs, and landed himself in the junior/youth jail there.  -juvenile hall.

now, God spoke to me..  or put it on my heart..  however you want to understand/process it, but my thinking was as follows:

how is it that i can get myself to san leandro for THIS (person i don't know well.. and who has betrayed my trust and broke the law..)   -how/why for him

and not for my mom, who has been there for me for my entire life..   /and the list of caretaking, help, meals, birthday parties, family gatherings, fudge dishes, hugs, cards, love, support...  on and on..

and i decided on that day..   i was gonna get myself over to visit my mom in san leandro, and not have her always coming to Pleasanton.

and..     when i did go visit..     oh!     -my daughter is my witness!   a man.. a serpent..  literally!

anyway..   the dark weight arrived.. lingered..     and reignited some PTSD symptoms..

"which is what ive been trying to tell everyone!  it is not F'ing worth it!"

but..   it did not linger, linger, and get worse or more severe..

it let up after a number of days.  not weeks or months..

           -a good sign.

and i felt pretty determined to conquer..

and, started returning to my mom's for thanksgiving dinners, and coming over for visits on my days off, and attending her annual cookie parties again..   etc. etc.

and there was no dark weight; no lingering sense of anything negative..  it all started to subside.

 but i sure was restricting myself to driving straight to my mom's house.  and straight back to Pleasanton.


fast forward to now.   -as in, now i live here.   i am living with my mom and her husband in san leandro

and how can i describe?

now, ive said it before and will say it again.   traumatic memories cannot be erased, but they can be diluted

the more diluted the better. 

the more diluted, the i am better.

now places i would have avoided are demanding i come revisit.     -and to experience the same places with a certain indifference in my heart/mind/spirit..

it is a gift.

even though the threats then, and in fact, the threats now were and are; real..

the only way to describe it, is if you have been a young child who was really scared on a ride at Disney land  

but when you are older and you return to the same ride..   you see how it wasn't real.. and it doesn't scare you anymore..

the internal sensation is similar; the experience is similar.   but i was not afraid of something pretend; and intended to scare me

i met evil, scary for real.

and real evil, and real scary people are still out there..

but i am not afraid.  i am not preoccupied with the concern..

anytime  -anything-   wants to start preoccupying my mind, i am able, via prayer, to halt it.

my mind has healed enough to do so..

that muscle was broken and inoperable for a long time.


today.  on this very day, earlier while i was at the local CVS to buy jelly beans for my mom..

the man in front of me asked me what my tattoo stood for

i said with a smile, "it means conquer the world with kindness."

and then he told me about the tattoo on his foot, which, translated means

"Trust no one."

and he told me he lost all trust in humanity.

"but you trust Jesus..    write.."   i said to him, still smiling.

and, yes..   he said he only trusted Jesus.

and i told him i understood, and we parted ways after the cash register.


and i thought about that for a bit..

if i told that man..   if i were to bullet point

* kidnap/rape
* kidnap/rape
* armed robbery
*abusive alcoholics
*lyin'/cheatin' boyfriends
* assholes/idiots/unevolved humans with superiority complexes

he might be surprised that i can trust anyone.   that i can still talk to strangers.


since he said he trusts Jesus...   that means he must know Jesus..

and so maybe, he is not surprised at all.


from a very deep, very dark pit i have been rescued and restored.

"Thank You! Jesus"          every family, friend, and trustworthy acquaintance.


First World Problems ... as contemplated by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the pastor used the phrase this past sunday,   but my co-worker friend, a beautiful, young 20~something, uses the phrase with great frequency

"i know.  its a first world problem."    and dismisses any upset/concern for any given problem because relative to third world problems..  

nothing really is a problem.


I'm uneasy with it..  still wrestling...    because while it is true..   to some degree.   all things being relative..

well, I don't have it worked out.   I think perspective is healthy..     and not whining over a bad grade, or cold, or inability to find a hotel room..

none of it is terrible when you set it next to problems like,  next meal? any medical care at all? and not a problem with air conditioning in a house

but the problem of no shelter at all.


still..   not sure we should so easily dismiss everything..   marginalize what is troubling/bothering us because its not at the crisis level of third world countries.

but I'm not sure..

and, as if divinely choreographed:   write about the time I was wrestling with these thoughts, I heard a young girl on her I-phone telling whoever was on the other end

"i couldn't stop crying...   she ruined my whole eyebrow."

and I don't know where she went for her wax or thread, or dye..   or who destroyed the shape/color of her precious eyebrow for what amount of money

but I sure did want to let her in on the new awareness; the new catch phrase..

offer her some perspective...

and a Kleenex.

and an eyebrow pencil...

and console her all the way back to her Mercedes...  


In Jesus, was born in a manger and traveled by donkey..   's name...   amen.


addendum:   -because I discussed this more with vanessa..   and she said someone said to her, some time ago

not allowing yourself to be sad, because someone else is more sad
is like not allowing yourself to be happy, because someone else is happier.

     -I like that.

yes. AGAIN. (me!) sandra, tvgp

thoughts on thoughts.

  -the name/vocabulary for the part of us, that allows us to observe our own thoughts.   change them.  or hold them captive, as the bible suggests..

this practice I have been in for some time:    I hold my thoughts captive...   put them through the holy filter..    throw out what I know to be negative/ugly/untrue

and keep what I know to be true, wise, productive, helpful..

the specific part of us that can observe our own thoughts; judge them..   delete, change or meditate on them..
discard or honor them..   question or answer...

what is that part of us called?    "I"   ?

I had a thought.   I observed that I had a thought..


the mind is the battlefield.   the heart is the trophy.    thoughts are weapons.   

                         our heart can use our mind to keep secret truths from others

but our minds cannot use our heart.

There is an internal heirarchy.

where is that place exactly? ...inside us...   that knows/recognizes our truth

Origins?  From eternal truth...

more later..

IJN.  amen.

tag line by (me!) sandra, tvgp

just made me smile to see the tag line I created for alden lane nursery used on a coupon promotion that was mailed to 1,000's of homes.   I think its an important & inspiring message:

plant friendship * harvest joy * yield miracles

and like that each two word pair have two meanings.  it took me some time playing until landing..

            plant friendship, where plant is a noun or an idea.   -harvest as a thing to do/ or experience.  yield as a value, or instruction...       and it all relates to actual gardens/nurseries; and to relationships between people/plants; and people to people to life...

"thank you cyndee!"

In Jesus garden~lovin' name...     amen!

what a weight lifted! for (me!) sandra, tvgp

when, in prayer, I said..    I have to stop worrying about the results; or organizing.  I cannot be burdened with organizing what ive written, or will write..   

i'll just do the writing.


and a memory surfaced; as they do..   in unorganized fashion:   how I cried to Jesus..  cry~talked..  saying, "i want to feel safe...  I want to feel safe...   I want to feel safe..."   and then, it turned from crying to anger..   I said, "i don't want to FEEL safe Jesus



anyway..   I must edit.  as I have been for some time..    I edit, because I learned this truth when I was volunteering for the tri valley haven

how, the men who were abusing their girlfriends, wives, children...    sending them in need for shelter and protection

the men who were caught, turned in..      the ones who were  -sentenced- to anger management classes, and had to attend, and had to prove with a certificate of some sort, that they attended..

well, to the outside world, and perhaps the judge..     that certificate ='d that the abusive individual had made some progress..     had learned/gained some insight into their unlawful, destructive, violent, ugly behavior, and helped them become better men; better individuals

and while I'm sure that IS the aim of such programs..     

the truth behind the seens   -as shared with me by people in the actual know

is that the only thing the abusive men improved at; was how to get away with the same behavior but without getting caught.

                  -that's write.   they were required by law, to take anger management classes, that ultimately served to help them become more skillful abusers

improve their craft.

sad, sad, but true.  

and the bible passage this brings to mind for me, is the one about ideas landing on different types of soil..

because, if we apply the analogy of soil as mind/heart/soul..

perhaps on the write soil..    of a man who was capable of feeling remorse, capable of seeing the consequences of his abusive behavior on others..     on the write soil, such a man might look to the origins of this behavior..   and try and correct and improve, and make apologies, and apply lessons, and learn to respect...  etc., etc.

but the soil of a percentage (what % I don't know) of the men attending these classes, was not write.  the soil itself was corrupt..   so they listened, but only heard, what caused them to get caught..   and if they did this, instead of that..

they could still abuse; control with fear; etc...   but!   without getting caught.    and now they have a certificate to show everyone they graduated.


so, I just realize over and over...     intentions vs. actual results.   and how important.. the soil; the roots..   and how important it is to assess    -RESULTS.

ive said it before, and worth mentioning..  it is to me the greatest gap..   not the haves & have nots; not the poor vs. wealthy, or educated vs. uneducated..

the greatest gap is between the intention of a law; and the results...

there is such a long list of  -intended this, but got that..

and boy are we slow to assess, and repair...


so, of course, as I am, as I have described, on a spiritual trek, in a spiritual land mine..   traumatic memories &nbsnbsp;  -not buried, but which were resting on the ground

they are floating up..    nearer the surface; easy to reach

and cerebral hyperlinks that I might pass over in different environments, demand to be clicked on

so, I think I will demonstrate how this works, by doing just that.   and you can choose to click or not.

I was at mt eden high school in Hayward this past sunday, because Melissa was performing in her church's band there

 [I'm not hyperlinking 'mt eden' because there are hundreds of potential links/no time..]

and before I can write another word, I want to say
           -MUCH BETTER visiting mt eden, for church on a sunday, at age 51, than when I was a freshman there at age 15..

"Thank You! Jesus.."

anyway.. wonderful, wonderful...   

and the message was primarily from the story in the bible about  -loving your neighbor, and then..

who is your neighbor..

and then the story about the man who was robbed,

because -mind travel for (me!) sandra, tvgp


anytime some talks about robbery..    well, usually robbery is about money.  or something to sell for money..

I do not condone; justify.. but, I do understand.  I can wrap my mind around the idea of someone being desperate, or on drugs, or overwhelmed by peer pressure, or some combination of all of those, and who does not hold their thoughts captive, but takes them serious, and then ends up robbing for money or valuable that can be sold for money.  I can see how that happens.

I cannot understand how a person ...   broke into our home; stole me from my room; violated my body and ... left.

he was not out for money, or valuables..     not like, human trafficking, where the human is sold for money..

and I can spend more time than I will admit, curious about that..     what set of circumstances leads a human being to kidnap/rape a young child, where no financial gain is an objective.

and I think about most all the men I know in my life, my dad, my brother, my male cousins, my male co-workers, school peers... boyfriends..          all the males..     

and I cant think of one of them... not one, who even if he was down, down, down on his luck, and/or on drugs..     I cant think of one male ive encountered in day to day life...   capable

but there was no financial gain involved when I was kidnapped/raped at 6,  16, or 17 either..

although I do remember the lakeside rapist took cash from my wallet too..       -why not, just the cash?


I would love if an expert..   

because to research it myself..   as you know,  an online research would generate an avalanche of information/opinions/advertisements...     rabbit hole.

but as it is 2017, and surely to our good God, we've learned..

I wonder if anyone could explain it in a way, that   -while I would never condone/justify..   

will I ever  understand?

and like the anger management classes..                 are there ways we can teach? that don't just provide an opportunity , a school, for kidnappers/rapist to become better at their evil craft?

and, when I write about PTSD..     I have to edit  -for exactly that reason..    sometimes it helps victim survivors.. sometimes it is used to elevate the craft of evil-doers


the mind/heart/spirit..   it matters what soil the seed lands on.

so, naturally..  

we have to look closer at soil.         origins of soil...

very important story in the bible..   seed landing on different soil...

Monday, March 20, 2017

the difference a day makes. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Sunday, March 19, 2017

-do the math- by (me!) sandra, tvgp

on Friday a man insisted I watch him show off how much power he held over his little dog.

"Sit!" he commanded.   And the dog sat.

on Saturday, a man invited me to witness the result of the love he poured into his big dog.

"Sit."  he said.   And the dog sat.

on Sunday, both dog owners (2), died. (-2)

only one dog was sad.

-do the math-

The Heart Seen...

I love these so! "thank you!" xoxo

by (squidmann!)

by (squidmann!)

by (carla graci!)


dear anyone/everyone in the field of psychology.  how may I be succinct?  there is no reason for me to point out a specific university; a specific study; a specific group or person.   you know the pattern. we all do.  it goes something like this:

we told a group of people we were doing this experiment   [experiment described]

but we were really doing this experiment [described] and only told them we were doing [that experiment] so we would learn...    the truth!

..  and it turns out...

people will consume less chocolate if you change the candy bar color to blue, and make the packaging brown.


now I know, appreciate and understand, that getting to the truth sometimes requires non-truths on the journey.  I get that.   ends justifies the means, and all that..

but I would caution, that when you have decades of an entire field of study, and its "scholars" and "professionals"  utterly immersed in practices of deceit in the name of finding truth

what you end up with, is entire populations of people unable to trust you, or take you serious, at all.

unless what you are doing is really helping humanity move forward and evolve; and improve in health and well-being

cut it out.

here are some of the problems facing humanity today:

human trafficking.
elderly abuse.
road rage.
domestic violence.
violence in general.
hate crimes.
PTSD which results from all of the above; and natural disasters.


I could go on, but..   those represent the short list.

and as I have pointed out, once or twice..

genuine humanitarians are our most evolved human~beings     -they should be studied in great depth, and taught..   and shared and celebrated and researched!

try and get to the bottom and the truth of this:  how does a human being, in this world (described in short list above) become

   -against all odds, suggestion, cultural common-sense, survival instinct, and without financial reward or fame dangled..

how does a human being become a genuine humanitarian?   

and unless you are addressing a real problem/crisis facing humanity today,

or helping hurting/selfish/stuck people evolve

if your God given gifts/talents/time/energy are devoted to deceiving individuals/groups so you can make amazing discoveries like people wont consume as much chocolate if its tinted blue

then you are contributing to the problem; not the solution.

IN Jesus, did not deceive in order to help humanity,    's   name.   amen!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

inside the garden store; sweetest little heart shape...        and I find when they are just a little lopsided it adds to their charm.        amen.

Friday, March 17, 2017


-never woulda guessed...   but I am on the same page with Donald trump when it comes to decisions regarding vaccinations..

that is to say, that, if what ive read is true, trump had his child vaccinated, but not on the same time table as recommended by healthcare professionals.   -that, he too, had concerns about the side effects/consequences of vaccination overload

and there are ongoing arguments where highly respected healthcare professionals say they have proven no link between vaccination overload and autism,

and parents, and others who..   are not as convinced.    -count (me!) among them.

but I don't mind sharing my thinking/limited knowledge/understanding, and wouldn't change my mind if I were faced with the decision again today

my understanding about vaccinations is this:   they help!   like, polio...   claiming lives...  and vaccination discovered, and   -polio has nearly,  vanished.   that is awesome!

now we have a formula for success!      vaccination = immunization from..  way to prevent

that's beautiful!

so let's get more and more and more and more!

next,   we must factor in, my understanding/belief that HOW this works, is

a small version, of the larger/more threatening virus is introduced into the body, and teaches the body to fight off the potential larger threat later..  /something like that..

if I have that wrong...  ?   

and now factor in...    a wave, a significant increase in autism related cases   {fill in dates here/facts/figures   -no one doubts we went from a few to a lot!  and still have no explanation..  only we keep being reassured it has nothing to do with vaccinations...

but there is also a correlation between the increase in the wonderful list of vaccinations we give at one time, and the increase in autism related issues..

perhaps that is all just coincidence.

now, from my way of thinking   -as a non-trained health professional, but as a loving, caring, new mom..

if we don't know...

I'm going to lean in the direction of not overloading on the vaccines.

I'm not going to choose none...  I understand they work, they are helpful in preventing..

but, when I consider any small amount of a living or dead virus being introduced into the tiny, new body of a new human being...

just now learning to fight..

and at one time, they had one or two vaccines...

and then, three or four...

and then,   five, six, seven...   eight.

how many different types of small amounts added together... 

it seems we are requiring too much fight response from a young human body.. at one time. and the mix of ... to fight this and potentially that..  plus this and that too...

and if it is all perfectly safe...   

why is there any separation at all?     how did they determine we give all these, this month,

and these on down the road..  

trial and error; yes?

so, I am not a no vaccines at all parent..

I am a  -lets not overload new human beings-   parent.

and, for the professional healthcare people who insist there is no risk..

what is the number? of vaccines that ='s a cutoff?

if we discover even more vaccines..      so, let's say write now we can provide for polio, chicken pox..  /whatever the current list is.. 

place it here:

let's pretend (I don't have time to research..)   there are 7.

and, now, let's say, we discover 7 more!    

do you give an infant/toddler/youth...    all 14 at once?  if there are  20?

yes or no.  why or why not?   how is the decision made?


what are the consequences/benefits of all vaccines given at once   vs.   provided over a period of months/years...


tucked also in my mind...     how $$ influences decisions in healthcare industry.   they haven't exactly earned our trust...

tucked also in my mind..

oh!  getting the flu shot was the most important thing in the world for everyone!  write now!  and you need this much.

/until, they ran low..

and suddenly all the marketing leaned toward..

well, it was not that important..     you could get a different strain anyway...

if we give you a portion,   a 1/2...     all you need is 1/2 anyway...

 /so, if we only needed 1/2 to begin with...   why more in the first place?

everything is fiction.       

if you follow even 6 threads in the healthcare/pharmaceutical industries you will learn:

very hard to trust.    some lives are saved/some great leaps are made/some health is restored; some cures are found; greed is prevalent/highly influential; corruption is not uncommon...

but you sure cant take one or the other for granted..   you have to peel back layers, every time..


oh!  the ongoing treasure hunt for truth...

In Jesus name,   amen!


with limited research you can learn:    -how vaccines work:

Vaccines work by creating a miniature immune response in the body

Vaccines are like a training course for the immune system. They prepare the body to fight disease without exposing it to disease symptoms. When foreign invaders such as bacteria or viruses enter the body, immune cells called lymphocytes respond by producing antibodies, which are protein molecules.

Vaccines are like a training course for the immune system. They prepare the body to fight disease without exposing it to disease symptoms.


all arguments/concerns regarding autism put completely to the side for a moment:

it still seems to me, that asking a young developing body to fight several things at once is not a good idea..

that if each vaccine is creating its own miniature immune response,  that's demanding a young developing  body to manage several different miniature responses at once..     and if you add a miniature response to this + a miniature response to that + and a miniature response over here + a miniature response there...       suddenly the word "miniature" doesn't apply anymore

if we want to describe/look at vaccines as training the immune system..   then, if you are giving several vaccines at once; that is over-training, which is counterproductive


I believe in, recognize, support  -celebrate! appreciate the success of vaccines/immunizations..

but for me personally,   -I have great concern when it comes to multiple vaccines given to an infant/toddler/youth at once

and can't understand why/what would be the issue with spreading them out over a given/longer time period so that the body would not have to manage several miniature responses at once

Happy St Patricks Day! from (me!) sandra, tvgp

may you be awake to your LUCK & BLESSINGS

Thursday, March 16, 2017

ADD ANOTHER BULLSHIT ARTIST by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-forgive me Jesus if the word is offensive; it is certainly the most accurate, and I need to use it at liberty to make my case.

because at least internally, I do find myself thinking, and occasionally saying out loud   -like, I cant believe the amount of bullshit you have to wade through in day to day life..   my God!

bullshit brochures; bullshit advertisements; bullshit articles; bullshit deals; bullshit conversations.. bullshit spam..  bullshit politics..       too long a list.

and let me say this, confess this before I write any further   -in defense of bullshit artists:

"it works!"

like, I realize, and surrender to the fact, that it gets results.    I wont argue that..

but I want to pose the question:   while it is true, that bullshit works

and that it is true that it currently is:  "just the way it is."

my question is...  " yes. but do you want it to stay that way?"

   -and do you want more bullshit all the time...  should we just go ahead and provide academic teachings, and make it a college degree you can earn and proudly hang on the wall

Masters in BULLSHIT

p.h.D in BS              -no, BS in BS...           it is so celebrated in this culture..

because the part I don't think people realize, is that   IT IS A CHOICE.   bullshit is a cultural practice, and culture is..   malleable.



the fact that it works, receives positive reinforcement, is encouraged and rewarded

those things mentioned above are exactly what contribute to the increase in this behavior,

and guess what...

can be applied to increase different behaviors/cultural practices also.    YOU CHOOSE!


here is the sentence, exactly as it appears in an article I read about  -negotiating.   that got me all

"YES..   AND I LIVE IN THE WAKE OF LIARS/PANDERERS/BS ARTISTS LIKE YOU and it makes my life very difficult..."

the sentence was in parenthesis like this:

     (to be honest, I can't really tell whether the child has her mother's eyes.  I'm just trying to pander to him; I'm about to make my move.)

and doesn't that sound not so bad; and pretty common place..


the wake it creates is this:

every single conversation you have from that point forward is tainted.   you cant hear anyone say anything without questioning motive

          -what do you want from me?   you are setting me up/warming me up for what?

it is sincerity's nemesis.


I am among the people, who sincerely like to get to know people...    and who compliment others with great regularity, but it is not for gain.

although, I can tell you...            I seem very suspicious in this culture..


I think its just yucky; this cultural climate..    

   -take the temperature of any conversation..

i'm gonna bs you about this; so I can get that..

now i'm on the receiving end of what must be bs   (its all I know)...    so, what do you want from me...


I will close with two thoughts:

I think this is why God says,   -seek first my face/not my hand..            and can read hearts/minds.. 

       see Hebrews 4:12

its communicated so poetically in the Bible, but in crude current terms,  it can be translated to say,

    God can cut write through your bullshit and get to the truth.

/what a full-time job this becomes for the rest of us.


President Obama received so much criticism for not socializing more..   having those politicians over for dinners, and chats..   to create relationships and win them over..

it is my opinion, that President Obama just had a particularly low tolerance for bullshit; that's all.

while others seem to like to swim, and drown in it..

In Jesus,    -bs is not a fruit of the spirit     's   name,   -amen!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

DONT'S & DO'S by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I don't know how to build a TV, but I do know how to watch one.

I don't know how to build a plane, but I do know how to be a passenger.

I don't know how to build a camera, but I do know how to take a picture.

I don't know how to build a computer, but I do know how to use one.

I don't know how to create a human heart, but I do know how to love.

I don't know how to create a God, but I do know how to pray.

I don't know how to so love the world, but I do know how to believe.

and I don't know how the spiritual world works..  but I do know how to connect.


In Jesus is the way, the truth, the life..   's   name.   amen!

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

prelude to my book cover... (me!) sandra, tvgp

have I shared this story before?  this is from .. early 2000 something..   and, i had my daughter take my picture holding the sign, and then i added the word bubble.   and i thought it was hilarious..   and my plan..   my plan was to send just this to a number of literary agents.    and i was going to try and place it as an add..    see if it drew any attention..  but then i saw the cost of advertisements..

anyway..  when i posted this originally on my blog..   Kathy cordova was the only person i remember who told me, she spit out her coffee she thought it was so funny

ive loved her ever since.

and, it never succeeded in bringing a literary agent my way, but i did like it very much.. as in, i liked the layout in general

and that is how the cover of my book:

eat, write & exercise

was created:

eat, write & exercise

"winner!" new york caption contest by (me!) sandra, tvgp

how many times has this happen to (me!)..   


but, anyway..  "thank you!"  dad    -finally received my new Yorker magazine; very excited!  taryn too..  and yesterday during my 10 minute break

don't you know I spent the first couple minutes eating cake, and the rest..   coming up with ideas for the caption contest.   if the ratio remains the same,  I need approx. 10/15 minutes for every one minute it takes taryn

and I played with the idea of...    relating it to digging to China;  and played with the idea of accidentally time traveling write back to the same time..          and played with the idea of..   if you dig deep enough you find meaning..   played with the man-cave & docents idea...

and it felt like I was on the write track, but nothing was registering as "that's it!"

until this morning!


and, just like before..   first I summoned my team.  I forgot to do that yesterday, so this morning
 [after prayers/meditations] I sat the magazine back on my lap, and I said,

maya, maya, maya. robin, robin, robin, ogden, ogden, ogden,  ray. ray. ray.  Russell Russell, russell

            \maya angelou. robin Williams. ogden nash. ray orrock. Russell crowe    for those of you who don't already know,

and then, I also threw in, Stephen Colbert.. and whoever is on his writing staff..

and I telepathically requested their help and assistance.    May I remind you here, that Dr Maya Angelou used to

well, she never walked out on stage to give a talk or performance without saying 'come with me'

   -so, i'm in very good company, communicating telepathically with spirits

and for fellow believers;  this IS how the idea arrived

and for you boring skeptic/realists; lacking imagination, stuck in the physical world types     -I guess I projected/self generated an idea which somehow occurred to me, not randomly but quite predictably, if you can follow the series of events from pre- big bang to march 14, 2017


they told me..   to see the man in the cave..  to focus on the way his arms were folded; like he is refusing to do something

and then, yes.. I see!    like a kid refusing..

and then they asked me..    what would he be refusing to do?

and then, I was like..

where's a pen?    where's a pen?!

and I wrote:

"NO. I will not stand. I will not shave. I will never wear a shirt and tie!"

       /mine are usually too wordy, but

I'm pretty sure i heard them applauding ... 

and so, quick..   I went online to submit my winning caption.

k. wait..   first I have to ..   and then... over here..
   and then link my subscription..      email..  password...

okay.. k..  click here. verify that..    return over here..   find the cartoon..


hey    -why can't I find..   where is?!     

and it was then.

it was then.  -and not until then-       -not-, may I point out, was it yesterday during my break.   or when the magazine first arrived to my new address

it was not until then, where then ='s after I summoned my spiritual team, and after i came up with the winning caption, and after I excitedly linked my subscription, and after I could not find the cartoon for which I collaborated with my spiritual team to submit the winning caption

that I finally thought..   or rather, was forced!

to read the instruction/rules/guidelines above the cartoon that read

                blah, blah...  Caption submissions for this week's cartoon, by Mick Stevens, must be received by Sunday, March 12th.   

and I looked in the lower write corner of my laptop and it says:   3/14/2017.

and then..

I felt smiles and heard some light~hearted giggles from maya, robin, ogden, ray, russell, Colbert and his writers..

             -now that,   they all said..     that was funny.


In Jesus, blessed are those with a good sense of humor        's    name..    amen!

/if we could amend the sermon on the mount, in the same way we can amend the constitution it would include that..


too many to count, but a couple stand-outs   -there was the time I read the cathedral by Raymond carver, and pre-planned what I was going to wear when I met him...    /and  -then-  where then ='s after I chose my dress and perfume..     then I read:   may 25 1938 - august 2 1988.


and there was the time I tried to meet Jeanette walls...    and I did the read the ticket! I did!   but...


and very, very, recently..   when Alex asked me..  "is that your vehicle in the parking lot?"   and I was like,    "yes"    /all respectful

but internally, like, "duh.. you know that's my jeep..  what a silly question... "

and, but before he said another word it dawned on me..    "oh. this is the day we have to start parking on that other street... isn't it."

and he    -with as much patience as he could muster in the moment, said,  "is there not signs all over the place?"

and in fact, there is..     signs taped here. there. and everywhere...  reminding all employees to start parking on a different street on that day.

and then...   where then ='s after my conversation with alex;   then, my mind traveled back in time, to when I showed up for work, and I thought..  oh! how nice.. look at all these open spots..   I must be early today..


and,   in the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes...

       "can I go deeper?"

because, in double, triple, quadruple fact:    there are signs everywhere!  everyday!   all around each of us

signs and wonders.         ~for those who pay attention and can see.

do I hear an amen in the blogosphere...      

Monday, March 13, 2017

Wants & Needs. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

on good days, all I really want is the reminder that I already have everything I need.

Thank you Jesus! Amen.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Proud & Happy... (writeousmom!)

I do hear, and appreciate the complaints..   how there is so much pressure on the kids these days..  how they can't just politely ask someone to the high school dance anymore..

yes, yes.. its all true.  but..      I think..   I tell my son,   -just be creative okay..    do it write.

and, look!  a wonderful poster, a delicious cookie, with a fun message and..

bonus points!   ROSES...


and now let me share    -what my idea was    

he had mentioned to me how the young lady he wanted to ask,   -how she liked macaroni & cheese, and grilled cheese..    and turkey and cheese..

and so write away I was like,   "oh.. oh!     you can go like,

Cheese will you go with me to the Jr Prom...        /don't you know I think I'm so clever..


I also continue to offer    -if he wants to borrow any of my barone's dance moves..

and he is so polite and respectful with the way he smiles that

  thanks but no thanks     smile..

and just does his own thing.

   -proud and happy mom!                 you know I love you!    xoxo


prelude to red carpet for all us    ~mama~razzi's! & grandma~razzi's:     click, click  "cheers!"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

RESERVED for my autograph from/picture with MARK HADDON

yes.   I am reserving this space:

for a picture of (me!) standing with Mark Haddon, and holding a personally inscribed copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

maybe..   we are at the Golden Gate Theatre! in San Francisco...   and I have an autographed playbill too!

but first...   I must come up with an exceptional reason... exceptional   
[rare/unusually extraordinary/excellent/superior]


[a basis or cause.. statement to justify an action]

so if you want to know what i'll be thinking about while I pray my way to work on 580, and what i'll be dreaming about in between every "welcome"   and "have a nice day" at the cash register...

In Jesus    ~forgive this selfish dreamer            's  name...   amen!

MARK HADDON i still want to meet you! (me!) sandra, tvgp

you bring out my most selfish self.   that is to say, usually..   under less selfish and more altruistic circumstances

upon learning of your success, high demand for autographs, justifiable book tour burn out, on and on, etc., etc.,

under less selfish circumstances..   I would let go entirely of my personal desire to have an autographed  (your own hand, not the machine) copy of curious incident of the dog in the nighttime, and honor you  -as an artist

and if I was a better, less selfish person, than I am, I would know/honor/respect, that you should be spending your time creating;  -or in prelude to..   dreaming/imagining/considering/relaxing...      and not autographing a gazillion books

I know better.   and yet..

well, the desire did leave me for a bit..   subside...     


until...   curious incident of the dog in the nighttime on broadway!

and now,   the whole damn dream is taking (me!) over again..

                                     maybe we could meet in San Francisco...   and then..

and I see my autograph book collection..     so many amazing books..    spectacular authors...

and I plan a place   -of great honor!    on the shelf for my personally inscribed copy of the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime by Mark Haddon

which, does,

for anyone who does not already know..    rank number #1 among my favorite fiction reads of all time.   and Christopher...   my most beloved fiction character.

"Congratulations!"  again, on this creation and    -your success

which, Anne Lamott describes as something artists must recover from..

In Jesus loves a good book  's name,    amen!

P.S. THOUGHTS ON FAME from (mark!)

original post 04/08/2009

one of the greatest novels i've ever read is curious incident of the dog in the night time

and on my list of authors i hope to meet in person: -and for great testimony re: what happens if a piece of your work becomes popular/successful: -and for beautiful art: -and for creative inspiration: and keeping me in complete awe:

Friday, March 10, 2017

Fascinating what some Americans take pride in, isn't it. Says (me!) Sandra, tvgp

THE HEART SEEN by.. (squidmann!)

017 (2) - Copy THIS is a super cool..  awesome.. heart seen contribution..  of a light colored moth (heart shape) resting dirt/green/earthy background

so, when I have time to figure out why picture is not posting correctly...  why the heart cannot yet be seen..

but, "thank you!"  leonard stegmann..       xoxo  ~s.c.

traffic report by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the day before yesterday  -a huge, what was it..   motorhome of the largest kind/size;  smashed and totaled along the side of the road   [sign of the cross]  carry on.

yesterday, a man   -long pants, no shirt, standing in the middle of 580 west, cars zooming by on either side..    he looked as if he was in shock.   [sign of the cross]    -and there was no way to stop and help or you would just cause another crash.    1/4 mile up the freeway, a white car crashed into the cement barrier.   I did take the next exit, call and make sure..  and yes, highway patrol was already responding.    [sign of cross] carry on.

am I exaggerating to say I must see at least one accident everyday..     on this side, or that side of the freeway..     on side roads.. 

and without itemizing the car accidents I myself have been in   -at accidental fault and as the victim of..

and without mentioning the trucks I see towing cars that have obviously been in accidents..

and without bringing attention to the signs on the freeway that read,  "for minor injuries pull off to the side..."

or noting every near miss; reckless driver..

I just wonder

I wonder very, very much where the boundary lies

like, exactly how many people driving cars?  taking how much time to get from here to there? with what ratio of accidents to per person/car/distance..

before we stop the madness.

-just curious.

as God has released me back into the wild..     after nurturing me in a 10 mile radius for many years

and, I see it all with new I-yi-yi's.

so, in my imagination I ask    

and very well aware my commute is significantly shorter/easier than mass numbers of people, but

plug in your own geographic variables:

              I'm only trying to figure out the boundary  -at what point the cost outweighs the benefits

so let's pretend:

at one time it took 20 minutes to get from place A to place B.   few cars..  accidents very rare.
             same route,  now takes 30 minutes; more cars, accidents more frequent
             same route  starts to take 45 minutes; more cars, accidents more frequent; more severe
            same route begins to take 1 hour; even more cars, accidents common; some fatal
             same route, 1 hour and 15 minutes, even more cars/trucks/motorcycles; accidents daily; severe; fatalities frequent..

-this is in fact the scenario for a lot of people commuting today, who have been commuting for years.  it continues to get worse; not better

and I just wonder,   -for myself, and for everyone   -the boundary?  or as Gladwell might say,  -the tipping point

and, I want to say a big public "thank you!" to KLOVE, KBLX, KFOX, KKIQ among others  -and to my daughter for the custom CD's..  and all the musicians who usurp my stress with

"Don't you know, it's gonna be sweat.  (sweat!)
And some tears. And some hard years.
Best believe they'll be hurt.
And some pain.
Expect some rain.
You're gonna make it if you try.
Keep your eye, on the prize.
You can take it.
You might have to work it, but it's gonna be worth it
Don't let em tell you that you dont deserve it.
Don't, let em tell you can't be Anything you wanna be
Don't be deceived
Anything's possible
If, you will just believe
Then you can succeed
It might not be easy
Anything's possible
Sisters and brothers, anything's possible
I know you can... "


and I lip sync, and raise my coffee cup, and dance in my seat..   and slam on my breaks

and[ sign of the cross].. carry on..

and I I-spy my lucky number on license plates..    and thank God for the breath-taking green in the rolling hills, and   -hurry! click my turn signal up once to stop the idiosyncratic BEEP

and wonder if the man in the white truck next to me is    -flirting with me..  the way he is speeding up and slowing down..    or maybe just texting and driving..     

and then pump my breaks to alert the truck behind me going 95mph that everyone is STOPPING...

[sign of cross.] carry on..

In Jesus,  -there must be a better way...    's name,   amen!


my son:  "i don't know that freeway..  880..."

(me!):   "k, 880 is like 580 and 680, only remove 12 inches from each side of each lane. it is very narrow.  and add a thousand more cars, replace the green rolling hills with sound barrier walls..    my shoulders squish up and in whenever I drive on it..   "

and, I shared, during our wonderful, wonderful breakfast visit at Vics Allstar Kitchen in Downtown Pleasanton,  "Thank You!" Vic,

that 880 is the freeway that was directly behind the house I grew up in, in Hayward.   -and how we used to throw..

well, we were young, stupid and had an apple tree in our backyard.

and then    -CH-     that lead to talking about apples in general..  and how exciting it was when my Mom-ma..      my mom's mom, came to visit, and how amazing to see her transform the apples into applesauce and apple pies..

    -they're not just fun red balls to throw at each other? or over the fence...    who knew...

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

SPIRITUAL COUNTERATTACKS.. as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp

what a trick it is; to feel -safe.    that I can experience it at all, based on my life experiences is, in fact, a miracle.  but I do; sometimes..     feel  -safe.

it doesn't mean I am.    true for you too, isn't it.    you can feel safe, and not be safe.  you can feel threatened, when in fact, you are safe.   -none of us -know. 

when I read certain passages in the Bible, which..   I will research for specific passages later..  but there are many..  God has your back..    You are protected...

and upon my eyes crossing and my mind/spirit digesting any passages related to -feeling protected.. 

my mind will play a ...   less than one second..  viewing of Dr Martin Luther Kind being assassinated.

it is not   (me!) conjuring up, working to make happen..   it just pops into my mind.

God didn't protect Dr Martin Luther King..    

and I have to watch him be murdered.   and then, ...

well, this is a type of spiritual warfare isn't it.     designed to make me feel afraid; live in fear again, question God..

but I am not afraid.  I am not living IN fear.   I know God;  God is not a question mark for (me!)

I live with knowledge; not fear.  


the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King..   cemented.   His physical life; ended, as all of our physical lives will end; in one way or another; some shorter some longer..

but he lives on    - he lives on here on earth, in memory..    he lives on, in heaven, eternally.

even death has lost its sting..           -the perishable are made imperishable...

I have learned to keep my faith   -despite any attack against it.    God already has the victory!

God has already won my heart; my soul; my mind..            -for eternity.

I love and trust God.    -doesn't mean the worst (from human life perspective) won't happen..

but it does mean,  -that even if or when the worst does happen..

God's children RISE ABOVE.

hallelujah & amen!


1 Corinthians 15:54-55New American Standard Bible (NASB)
54 But when this [a]perishable will have put on [b]the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in victory. 55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”


PREPARING FOR BATTLE.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

spiritual battle.   I have my armor on!

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.


as I have already written in detail: I will bullet point here

I am engaged in spiritual warfare.  I am on a spiritual trek in a spiritual landmine in San Leandro.

it is my responsibility to revisit tragedies and traumas and great suffering that took place in and around here.  I will honor this responsibility  

without getting stuck; without going spiritually backwards

my single motivation is to demonstrate from what dark/ugly/toxic/damaged/worthless pit, God can still reach his hand..

from what depths; the heights!     from what evil..   good can still come!

from what ashes...  beauty!     from what numb/traumatized state..     joy! love! hope!

when God has a hand in it...   WOW!

and God is love..    and God works through people...

so, it is the LOVE from many people, family, friends and strangers..    which has brought me


San Leandro, California, United States of America   2017.

And exactly because I know my spiritual trek, in this spiritual landmine, has the   -potential- to send me backwards

in addition to putting on my spiritual armor, as described in the Bible..   I have quite consciously re-spent time with friends/family dear to (me!)..

this strengthens! and empowers!..   so, phone or in-person visits with my children, my siblings, my nieces and nephew..   my dad, his wife..    dinner w/Sue Regnier; a lunch with Charlotte Severin; a coffee visit with Catherine Teeter and Carla Graci, lunch with Kathy/David Biondi, a phone call with Mary Re, upcoming visit with Lisa Tiner..     tonight:  live music, dancing, visit with Motown, Lana from BSF, and my fellow dancing circle friends...   I am enormously grateful for my family and these friendships!     whether you realize it or not..   you have strengthened me and empowered me for the battle ahead..   I love you!

and God has me write where he wants me.  I know this.   I am with my mom and her husband.  in a loving home; loving environment..    /spoiled, if I could be so honest...     with love, and meals, and conversation, and warriors games together..   it is a pleasure and gift to wake up here, and return here at the end of a honest days work...                /blocking out commute..

and speaking of work..   alden lane!    -so, in between the loving environment I awake in, and return to:    I am in the most beautiful/wonderful working environment ive ever known..!   I have been working since I was 15 years old..         -nothing tops this!   the people; the place..  

this also strengthens and empowers me for the battle ahead.   I know this.

I feel prepared.   I am prepared.   "Thank You!" to everyone who God works through... to everyone who allows God to work through them...

"Thank You Jesus!"    amen.

FULLY EVOLVED HUMAN BEINGS to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Throughout his life, Edhi emphasised the humanitarian, rather than religious, motivation for his work.
His foundation receives "zakat" (Islamic charity) donations, which he used to help Muslims, Christians and Hindus.
Asked why he helped non-Muslims, he said: "Because my ambulance is more Muslim than you."
He also famously lamented: "People have become educated ... but have yet to become human."

**  above is a copy/paste excerpt from link clicked on from google doodle honoring Abdul Sattar Edhi.      -to my knowledge and memory; this is my first introduction to him..    "Thank You!"

***  it is a springboard to repeat, that for me, humanitarians are our most evolved human~beings.   and springboard to repeat, that while I am Christian, and serve Jesus Christ,  -as my declared Lord and Savior..    

The Fruits of the Spirit are non-denominational.  They are spiritual LAWS, which I define as   -that which applies to ALL OF HUMANITY; not exclusive to specific religions; denominations.

love * joy * peace * patience * kindness * goodness * gentleness * faithfulness * self~control.


my religion is Christianity.  my spiritual walk is in love; with effort to master the fruits of the spirit.


that said,  -I have other criteria for defining our most evolved human~beings.  Humanitarianism is way up there!  and mastery of the fruits of the spirit...     and for me, a fully evolved human~being would be free from any/all addictions; any/all notions of superiority or inferiority

character traits such as honesty/integrity are present.  appreciation for life, beauty, art..   and acceptance/appreciation of our temporary physical existence.. an understanding/appreciation for the gift of suffering and self-sacrifice.   a heart/mind which cannot turn its back, or a blind eye to injustices.   a spirit of generosity.   the ability to forgive self and others.   in word and deed; the desire to help others..      goals for bigger picture.. not self-seeking, but leading/collaborating for greater good of all humanity

and all of that..   using different words/different arrangement is already in the Bible.

In Jesus trustworthy name,   amen!



briefly: it is my personal experience; my interpretation of what has taken place inside of me.  -that I have in fact, been involved and am personally engaged in the sanctification process..    in crude brief language: the purification of my soul/spirit

oh! I feel the same as Dr Maya Angelou, in this way...    she said, I paraphrase here, capture the essence:

 "i make 87 mistakes from between the time my feet hit the floor in the morning..  and when I go to bed at night..  and then I forgive myself, and try and do good again the next day"

and I feel that way too...     so many mistakes; some bigger, some smaller..   but each day is a new day.    and where the sanctification takes place

is that, no matter how many mistakes, or what size

the mistakes I make are from

natural human error.   being tired.   being ignorant.   reaching beyond my areas of experience/knowledge.   not fully exercising/tapping into my experience/knowledge.  lack of understanding.   from things I misunderstood to begin with.  accidents.  miscommunications.  trying to hurry.. this could be a longer list, but

the point.

my heart.  my heart is in the write place.  with great consistency, my heart is in the write place..  my mistakes are not born from a desire to hurt or injure or exploit or manipulate or marginalize or control others, in any way; ever..  

sanctification appears to happen in these steps  /again, crude/brief:

-awareness of when behaviors/decisions are born from insecurities; jealousy; hate; fear; addictions... etc.

-slow, incremental change to behaviors/decisions where the origin is from love and with love and toward love.      and for definitions/understanding of what love is..     I might suggest 1 Corinthians, 13 

where,   love really does conquer all...   ALL that yucky stuff like insecurities, jealousy, hate, fear..

where, perfect love, casts out all fear.

sanctification is such a beautiful experience!   so wonderful..    I recommend a prayer

-for those not yet aware/introduced at all, pray, ...   Please introduce me to this mysterious process..   amen.

for Freshmen:   Thank you..   allow me to keep growing..    into knowing..    amen.

for Graduates:  Thank you!   don't let me go...     -you who have started a great work in me..   carry me to completion..   /see:  Philippians 1:6

Sunday, February 26, 2017

keep it real. a poem for the 21st century. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

real vision planted in the soil of your imaginative mind
water it. nurture it.  but first.. you must find.

i love waking up, "thank you!" Jesus..

my eyes sweep the room, with such gratitude..

pictures of people i love; pretty décor above dresser drawers

books, and beautiful fabric on my bed, pillows, and papers, things people have made
                               people have said

my eyes re-sweep the room, with such gratitude..

sculptures, and lotions, and boxes and phone..
  &nbnbsp;                                     the miracle that i get to call this my home..

for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   


re-sweep, re-sweep this room..   with my eyes,
and something happens

when i sweep ALIVE..    something happens, when my eyes sweep green

-this living, growing, breathing thing..

my life attracts to life, i see    -and the real in life; the mystery!

now, look around yourself and see...

the digital, the material, the real: to be or not to be..       search for life, sweep for green..

go interact with a living thing.  

now stop.


put three buildings side by side.   i'll describe for you what's inside:

in the first one, only things ALIVE!   things that breathe; things that die...

living, growing, breathing things..   the 'real'  the 'true'  that makes heart sing..

in building two  -we part fake you,

with things from a distance, which look alive; but were made, in fact, to deceive your mind

"is that flower   ...    real?"      -what a deal!    but how do you know

until you TOUCH & FEEL..    now imagine yourself in a world, where

nothing actually is; but only looks real.     -how does that make you FEEL?

everything in it collects dust; none of it collects memories you cant always trust

and speaking of the unreliable nature of our memories..   that's the perfect Segway to building three:

building three is empty.

-save that pair of goggles you place on your head..   to enter a virtual world instead

where, now..

when you go to touch and feel..   you're still not sure "what's real?"

immersed in a fine art man-made land; where your real mind is highjacked by a virtual hand

anywhere you want to                  they want you to...

to preprogrammed worlds in..    

brain-game lands.    -where nothing ever really breathes.  nothing really dies

but things in there appear so real; you really laugh and cry        /know what i mean?

-you are not faking your reactions; to the real virtual attractions..

/or are you?

what, where...        is the truth?

for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   


and now, what if you were trapped in building three; stuck with goggles on

virtual world  -upon your death..    the virtual world goes on..

what if you were stuck in building two   -where you are the only living thing?
could the fake silk flowers and rubber trees..    still make a caged bird sing?

i use my imagination to help me see..   i use it; it does not use me..

    ~there is something of the awesome between real living things

~there is more to real, and truth and love, and life and death, for me..

there is something so very miraculous in our very real but faulty memories

and you:


for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   


re-sweep, re-sweep this room..   with my eyes,
and something happens

when i sweep ALIVE..    something happens, when my eyes sweep green

-this living, growing, breathing thing..

my life attracts to life, i see    -and the real in life; trust the mystery!

for a while, you will call earth home.  there is real life and real love; you need to know.



Saturday, February 25, 2017

merve griffin and donald trump.. ? remembers (me!) sandra, tvgp

who can fact check for me?  I woke to this memory..    tiny piece of tv footage, with a long lasting impact

Donald trump..   no. wait..  merve griffin purchased real estate from Donald trump  -years ago.. how many, don't know

but what stands out, is how Donald trump used the public platform to make sure everyone knew, merve griffin paid way too much..    the unspoken message:   -I played you..   you are stupid...  look how much I profited off of you..     and trump kept on bragging..    and merve was put in a position to try and defend..

trump's character was so blatantly ugly; his ego/narcissism...   this whole,  i'm superior and will rub your face in it...  humiliate you in public...    the personal pride and braggadocio from successfully exploiting/manipulating

he takes great pride in screwing people over.

everyday I wake up..    "America...  who?!? have you made President of the United States of America..."

  -the skill set required to be a successful business person    -where success is exclusively defined by financial gain; at sometimes any cost

this skill set, which trump does have in abundance..    fits, I suppose, for the capitalism portion of our identity as a country..

/let me interject here, repeat my personal definition of capitalism:   -it is where the amount of money you make is more important than how you make it.

but, anyway..   that skill set, and the skill set required to be the President of the United States of America are NOT THE SAME. 

that capitalism skill set, isn't a good fit, for the DEMOCRACY, identity of our country..

businesses are most often dictatorships..


there are questions of basic character for me..     /lacking..
there are questions of  -basic communication skills...    when I consider the variety of people/leaders from all around the world, all the different cultures, languages..     and see the communication skill set this particular president has to offer...     /also, severely lacking
decision-making..    when I consider the consequences of some of the decisions that have to be made.. how many people/countries, long term/short term consequences..   the amount of things that SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AND FACTORED IN..    vs., Trumps decision-making skill set..  how much time he spends thinking/consulting/considering/weighing...      when the stakes are so high..

and when the stakes are NOT exclusively financial...

  -also, severely lacking

his ability to listen...    

   -and please..   he is not willing to make transparent where he has businesses/business interests around the globe?  his inability/unwillingness to divest interests during his term...

these emolument concerns are entirely valid...

my vote would be to impeach..       let him continue to thrive in the business arena where he clearly belongs


I am currently lacking knowledge myself,   -speaking of consequences, and factoring things in..

upon his impeachment..   which I view as inevitable;

the result of that...

surely it could not be worse.


In Jesus non-partisan name...    amen!

Friday, February 24, 2017

Thursday, February 23, 2017

pleasanton museum's manual typewriter.. for (me!) sandra, rockstar writer...

  I was there just the other day. popped in to see some of charlotte severin's paintings; took in a wonderful exhibit of paintings, photography, jewelry..  and then had the great   -great! pleasure of typing on this magnificent old manual typewriter.  -now, i'm slightly fixated on the idea of owning one..  so much fun!  and the ink was out, so you couldn't see what I was typing, but my fingers said,

"it's all coming back to me...

anyway, I wont go on and on, like id like to, about the importance of tactile experiences and exercises..   but in short.. I can tell you,  -as we move away from this into our digital/virtual; mind consuming but tactile-deficient world     -well, I do notice it creates a certain longing for; and appreciation of..

anyway..  had a wonderful visit also with three women at the museum; delightful!  Trudy, Cheree, & Beverly    -more on that later,

for now..  this experience made me remember,  -the awe factor the first time I saw my mom type on an  -electric- typewriter..    so fast! like smoke coming up from the keyboard..    I compare it to.. if you saw someone on a tricycle..   and then later, on a Harley..     -stand back man..

and it made me want to pull from my archives the following:


Saturday, July 06, 2013

  ROCK STAR WRITER a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp      

where did you two meet?

and how did you know?

these are two vital questions
when the answer is...  true love.

we met, i say, /with a wink and smile

" a hotel.   -i worked the front desk, and he was there on business."

it's true.

debbie introduced and i was instantly! seduced.

so long and sleek, quiet and shy..
that irristible skin and those tender black i's

this hp is made for (me!)
i when i say that, i mean that  -quite literally

how i love thee, love thee, love thee!
write now! forever! permanently!

yes, i was made for you, and you for (me!)

and when i say that, i mean that   -quite literally

as if,

as if someone measured my individual fingers, my write and left hand
as if someone, a designer, who really understands

who without request, and without demand
put my wildest dream in the palm of my hands

"i love you!"   "i love you!" types both of my hands
i'm a rock star writer, in a poetry band

yes,  i am the keyboard wizard!

i stand like a statue
become part of this machine
feeling all the letters
always typing clean
write by intuition
the blog counters fall
i'm a deaf, dumb and blind girl
but i sure play a mean keyboard...

dun ta da

you are comin' with me 
everywhere i go

from this day forward   -that's all i know

and i still need a monitor
and a computer too

but nothing seems impossible now that i've met you.

you make me feel
like a rock star writer in a poetry band
like my wildest dreams are in the palm of my hands

i'll put a strap on you baby
we'll tour the land

"i love you!"  "i love you!"  types both of my hands.


Thursday, March 05, 2015

ROCKSTAR WRITER as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i think i have a poem by the same name; or very close.  written after my fingers touched a keyboard that seemed immediately custom made for my hands.. the greatest fit ever..  smooth beyond belief. and within that poem i also change the words a little and reference elton johns, pinball wizard song.
I'd give anything if i could attach a device to my brain which would allow me to share with you the music video that plays in my mind when i  hear that song.   i believe such a technology will one day exist because for 1.  the visuals that play in my mind are so vivid and clear and 2. its the exact direction everything is heading; access inside the brains and minds..
like anything and everything else; it will also be used for both good and evil.  and like everything else, it will primarily be used for good; just never exclusively.   <----- afraid.="" condition="" i="" m="" of="" p="" permanent="" this="" world="">
anyway.. allow me here to imagine it, and imagine it used for the good:  what a cool music video plays in my mind!
please play pinball wizard song in the background. it triggers the video; the images.  they never appear without music; nor to any other song.
forgive the ego; i am the star of this particular video.  it starts when i am very young. you see me as a child learning to write on that very large lined tan paper, with red hyphen size lines and thick blue lines which are there to guide children in learning the size of capital letter vs. lower case and to write straight across the page vs. how writing tends to tilt on a blank page.
and so, there i am..  learning to hand-write; awkward at first; gradually improving as all children do.
and you see me writing for school, -but also, more importantly, writing at home; in my own notebook for my own pleasure
-because i can.
and then it speeds through my elementary, middle school, and high school years..  always writing..  school, home..  home, school,  -helping others with their writing assignments..
and the tools change, exactly as they have changed during the course of my life:
pencil to lined paper.
pen to blank paper.
manual typewriter.
electric typewriter.
PC keyboard.
laptop (keyboard attached)
back to detached keyboard; plastic
glass keyboard (i-pad)
to phone..
the tiny glass keyboard you can only two thumb type on.
but i see myself.. no matter where.. school, home, college, work..  writing, writing, writing..
filling shelves worth of journals.. then a big fire where I toss them all in..
new journals..
then articles for the newspapers..  marketing brochures, emails, resumes, poems, short stories... 
during certain parts of the song; especially the opening..
i see myself typing write-handed, left-handed, on a table, behind my back, writing with one hand while the other hand does some other task.  playing the computer keyboard the way the great entertainers play the piano.. standing up, sitting down, hitting keys with my feet, spinning around.. backwards, sideways..    then i strum the keyboard like a guitar..i am a rockstar..and do the big circle gesture with my arm i think peter frampton is famous for..
"...that deaf, dumb and blind girl...
SHE sure plays a mean keyboard...
how do you think SHE does it?   i don't know.  -what makes her so good?
SHE ain't got no distractions, can't hear no buzz or bells.."
/during that part.. i  see myself typing up a storm with my young kids all active around me but i  am oblivious..
"..always gets a replay, -never tilts at all..."
it's like a really cool music video if i  do say so myself.
and me being (me!)..   i can't help but be fascinated with our ability. -that is, the ability within all of us
to have this amazing movie screen in our imaginations entirely separate from the practical outside world; private if we choose
-or manifest into actual movies, music videos, if we want and can..
-this particular song triggers what I've just described
-more and very often, i see entire large dance teams in amazingly choreographed numbers to any given song i might be listening to..
in the real world, you have to first actually choreograph a number.. then practice, then perform
in my imagination all of the prep work has already been done. i just get to see awesome! amazing! fantastic performances by what appear to be the worlds greatest dancers..
of course! i wish you could see them too!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

BOYS to MEN by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and, yes,

so, I was going over in my mind again..   -relationships.

and I was like,

parents/good..  love has only grown.
children/good..  love has only grown.
siblings/good.. love has only grown.
friendships/good..  love has only grown.
neighbors/coworkers/passersby..   good/good/good..

so, what is it about...  romantic relationships?   -spouses?   on/off..   never, good and love grows.. but rather good, great.. good, bad, worse, horrific, get me out of here.

hmmm, what thing separates, distinguishes romantic relationships from all the other ones?  ...there must be something...

OH!  of course...   it's SEX.    all my good, positive and thriving relationships do not involve sex!

SEX is the problem..    well/it's never a problem..

rather, ..  that IS the one thing that distinguishes spousal/romantic relationships from all the other types of relationships in my life that are successful..


obviously, I started to entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship..  'that just doesn't involve sex!'             

but by the time I arrived to my destination and parked, I said to myself

  -that's okay.  I'm fine with a few more breaks in my heart.


In I think I heard Jesus laughing..  's   name.   amen!


speaking of...

i'm going easy on myself..   so, my first two pilgrimage visits here in san leandro, were  #1 Rasputin music    -and, wow! the amount of CD and DVD covers in any given aisle I was able to recognize..

there is a lot of music and images stored in this brain of mine..    but the other thing worth mentioning, to any single people attracted to men..     -forget the church social, or the local bar..    and head to Rasputin..   there were a lot of men in there..

Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right love again...seems like, seems like)
That I'm back in love...again


then, I had to stroll through, the new starbucks, which is in the same lot as Rasputin..   -said a telepathic 'hello' to Russell..    

-this starbucks used to be..   if I am remembering correctly, and that is anybody's guess:  but I believe it was called Doggy Diner (?)    -and, when I was a teenager, I used to have my dad drive me there so I could order a hot dog and coke from ... Russell...     /can't remember last name..   remember blond hair, cute face..   voice.    and I remember my dad making several efforts to explain to me..   in his own words:   don't chase the boys..  let the boys chase you...      but, they were never fast enough, so I would help them out...


also...   did a little stroll through Southland Mall with my beautiful mom..   THE! place to hangout as a teenager growing up in Hayward..     need to re-connect with sue-sue for detail in my vague memories..    maybe I can get a guest visit from mary (gerace) re here in comments..     or my brother...    or sister...

all I would need to do is say...   ~roundtable.

and, the tattoo on my face, matches one of the symbols on the Warriors Chinese New Year inspired jerseys..    which, apparently, with the second symbol in Chinese = Warrior.   But, with just the one symbol, Japanese translation =  courage/bravery..    or, as I like to share:   "conquer the world with kindness."

anyway..  as I love the Warriors, and this particular jersey, I thought.. 

"i'm sorry...   did you just say  ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS...?!?

  -so, just took a picture with it instead.

   and the music/song/lyrics that surfaced here was..   Macklemore

 They be like, Oh, that Gucci NBA... That's hella tight
I'm like, Yo that's fifty dollars ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt
Limited edition, let's do some simple addition
Fifty dollars  ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch (Shit)
I call that getting swindled and pimped (Shit)
I call that getting tricked by a business

  Yes.. this jersey is a~ hella~dope

but..  look at my hardwork, my paycheck..  this jersey is a~hella~nope.


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

ive got a write to be wrong... (me!) sandra, tvgp

from the playlist storage in my mind, the soundtrack for this post directs me to:

joss stone.


rick cahall:  "what year is your jeep again?"

(me!):   "2002"

rick:  "how much did you pay for it?"

(me!):   "well, it goes like this..   way too much.  but the thing is..   my Saturn hybrid barely made it on to the lot for a trade-in..  my prayer was just that I could drive it there, and not have to have it towed; k.   and my credit score was like, 2...     and my negotiation skills  -zero.

and when you add that all together..   you pay a few thousand dollars more than you are supposed to, but that's just the way that ball bounces."


honestly, I was so emotionally exhausted...   sometimes you just have to choose..   not only how to spend your money, but

your energy; your time..     /if more people understood the true cost...

in this case..   I had zero energy, zero time, zero patience, for the bs of going back and forth, and back and forth with numbers written on paper...  let me go see my supervisor...   this is the best I can do... but, no wait.. let me go see again...

such a stupid game.     and, so the very first offer, I said, "sounds great. where do I sign..   get me out of here.."


and I love my jeep blue see.   oh! the gas is killing me..  but, ive never felt safer..  I love being high up, and the windows! such a grand view in every direction..  and the tires! especially in this belated el nino flash flood environment we are currently enduring..  and for the life-threatening commutes..

and, all write..   the air conditioning/heating unit is out..

and.. what a funny idiosyncrasy it has developed:   and how proud I am of myself for figuring out how to..

well, what happen is that it started to beep, beep, beep..   out of nowhere.  and for the life of me, I could not figure out how to get it to "STOP!"   "SHUT UP!"    "TURN OFF!!




  -and I was allowing myself to be quite dangerously distracted by this annoying beep, while I was driving on the freeway..   looking here and there... pressing every button..  trying so hard to get it to "SHUT UP!"

then I kicked into,  -is shutting this noise off, worth crashing  -because that is what is going to happen if you keep..

and I decided to test myself.. to see just how undistracted I could be...    and tried to sing a long to the music, and just ignore...

so, one time, I successfully ignored the beep, beep, beep, all the way from Livermore to San Leandro.

this is also a very important skill set...     so, maybe my negotiation skills are lacking, but..

when it comes to the ability to not let potentially dangerous annoying things/people distract me from the task at hand..

I give myself an A++

[and what is the car salespersons skill set anyway...   mastering the art of taking the most financial advantage of a less skilled/ financially vulnerable fellow human being?    -I would not be proud of that...      but, I'm interested in testing/I'm curious..   like, what is the maximum amount a trained salesperson would let an untrained customer pay; and still maintain good conscience?

-for the record..  they were wonderful/helpful..    my experience positive; I'm only making a few points...


anyway, I don't know how.. it was accidental the way I figured out..

really?!?    that's all I have to do?    serious?

-because it turns out, anytime the beep starts..  if I click the turn signal just one time, up, like I'm about to make a write turn

it stops.

-for at least a couple miles..

and then when it starts again...     one click/write turn...   stop.   like magic!   who knew...  

it was a very exciting discovery I must say.


I haven't figured out why it beeps.  and I haven't figured out how to get it to stop completely.


I am in this pattern now...    anytime the beeping begins: I immediately hit the signal up, like I'm about to make a quick write turn

   -so, if you are among those drivers who happen to be behind me, when the beeping starts

I realize

it must look like i'm about to turn write into a house, or hill, or building, or giant truck..

     "why is her signal on?  you cant turn write here!  there is not even a road...

is she drunk?    is there some hanky~panky going on in that jeep?"

but, no..   when you see the wink of my write red tail blinker light

I am just living in harmony with ...   I am just co~existing with my jeep blue see's idiosyncrasy

and that! is a good skill to have too..    a very important life skill indeed!

can you imagine if we all learned to live with each other's idiosyncrasies instead of trying to fix everything and everyone to death all the time..

   [sparing you my dissertation on the importance of letting steph curry chew on his mouth guard; but let that be one of the lessons]



I process it now, like a neurological stress test of sorts..

because it is one very easy thing, now that I know the secret to temporarily stopping the beeping sound,  -on a clear day, on a beautiful road I have all to myself, with blue skies and no traffic.. and a great song playing..

it is very easy under those circumstances, to hear the beep and immediately click the signal.


after a long, taxing day...  when I'm super tired...   and it is very dark out...   and the rain is pouring down hard; relentless..  and the traffic is thick...   and the only thing on the radio is another annoying commercial..

and then add the BEEP...

and all of that describes my drive home from work last night.  and i'd like to close by saying "Thank You Jesus!"    -and giving myself another  A++.

SHE's making a write turn!   out of nowhere!

hallelujah! & amen!


gotta love these lyrics:
 joss stone..    slight personalization edits, by (me!)..

I've got a write to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
I've got a write to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a write to be wrong

Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to (me!)
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let (me!) be all that I can be
Don't smother (me!) with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for (me!)
I'm going to face it willingly


Monday, February 20, 2017

public "thank you!" to (jacquie williams~courtright!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

when I started at alden lane in june, -one of the first things I learned was that the owner, Jacquie, -well, she herself, bakes these awesome delicious cakes for each employee  -and not just for birthdays, but for the young adults leaving for college..  

and, the goodbyes are made just a little bit easier with a fork-full of deliciousness..

and that is my confession..    when Rachel mentioned she would be leaving for France...   my first reaction was.. ~how much i'm going to miss you..

but quicker than I'm willing to admit, my mind bounced to:  "that means there will be cake!"


and my mom asked me..   if Jacquie made one cake for all the February birthdays, and I had the pleasure of sharing, that no..

she makes a cake for each individual person and birthday AND! you get to pick from a menu.. whatever your favorite is, even special requests..

and, ive got to get myself ready for work write now, so i'll close by saying..   I know my cakes.  and these cakes she makes; that frosting!    -amazing!

"thank you!!"     ~xoxo    sandra

to jennifer lash, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Hi Jennifer,  Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was performed one night only, with permission, at the Firehouse Art Center, a 240 seat theater, during my term as Poet Laureate for Pleasanton, California, on a $500 budget. The response from the audience was a playwrite's dream

"so powerful! Dr Maya Angelou has to see this!"   "Does Oprah know about this..?  "You have to get this on film..."   "i always liked Dr Maya Angelou, but now I LOVE her!"  and, somewhere in my email archives, very positive responses from local book club members who attended the event and who said they were inspired to write rave reviews to Dr Maya Angelou, and Oprah and friends in the industry.

I believe it deserves professional backing, and should be performed again...   and again...   and again, for audiences all around the world, and I do dream of having the opportunity to reunite the 3 woman cast:  Faith Alpher, as Dr Maya Angelou, myself/narrator, and Jessica Reaber, musician, and perform/audition for potential producers, who will see, it has the potential to pack the house of the Royal Albert Hall..   and inspire standing ovations on Broadway...

and, I see you are Director of Music Licensing..   The song I dedicate to Dr Maya Angelou, in Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, is KT Tunstall's song:   Suddenly I See.   -Are the lyrics not perfect!!  Her face came immediately to my mind, and still does, every time I hear that song...  "She's got the power to be, the power to give.. the power to see.. yeah, yeah, yeah"    Of course, I dream KT Tunstall herself could be in the performance

/I am like a professional day~dreamer...       anyway,

That is my dream.  But  -as it is just a dream, I know that regardless, the script itself, should be with Dr Maya Angelou's legacy keepers.   I did mail my original script to what I hope was her office at Wake Forest University, that was in Feb of 2013. Where/with who this ultimately landed, I do not know.

Blessings to you Jennifer Lash,

Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist

Sunday, February 19, 2017

inbetween customers... (me!) sandra, tvgp

"okay... yes, thank you...  you be sure and have a nice day..."


Stephen Colbert:   "...  that was something we didn't know...   and how 'bout foreign languages..  do you speak any other languages?"

(me!):  "Itchi gitchi ya ya da da.  Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choca-lata ya ya.

and, Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir....   "  but that's about it."

Stephen Colbert.. /laughs..     "that's all you need to know... actually...    but do you have any idea what that means..?"

(me!): " no, I can't actually translate; I can only interpretative dance.  actually...   my special skill is being able to speak two different English Languages..

Stephen Colbert:   /lifting only one eyebrow..     "okay..  let's here it..."

(me!):  "well, it is very obvious to me, that intelligence and comedy are two of your God-given gifts..

-that's Christian~ese...

and, then..

it is very obvious, that in the before of some gazillion rotations of the earth ...  when two forces manifested out of nowhere, and happen to collide, despite infinite space,  at the exact speed and gforce necessary for some kind of random big bang to happen that would ultimately create organized universes, galaxies..  and result eventually in human life..    -that, skip, skip, skip to my you...   the entire series of events, made it so that when your parents united...       -that unique set of x's, oh's and y-nots made you somehow highly intelligent, handsome and funny

that's secular~ese."


next customer...   "hi, how are you today...   

to colin johnson, bob hercules, rita coburn whack, caged bird legacy.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am the playwrite of, "Kissin' The Chocolate Blues" an onstage valentine I wrote to properly thank Dr Maya Angelou for the gargantuan ways she influenced my life/my writing; and helped our whole world.

Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was written to share; to entertain; to inspire and to thank..

It shares how I first became enthralled with her work, and set out to meet, get an autograph book and a picture..

this quest becoming its own adventure; several attempts and lasting over 30 years..

I want to share the script; the performance -and make this story available..

it belongs with her legacy keepers..

Please contact me,
Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist

Saturday, February 18, 2017

HYPOCRISY Report Card. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

the list is much longer than I will admit.  but here's two:

 -you know how I like to lightheartedly joke,  -every time something goes wrong, "that's because they didn't ask me first!  -had they asked me.. I could have spared them...  /this or that.."

but these days, I'm like "stop asking me!  I don't want to fill out one more frickin' survey"...   my God, don't you have some clue as to how you're doing?!   -self assess already..  ask a few people...   how much feedback, from how many people, on how many things?

but this is because I can't seem to make a move, order a product online, visit a counter at a store, purchase a product at a kiosk,  eat at a restaurant...    -I can't seem to rent a movie, borrow a book, or send a letter, without my action being followed up with a questionnaire or form to fill out..       it is absolute overkill.

and, very important that I create one myself so I can know how I can improve my blog...


also, I really like his beard.   and i don't get a vote, but if i did, i would vote, keep the beard.  it looks very attractive.

and, but..   if the person with the beard said to me..   i liked your hair..  /whatever.. blond, brunette...     you should keep it that way, it looked very attractive

i would be like,  "well, that's too bad isn't it.  i like it gray."


new page:   highly interested in davis's website, and the entire field of IPM

if i had the time and money i would put down the novel I'm currently reading, quit my job, and read the website full-time

but only to mine for analogies... 

i'll be back to correct/amend..   I'm writing pre-maturely.. but,

really, it's all about learning how to create healthy environments in the natural world... identify pests and insects.. determine whether they are a help or hindrance to a given garden/plant/tree/flower.. farm

whether you should attract, or repel..   or co-exist with given creatures...

which are immediate threats...    which are beneficial..    on and on..

and of course I'm fascinated with the knowledge of how color/aroma can be used to manipulate whether you attract or repel..

or set boundaries..

control populations..

and there are lighthearted conversations at alden lane, where we discuss..   the effect of hormones/pheromones in humans.. how we send these signals, and don't even know..

and, so of course, I'm so curious..  i mean i know how to attract a man.. but, what scent do i need to generate or wear to attract a Christian, loyal, monogamous...   honest, kind, funny...  hard-working.. loving...

    i need to put some copper tape...   around my heart...   and spray something that kills the desires of players/liars..   but attracts...      /and if it weren't for work, these little imagination movies would have no end..

newish page:

all of this is going on in the human population everyday..

and   -as the name itself indicates-   "potter's touch"   "potters house"    -Bishop T.D. Jakes..   

there are lots of teachings where the analogy of a potter and clay are used to describe the relationship between God and his children..

but i am absolutely convinced the best analogy is gardener and garden..    /and didn't it all get started..

God as the ultimate gardener..    we, as plants, flowers, trees..

and God knows, for each individual, the exact amount of air, water, sun, shade, attention, ...   the write soil conditions..   what to use to attract; to create concern/awareness; which things to remove; which to amend..  where to set boundaries..   when to prune, when to let go wild...  indoors/outdoors..  climate/temperature...  hover vs. ignore..   moisture levels...  on and on...

so that each individual can become/realize their full potential..

there are a million analogies!!    but it is when we connect, through prayer/meditation..  that we can heed the information and work in collaboration..

plus..&nbnbsp; mine the Bible for garden references...    its saturated in references to the earth..  gardens.. vineyards..  the natural world..

ive already noted:  sun is to plants; as attention is to humans..  (shade/introverts; sun/performers)

and i'm pretty sure:  money is to humans; as water is to plants...  (overwatering causes...   underwatering causes..)

and i kinda think:   air is analogous to love..   (mandatory for all... and the more pure/fresh the better)

pruning  -getting rid of any unhealthy relationships/counterproductive thinking; conquering addictions..     becoming free from bugs like, fear/insecurities...

and i am entertaining/pondering the idea, that sanctification in humans, is like..   well, the ultimate horticulturist already knows, how much of this &; that...  to reach full potential...

sanctification seems to me..  kinda like, when the perfect amount of everything...   sun/shade; nutrients; pruning..   time/seasons...   care/attention...    weeding..   amending...

when it all combines to bring out the best...


and i will conclude with this:

for me...   this is the single most beautiful house plant I ever have seen..   i mean, it is just spectacular!!   and, in my heart, the desire..

the desire would be to snatch it up and bring it home with me.. and set it..  anywhere..  anywhere my eyes could land on it every morning.. and when i return home from work

but you can't just snatch it up.. and put it anywhere you want.

it has certain environmental requirements if it is expected to thrive..

horticulturists have already learned how much light, how much water, how much space...  what soil..

it wont just grow anywhere.. under any circumstance   /but some plants will!

and so, i thought to myself..  after learning more about this plants specific requirements,

i thought to myself...  i day~dreamed:   if i had the money and time and resources..

 i would design my entire custom built home around the needs of this gorgeous, spectacular house plant...


In Jesus mustard seed is planted in you's name...  amen!

Friday, February 17, 2017

SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTERS of every single be-kind by (me!) sandra, tvgp

with every single encounter between two human beings

  -and it does not matter who

between a shopper and cashier

between a person asking directions and a person answering

between a young and old person

between lovers, between family, between friends, between complete strangers...

pluck any two people from any part of the world. even if they do not speak the same language:

  -with every single encounter between two human beings; there is a spiritual exchange.

it is far more complicated than i'm about to describe, but exactly for simplicity's sake:

person A,  arrives at encounter already feeling either  -good, -bad, -or neutral  depending on their life circumstances

person B, is also already feeling, -good  -bad, or neutral based on their unique circumstances

and if they regard one another even just in passing...    or if they engage in any conversation/communication of any kind, for any length

the status of the state they arrived in..    alters.    sometimes, microscopic in scale, sometimes in big and obvious ways

but no encounter/exchange between two human beings is immune from some level of effect; there is always an impact; a subtle shift; only sometimes it is easily detectable

but -after the encounter

person A and B are either in the same state as they arrived but to a higher or lower degree, or their state has shifted completely, from feeling bad to good, or vice versa..

some people are conscious of this spiritual exchange taking place; many are not.

Dr Maya Angelou, for example, once she was old and mature and evolved enough, -past her turbulent youth,

 she became quite conscious this spiritual exchange was taking place and made it a personal practice to see to it, that anyone who came into her personal sphere would leave in better shape than they arrived.  her presence, her words, her gestures, her expressions

she communicated with everything she had in a way that resulted in others feeling better

about themselves, and the world in general.   people feeling bad, would feel better.  people feeling neutral would feel good, and people already feeling good would, in the aftermath of a Dr Maya Angelou encounter,   -feel like they could take on the world

she lifted the spirits of an incalculable number of people in her lifetime.

even when her intent   -even when she consciously desired to make someone feel worse; she did it with the intention of helping them to evolve..  learn respect, manners, social graces necessary for improving the world

it is well known, upon hearing a racist joke told at a gathering in her home, that she abruptly demanded the person leave

  -there was no apologizing on the spot for redemption

she made sure the impact was felt   -and racist joke telling people had proper time to really think seriously about what they were casually laughing about


as an observer and participator in life, I have a heightened sensitivity to this spiritual exchange taking place  -sometimes in nano-seconds, and sometimes over long visits and conversations

and what a wonderful world it is, when everyone lifts everyone else..

it is a good practice; a good exercise, just to pay attention:

how do you feel  -after-  spending time in (variable person) presence and company?

and perhaps even more important:    how do people feel after spending time with you?


and may I quote here, Bishop T.D. Jakes  "...  can I go deeper?"   -this is more complicated also, than I'm about to make it, but..

when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to make a person feel worse.. it was to help them improve/grow...

there are many people who make other people feel worse, but it is to make themselves feel better/superior..    that is an ugly spiritual exchange, but common

when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to lift your spirits and help you feel better, it was because she knew you underestimated your own value, strengths, contributions..   significance, capabilities

there are many people who make other people feel better, but it is to manipulate for personal gain.  this is also an ugly spiritual exchange, but common.


so for those who want to go a little deeper,

you not only ask yourself,  how do I feel after spending time with so n' so,  -but why?   and, when you set out to make a person feel better...     why?  what are your motivations?

genuine humanitarians   -our most evolved human beings     /and notice here I must employ the word genuine..

genuine humanitarians are conscious of this spiritual exchange; and use every communication tool -words, tone,  eye contact, gesture, body language of every kind; to elevate the individuals they come in contact with, and thereby improve the world

everyone else should be on the path to arrive there...

** deeper still **

I am re-stating in different words now/previous lesson:  when person A consciously (or not) makes person B feel less than; insecure in any way.. with ill intention [to feel superior; to control/manipulate; from jealousy, spite, lack of character/love, maturity]   -the importance of person B becoming impervious to these attacks..    this skill is one of the single most important skills a person can attain.   especially in this current world of social media, where attacks from less evolved humans are a pandemic...

we do not arrive here with this skill. children and young people must be taught to acquire...  it is more important, in my opinion, than any academic ...  or rather I should say,  -without this skill; the rest of our education is a waste...


In Jesus motivations are pure  's  name,   amen!

/do you think he just wanted to sell books?  be popular? profit off of Bible sales?  make money off of speaking engagements and tours?   what motivated Jesus...

sermon on the mount?   the beatitudes...

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Trust God. Believe in Yourself. review by (me!) sandra, tvgp

these things will combine to help you make decisions, if you give me just a minute...

PART ONE:  on several occasions Joyce Meyers has taught about the importance of sticking things out:  remaining in your marriage, even when it gets difficult.   remaining at your job, even when it gets tough.   etc., etc.,

and she will say, "someone else might gladly take your husband just so they don't have to eat alone."   -or, "someone else might be glad to have your job..."

but she has also shared, she herself is divorced and remarried, and she also shares how she accepted a job as a pre-school teacher, and only lasted about 3 hours      /something like that..

and each one of us, will have occasions   -multiple occasions, when we have to decide whether to stick something out, or cut losses and move on...

pay close attention to HOW you make these decisions..     best case/worst case scenarios of seeing something through; best case/worst case scenario of cutting losses, moving forward

Joyce teaches, not to let your feelings/emotions dictate your decision...

it is my experience and observations, that most people already know the answer, in any given situation, but spend a great deal of time and energy contemplating anyway..

so, i'm fascinated when Joyce Meyer talks about her very brief time as a pre-school teacher:  why did she not internally argue with her desire to leave?   why did she not  -stick it out, and consider it a potential and important time to learn greater patience; endurance; adult/child relationship building..  

she bailed.   -and, yet..   teaches valid lessons on the virtues of staying in that job you hate.


               -she later explains..       she did not feel the anointing for that position...


PART TWO: i recently complemented a co-worker friend on his merchandising   -it looks fantastic, his St Patricks themed display

he commented that he does his best work when he doesn't think about it   -just does it.

   -that!   is a master level skill set.   when you no longer have to think; you just do.

what was once cumbersome, slow, awkward..   becomes pure instinct

the process is best captured by repeating what i heard mike Meyers repeat/quote:


at the start you are:   UNconsciously INcompetent    (you don't even know, you don't know..)

next you become:  CONSCIOUSLY INcompetent (aware you have some learning to do; need practice)

via practice/repetition you then become:  CONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT  (aware you are gaining mastery)

until, at the master level you are:   UNCONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT   -this is when you are operating out of pure instinct..  you don't think about it; practice and repetition allow you to

just do it.

excellent examples:   learning to tie your shoe, as a chi