sandra harrison kay literary & mixed media artist

BLOG (SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com)

Year:

Thursday, April 06, 2017

LOCATING THE (me!) IN YOU -by (me!) sandra, tvgp

excerpt from/to brain initiative subcommittee:

you have to have already arrived at the knowledge/understanding  -our physical bodies are containers.  we are spirits having a human experience; not humans having spiritual experiences.

***

I'm convinced! that master level actors hold the key..    

  -if you take a master level actor..   and put a camera as close as you want..  they can mimic/exactly accurately provide micro/nano level facial expressions and voice tones which communicate given emotions/experiences

which demonstrate almost exactly; an authentic reaction

so, I repeat..   the only way an actor can act..  is if authenticity exists in the first place; yes.

k

now, somewhere <--------- and="" are="" is="" locate="" nbsp="" p="" place="" that="" the="" to="" trying="" we="">
somewhere inside the master level actor  -who may have in fact, inhabited, the character they are playing so completely, its as if they become that person/character

but  -somewhere-   inside that brilliant, master level actor

they know, they are portraying authentic responses, but it is not  -really-  them

even though an audience, may be convinced..


crudely spoken

the master level actor knows when they are being their authentic self vs. accurately portraying someone else's authentic life experience

...  that place of knowing...


and I repeat what a gift it is!  this ability to act..

all the rest of us are kind of stuck being who we are at all times.  

and I used to think, anyone comfortable in front of a camera was potentially an actor; born to be an actor

but what ive learned is,  lots of people are comfortable in front of cameras, but only a % of them can act.

the same way, or similar I suppose to..

lots of people have voices, but only a % can sing.

and a very long list of human traits/characteristics fall in this category

I would love to name them, as time allows..

***

PRAISE GOD!   -briefly..

/how funny, I don't mean only briefly praise God..    but I only will briefly describe,

the pain in her voice months ago... "i just want my life back!"   and one medical complication after another, after another..

and she would joke, "if I was horse, someone would just shoot me.."

   -it was her legs, her arm, her back..

but fast forward to yesterday, and..    there she is, running this way and that, handling multiple problems, stamina, health..  

and I said to Jesus,  "SHE GOT HER LIFE BACK!"   

big "THANK YOU!"   hallelujah & amen!







"WARRIORS! #1!" photo missing because of (me!) sandra, tvgp

what I created,  -what I was in the process of creating, to take a picture of, was a #1 out of blue and gold...


m&m's.



"Congratulations WARRIORS!"

INJA!

***

yesterday I did a little watering at alden lane,  -do you remember when I tried to explain how   -I can feel information stuck inside me?  I tried to use a clear glass of clear water, and put a straw with a knot..

I know the information is in me. its clear.  but it wont come out of my mouth...  like its trapped and cant find a path

so frustrating!

and when I was watering yesterday..  the way I could turn the water on or off, adjust the pressure/the flow; but mostly in the way the hose would get kinks..   and stop the flow

I'm just certain there are analogies there for how the flow of information works; and doesn't work, or stops working inside our brains..

***

and also..    having just had a conversation recently regarding an elderly person with dementia..

  -these brain issues/memory issues:   dementia/alzheimers..

if you listen closely..     2 categories:    accurate memories/based in reality, but from a different time.        and then,   -hallucinations

very separate.    like, in one, time is confused within the mind; in the other;
objects/place are confused..


and then..   that distinction well worth paying close attention to:    not,  -where did I put my keys

but,  what are keys for?

 -what we remember/what we forget/what we create/what disappears/what gets confused or distorted or vague..   what becomes more clear...

especially as I revisit my own memories/good, traumatic, otherwise..     my fascination/curiosity remains very high:   human memory collection/ storage/organization/retrieval system...

for which we already know, the computer yields the best and highest number of analogies.

hence, cerebral hyperlinks..   default settings, etc.

***

once upon a time, on my wall..   I had a sign, a quote..   maybe it was from oprah magazine, I don't remember

but it said,

what you find in your mind is what you put there.  put good things in there.

***

I have come to realize it is only partially true:   what we find in our minds, is only partly what  -we- put there..

because..

the amount of information/thoughts/ideas/suggestions that other people aim to put in our minds

via advertisements/commercials/billboards/pamphlets...    long list

whispers/rumors..


it is exactly as Joyce Meyer's book title suggests isn't it:  the mind is the battlefield.

a constant vigilance is required..

to filter, analyze, keep, toss, ignore, delete, store, examine..

it is a full time job everyday.



in Jesus name,   -amen!



Tuesday, April 04, 2017

THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE (me!) sandra, tvgp


and so, after freshman year at mt eden high school in Hayward, -we moved again.. and I landed for a while at san Lorenzo high school my sophomore year

what is stuck in my memory about san Lorenzo high school, is that it was here

    -the very first time I remember feeling...    SMART.    EVERYONE ELSE'S KIND OF SMART.

My brother's kind of smart!

what I mean is this..

I was the good kind of smart..   student council president at my elementary school, leadership at my jr high school.  I was the do your best/ try your best; that kind of school girl smart

turn your library books back on time..

throw your lunch trash in the garbage...   scoot your chair back in.

put your name in the upper write hand corner, turn homework in on time..

I was creative; yes.  -but never clever.

san Lorenzo high school represents for me, the very first time I can ever remember feeling

  -clever.

what happen was..   I started there after the official school year had already started.  that meant, that I had to go to the office first, have my list of classes assigned to me, which classes/what teachers, in what order, etc.

and they handed me a piece of paper with the list of classes, room numbers, teachers, and gave me these instructions:

"what'll you'll need to do, is hand this paper to the teacher at the beginning of each class, and they will add you to their roster and include you in attendance..."

/something along those lines

and at the moment I accepted the list of classes in my hand  -at that moment, I had every intention of going to class, and handing the paper to the teacher at the beginning..

but after I was handed the list

but before I actually reached the first class on the list

somewhere in the hallway

it    DAWNED on me!    like,   hark the herald!  angels sang...

 if I never go to class...   they will not add me to their roster... they wont even know I'm missing!
they don't know I'm supposed to arrive!


-perhaps this does win as the happiest day of my high school experience.  the day I applied what I had been learning from smarter others..

genius!   genius level...

and so I crumpled my paper list and tossed it in the trash, and kept write on going down the hallway and out the exit door.


how long I got away with this?  I don't remember..   

but my dad would drop me off in front of the high school...  and I would wish him a good day... wait for his car to leave..

out the back door to freedom!


tbc.


***

I got away with this for a stretch..      then spent some time communicating with the high school counselor there...   I want to say his name,  -his last name was  Thomas?   can't remember..

but he was the first person to suggest to me, that I might actually/really    -and I wish I could remember the exact vocabulary

but in one of our exchanges, I explained to him, that..  I was having a feeling; a sensation of some sort and knew my boyfriend..

that there was something wrong.

and when I did finally get a hold of him..  it turned out he was in the hospital.  

my boyfriend at the time:  Michael Jackson..    yes, real name, and the one I ran away to be with in santa monica        -another long/exhausting story, but

the point:  the counselor at san Lorenzo high school was the first person to part-explain/part-validate that I might have...     some sort of telepathic abilities.

a real type of sensitivity that gets communicated   -how?    not in person/through direct communication but..   over space/time..

anyway..

the only other thing that stands out, is it must of been him..  the counselor,   seeing that

   -surrendering, like my parents were forced to

to the fact, that no matter the punishment, or incentive, getting me to go to class was not going to happen.    and I learned about a test I could take


a test that would allow me to graduate early.   it was like a G.E.D., only for people under 18.

***

my relationship with Jesus today is so intimate..     but back then, it was..

it was more on emergency only/as needed basis

and I do remember praying about that test.  I remember well, making a pact with God

and what I said, was...     if I don't pass the test; I will finish high school.  but if I do pass the test..


that is green lights from you!  I'm outta there!

and I prayed, and prayed and prayed to pass that test.

California Proficiency Exam, is what I think it was called.   and my friend Debbie took it on the same day  -for many of the same reasons.

and, I remember Debbie finished hers before me... and left early.   and my whole being sunk... like, I was sure that meant she passed with flying colors to freedom, and I was doomed to imprisonment for several more years.

but,

polar opposite happened.   she did not pass.    "I did!"

there is a God!

amen.























AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES! for musical programmers -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

to take advantage of this amazing opportunity  -there is this pre-requisite:

5 minute walk in nature.     -enjoy the quiet, the occasional bird chirping songs..  

now, 5 minutes inside a busy grocery store, with self-check-out counters

                     -hear the loud and obnoxious computerized voice; the buzz, buzz of scanners; the beep of buttons  -and realize..  this is multiplied out by machine, by product, by person, all day, every day.


it is ghastly awful; it is ghastly awful for the shoppers, but they are only in the store for a while.  my heart goes out to the employees!   -to listen to that ALL DAY?!?

now-    surrender to the knowledge that people & computers, and scanners and touch screens are married forever; there is no divorcing them from society...   

forced to live together like it or not.

then..

don't you think it would be AWESOME if we..

we, as in my idea + people/programmers/musicians that can actually make this kind of thing happen.

if we could change every beep/buzz into...             music!   ~beautiful music!

and then I was thinkin'...    like, what if every obnoxious BEEEEP was turned into a PIANO KEY SOUND!

but, even better, even better...

the scanners were programmed to create whole songs...  that played as you scanned your products

so each product contributes to an excerpt of



Mozart!          or, wait...     !   yes, in addition to a touch screen menu which asks bag/no bag/cash/credit/debit


the menu could include SONG CHOICE!   before you start scanning your cart!   NATURE.  ROCK. CLASSICAL. COUNTRY.


I want my full cart of groceries to play some  [touch screen: Motown]

I think we could create a musical incentive for things to move faster, and sound more beautiful.

don't you?


what I'm certain about, is that...   we have got to do something to change the obnoxious noise into beautiful music..


music makes everything better.


In Jesus loves songs of praise..   and praise Jesus..     amen!



Monday, April 03, 2017

red means stop. green means go! -memory of my arrest.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

awesome day in Hayward yesterday with my mom & rick..   more later, but among the highlights..  well, I asked rick if he would please pull over, I needed to take a picture of the exact location where I was once arrested..     -for grand theft auto.  yes.  (me!)..    your favorite cussing Christian.   my mom said, "tell us what happened again..."   and I was like...  "it's too exhausting..."   I briefly shared.. but, I do have it here in the blogosphere and the picture below, is the very intersection where I learned the lesson   


-didn't I just get done sharing how every single lesson ive learned; ive learned the very hard way.  -true story.   the difference now, is that there are   -arrow- shaped green lights...  which = safe to turn left.   that didn't exist in 1981.   in 1981, I did what the red car here is doing.. only.. 

there was an animal control truck who had the write of way.

 
IJNA.


also..       while in Hayward..    we also toured past the bank I was in, during an armed robbery    -and my mom was very surprised to see "there is still a pixie donuts!"  but the barber shop is gone, and the bank has changed names, and been redesigned...




and,

perry's liquors..  my mom loves to tell the story of how she brought my jr. high picture to the store manager and made them hang it near the register...    "she is not allowed to buy cigarettes!"


and this is quite out of order, but earlier...

we drove past holiday bowl...  boarded up/closed.   and the vacant lot where valle vista roller rink used to be..    remember that story?  I was in a gang...


fun times. 

and sometimes..  the only way to appreciate any of this, is to know me now, at age 51..  how tame, and kind, and hard-working, and honest I am.    how,   -almost normal I am.   and then to contrast that with a bullet point list:

smoker
teen age pregnancy/miscarriage
suicide plans x3
arrested for grand theft auto
ran away to santa monica on greyhound, with a pocket knife and change
in a gang
high school drop out with ambition of being a traveling gypsy
kidnapped/raped 3 different times, by 3 different predators
in a bank during armed robbery
boyfriends of every variety
eating disorders
20 cavities
married/divorced 2 1/2 times


and, now..     when I consider how I'm sometimes described..   the gray-haired lady with a tattoo on her face..


only those who know me well can laugh and smile...

& Jesus loves me; this I know...

***

look where else we went:   and may I say for the record...   "thank you!" because anytime I order a hot fudge sundae, I always ask for 3 parts hot fudge and 1 part ice cream...  but rarely is that request honored..     dairy bell did it write though!    delicious...

   /that's my mom & rick...  cute couple aren't they.    and a lady did ask me, while I was there, what my tattoo stood for


"conquer the world with kindness."     -and people always respond favorably to that.



and before we went to dairy belle...   look where else we went:   
sonics!   -where the cars can pull up & order, and your food is delivered by talented in-line skaters..

and after delicious burger/fries..






at one point, with a perfect blue sky backdrop... I could see two kites, the moon and a drone in one shot, but I couldn't get a picture...

anyway..   beautiful!  -garin park.   perfect picnic spot.

and also, in this one short big day..   a little shopping, and I told my mom, as we went drove on halcyon to bayfair mall..    I'm gonna get a picture of those railroad tracks too.. but not today.

and I confirmed with her..  it was wear...    the last place...

a place, at one time of great terror.   terror is not something I have to imagine.. or wonder what it is like..


I know.

WOW'd by the WARRIORS -again!


now,  -there were some passes, some baskets, and many moves on the court last night that only get to be witnessed by fans
-and executed by players

after  -years of practice as an individual; and many games together as a team.   the combination of practice, instinct, opportunity, generosity, collaboration, intuition, awareness,

perfect timing; perfect aim; perfect pace; perfect spin...

what a blessing to be WOW'd by the WARRIORS  -again!


In Thank You Jesus'   name.   amen.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

EXCITING AS DUCK -the final four! as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

did you keep the faith?  "i did!"     -as is my nature, my practice..   a victory mindset start to..

i did not want it to finish!    what an exciting game!

i'm always with a little guilt..   like, watching you players who have worked so hard; practice, practice, practice..

the dedication, determination, faith, blessings, anointing, set-backs to overcome,the spiritual and physical and mental and academic obstacles course for any college athlete

giving it all you've got + dipping into the reserves



and my end of the bargain:   chicken quesadilla, lagunitas, snickers bar and a large screen tv at beeb's sports lounge 

but i feel so proud of you!    awesome job!    so close..  so close...    


you gave us 76 reasons to clap and cheer and smile and be wow'd

the championship is yours next year    "cheers!" to you,  you awesome ducks

and "congratulations!" to north carolina & gonzaga


In Jesus..   loves team sports, name,   -amen!

Saturday, April 01, 2017

MILD FORMS OF TORTURE for (me!) sandra, tvgp

k. so one of my dreams/goals..    a poem in the new Yorker.  here's the rules  -you cannot have the poem(s) you submit already published anywhere else..   including, they make sure is clear:  including personal websites/blogs.

fine.

I don't agree..  but

and so, yesterday I spent an hour writing three original poems  -unpublished anywhere else, and as you can {not} see:











I have not posted them here on my blog either.   -torture!      and now, I wait, up to 6 months..   

and,   -what are my chances?    but, I do have my blog, as a means for sharing, at a later date,  whether or not they land in print in the new Yorker;  -write.

now, I think..   I should be able to share them with you WRITE NOW..   and then!
if they were accepted, I would remove that post, and replace with the info on when/where they could be found in print.

remember..  it is that very rule:   must not be published anywhere else...


that  resulted in my 9 years worth of daily entertaining comment/responses being removed from leonard stegmann's blog.


I hate that rule.


in Jesus name,   amen.

"VICTORY WARRIORS!"


"I DO! WRITE FOR SOMEONE!" (me!) sandra, tvgp

k.  went down like this:  first, as you know, I had my vision.. my dream for an unknown other.  the "perfect!" I tell you, "perfect!" location for the next mel's diner   -what better location for people who like to hang out, show off /enjoy their cars, friends, food...   -write.   it looks like it was literally designed to one day host..

and I told my son, and I thought..   other people need to  -see-   what I see.  so I text him, and asked if he would park his, and have a few friends park their cars.. and take a picture

and doesn't my optimism shine so bright..   mom text to teen age son.   even as I sent it, I knew..

aint never gonna happen.

so I took matters into my own hands.    left early for work even, so I could get a picture   -and there happen to be a truck, and a man..   

handsome man.    /sidetrack..   

he wanted to know who I was..    pulling up, backing in, snapping pictures   -and those of you who do know me will appreciate this exchange more than those of you who don't but..

tony..   turns out his name is  /hear the song...?   tony, tony, tony.. 

anyway..  he projected on to me..  what?  that I was spying...   no.  that I had financial interest in the building?   no..     that I was making sure everything was up to code?

he must have asked me three times, "i'm trying to figure out, who I'm talking to..?  who are you?"

"i'm just..   certain this needs to be the next location for a mels diner!   -but you already have plans for it don't you.."

and I pointed to the parking spots..   and I asked him how well he knew the town.. how well he understood people like their cars here..     how and what a cool place this would be to hang out..  how it just must, has to be..   somewhere where you pull up, park, and have the food brought to you..  and music..piping through...

I'm just here to take pictures.."





"who are you?"

and I told him,  I said with a smile..   "i'm a writer.  an artist.  a visionary. a poet...   "   and I pulled out one of my business..   my new vista print 9.99 for 500 business cards, cards    -out from the pocket of my denim alden lane cashier shirt


and we did shake hands..   and we did introduce...  and we did talk  -mels diner-   American graffiti..   and he knew part of the movie was filmed on the streets in Fremont..     and he seemed pretty knowledgeable about Pleasanton

but he did tell me..   

that the perfect location for the next mel's diner is already slated to become the next

cook's seafood restaurant.

like the one in Menlo park.

write away, in my heart, I was like...      /so temporary.

I don't mean to wish anyone anything but success, but..       

so, I switched it up.   "well, whatever its going to be," I said with a smile, "it needs to be where you pull up in your car, and be served..   "

and he talked to me about city codes..   policy/procedure/rules/regulations..

"I'm gonna be late for work."  I told him, and..

off to work I went.

***

now,  sidetrack..    I mentioned the word 'handsome' and 'tony' in the same sentence to a friend, and she write away asked if he was wearing a ring

I just smiled.

sometimes I don't have time to share everything ive learned, know and might be thinking, but I'm gonna take a brief moment now

because  -if there was EVER a day when the presence of a wedding ring ='d a devoted, loyal, married man; and the absence of a wedding ring ='d a man was single

it was before my time as a single woman.

what ive learned   /the hard way.  always the hard way!

is that sometimes a man wears a ring to bait a woman who only wants to feed off someone elses husband.

sometimes a man wears a ring to appear married to ward someone off

sometimes a man wears a ring to indicate he's married, but it doesn't mean he is also monogamous.

sometimes a man doesn't wear a ring, even though he is devoted and monogamous, but his occupation prevents..

sometimes a man doesn't wear a ring, because he wants to appear single, even though he is married
and he toggles his ring on or off, depending on the given situation and prospects

the point I'm trying to make is that to use the presence or absence of a wedding ring as any kind of indication of anything is about as reliable as

           [insert your own analogy here].

so, I never even bother to look.

so,

as I have mentioned on one or two occasions before

in my mind, all men are married with twelve children unless proven otherwise by an FBI, CIA, NSA, and S.A.N.D.R.A. background check.

please remember my conversation/experience from many years ago:

"why didn't you tell me you were married?"

"you didn't ask."



These are people I share this planet with....

sometimes I wonder if there's enough Jesus to go all the way through and around...


do I hear an amen in the blogosphere

***

and so at some point, after chit-chat, after pictures and before I left, but after I presented my vista print business card to tony, tony, tony

he said to me..   "i thought you wrote for someone, like a newspaper.."

"i do write for someone!" 

PAGE 184. (joyce meyer!) THE SECRET POWER of SPEAKING GOD'S WORD

in the self-control chapter.

Chosen by God for this new life of love, I dress in the wardrobe He picked out for me:  compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  I am even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. I forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave me. And regardless of what else I put on, I wear love.  It is my basic, all-purpose garment.  I never want to be without it.

colossians 3:12-14 (the message)

***

this is the day the Lord has made..   I will re-Joyce! and be very glad in it.      "Thank You Jesus!"  amen.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

DID YOU KEEP THE FAITH? i did!! (me!) sandra, tvgp

by the time arrived, parked, ran in the house...

they were 22 points BEHIND

Rick was sure they were doomed...

I think my mom registered as hopeful but uncertain...

but I ran and put my shirt on anyway..

all 3 of us had our shirts on

inside, my mind  ~ my heart..

I was like,   -this is the Warriors!  watch them turn this around...

AND THEY DID!

/p.s. here to my new co-worker, basketball fan friend, Kurt

he was expressing his doubt during our day shift; before the game even started

I said with a smile,

let me help you reword things..

it will be a challenge; yes..

but last night's victory was a prelude to tonights victory!

&
 -now repeat.

In Jesus,  -did you see that hallelujah of a pass n' shot?!?'s name,   amen!

Mom's World Famous Ultimate Fudge.. by (my mom!) AKA (grandma sharon!)










Monday, March 27, 2017

Self-Appointed Location Scout for the next Mel's Diner.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, i am just absolutely certain...   "Certain!"   that in Pleasanton, on the corner of Valley & Bernal, is the PERFECT! location for the next:  MELS DRIVE IN

it already has the perfect, half circle shape, parking lot perfect for cool cars to pull up..  for young adults/families to hang out..   it's on the corner; write across from the alameda county fair... quite near a freeway entrance/exit..    near a ton of new resident developments...

it would be perfect!  perfect i tell you!

/filed under dreams for unknown others.

***

now, my own dream..  /one of many to be sure.   well what i realized:

when i was looking again, from corner of main street in downtown Pleasanton/and st. johns..

glancing over at the building that currently serves as location for milfleur...   and has unknown to me residence living on 2nd floor

well, i was scoping it out again; projecting my wildest dreams


and i have my store downstairs...    and sell lots of purple The Secret Power of Speaking God's word, Joyce Meyer books, in addition to all the books ive ever read/loved..  so a mini book store, but only selling books i personally love,

plus, my mixed media art, of course, photography, my own books, a whole line of décor..   framed poetry..

and the visible outside wall painted by trenton

with some sculptures by ju ju koops, and gary winter...

and then since working at alden lane, i now project...    "a roof top garden!"    -and Charles huff comes and re-does the top, so that there can be clear glass..   green house on top..

then i live on the 2nd floor

commute downstairs to my day job..

walk to barones for music under the stars..

host my guests at the rose hotel..

walk to the library..   any downtown restaurant...    park...    gallery...   firehouse art center for theater..   meadowlark for frosties

-have awesome view of any parade for my future grandchildren...

-but what i realized,

is just serious i was taking this dream of mine, because when i was on main street viewing it all again,


out loud, i said...  "oh no!   there's no garage!"


***

In Jesus loves this dreamer       's name,     amen!




The Heart Seen by (squidmann & spike!)


per email:
Melinda found this one on the back of my sweat pants, and is the photographer. I’m just the model!

***

"thank you both!"        /and I hear Jason mraz in the background singin'  "...it's laundry day!"

xoxo  ~s.c.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

"CONGRATULATIONS DUCKS!!" to the final four; prelude to final WON!

Friday, March 24, 2017

"VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!" for (ducks & warrior & charlie rose fans!)

march madness

72/72...    "OH! THE HERO SHOT!  DUCKS WIN!"
68/68...     "HALLELUJAH! THEY DID IT AGAIN..."
and now, you can't not notice that Kansas was on fire..   maybe a t-shirt/jacket/cap/sparkly tattoo won't be enough.
I'm gonna go green/yellow paint a fire extinguisher...






"WAAAAAaaaaAAAAARRRRIIIIIII   ~YOURS!"
really, I can't articulate how exciting...    fun watching with my mom & rick..
and, true story:  they were down a couple points, and I said in panic to my mom

"we don't have our shirts on!"

and we quick, both went and put our shirts on.   -and "THEY WON!"



+

MY CHARLIE ROSE IS BACK. "Thank You Jesus!"   xoxo


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Mom~mosa. (me!)~mosa. and hostess cupcakes.


honey, the sign said, $5 bottomless mimosas
I said with a smile to my mom
"you know what that pairs well with..   write..
HOSTESS CUPCAKES!"

..and I intend to eat the whole thing.    /for breakfast.

***

tbc.

Attention Documentary Filmmakers: from (me!) sandra, tvgp

having recently watched, and thoroughly enjoyed the documentary on PBS of Dr Maya Angelou's life..    got me thinkin' again

how much the world needs THIS DOCUMENTARY


  -and there's so much more...   

"this is the day the Lord has made..   and I re-Joyce in it!"

amen.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

awake! aware! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and so yes, there was a notable, experiential change.. when I graduated from just having thoughts; to observing my own thoughts and weighing them against God's word, and keeping or deleting them accordingly.

and, there was a notable, experiential change, when I went from being unconsciously manipulated/influenced by   [variable here]

influenced by people older, with intention to manipulate
by advertisements/commercials
by peer pressure
by substances
by culture
by insecurities, fears, movies, music...


and then became aware and awake to how these things were influencing/manipulating me..

significant milestones. 

***

and lets revisit the greatest gap   -between the intention of a law, and the result,   -on two other occasions

the intention of the law was to protect women against sexism and sexual harrassment in the workplace.  one of the actual results I witnessed was women entrapping men for financial gain.  setting up the sexual harassment case, with the very intention of winning money in court.

-made me so heart sick for the genuine victims...   

solution?    I don't pretend to know.


and, then we have the war against drugs, with its obvious noble intentions..

but then the RESULT..  is an increase in sex-trade/human trafficking..

because if you get pulled over with drugs in your car    -evidence; jail.

but if you get pulled over with teenagers in your car..

harder to prove you are using them as prostitutes.


solution?   I don't pretend to know.


all I do know, is that there sure is a counterproductive result from very well intentioned laws we pass.




and it is that gap  -between intention and result, that speaks to why I always have been, am now, and will always be

pro-choice when it comes to the issue of abortions.

because while the intention of a law against abortions might be noble, the result is:

increase in suicides
increase in self inflicted abortions; which can go very wrong
increase in black market abortions

and I am grateful to learn, that without a no-choice law on the books, abortions have been on the decrease in general.




**

and, does anyone see why..     see the correlation between the old testament   -law based

and the new testament..   

because God himself saw that while the laws were well intended...

the results?!

seems like a fair analogy.


IN Jesus loving, merciful, true and trustworthy name...   amen!






 


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

let's review -san leandro. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

k.  I really wanted two pictures side by side to show you, visually, what it was like..

I will describe instead:   as, it is true that for years,  post kidnap/rape, I lived, worked, played, danced, healed, etc.  in san leandro.

[picture of somewhere in san leandro here, place 4 or 5 pieces of vellum over it]

and, it was not until I got away, that I realized    

[picture of Pleasanton; no vellum]

i had been in a fog..    like I could see everything; yes..    but it was not until things became clearer, that I realized there were...  layers.

and i came to love Pleasanton very much.   and feel safe.   and built a life..     and worked, and married, and had children..  and raised children..  and made friends..  and created things..  on and on..

and during those years, even when i drove past san leandro on the freeway..    a weight would visit my spirit; light and temporary; but there was never not a change/shift in me..

i could feel it.    look forward to it passing..  and returning to Pleasanton.

***

some years later..   my mom and her husband, who had left Hayward for Patterson, then left Patterson for

-san leandro.

i experienced a sense of betrayal...    what a set back...

and when i did visit, the weight that was light and temporary as i passed san leandro on the freeway.. that darkness became very heavy and lingered..

symptoms of my PTSD would return.  

so, what we worked out between us, my mom and i, is that she would visit me, and her grandchildren, in Pleasanton, and that i just would not come to san leandro

and i think this was pretty good for the most part, but as my mom hosted the thanksgivings dinner in san leandro..    the entire family, including my sister, her kids, and my ex-husband, and my children..

everyone went but me.

thanksgivings were difficult, but..    for me..     having one awkward day, vs. an ongoing dark weight that lingered and threatened the progress i had made

made it easy.


but as time passed..  i could feel..    a different weight.    a weight of guilt, i suppose, for not going..

i would return to the pros and cons of going vs. not going; and not go.

Jesus understood.

***

the turning point, was when i went to san leandro for an entirely different reason...     -to help a friend of my daughters who was having issues with drugs, and landed himself in the junior/youth jail there.  -juvenile hall.

now, God spoke to me..  or put it on my heart..  however you want to understand/process it, but my thinking was as follows:

how is it that i can get myself to san leandro for THIS (person i don't know well.. and who has betrayed my trust and broke the law..)   -how/why for him

and not for my mom, who has been there for me for my entire life..   /and the list of caretaking, help, meals, birthday parties, family gatherings, fudge dishes, hugs, cards, love, support...  on and on..

and i decided on that day..   i was gonna get myself over to visit my mom in san leandro, and not have her always coming to Pleasanton.

and..     when i did go visit..     oh!     -my daughter is my witness!   a man.. a serpent..  literally!

anyway..   the dark weight arrived.. lingered..     and reignited some PTSD symptoms..

"which is what ive been trying to tell everyone!  it is not F'ing worth it!"

but..   it did not linger, linger, and get worse or more severe..

it let up after a number of days.  not weeks or months..

           -a good sign.

and i felt pretty determined to conquer..

and, started returning to my mom's for thanksgiving dinners, and coming over for visits on my days off, and attending her annual cookie parties again..   etc. etc.

and there was no dark weight; no lingering sense of anything negative..  it all started to subside.

 but i sure was restricting myself to driving straight to my mom's house.  and straight back to Pleasanton.


now...


fast forward to now.   -as in, now i live here.   i am living with my mom and her husband in san leandro


and how can i describe?


now, ive said it before and will say it again.   traumatic memories cannot be erased, but they can be diluted


the more diluted the better. 


the more diluted, the i am better.

now places i would have avoided are demanding i come revisit.     -and to experience the same places with a certain indifference in my heart/mind/spirit..


it is a gift.


even though the threats then, and in fact, the threats now were and are; real..


the only way to describe it, is if you have been a young child who was really scared on a ride at Disney land  

but when you are older and you return to the same ride..   you see how it wasn't real.. and it doesn't scare you anymore..

the internal sensation is similar; the experience is similar.   but i was not afraid of something pretend; and intended to scare me

i met evil, scary for real.

and real evil, and real scary people are still out there..

but i am not afraid.  i am not preoccupied with the concern..

anytime  -anything-   wants to start preoccupying my mind, i am able, via prayer, to halt it.

my mind has healed enough to do so..

that muscle was broken and inoperable for a long time.

anyway..

today.  on this very day, earlier while i was at the local CVS to buy jelly beans for my mom..

the man in front of me asked me what my tattoo stood for

i said with a smile, "it means conquer the world with kindness."

and then he told me about the tattoo on his foot, which, translated means

"Trust no one."

and he told me he lost all trust in humanity.

"but you trust Jesus..    write.."   i said to him, still smiling.

and, yes..   he said he only trusted Jesus.

and i told him i understood, and we parted ways after the cash register.

***

and i thought about that for a bit..

if i told that man..   if i were to bullet point

* kidnap/rape
* kidnap/rape
*kidnap/rape
* armed robbery
*bullies
*abusive alcoholics
*lyin'/cheatin' boyfriends
*thieves
* assholes/idiots/unevolved humans with superiority complexes



he might be surprised that i can trust anyone.   that i can still talk to strangers.

but


since he said he trusts Jesus...   that means he must know Jesus..


and so maybe, he is not surprised at all.


***

from a very deep, very dark pit i have been rescued and restored.

"Thank You! Jesus"          every family, friend, and trustworthy acquaintance.


xoxo



















First World Problems ... as contemplated by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the pastor used the phrase this past sunday,   but my co-worker friend, a beautiful, young 20~something, uses the phrase with great frequency

"i know.  its a first world problem."    and dismisses any upset/concern for any given problem because relative to third world problems..  

nothing really is a problem.

***

I'm uneasy with it..  still wrestling...    because while it is true..   to some degree.   all things being relative..

well, I don't have it worked out.   I think perspective is healthy..     and not whining over a bad grade, or cold, or inability to find a hotel room..

none of it is terrible when you set it next to problems like,  next meal? any medical care at all? and not a problem with air conditioning in a house

but the problem of no shelter at all.

***

still..   not sure we should so easily dismiss everything..   marginalize what is troubling/bothering us because its not at the crisis level of third world countries.

but I'm not sure..

and, as if divinely choreographed:   write about the time I was wrestling with these thoughts, I heard a young girl on her I-phone telling whoever was on the other end

"i couldn't stop crying...   she ruined my whole eyebrow."

and I don't know where she went for her wax or thread, or dye..   or who destroyed the shape/color of her precious eyebrow for what amount of money

but I sure did want to let her in on the new awareness; the new catch phrase..

offer her some perspective...

and a Kleenex.

and an eyebrow pencil...


and console her all the way back to her Mercedes...  


***

In Jesus, was born in a manger and traveled by donkey..   's name...   amen.


***

addendum:   -because I discussed this more with vanessa..   and she said someone said to her, some time ago

not allowing yourself to be sad, because someone else is more sad
is like not allowing yourself to be happy, because someone else is happier.

     -I like that.





yes. AGAIN. (me!) sandra, tvgp

thoughts on thoughts.

  -the name/vocabulary for the part of us, that allows us to observe our own thoughts.   change them.  or hold them captive, as the bible suggests..

this practice I have been in for some time:    I hold my thoughts captive...   put them through the holy filter..    throw out what I know to be negative/ugly/untrue

and keep what I know to be true, wise, productive, helpful..

the specific part of us that can observe our own thoughts; judge them..   delete, change or meditate on them..
discard or honor them..   question or answer...

what is that part of us called?    "I"   ?

I had a thought.   I observed that I had a thought..

***

the mind is the battlefield.   the heart is the trophy.    thoughts are weapons.   

                         our heart can use our mind to keep secret truths from others

but our minds cannot use our heart.

There is an internal heirarchy.

where is that place exactly? ...inside us...   that knows/recognizes our truth

Origins?  From eternal truth...

more later..

IJN.  amen.

tag line by (me!) sandra, tvgp

just made me smile to see the tag line I created for alden lane nursery used on a coupon promotion that was mailed to 1,000's of homes.   I think its an important & inspiring message:

plant friendship * harvest joy * yield miracles

and like that each two word pair have two meanings.  it took me some time playing until landing..



            plant friendship, where plant is a noun or an idea.   -harvest as a thing to do/ or experience.  yield as a value, or instruction...       and it all relates to actual gardens/nurseries; and to relationships between people/plants; and people to people to life...


"thank you cyndee!"

In Jesus garden~lovin' name...     amen!

what a weight lifted! for (me!) sandra, tvgp

when, in prayer, I said..    I have to stop worrying about the results; or organizing.  I cannot be burdened with organizing what ive written, or will write..   

i'll just do the writing.

***

and a memory surfaced; as they do..   in unorganized fashion:   how I cried to Jesus..  cry~talked..  saying, "i want to feel safe...  I want to feel safe...   I want to feel safe..."   and then, it turned from crying to anger..   I said, "i don't want to FEEL safe Jesus

I WANT TO BE SAFE!"

***

anyway..   I must edit.  as I have been for some time..    I edit, because I learned this truth when I was volunteering for the tri valley haven

how, the men who were abusing their girlfriends, wives, children...    sending them in need for shelter and protection

the men who were caught, turned in..      the ones who were  -sentenced- to anger management classes, and had to attend, and had to prove with a certificate of some sort, that they attended..

well, to the outside world, and perhaps the judge..     that certificate ='d that the abusive individual had made some progress..     had learned/gained some insight into their unlawful, destructive, violent, ugly behavior, and helped them become better men; better individuals

and while I'm sure that IS the aim of such programs..     

the truth behind the seens   -as shared with me by people in the actual know

is that the only thing the abusive men improved at; was how to get away with the same behavior but without getting caught.

                  -that's write.   they were required by law, to take anger management classes, that ultimately served to help them become more skillful abusers

improve their craft.

sad, sad, but true.  

and the bible passage this brings to mind for me, is the one about ideas landing on different types of soil..

because, if we apply the analogy of soil as mind/heart/soul..

perhaps on the write soil..    of a man who was capable of feeling remorse, capable of seeing the consequences of his abusive behavior on others..     on the write soil, such a man might look to the origins of this behavior..   and try and correct and improve, and make apologies, and apply lessons, and learn to respect...  etc., etc.

but the soil of a percentage (what % I don't know) of the men attending these classes, was not write.  the soil itself was corrupt..   so they listened, but only heard, what caused them to get caught..   and if they did this, instead of that..

they could still abuse; control with fear; etc...   but!   without getting caught.    and now they have a certificate to show everyone they graduated.

***

so, I just realize over and over...     intentions vs. actual results.   and how important.. the soil; the roots..   and how important it is to assess    -RESULTS.

ive said it before, and worth mentioning..  it is to me the greatest gap..   not the haves & have nots; not the poor vs. wealthy, or educated vs. uneducated..

the greatest gap is between the intention of a law; and the results...

there is such a long list of  -intended this, but got that..

and boy are we slow to assess, and repair...

***

so, of course, as I am, as I have described, on a spiritual trek, in a spiritual land mine..   traumatic memories &nbsnbsp;  -not buried, but which were resting on the ground

they are floating up..    nearer the surface; easy to reach

and cerebral hyperlinks that I might pass over in different environments, demand to be clicked on

so, I think I will demonstrate how this works, by doing just that.   and you can choose to click or not.







I was at mt eden high school in Hayward this past sunday, because Melissa was performing in her church's band there

 [I'm not hyperlinking 'mt eden' because there are hundreds of potential links/no time..]

and before I can write another word, I want to say
           -MUCH BETTER visiting mt eden, for church on a sunday, at age 51, than when I was a freshman there at age 15..

"Thank You! Jesus.."

anyway.. wonderful, wonderful...   

and the message was primarily from the story in the bible about  -loving your neighbor, and then..

who is your neighbor..

and then the story about the man who was robbed,

because -mind travel for (me!) sandra, tvgp

cclick


anytime some talks about robbery..    well, usually robbery is about money.  or something to sell for money..

I do not condone; justify.. but, I do understand.  I can wrap my mind around the idea of someone being desperate, or on drugs, or overwhelmed by peer pressure, or some combination of all of those, and who does not hold their thoughts captive, but takes them serious, and then ends up robbing for money or valuable that can be sold for money.  I can see how that happens.

I cannot understand how a person ...   broke into our home; stole me from my room; violated my body and ... left.

he was not out for money, or valuables..     not like, human trafficking, where the human is sold for money..

and I can spend more time than I will admit, curious about that..     what set of circumstances leads a human being to kidnap/rape a young child, where no financial gain is an objective.

and I think about most all the men I know in my life, my dad, my brother, my male cousins, my male co-workers, school peers... boyfriends..          all the males..     


and I cant think of one of them... not one, who even if he was down, down, down on his luck, and/or on drugs..     I cant think of one male ive encountered in day to day life...   capable

but there was no financial gain involved when I was kidnapped/raped at 6,  16, or 17 either..

although I do remember the lakeside rapist took cash from my wallet too..       -why not, just the cash?

and,

I would love if an expert..   

because to research it myself..   as you know,  an online research would generate an avalanche of information/opinions/advertisements...     rabbit hole.

but as it is 2017, and surely to our good God, we've learned..

I wonder if anyone could explain it in a way, that   -while I would never condone/justify..   

will I ever  understand?


and like the anger management classes..                 are there ways we can teach? that don't just provide an opportunity , a school, for kidnappers/rapist to become better at their evil craft?




and, when I write about PTSD..     I have to edit  -for exactly that reason..    sometimes it helps victim survivors.. sometimes it is used to elevate the craft of evil-doers

  -soil-

the mind/heart/spirit..   it matters what soil the seed lands on.

so, naturally..  

we have to look closer at soil.         origins of soil...


very important story in the bible..   seed landing on different soil...


Monday, March 20, 2017

the difference a day makes. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp






Sunday, March 19, 2017

-do the math- by (me!) sandra, tvgp

on Friday a man insisted I watch him show off how much power he held over his little dog.

"Sit!" he commanded.   And the dog sat.

on Saturday, a man invited me to witness the result of the love he poured into his big dog.

"Sit."  he said.   And the dog sat.

on Sunday, both dog owners (2), died. (-2)

only one dog was sad.


-do the math-


The Heart Seen...


I love these so! "thank you!" xoxo

by (squidmann!)


by (squidmann!)


by (carla graci!)

BLUE CHOCOLATE IN BROWN PACKAGING by (me!) sandra, tvgp

dear anyone/everyone in the field of psychology.  how may I be succinct?  there is no reason for me to point out a specific university; a specific study; a specific group or person.   you know the pattern. we all do.  it goes something like this:

we told a group of people we were doing this experiment   [experiment described]

but we were really doing this experiment [described] and only told them we were doing [that experiment] so we would learn...    the truth!

..  and it turns out...

people will consume less chocolate if you change the candy bar color to blue, and make the packaging brown.

***

now I know, appreciate and understand, that getting to the truth sometimes requires non-truths on the journey.  I get that.   ends justifies the means, and all that..

but I would caution, that when you have decades of an entire field of study, and its "scholars" and "professionals"  utterly immersed in practices of deceit in the name of finding truth

what you end up with, is entire populations of people unable to trust you, or take you serious, at all.

unless what you are doing is really helping humanity move forward and evolve; and improve in health and well-being

cut it out.


here are some of the problems facing humanity today:

human trafficking.
bullying.
elderly abuse.
poverty.
cancer.
road rage.
domestic violence.
violence in general.
hate crimes.
war.
addictions.
PTSD which results from all of the above; and natural disasters.

greed.
corruption.


I could go on, but..   those represent the short list.

and as I have pointed out, once or twice..

genuine humanitarians are our most evolved human~beings     -they should be studied in great depth, and taught..   and shared and celebrated and researched!

try and get to the bottom and the truth of this:  how does a human being, in this world (described in short list above) become

   -against all odds, suggestion, cultural common-sense, survival instinct, and without financial reward or fame dangled..

how does a human being become a genuine humanitarian?   

and unless you are addressing a real problem/crisis facing humanity today,

or helping hurting/selfish/stuck people evolve

if your God given gifts/talents/time/energy are devoted to deceiving individuals/groups so you can make amazing discoveries like people wont consume as much chocolate if its tinted blue

then you are contributing to the problem; not the solution.


IN Jesus, did not deceive in order to help humanity,    's   name.   amen!


















Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

inside the garden store; sweetest little heart shape...        and I find when they are just a little lopsided it adds to their charm.        amen.

Friday, March 17, 2017

ON THE SAME PAGE WITH DONALD TRUMP (me!) sandra, tvgp

-never woulda guessed...   but I am on the same page with Donald trump when it comes to decisions regarding vaccinations..

that is to say, that, if what ive read is true, trump had his child vaccinated, but not on the same time table as recommended by healthcare professionals.   -that, he too, had concerns about the side effects/consequences of vaccination overload

and there are ongoing arguments where highly respected healthcare professionals say they have proven no link between vaccination overload and autism,

and parents, and others who..   are not as convinced.    -count (me!) among them.

but I don't mind sharing my thinking/limited knowledge/understanding, and wouldn't change my mind if I were faced with the decision again today

my understanding about vaccinations is this:   they help!   like, polio...   claiming lives...  and vaccination discovered, and   -polio has nearly,  vanished.   that is awesome!

now we have a formula for success!      vaccination = immunization from..  way to prevent

that's beautiful!

so let's get more and more and more and more!

next,   we must factor in, my understanding/belief that HOW this works, is

a small version, of the larger/more threatening virus is introduced into the body, and teaches the body to fight off the potential larger threat later..  /something like that..

if I have that wrong...  ?   

and now factor in...    a wave, a significant increase in autism related cases   {fill in dates here/facts/figures   -no one doubts we went from a few to a lot!  and still have no explanation..  only we keep being reassured it has nothing to do with vaccinations...

but there is also a correlation between the increase in the wonderful list of vaccinations we give at one time, and the increase in autism related issues..

perhaps that is all just coincidence.

now, from my way of thinking   -as a non-trained health professional, but as a loving, caring, new mom..

if we don't know...

I'm going to lean in the direction of not overloading on the vaccines.

I'm not going to choose none...  I understand they work, they are helpful in preventing..

but, when I consider any small amount of a living or dead virus being introduced into the tiny, new body of a new human being...

just now learning to fight..

and at one time, they had one or two vaccines...

and then, three or four...


and then,   five, six, seven...   eight.

how many different types of small amounts added together... 


it seems we are requiring too much fight response from a young human body.. at one time. and the mix of ... to fight this and potentially that..  plus this and that too...

and if it is all perfectly safe...   

why is there any separation at all?     how did they determine we give all these, this month,

and these on down the road..  


trial and error; yes?


so, I am not a no vaccines at all parent..

I am a  -lets not overload new human beings-   parent.

and, for the professional healthcare people who insist there is no risk..


what is the number? of vaccines that ='s a cutoff?

if we discover even more vaccines..      so, let's say write now we can provide for polio, chicken pox..  /whatever the current list is.. 

place it here:

let's pretend (I don't have time to research..)   there are 7.


and, now, let's say, we discover 7 more!    


do you give an infant/toddler/youth...    all 14 at once?  if there are  20?


yes or no.  why or why not?   how is the decision made?

***

what are the consequences/benefits of all vaccines given at once   vs.   provided over a period of months/years...


***

tucked also in my mind...     how $$ influences decisions in healthcare industry.   they haven't exactly earned our trust...

tucked also in my mind..

oh!  getting the flu shot was the most important thing in the world for everyone!  write now!  and you need this much.


/until, they ran low..


and suddenly all the marketing leaned toward..

well, it was not that important..     you could get a different strain anyway...

if we give you a portion,   a 1/2...     all you need is 1/2 anyway...

 /so, if we only needed 1/2 to begin with...   why more in the first place?

everything is fiction.       


if you follow even 6 threads in the healthcare/pharmaceutical industries you will learn:

very hard to trust.    some lives are saved/some great leaps are made/some health is restored; some cures are found; greed is prevalent/highly influential; corruption is not uncommon...

but you sure cant take one or the other for granted..   you have to peel back layers, every time..

***

oh!  the ongoing treasure hunt for truth...


In Jesus name,   amen!


***

with limited research you can learn:    -how vaccines work:

Vaccines work by creating a miniature immune response in the body

Vaccines are like a training course for the immune system. They prepare the body to fight disease without exposing it to disease symptoms. When foreign invaders such as bacteria or viruses enter the body, immune cells called lymphocytes respond by producing antibodies, which are protein molecules.

Vaccines are like a training course for the immune system. They prepare the body to fight disease without exposing it to disease symptoms.

***

all arguments/concerns regarding autism put completely to the side for a moment:

it still seems to me, that asking a young developing body to fight several things at once is not a good idea..

that if each vaccine is creating its own miniature immune response,  that's demanding a young developing  body to manage several different miniature responses at once..     and if you add a miniature response to this + a miniature response to that + and a miniature response over here + a miniature response there...       suddenly the word "miniature" doesn't apply anymore

if we want to describe/look at vaccines as training the immune system..   then, if you are giving several vaccines at once; that is over-training, which is counterproductive


so,

I believe in, recognize, support  -celebrate! appreciate the success of vaccines/immunizations..

but for me personally,   -I have great concern when it comes to multiple vaccines given to an infant/toddler/youth at once

and can't understand why/what would be the issue with spreading them out over a given/longer time period so that the body would not have to manage several miniature responses at once











Happy St Patricks Day! from (me!) sandra, tvgp


may you be awake to your LUCK & BLESSINGS

Thursday, March 16, 2017

ADD ANOTHER BULLSHIT ARTIST by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-forgive me Jesus if the word is offensive; it is certainly the most accurate, and I need to use it at liberty to make my case.

because at least internally, I do find myself thinking, and occasionally saying out loud   -like, I cant believe the amount of bullshit you have to wade through in day to day life..   my God!

bullshit brochures; bullshit advertisements; bullshit articles; bullshit deals; bullshit conversations.. bullshit spam..  bullshit politics..       too long a list.

and let me say this, confess this before I write any further   -in defense of bullshit artists:

"it works!"

like, I realize, and surrender to the fact, that it gets results.    I wont argue that..

but I want to pose the question:   while it is true, that bullshit works

and that it is true that it currently is:  "just the way it is."

my question is...  " yes. but do you want it to stay that way?"

   -and do you want more bullshit all the time...  should we just go ahead and provide academic teachings, and make it a college degree you can earn and proudly hang on the wall

Masters in BULLSHIT

p.h.D in BS              -no, BS in BS...           it is so celebrated in this culture..


because the part I don't think people realize, is that   IT IS A CHOICE.   bullshit is a cultural practice, and culture is..   malleable.

CULTURE IS MALLEABLE. DONT EVER FORGET THAT.

anyway,

the fact that it works, receives positive reinforcement, is encouraged and rewarded

those things mentioned above are exactly what contribute to the increase in this behavior,

and guess what...

can be applied to increase different behaviors/cultural practices also.    YOU CHOOSE!


anyway,

here is the sentence, exactly as it appears in an article I read about  -negotiating.   that got me all

"YES..   AND I LIVE IN THE WAKE OF LIARS/PANDERERS/BS ARTISTS LIKE YOU and it makes my life very difficult..."

the sentence was in parenthesis like this:

     (to be honest, I can't really tell whether the child has her mother's eyes.  I'm just trying to pander to him; I'm about to make my move.)


and doesn't that sound not so bad; and pretty common place..

but THAT COMMON PLACE PANDERING ....


the wake it creates is this:

every single conversation you have from that point forward is tainted.   you cant hear anyone say anything without questioning motive

          -what do you want from me?   you are setting me up/warming me up for what?

it is sincerity's nemesis.

anyway..

I am among the people, who sincerely like to get to know people...    and who compliment others with great regularity, but it is not for gain.

although, I can tell you...            I seem very suspicious in this culture..

and,

I think its just yucky; this cultural climate..    

   -take the temperature of any conversation..

i'm gonna bs you about this; so I can get that..

now i'm on the receiving end of what must be bs   (its all I know)...    so, what do you want from me...


***

I will close with two thoughts:

I think this is why God says,   -seek first my face/not my hand..            and can read hearts/minds.. 

       see Hebrews 4:12

its communicated so poetically in the Bible, but in crude current terms,  it can be translated to say,

    God can cut write through your bullshit and get to the truth.


/what a full-time job this becomes for the rest of us.



and,

President Obama received so much criticism for not socializing more..   having those politicians over for dinners, and chats..   to create relationships and win them over..


it is my opinion, that President Obama just had a particularly low tolerance for bullshit; that's all.

while others seem to like to swim, and drown in it..



In Jesus,    -bs is not a fruit of the spirit     's   name,   -amen!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

DONT'S & DO'S by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I don't know how to build a TV, but I do know how to watch one.

I don't know how to build a plane, but I do know how to be a passenger.

I don't know how to build a camera, but I do know how to take a picture.

I don't know how to build a computer, but I do know how to use one.

I don't know how to create a human heart, but I do know how to love.

I don't know how to create a God, but I do know how to pray.

I don't know how to so love the world, but I do know how to believe.

and I don't know how the spiritual world works..  but I do know how to connect.


***

In Jesus is the way, the truth, the life..   's   name.   amen!

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

prelude to my book cover... (me!) sandra, tvgp

have I shared this story before?  this is from .. early 2000 something..   and, i had my daughter take my picture holding the sign, and then i added the word bubble.   and i thought it was hilarious..   and my plan..   my plan was to send just this to a number of literary agents.    and i was going to try and place it as an add..    see if it drew any attention..  but then i saw the cost of advertisements..

anyway..  when i posted this originally on my blog..   Kathy cordova was the only person i remember who told me, she spit out her coffee she thought it was so funny

ive loved her ever since.

and, it never succeeded in bringing a literary agent my way, but i did like it very much.. as in, i liked the layout in general

and that is how the cover of my book:

eat, write & exercise

was created:

eat, write & exercise

"winner!" new york caption contest by (me!) sandra, tvgp

how many times has this happen to (me!)..   

***

but, anyway..  "thank you!"  dad    -finally received my new Yorker magazine; very excited!  taryn too..  and yesterday during my 10 minute break

don't you know I spent the first couple minutes eating cake, and the rest..   coming up with ideas for the caption contest.   if the ratio remains the same,  I need approx. 10/15 minutes for every one minute it takes taryn

and I played with the idea of...    relating it to digging to China;  and played with the idea of accidentally time traveling write back to the same time..          and played with the idea of..   if you dig deep enough you find meaning..   played with the man-cave & docents idea...

and it felt like I was on the write track, but nothing was registering as "that's it!"

until this morning!

k..   

and, just like before..   first I summoned my team.  I forgot to do that yesterday, so this morning
 [after prayers/meditations] I sat the magazine back on my lap, and I said,

maya, maya, maya. robin, robin, robin, ogden, ogden, ogden,  ray. ray. ray.  Russell Russell, russell

            \maya angelou. robin Williams. ogden nash. ray orrock. Russell crowe    for those of you who don't already know,

and then, I also threw in, Stephen Colbert.. and whoever is on his writing staff..

and I telepathically requested their help and assistance.    May I remind you here, that Dr Maya Angelou used to

well, she never walked out on stage to give a talk or performance without saying 'come with me'

   -so, i'm in very good company, communicating telepathically with spirits

and for fellow believers;  this IS how the idea arrived

and for you boring skeptic/realists; lacking imagination, stuck in the physical world types     -I guess I projected/self generated an idea which somehow occurred to me, not randomly but quite predictably, if you can follow the series of events from pre- big bang to march 14, 2017

anyway..

they told me..   to see the man in the cave..  to focus on the way his arms were folded; like he is refusing to do something

and then, yes.. I see!    like a kid refusing..

and then they asked me..    what would he be refusing to do?

and then, I was like..

where's a pen?    where's a pen?!

and I wrote:

"NO. I will not stand. I will not shave. I will never wear a shirt and tie!"

       /mine are usually too wordy, but

I'm pretty sure i heard them applauding ... 

and so, quick..   I went online to submit my winning caption.

k. wait..   first I have to ..   and then... over here..
   and then link my subscription..      email..  password...

okay.. k..  click here. verify that..    return over here..   find the cartoon..

like..

hey    -why can't I find..   where is?!     

and it was then.


it was then.  -and not until then-       -not-, may I point out, was it yesterday during my break.   or when the magazine first arrived to my new address



it was not until then, where then ='s after I summoned my spiritual team, and after i came up with the winning caption, and after I excitedly linked my subscription, and after I could not find the cartoon for which I collaborated with my spiritual team to submit the winning caption


that I finally thought..   or rather, was forced!

to read the instruction/rules/guidelines above the cartoon that read

                blah, blah...  Caption submissions for this week's cartoon, by Mick Stevens, must be received by Sunday, March 12th.   



and I looked in the lower write corner of my laptop and it says:   3/14/2017.

and then..

I felt smiles and heard some light~hearted giggles from maya, robin, ogden, ray, russell, Colbert and his writers..

             -now that,   they all said..     that was funny.

***

In Jesus, blessed are those with a good sense of humor        's    name..    amen!


/if we could amend the sermon on the mount, in the same way we can amend the constitution it would include that..


***

too many to count, but a couple stand-outs   -there was the time I read the cathedral by Raymond carver, and pre-planned what I was going to wear when I met him...    /and  -then-  where then ='s after I chose my dress and perfume..     then I read:   may 25 1938 - august 2 1988.

***

and there was the time I tried to meet Jeanette walls...    and I did the read the ticket! I did!   but...


***

and very, very, recently..   when Alex asked me..  "is that your vehicle in the parking lot?"   and I was like,    "yes"    /all respectful

but internally, like, "duh.. you know that's my jeep..  what a silly question... "

and, but before he said another word it dawned on me..    "oh. this is the day we have to start parking on that other street... isn't it."

and he    -with as much patience as he could muster in the moment, said,  "is there not signs all over the place?"

and in fact, there is..     signs taped here. there. and everywhere...  reminding all employees to start parking on a different street on that day.

and then...   where then ='s after my conversation with alex;   then, my mind traveled back in time, to when I showed up for work, and I thought..  oh! how nice.. look at all these open spots..   I must be early today..


***

and,   in the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes...

       "can I go deeper?"

because, in double, triple, quadruple fact:    there are signs everywhere!  everyday!   all around each of us

signs and wonders.         ~for those who pay attention and can see.


do I hear an amen in the blogosphere...      


Monday, March 13, 2017

Wants & Needs. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

on good days, all I really want is the reminder that I already have everything I need.

Thank you Jesus! Amen.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Proud & Happy... (writeousmom!)


I do hear, and appreciate the complaints..   how there is so much pressure on the kids these days..  how they can't just politely ask someone to the high school dance anymore..

yes, yes.. its all true.  but..      I think..   I tell my son,   -just be creative okay..    do it write.

and, look!  a wonderful poster, a delicious cookie, with a fun message and..

bonus points!   ROSES...

***

and now let me share    -what my idea was    

he had mentioned to me how the young lady he wanted to ask,   -how she liked macaroni & cheese, and grilled cheese..    and turkey and cheese..

and so write away I was like,   "oh.. oh!     you can go like,

Cheese will you go with me to the Jr Prom...        /don't you know I think I'm so clever..

anyway.. 

I also continue to offer    -if he wants to borrow any of my barone's dance moves..

and he is so polite and respectful with the way he smiles that

  thanks but no thanks     smile..

and just does his own thing.

   -proud and happy mom!                 you know I love you!    xoxo

***

prelude to red carpet for all us    ~mama~razzi's! & grandma~razzi's:     click, click  "cheers!"


Saturday, March 11, 2017

RESERVED for my autograph from/picture with MARK HADDON

yes.   I am reserving this space:


















for a picture of (me!) standing with Mark Haddon, and holding a personally inscribed copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

maybe..   we are at the Golden Gate Theatre! in San Francisco...   and I have an autographed playbill too!

but first...   I must come up with an exceptional reason...


...an exceptional   
[rare/unusually extraordinary/excellent/superior]

...reason...

[a basis or cause.. statement to justify an action]



so if you want to know what i'll be thinking about while I pray my way to work on 580, and what i'll be dreaming about in between every "welcome"   and "have a nice day" at the cash register...







In Jesus    ~forgive this selfish dreamer            's  name...   amen!

MARK HADDON i still want to meet you! (me!) sandra, tvgp

you bring out my most selfish self.   that is to say, usually..   under less selfish and more altruistic circumstances

upon learning of your success, high demand for autographs, justifiable book tour burn out, on and on, etc., etc.,

under less selfish circumstances..   I would let go entirely of my personal desire to have an autographed  (your own hand, not the machine) copy of curious incident of the dog in the nighttime, and honor you  -as an artist

and if I was a better, less selfish person, than I am, I would know/honor/respect, that you should be spending your time creating;  -or in prelude to..   dreaming/imagining/considering/relaxing...      and not autographing a gazillion books

I know better.   and yet..

well, the desire did leave me for a bit..   subside...     

until..

until...   curious incident of the dog in the nighttime on broadway!

and now,   the whole damn dream is taking (me!) over again..

                                     maybe we could meet in San Francisco...   and then..

and I see my autograph book collection..     so many amazing books..    spectacular authors...


and I plan a place   -of great honor!    on the shelf for my personally inscribed copy of the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime by Mark Haddon

which, does,

for anyone who does not already know..    rank number #1 among my favorite fiction reads of all time.   and Christopher...   my most beloved fiction character.

"Congratulations!"  again, on this creation and    -your success

which, Anne Lamott describes as something artists must recover from..


In Jesus loves a good book  's name,    amen!

P.S. THOUGHTS ON FAME from (mark!)

original post 04/08/2009



one of the greatest novels i've ever read is curious incident of the dog in the night time

and on my list of authors i hope to meet in person: -and for great testimony re: what happens if a piece of your work becomes popular/successful: -and for beautiful art: -and for creative inspiration: and keeping me in complete awe:

http://www.markhaddon.com/availability.htm

Friday, March 10, 2017

Fascinating what some Americans take pride in, isn't it. Says (me!) Sandra, tvgp

THE HEART SEEN by.. (squidmann!)

017 (2) - Copy THIS is a super cool..  awesome.. heart seen contribution..  of a light colored moth (heart shape) resting dirt/green/earthy background

so, when I have time to figure out why picture is not posting correctly...  why the heart cannot yet be seen..

but, "thank you!"  leonard stegmann..       xoxo  ~s.c.

traffic report by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the day before yesterday  -a huge, what was it..   motorhome of the largest kind/size;  smashed and totaled along the side of the road   [sign of the cross]  carry on.

yesterday, a man   -long pants, no shirt, standing in the middle of 580 west, cars zooming by on either side..    he looked as if he was in shock.   [sign of the cross]    -and there was no way to stop and help or you would just cause another crash.    1/4 mile up the freeway, a white car crashed into the cement barrier.   I did take the next exit, call and make sure..  and yes, highway patrol was already responding.    [sign of cross] carry on.

am I exaggerating to say I must see at least one accident everyday..     on this side, or that side of the freeway..     on side roads.. 

and without itemizing the car accidents I myself have been in   -at accidental fault and as the victim of..

and without mentioning the trucks I see towing cars that have obviously been in accidents..

and without bringing attention to the signs on the freeway that read,  "for minor injuries pull off to the side..."

or noting every near miss; reckless driver..

I just wonder

I wonder very, very much where the boundary lies


like, exactly how many people driving cars?  taking how much time to get from here to there? with what ratio of accidents to per person/car/distance..

before we stop the madness.

-just curious.

as God has released me back into the wild..     after nurturing me in a 10 mile radius for many years

and, I see it all with new I-yi-yi's.

so, in my imagination I ask    

and very well aware my commute is significantly shorter/easier than mass numbers of people, but

plug in your own geographic variables:

              I'm only trying to figure out the boundary  -at what point the cost outweighs the benefits

so let's pretend:

at one time it took 20 minutes to get from place A to place B.   few cars..  accidents very rare.
             same route,  now takes 30 minutes; more cars, accidents more frequent
             same route  starts to take 45 minutes; more cars, accidents more frequent; more severe
            same route begins to take 1 hour; even more cars, accidents common; some fatal
             same route, 1 hour and 15 minutes, even more cars/trucks/motorcycles; accidents daily; severe; fatalities frequent..


-this is in fact the scenario for a lot of people commuting today, who have been commuting for years.  it continues to get worse; not better

and I just wonder,   -for myself, and for everyone   -the boundary?  or as Gladwell might say,  -the tipping point

and, I want to say a big public "thank you!" to KLOVE, KBLX, KFOX, KKIQ among others  -and to my daughter for the custom CD's..  and all the musicians who usurp my stress with

     
"Don't you know, it's gonna be sweat.  (sweat!)
And some tears. And some hard years.
Best believe they'll be hurt.
And some pain.
Expect some rain.
You're gonna make it if you try.
Keep your eye, on the prize.
You can take it.
You might have to work it, but it's gonna be worth it
Don't let em tell you that you dont deserve it.
Don't, let em tell you can't be Anything you wanna be
Don't be deceived
Anything's possible
If, you will just believe
Then you can succeed
It might not be easy
Anything's possible
Sisters and brothers, anything's possible
I know you can... "

***

and I lip sync, and raise my coffee cup, and dance in my seat..   and slam on my breaks

and[ sign of the cross].. carry on..

and I I-spy my lucky number on license plates..    and thank God for the breath-taking green in the rolling hills, and   -hurry! click my turn signal up once to stop the idiosyncratic BEEP

and wonder if the man in the white truck next to me is    -flirting with me..  the way he is speeding up and slowing down..    or maybe just texting and driving..     

and then pump my breaks to alert the truck behind me going 95mph that everyone is STOPPING...

[sign of cross.] carry on..

In Jesus,  -there must be a better way...    's name,   amen!

***

my son:  "i don't know that freeway..  880..."

(me!):   "k, 880 is like 580 and 680, only remove 12 inches from each side of each lane. it is very narrow.  and add a thousand more cars, replace the green rolling hills with sound barrier walls..    my shoulders squish up and in whenever I drive on it..   "

and, I shared, during our wonderful, wonderful breakfast visit at Vics Allstar Kitchen in Downtown Pleasanton,  "Thank You!" Vic,



that 880 is the freeway that was directly behind the house I grew up in, in Hayward.   -and how we used to throw..

well, we were young, stupid and had an apple tree in our backyard.

and then    -CH-     that lead to talking about apples in general..  and how exciting it was when my Mom-ma..      my mom's mom, came to visit, and how amazing to see her transform the apples into applesauce and apple pies..

    -they're not just fun red balls to throw at each other? or over the fence...    who knew...

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

SPIRITUAL COUNTERATTACKS.. as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp

what a trick it is; to feel -safe.    that I can experience it at all, based on my life experiences is, in fact, a miracle.  but I do; sometimes..     feel  -safe.

it doesn't mean I am.    true for you too, isn't it.    you can feel safe, and not be safe.  you can feel threatened, when in fact, you are safe.   -none of us -know. 

when I read certain passages in the Bible, which..   I will research for specific passages later..  but there are many..  God has your back..    You are protected...

and upon my eyes crossing and my mind/spirit digesting any passages related to -feeling protected.. 

my mind will play a ...   less than one second..  viewing of Dr Martin Luther Kind being assassinated.

it is not   (me!) conjuring up, working to make happen..   it just pops into my mind.

God didn't protect Dr Martin Luther King..    

and I have to watch him be murdered.   and then, ...

well, this is a type of spiritual warfare isn't it.     designed to make me feel afraid; live in fear again, question God..

but I am not afraid.  I am not living IN fear.   I know God;  God is not a question mark for (me!)

I live with knowledge; not fear.  

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PREVAIL.   WHAT CAN MERE MORTALS..

the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King..   cemented.   His physical life; ended, as all of our physical lives will end; in one way or another; some shorter some longer..

but he lives on    - he lives on here on earth, in memory..    he lives on, in heaven, eternally.

even death has lost its sting..           -the perishable are made imperishable...

I have learned to keep my faith   -despite any attack against it.    God already has the victory!

God has already won my heart; my soul; my mind..            -for eternity.

I love and trust God.    -doesn't mean the worst (from human life perspective) won't happen..

but it does mean,  -that even if or when the worst does happen..

God's children RISE ABOVE.

hallelujah & amen!

***

1 Corinthians 15:54-55New American Standard Bible (NASB)
54 But when this [a]perishable will have put on [b]the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in victory. 55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”


 

PREPARING FOR BATTLE.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

spiritual battle.   I have my armor on!

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

***

as I have already written in detail: I will bullet point here

I am engaged in spiritual warfare.  I am on a spiritual trek in a spiritual landmine in San Leandro.

it is my responsibility to revisit tragedies and traumas and great suffering that took place in and around here.  I will honor this responsibility  

without getting stuck; without going spiritually backwards

my single motivation is to demonstrate from what dark/ugly/toxic/damaged/worthless pit, God can still reach his hand..

from what depths; the heights!     from what evil..   good can still come!

from what ashes...  beauty!     from what numb/traumatized state..     joy! love! hope!

when God has a hand in it...   WOW!

and God is love..    and God works through people...

so, it is the LOVE from many people, family, friends and strangers..    which has brought me

HERE:

San Leandro, California, United States of America   2017.

And exactly because I know my spiritual trek, in this spiritual landmine, has the   -potential- to send me backwards

in addition to putting on my spiritual armor, as described in the Bible..   I have quite consciously re-spent time with friends/family dear to (me!)..

this strengthens! and empowers!..   so, phone or in-person visits with my children, my siblings, my nieces and nephew..   my dad, his wife..    dinner w/Sue Regnier; a lunch with Charlotte Severin; a coffee visit with Catherine Teeter and Carla Graci, lunch with Kathy/David Biondi, a phone call with Mary Re, upcoming visit with Lisa Tiner..     tonight:  live music, dancing, visit with Motown, Lana from BSF, and my fellow dancing circle friends...   I am enormously grateful for my family and these friendships!     whether you realize it or not..   you have strengthened me and empowered me for the battle ahead..   I love you!

and God has me write where he wants me.  I know this.   I am with my mom and her husband.  in a loving home; loving environment..    /spoiled, if I could be so honest...     with love, and meals, and conversation, and warriors games together..   it is a pleasure and gift to wake up here, and return here at the end of a honest days work...                /blocking out commute..

and speaking of work..   alden lane!    -so, in between the loving environment I awake in, and return to:    I am in the most beautiful/wonderful working environment ive ever known..!   I have been working since I was 15 years old..         -nothing tops this!   the people; the place..  

this also strengthens and empowers me for the battle ahead.   I know this.

I feel prepared.   I am prepared.   "Thank You!" to everyone who God works through... to everyone who allows God to work through them...

"Thank You Jesus!"    amen.

FULLY EVOLVED HUMAN BEINGS to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Throughout his life, Edhi emphasised the humanitarian, rather than religious, motivation for his work.
His foundation receives "zakat" (Islamic charity) donations, which he used to help Muslims, Christians and Hindus.
Asked why he helped non-Muslims, he said: "Because my ambulance is more Muslim than you."
He also famously lamented: "People have become educated ... but have yet to become human."

**  above is a copy/paste excerpt from link clicked on from google doodle honoring Abdul Sattar Edhi.      -to my knowledge and memory; this is my first introduction to him..    "Thank You!"

***  it is a springboard to repeat, that for me, humanitarians are our most evolved human~beings.   and springboard to repeat, that while I am Christian, and serve Jesus Christ,  -as my declared Lord and Savior..    

The Fruits of the Spirit are non-denominational.  They are spiritual LAWS, which I define as   -that which applies to ALL OF HUMANITY; not exclusive to specific religions; denominations.

love * joy * peace * patience * kindness * goodness * gentleness * faithfulness * self~control.

***

my religion is Christianity.  my spiritual walk is in love; with effort to master the fruits of the spirit.

***

that said,  -I have other criteria for defining our most evolved human~beings.  Humanitarianism is way up there!  and mastery of the fruits of the spirit...     and for me, a fully evolved human~being would be free from any/all addictions; any/all notions of superiority or inferiority

character traits such as honesty/integrity are present.  appreciation for life, beauty, art..   and acceptance/appreciation of our temporary physical existence.. an understanding/appreciation for the gift of suffering and self-sacrifice.   a heart/mind which cannot turn its back, or a blind eye to injustices.   a spirit of generosity.   the ability to forgive self and others.   in word and deed; the desire to help others..      goals for bigger picture.. not self-seeking, but leading/collaborating for greater good of all humanity

and all of that..   using different words/different arrangement is already in the Bible.

In Jesus trustworthy name,   amen!

***

SUCH A FLAWED and yet SANCTIFIED PERSON...

briefly: it is my personal experience; my interpretation of what has taken place inside of me.  -that I have in fact, been involved and am personally engaged in the sanctification process..    in crude brief language: the purification of my soul/spirit

oh! I feel the same as Dr Maya Angelou, in this way...    she said, I paraphrase here, capture the essence:

 "i make 87 mistakes from between the time my feet hit the floor in the morning..  and when I go to bed at night..  and then I forgive myself, and try and do good again the next day"

and I feel that way too...     so many mistakes; some bigger, some smaller..   but each day is a new day.    and where the sanctification takes place

is that, no matter how many mistakes, or what size

the mistakes I make are from

natural human error.   being tired.   being ignorant.   reaching beyond my areas of experience/knowledge.   not fully exercising/tapping into my experience/knowledge.  lack of understanding.   from things I misunderstood to begin with.  accidents.  miscommunications.  trying to hurry.. this could be a longer list, but

the point.

my heart.  my heart is in the write place.  with great consistency, my heart is in the write place..  my mistakes are not born from a desire to hurt or injure or exploit or manipulate or marginalize or control others, in any way; ever..  

sanctification appears to happen in these steps  /again, crude/brief:

-awareness of when behaviors/decisions are born from insecurities; jealousy; hate; fear; addictions... etc.

-slow, incremental change to behaviors/decisions where the origin is from love and with love and toward love.      and for definitions/understanding of what love is..     I might suggest 1 Corinthians, 13 

where,   love really does conquer all...   ALL that yucky stuff like insecurities, jealousy, hate, fear..

where, perfect love, casts out all fear.

sanctification is such a beautiful experience!   so wonderful..    I recommend a prayer

-for those not yet aware/introduced at all, pray, ...   Please introduce me to this mysterious process..   amen.

for Freshmen:   Thank you..   allow me to keep growing..    into knowing..    amen.

for Graduates:  Thank you!   don't let me go...     -you who have started a great work in me..   carry me to completion..   /see:  Philippians 1:6

Sunday, February 26, 2017

keep it real. a poem for the 21st century. by (me!) sandra, tvgp


real vision planted in the soil of your imaginative mind
water it. nurture it.  but first.. you must find.





i love waking up, "thank you!" Jesus..

my eyes sweep the room, with such gratitude..

pictures of people i love; pretty décor above dresser drawers

books, and beautiful fabric on my bed, pillows, and papers, things people have made
                               people have said





my eyes re-sweep the room, with such gratitude..

sculptures, and lotions, and boxes and phone..
  &nbnbsp;                                     the miracle that i get to call this my home..

for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   

REMEMBER?

re-sweep, re-sweep this room..   with my eyes,
and something happens

when i sweep ALIVE..    something happens, when my eyes sweep green

-this living, growing, breathing thing..






my life attracts to life, i see    -and the real in life; the mystery!

now, look around yourself and see...

the digital, the material, the real: to be or not to be..       search for life, sweep for green..

go interact with a living thing.  

now stop.

***

put three buildings side by side.   i'll describe for you what's inside:

in the first one, only things ALIVE!   things that breathe; things that die...

living, growing, breathing things..   the 'real'  the 'true'  that makes heart sing..



in building two  -we part fake you,

with things from a distance, which look alive; but were made, in fact, to deceive your mind

"is that flower   ...    real?"      -what a deal!    but how do you know

until you TOUCH & FEEL..    now imagine yourself in a world, where

nothing actually is; but only looks real.     -how does that make you FEEL?





everything in it collects dust; none of it collects memories you cant always trust



and speaking of the unreliable nature of our memories..   that's the perfect Segway to building three:

building three is empty.











-save that pair of goggles you place on your head..   to enter a virtual world instead

where, now..

when you go to touch and feel..   you're still not sure "what's real?"

immersed in a fine art man-made land; where your real mind is highjacked by a virtual hand

anywhere you want to                  they want you to...

to preprogrammed worlds in..    

brain-game lands.    -where nothing ever really breathes.  nothing really dies

but things in there appear so real; you really laugh and cry        /know what i mean?

-you are not faking your reactions; to the real virtual attractions..

/or are you?

what, where...        is the truth?


for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   

REMEMBER?





and now, what if you were trapped in building three; stuck with goggles on

virtual world  -upon your death..    the virtual world goes on..

what if you were stuck in building two   -where you are the only living thing?
could the fake silk flowers and rubber trees..    still make a caged bird sing?


i use my imagination to help me see..   i use it; it does not use me..

    ~there is something of the awesome between real living things

~there is more to real, and truth and love, and life and death, for me..

there is something so very miraculous in our very real but faulty memories

and you:

YOU ARE REALLY SOMETHING!



for a while, i will call this place home.   family love;  -from which ive grown..

God is love; and heavens home..   

 I REMEMBER.

re-sweep, re-sweep this room..   with my eyes,
and something happens

when i sweep ALIVE..    something happens, when my eyes sweep green

-this living, growing, breathing thing..





my life attracts to life, i see    -and the real in life; trust the mystery!



for a while, you will call earth home.  there is real life and real love; you need to know.

GOD is LOVE. HEAVEN'S HOME.  

REMEMBER.


Saturday, February 25, 2017

merve griffin and donald trump.. ? remembers (me!) sandra, tvgp

who can fact check for me?  I woke to this memory..    tiny piece of tv footage, with a long lasting impact

Donald trump..   no. wait..  merve griffin purchased real estate from Donald trump  -years ago.. how many, don't know

but what stands out, is how Donald trump used the public platform to make sure everyone knew, merve griffin paid way too much..    the unspoken message:   -I played you..   you are stupid...  look how much I profited off of you..     and trump kept on bragging..    and merve was put in a position to try and defend..

trump's character was so blatantly ugly; his ego/narcissism...   this whole,  i'm superior and will rub your face in it...  humiliate you in public...    the personal pride and braggadocio from successfully exploiting/manipulating

he takes great pride in screwing people over.

everyday I wake up..    "America...  who?!? have you made President of the United States of America..."

  -the skill set required to be a successful business person    -where success is exclusively defined by financial gain; at sometimes any cost

this skill set, which trump does have in abundance..    fits, I suppose, for the capitalism portion of our identity as a country..

/let me interject here, repeat my personal definition of capitalism:   -it is where the amount of money you make is more important than how you make it.

but, anyway..   that skill set, and the skill set required to be the President of the United States of America are NOT THE SAME. 

that capitalism skill set, isn't a good fit, for the DEMOCRACY, identity of our country..

businesses are most often dictatorships..

 ***

there are questions of basic character for me..     /lacking..
there are questions of  -basic communication skills...    when I consider the variety of people/leaders from all around the world, all the different cultures, languages..     and see the communication skill set this particular president has to offer...     /also, severely lacking
decision-making..    when I consider the consequences of some of the decisions that have to be made.. how many people/countries, long term/short term consequences..   the amount of things that SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AND FACTORED IN..    vs., Trumps decision-making skill set..  how much time he spends thinking/consulting/considering/weighing...      when the stakes are so high..

and when the stakes are NOT exclusively financial...

  -also, severely lacking

his ability to listen...    

   -and please..   he is not willing to make transparent where he has businesses/business interests around the globe?  his inability/unwillingness to divest interests during his term...

these emolument concerns are entirely valid...

my vote would be to impeach..       let him continue to thrive in the business arena where he clearly belongs

***

I am currently lacking knowledge myself,   -speaking of consequences, and factoring things in..

upon his impeachment..   which I view as inevitable;

the result of that...

surely it could not be worse.

***

In Jesus non-partisan name...    amen!





Friday, February 24, 2017


Thursday, February 23, 2017

pleasanton museum's manual typewriter.. for (me!) sandra, rockstar writer...

  I was there just the other day. popped in to see some of charlotte severin's paintings; took in a wonderful exhibit of paintings, photography, jewelry..  and then had the great   -great! pleasure of typing on this magnificent old manual typewriter.  -now, i'm slightly fixated on the idea of owning one..  so much fun!  and the ink was out, so you couldn't see what I was typing, but my fingers said,


"it's all coming back to me...

anyway, I wont go on and on, like id like to, about the importance of tactile experiences and exercises..   but in short.. I can tell you,  -as we move away from this into our digital/virtual; mind consuming but tactile-deficient world     -well, I do notice it creates a certain longing for; and appreciation of..

anyway..  had a wonderful visit also with three women at the museum; delightful!  Trudy, Cheree, & Beverly    -more on that later,

for now..  this experience made me remember,  -the awe factor the first time I saw my mom type on an  -electric- typewriter..    so fast! like smoke coming up from the keyboard..    I compare it to.. if you saw someone on a tricycle..   and then later, on a Harley..     -stand back man..



and it made me want to pull from my archives the following:

***

Saturday, July 06, 2013

  ROCK STAR WRITER a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp      



where did you two meet?

and how did you know?

these are two vital questions
when the answer is...  true love.

we met, i say, /with a wink and smile

"..at a hotel.   -i worked the front desk, and he was there on business."

it's true.

debbie introduced and i was instantly! seduced.

so long and sleek, quiet and shy..
that irristible skin and those tender black i's

this hp is made for (me!)
i when i say that, i mean that  -quite literally

how i love thee, love thee, love thee!
write now! forever! permanently!


yes, i was made for you, and you for (me!)

and when i say that, i mean that   -quite literally

as if,

as if someone measured my individual fingers, my write and left hand
as if someone, a designer, who really understands

who without request, and without demand
put my wildest dream in the palm of my hands


"i love you!"   "i love you!" types both of my hands
i'm a rock star writer, in a poetry band

yes,  i am the keyboard wizard!

i stand like a statue
become part of this machine
feeling all the letters
always typing clean
write by intuition
the blog counters fall
i'm a deaf, dumb and blind girl
but i sure play a mean keyboard...

dun ta da

you are comin' with me 
everywhere i go

from this day forward   -that's all i know

and i still need a monitor
and a computer too

but nothing seems impossible now that i've met you.

you make me feel
like a rock star writer in a poetry band
like my wildest dreams are in the palm of my hands

i'll put a strap on you baby
we'll tour the land

"i love you!"  "i love you!"  types both of my hands.


***

Thursday, March 05, 2015



ROCKSTAR WRITER as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp


i think i have a poem by the same name; or very close.  written after my fingers touched a keyboard that seemed immediately custom made for my hands.. the greatest fit ever..  smooth beyond belief. and within that poem i also change the words a little and reference elton johns, pinball wizard song.
I'd give anything if i could attach a device to my brain which would allow me to share with you the music video that plays in my mind when i  hear that song.   i believe such a technology will one day exist because for 1.  the visuals that play in my mind are so vivid and clear and 2. its the exact direction everything is heading; access inside the brains and minds..
like anything and everything else; it will also be used for both good and evil.  and like everything else, it will primarily be used for good; just never exclusively.   <----- afraid.="" condition="" i="" m="" of="" p="" permanent="" this="" world="">
anyway.. allow me here to imagine it, and imagine it used for the good:  what a cool music video plays in my mind!
please play pinball wizard song in the background. it triggers the video; the images.  they never appear without music; nor to any other song.
forgive the ego; i am the star of this particular video.  it starts when i am very young. you see me as a child learning to write on that very large lined tan paper, with red hyphen size lines and thick blue lines which are there to guide children in learning the size of capital letter vs. lower case and to write straight across the page vs. how writing tends to tilt on a blank page.
and so, there i am..  learning to hand-write; awkward at first; gradually improving as all children do.
and you see me writing for school, -but also, more importantly, writing at home; in my own notebook for my own pleasure
-because i can.
and then it speeds through my elementary, middle school, and high school years..  always writing..  school, home..  home, school,  -helping others with their writing assignments..
and the tools change, exactly as they have changed during the course of my life:
pencil to lined paper.
pen to blank paper.
manual typewriter.
electric typewriter.
PC keyboard.
laptop (keyboard attached)
back to detached keyboard; plastic
glass keyboard (i-pad)
to phone..
the tiny glass keyboard you can only two thumb type on.
but i see myself.. no matter where.. school, home, college, work..  writing, writing, writing..
filling shelves worth of journals.. then a big fire where I toss them all in..
new journals..
then articles for the newspapers..  marketing brochures, emails, resumes, poems, short stories... 
during certain parts of the song; especially the opening..
i see myself typing write-handed, left-handed, on a table, behind my back, writing with one hand while the other hand does some other task.  playing the computer keyboard the way the great entertainers play the piano.. standing up, sitting down, hitting keys with my feet, spinning around.. backwards, sideways..    then i strum the keyboard like a guitar..i am a rockstar..and do the big circle gesture with my arm i think peter frampton is famous for..
"...that deaf, dumb and blind girl...
SHE sure plays a mean keyboard...
how do you think SHE does it?   i don't know.  -what makes her so good?
SHE ain't got no distractions, can't hear no buzz or bells.."
/during that part.. i  see myself typing up a storm with my young kids all active around me but i  am oblivious..
"..always gets a replay, -never tilts at all..."
***
it's like a really cool music video if i  do say so myself.
and me being (me!)..   i can't help but be fascinated with our ability. -that is, the ability within all of us
to have this amazing movie screen in our imaginations entirely separate from the practical outside world; private if we choose
-or manifest into actual movies, music videos, if we want and can..
-this particular song triggers what I've just described
-more and very often, i see entire large dance teams in amazingly choreographed numbers to any given song i might be listening to..
-how?
in the real world, you have to first actually choreograph a number.. then practice, then perform
in my imagination all of the prep work has already been done. i just get to see awesome! amazing! fantastic performances by what appear to be the worlds greatest dancers..
of course! i wish you could see them too!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

BOYS to MEN by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and, yes,

so, I was going over in my mind again..   -relationships.

and I was like,

parents/good..  love has only grown.
children/good..  love has only grown.
siblings/good.. love has only grown.
friendships/good..  love has only grown.
neighbors/coworkers/passersby..   good/good/good..

so, what is it about...  romantic relationships?   -spouses?   on/off..   never, good and love grows.. but rather good, great.. good, bad, worse, horrific, get me out of here.

hmmm, what thing separates, distinguishes romantic relationships from all the other ones?  ...there must be something...


OH!  of course...   it's SEX.    all my good, positive and thriving relationships do not involve sex!

SEX is the problem..    well/it's never a problem..

rather, ..  that IS the one thing that distinguishes spousal/romantic relationships from all the other types of relationships in my life that are successful..

and,

obviously, I started to entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship..  'that just doesn't involve sex!'             

but by the time I arrived to my destination and parked, I said to myself

  -that's okay.  I'm fine with a few more breaks in my heart.

***

In I think I heard Jesus laughing..  's   name.   amen!


***

speaking of...

i'm going easy on myself..   so, my first two pilgrimage visits here in san leandro, were  #1 Rasputin music    -and, wow! the amount of CD and DVD covers in any given aisle I was able to recognize..



there is a lot of music and images stored in this brain of mine..    but the other thing worth mentioning, to any single people attracted to men..     -forget the church social, or the local bar..    and head to Rasputin..   there were a lot of men in there..

Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right back...in love again...seems like, seems like)
That I'm back in love...again

***

then, I had to stroll through, the new starbucks, which is in the same lot as Rasputin..   -said a telepathic 'hello' to Russell..    

-this starbucks used to be..   if I am remembering correctly, and that is anybody's guess:  but I believe it was called Doggy Diner (?)    -and, when I was a teenager, I used to have my dad drive me there so I could order a hot dog and coke from ... Russell...     /can't remember last name..   remember blond hair, cute face..   voice.    and I remember my dad making several efforts to explain to me..   in his own words:   don't chase the boys..  let the boys chase you...      but, they were never fast enough, so I would help them out...

***

also...   did a little stroll through Southland Mall with my beautiful mom..   THE! place to hangout as a teenager growing up in Hayward..     need to re-connect with sue-sue for detail in my vague memories..    maybe I can get a guest visit from mary (gerace) re here in comments..     or my brother...    or sister...



all I would need to do is say...   ~roundtable.

and, the tattoo on my face, matches one of the symbols on the Warriors Chinese New Year inspired jerseys..    which, apparently, with the second symbol in Chinese = Warrior.   But, with just the one symbol, Japanese translation =  courage/bravery..    or, as I like to share:   "conquer the world with kindness."

anyway..  as I love the Warriors, and this particular jersey, I thought.. 

"i'm sorry...   did you just say  ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS...?!?

  -so, just took a picture with it instead.

   and the music/song/lyrics that surfaced here was..   Macklemore

 They be like, Oh, that Gucci NBA... That's hella tight
I'm like, Yo that's fifty dollars ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt
Limited edition, let's do some simple addition
Fifty dollars  ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch (Shit)
I call that getting swindled and pimped (Shit)
I call that getting tricked by a business

  Yes.. this jersey is a~ hella~dope

but..  look at my hardwork, my paycheck..  this jersey is a~hella~nope.


***

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

ive got a write to be wrong... (me!) sandra, tvgp

from the playlist storage in my mind, the soundtrack for this post directs me to:

joss stone.

***

rick cahall:  "what year is your jeep again?"

(me!):   "2002"

rick:  "how much did you pay for it?"

(me!):   "well, it goes like this..   way too much.  but the thing is..   my Saturn hybrid barely made it on to the lot for a trade-in..  my prayer was just that I could drive it there, and not have to have it towed; k.   and my credit score was like, 2...     and my negotiation skills  -zero.

and when you add that all together..   you pay a few thousand dollars more than you are supposed to, but that's just the way that ball bounces."

***

honestly, I was so emotionally exhausted...   sometimes you just have to choose..   not only how to spend your money, but

your energy; your time..     /if more people understood the true cost...

in this case..   I had zero energy, zero time, zero patience, for the bs of going back and forth, and back and forth with numbers written on paper...  let me go see my supervisor...   this is the best I can do... but, no wait.. let me go see again...

such a stupid game.     and, so the very first offer, I said, "sounds great. where do I sign..   get me out of here.."

***

and I love my jeep blue see.   oh! the gas is killing me..  but, ive never felt safer..  I love being high up, and the windows! such a grand view in every direction..  and the tires! especially in this belated el nino flash flood environment we are currently enduring..  and for the life-threatening commutes..

and, all write..   the air conditioning/heating unit is out..

and.. what a funny idiosyncrasy it has developed:   and how proud I am of myself for figuring out how to..

well, what happen is that it started to beep, beep, beep..   out of nowhere.  and for the life of me, I could not figure out how to get it to "STOP!"   "SHUT UP!"    "TURN OFF!!

OFF

OFF

OFF!"

  -and I was allowing myself to be quite dangerously distracted by this annoying beep, while I was driving on the freeway..   looking here and there... pressing every button..  trying so hard to get it to "SHUT UP!"

then I kicked into,  -is shutting this noise off, worth crashing  -because that is what is going to happen if you keep..

and I decided to test myself.. to see just how undistracted I could be...    and tried to sing a long to the music, and just ignore...

so, one time, I successfully ignored the beep, beep, beep, all the way from Livermore to San Leandro.

this is also a very important skill set...     so, maybe my negotiation skills are lacking, but..

when it comes to the ability to not let potentially dangerous annoying things/people distract me from the task at hand..

I give myself an A++


[and what is the car salespersons skill set anyway...   mastering the art of taking the most financial advantage of a less skilled/ financially vulnerable fellow human being?    -I would not be proud of that...      but, I'm interested in testing/I'm curious..   like, what is the maximum amount a trained salesperson would let an untrained customer pay; and still maintain good conscience?

-for the record..  they were wonderful/helpful..    my experience positive; I'm only making a few points...

***

anyway, I don't know how.. it was accidental the way I figured out..

really?!?    that's all I have to do?    serious?

-because it turns out, anytime the beep starts..  if I click the turn signal just one time, up, like I'm about to make a write turn

it stops.

-for at least a couple miles..

and then when it starts again...     one click/write turn...   stop.   like magic!   who knew...  

it was a very exciting discovery I must say.

now,

I haven't figured out why it beeps.  and I haven't figured out how to get it to stop completely.

but,

I am in this pattern now...    anytime the beeping begins: I immediately hit the signal up, like I'm about to make a quick write turn

   -so, if you are among those drivers who happen to be behind me, when the beeping starts

I realize


it must look like i'm about to turn write into a house, or hill, or building, or giant truck..


     "why is her signal on?  you cant turn write here!  there is not even a road...

is she drunk?    is there some hanky~panky going on in that jeep?"


but, no..   when you see the wink of my write red tail blinker light

I am just living in harmony with ...   I am just co~existing with my jeep blue see's idiosyncrasy

and that! is a good skill to have too..    a very important life skill indeed!

can you imagine if we all learned to live with each other's idiosyncrasies instead of trying to fix everything and everyone to death all the time..

   [sparing you my dissertation on the importance of letting steph curry chew on his mouth guard; but let that be one of the lessons]

***

anyway,

I process it now, like a neurological stress test of sorts..

because it is one very easy thing, now that I know the secret to temporarily stopping the beeping sound,  -on a clear day, on a beautiful road I have all to myself, with blue skies and no traffic.. and a great song playing..

it is very easy under those circumstances, to hear the beep and immediately click the signal.

but,

after a long, taxing day...  when I'm super tired...   and it is very dark out...   and the rain is pouring down hard; relentless..  and the traffic is thick...   and the only thing on the radio is another annoying commercial..

and then add the BEEP...

and all of that describes my drive home from work last night.  and i'd like to close by saying "Thank You Jesus!"    -and giving myself another  A++.

SHE's making a write turn!   out of nowhere!


hallelujah! & amen!


****

gotta love these lyrics:
 joss stone..    slight personalization edits, by (me!)..

I've got a write to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
I've got a write to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a write to be wrong

Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to (me!)
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let (me!) be all that I can be
Don't smother (me!) with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for (me!)
I'm going to face it willingly


  








Monday, February 20, 2017

public "thank you!" to (jacquie williams~courtright!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp


when I started at alden lane in june, -one of the first things I learned was that the owner, Jacquie, -well, she herself, bakes these awesome delicious cakes for each employee  -and not just for birthdays, but for the young adults leaving for college..  

and, the goodbyes are made just a little bit easier with a fork-full of deliciousness..

and that is my confession..    when Rachel mentioned she would be leaving for France...   my first reaction was.. ~how much i'm going to miss you..

but quicker than I'm willing to admit, my mind bounced to:  "that means there will be cake!"

***

and my mom asked me..   if Jacquie made one cake for all the February birthdays, and I had the pleasure of sharing, that no..

she makes a cake for each individual person and birthday AND! you get to pick from a menu.. whatever your favorite is, even special requests..

and, ive got to get myself ready for work write now, so i'll close by saying..   I know my cakes.  and these cakes she makes; that frosting!    -amazing!

"thank you!!"     ~xoxo    sandra


to jennifer lash, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Hi Jennifer,  Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was performed one night only, with permission, at the Firehouse Art Center, a 240 seat theater, during my term as Poet Laureate for Pleasanton, California, on a $500 budget. The response from the audience was a playwrite's dream

"so powerful! Dr Maya Angelou has to see this!"   "Does Oprah know about this..?  "You have to get this on film..."   "i always liked Dr Maya Angelou, but now I LOVE her!"  and, somewhere in my email archives, very positive responses from local book club members who attended the event and who said they were inspired to write rave reviews to Dr Maya Angelou, and Oprah and friends in the industry.

I believe it deserves professional backing, and should be performed again...   and again...   and again, for audiences all around the world, and I do dream of having the opportunity to reunite the 3 woman cast:  Faith Alpher, as Dr Maya Angelou, myself/narrator, and Jessica Reaber, musician, and perform/audition for potential producers, who will see, it has the potential to pack the house of the Royal Albert Hall..   and inspire standing ovations on Broadway...

and, I see you are Director of Music Licensing..   The song I dedicate to Dr Maya Angelou, in Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, is KT Tunstall's song:   Suddenly I See.   -Are the lyrics not perfect!!  Her face came immediately to my mind, and still does, every time I hear that song...  "She's got the power to be, the power to give.. the power to see.. yeah, yeah, yeah"    Of course, I dream KT Tunstall herself could be in the performance

/I am like a professional day~dreamer...       anyway,

That is my dream.  But  -as it is just a dream, I know that regardless, the script itself, should be with Dr Maya Angelou's legacy keepers.   I did mail my original script to what I hope was her office at Wake Forest University, that was in Feb of 2013. Where/with who this ultimately landed, I do not know.

Blessings to you Jennifer Lash,

Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist
WriteousMom.com

Sunday, February 19, 2017

inbetween customers... (me!) sandra, tvgp

"okay... yes, thank you...  you be sure and have a nice day..."

***


Stephen Colbert:   "...  that was something we didn't know...   and how 'bout foreign languages..  do you speak any other languages?"

(me!):  "Itchi gitchi ya ya da da.  Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choca-lata ya ya.

and, Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir....   "  but that's about it."


Stephen Colbert.. /laughs..     "that's all you need to know... actually...    but do you have any idea what that means..?"

(me!): " no, I can't actually translate; I can only interpretative dance.  actually...   my special skill is being able to speak two different English Languages..

Stephen Colbert:   /lifting only one eyebrow..     "okay..  let's here it..."

(me!):  "well, it is very obvious to me, that intelligence and comedy are two of your God-given gifts..

-that's Christian~ese...

and, then..

it is very obvious, that in the before of some gazillion rotations of the earth ...  when two forces manifested out of nowhere, and happen to collide, despite infinite space,  at the exact speed and gforce necessary for some kind of random big bang to happen that would ultimately create organized universes, galaxies..  and result eventually in human life..    -that, skip, skip, skip to my you...   the entire series of events, made it so that when your parents united...       -that unique set of x's, oh's and y-nots made you somehow highly intelligent, handsome and funny


that's secular~ese."

***

next customer...   "hi, how are you today...   




to colin johnson, bob hercules, rita coburn whack, caged bird legacy.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am the playwrite of, "Kissin' The Chocolate Blues" an onstage valentine I wrote to properly thank Dr Maya Angelou for the gargantuan ways she influenced my life/my writing; and helped our whole world.

Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was written to share; to entertain; to inspire and to thank..

It shares how I first became enthralled with her work, and set out to meet, get an autograph book and a picture..

this quest becoming its own adventure; several attempts and lasting over 30 years..

I want to share the script; the performance -and make this story available..

it belongs with her legacy keepers..

Please contact me,
Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist
WriteousMom.com
SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Saturday, February 18, 2017

HYPOCRISY Report Card. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

the list is much longer than I will admit.  but here's two:

 -you know how I like to lightheartedly joke,  -every time something goes wrong, "that's because they didn't ask me first!  -had they asked me.. I could have spared them...  /this or that.."

but these days, I'm like "stop asking me!  I don't want to fill out one more frickin' survey"...   my God, don't you have some clue as to how you're doing?!   -self assess already..  ask a few people...   how much feedback, from how many people, on how many things?

but this is because I can't seem to make a move, order a product online, visit a counter at a store, purchase a product at a kiosk,  eat at a restaurant...    -I can't seem to rent a movie, borrow a book, or send a letter, without my action being followed up with a questionnaire or form to fill out..       it is absolute overkill.

and, very important that I create one myself so I can know how I can improve my blog...

***

also, I really like his beard.   and i don't get a vote, but if i did, i would vote, keep the beard.  it looks very attractive.

and, but..   if the person with the beard said to me..   i liked your hair..  /whatever.. blond, brunette...     you should keep it that way, it looked very attractive

i would be like,  "well, that's too bad isn't it.  i like it gray."

***

new page:   highly interested in davis's website, and the entire field of IPM

if i had the time and money i would put down the novel I'm currently reading, quit my job, and read the website full-time

but only to mine for analogies... 

i'll be back to correct/amend..   I'm writing pre-maturely.. but,

really, it's all about learning how to create healthy environments in the natural world... identify pests and insects.. determine whether they are a help or hindrance to a given garden/plant/tree/flower.. farm

whether you should attract, or repel..   or co-exist with given creatures...

which are immediate threats...    which are beneficial..    on and on..

and of course I'm fascinated with the knowledge of how color/aroma can be used to manipulate whether you attract or repel..

or set boundaries..

control populations..

and there are lighthearted conversations at alden lane, where we discuss..   the effect of hormones/pheromones in humans.. how we send these signals, and don't even know..

and, so of course, I'm so curious..  i mean i know how to attract a man.. but, what scent do i need to generate or wear to attract a Christian, loyal, monogamous...   honest, kind, funny...  hard-working.. loving...

    i need to put some copper tape...   around my heart...   and spray something that kills the desires of players/liars..   but attracts...      /and if it weren't for work, these little imagination movies would have no end..

***
newish page:

all of this is going on in the human population everyday..

and   -as the name itself indicates-   "potter's touch"   "potters house"    -Bishop T.D. Jakes..   

there are lots of teachings where the analogy of a potter and clay are used to describe the relationship between God and his children..

but i am absolutely convinced the best analogy is gardener and garden..    /and didn't it all get started..

God as the ultimate gardener..    we, as plants, flowers, trees..

and God knows, for each individual, the exact amount of air, water, sun, shade, attention, ...   the write soil conditions..   what to use to attract; to create concern/awareness; which things to remove; which to amend..  where to set boundaries..   when to prune, when to let go wild...  indoors/outdoors..  climate/temperature...  hover vs. ignore..   moisture levels...  on and on...

so that each individual can become/realize their full potential..

there are a million analogies!!    but it is when we connect, through prayer/meditation..  that we can heed the information and work in collaboration..

plus..&nbnbsp; mine the Bible for garden references...    its saturated in references to the earth..  gardens.. vineyards..  the natural world..

ive already noted:  sun is to plants; as attention is to humans..  (shade/introverts; sun/performers)

and i'm pretty sure:  money is to humans; as water is to plants...  (overwatering causes...   underwatering causes..)

and i kinda think:   air is analogous to love..   (mandatory for all... and the more pure/fresh the better)

pruning  -getting rid of any unhealthy relationships/counterproductive thinking; conquering addictions..     becoming free from bugs like, fear/insecurities...

and i am entertaining/pondering the idea, that sanctification in humans, is like..   well, the ultimate horticulturist already knows, how much of this &; that...  to reach full potential...

sanctification seems to me..  kinda like, when the perfect amount of everything...   sun/shade; nutrients; pruning..   time/seasons...   care/attention...    weeding..   amending...

when it all combines to bring out the best...


***

and i will conclude with this:



for me...   this is the single most beautiful house plant I ever have seen..   i mean, it is just spectacular!!   and, in my heart, the desire..

the desire would be to snatch it up and bring it home with me.. and set it..  anywhere..  anywhere my eyes could land on it every morning.. and when i return home from work

but you can't just snatch it up.. and put it anywhere you want.

it has certain environmental requirements if it is expected to thrive..

horticulturists have already learned how much light, how much water, how much space...  what soil..

it wont just grow anywhere.. under any circumstance   /but some plants will!

and so, i thought to myself..  after learning more about this plants specific requirements,

i thought to myself...  i day~dreamed:   if i had the money and time and resources..

 i would design my entire custom built home around the needs of this gorgeous, spectacular house plant...

***

In Jesus mustard seed is planted in you's name...  amen!









Friday, February 17, 2017

SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTERS of every single be-kind by (me!) sandra, tvgp

with every single encounter between two human beings

  -and it does not matter who

between a shopper and cashier

between a person asking directions and a person answering

between a young and old person

between lovers, between family, between friends, between complete strangers...

pluck any two people from any part of the world. even if they do not speak the same language:

  -with every single encounter between two human beings; there is a spiritual exchange.

it is far more complicated than i'm about to describe, but exactly for simplicity's sake:

person A,  arrives at encounter already feeling either  -good, -bad, -or neutral  depending on their life circumstances

person B, is also already feeling, -good  -bad, or neutral based on their unique circumstances

and if they regard one another even just in passing...    or if they engage in any conversation/communication of any kind, for any length

the status of the state they arrived in..    alters.    sometimes, microscopic in scale, sometimes in big and obvious ways

but no encounter/exchange between two human beings is immune from some level of effect; there is always an impact; a subtle shift; only sometimes it is easily detectable

but -after the encounter

person A and B are either in the same state as they arrived but to a higher or lower degree, or their state has shifted completely, from feeling bad to good, or vice versa..

some people are conscious of this spiritual exchange taking place; many are not.

Dr Maya Angelou, for example, once she was old and mature and evolved enough, -past her turbulent youth,

 she became quite conscious this spiritual exchange was taking place and made it a personal practice to see to it, that anyone who came into her personal sphere would leave in better shape than they arrived.  her presence, her words, her gestures, her expressions

she communicated with everything she had in a way that resulted in others feeling better

about themselves, and the world in general.   people feeling bad, would feel better.  people feeling neutral would feel good, and people already feeling good would, in the aftermath of a Dr Maya Angelou encounter,   -feel like they could take on the world

she lifted the spirits of an incalculable number of people in her lifetime.

even when her intent   -even when she consciously desired to make someone feel worse; she did it with the intention of helping them to evolve..  learn respect, manners, social graces necessary for improving the world

it is well known, upon hearing a racist joke told at a gathering in her home, that she abruptly demanded the person leave

  -there was no apologizing on the spot for redemption

she made sure the impact was felt   -and racist joke telling people had proper time to really think seriously about what they were casually laughing about

anyway,

as an observer and participator in life, I have a heightened sensitivity to this spiritual exchange taking place  -sometimes in nano-seconds, and sometimes over long visits and conversations

and what a wonderful world it is, when everyone lifts everyone else..

it is a good practice; a good exercise, just to pay attention:

how do you feel  -after-  spending time in (variable person) presence and company?

and perhaps even more important:    how do people feel after spending time with you?

***

and may I quote here, Bishop T.D. Jakes  "...  can I go deeper?"   -this is more complicated also, than I'm about to make it, but..

when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to make a person feel worse.. it was to help them improve/grow...

there are many people who make other people feel worse, but it is to make themselves feel better/superior..    that is an ugly spiritual exchange, but common

when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to lift your spirits and help you feel better, it was because she knew you underestimated your own value, strengths, contributions..   significance, capabilities

there are many people who make other people feel better, but it is to manipulate for personal gain.  this is also an ugly spiritual exchange, but common.

***

so for those who want to go a little deeper,

you not only ask yourself,  how do I feel after spending time with so n' so,  -but why?   and, when you set out to make a person feel better...     why?  what are your motivations?

genuine humanitarians   -our most evolved human beings     /and notice here I must employ the word genuine..

genuine humanitarians are conscious of this spiritual exchange; and use every communication tool -words, tone,  eye contact, gesture, body language of every kind; to elevate the individuals they come in contact with, and thereby improve the world

everyone else should be on the path to arrive there...


** deeper still **

I am re-stating in different words now/previous lesson:  when person A consciously (or not) makes person B feel less than; insecure in any way.. with ill intention [to feel superior; to control/manipulate; from jealousy, spite, lack of character/love, maturity]   -the importance of person B becoming impervious to these attacks..    this skill is one of the single most important skills a person can attain.   especially in this current world of social media, where attacks from less evolved humans are a pandemic...

we do not arrive here with this skill. children and young people must be taught to acquire...  it is more important, in my opinion, than any academic ...  or rather I should say,  -without this skill; the rest of our education is a waste...

***

In Jesus motivations are pure  's  name,   amen!

/do you think he just wanted to sell books?  be popular? profit off of Bible sales?  make money off of speaking engagements and tours?   what motivated Jesus...

sermon on the mount?   the beatitudes...

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Trust God. Believe in Yourself. review by (me!) sandra, tvgp

these things will combine to help you make decisions, if you give me just a minute...

PART ONE:  on several occasions Joyce Meyers has taught about the importance of sticking things out:  remaining in your marriage, even when it gets difficult.   remaining at your job, even when it gets tough.   etc., etc.,

and she will say, "someone else might gladly take your husband just so they don't have to eat alone."   -or, "someone else might be glad to have your job..."

but she has also shared, she herself is divorced and remarried, and she also shares how she accepted a job as a pre-school teacher, and only lasted about 3 hours      /something like that..

and each one of us, will have occasions   -multiple occasions, when we have to decide whether to stick something out, or cut losses and move on...

pay close attention to HOW you make these decisions..     best case/worst case scenarios of seeing something through; best case/worst case scenario of cutting losses, moving forward

Joyce teaches, not to let your feelings/emotions dictate your decision...

it is my experience and observations, that most people already know the answer, in any given situation, but spend a great deal of time and energy contemplating anyway..

so, i'm fascinated when Joyce Meyer talks about her very brief time as a pre-school teacher:  why did she not internally argue with her desire to leave?   why did she not  -stick it out, and consider it a potential and important time to learn greater patience; endurance; adult/child relationship building..  

she bailed.   -and, yet..   teaches valid lessons on the virtues of staying in that job you hate.

***

               -she later explains..       she did not feel the anointing for that position...

***

PART TWO: i recently complemented a co-worker friend on his merchandising   -it looks fantastic, his St Patricks themed display

he commented that he does his best work when he doesn't think about it   -just does it.

   -that!   is a master level skill set.   when you no longer have to think; you just do.

what was once cumbersome, slow, awkward..   becomes pure instinct

the process is best captured by repeating what i heard mike Meyers repeat/quote:

CREATIVE PROCESS

at the start you are:   UNconsciously INcompetent    (you don't even know, you don't know..)

next you become:  CONSCIOUSLY INcompetent (aware you have some learning to do; need practice)

via practice/repetition you then become:  CONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT  (aware you are gaining mastery)

until, at the master level you are:   UNCONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT   -this is when you are operating out of pure instinct..  you don't think about it; practice and repetition allow you to

just do it.


excellent examples:   learning to tie your shoe, as a child.   learning to drive, as a young adult..

learning the art of friendly conversation..

***

CAVEAT BEING:   even through practice, dedication, repetition...    i could not become a steph curry, or tiger woods, or prima ballerina, or a mozart..

because

you must also be operating in collaboration with your God given gifts and talents.

so, discovering what your God given gifts and talents are...

this becomes quite a pleasurable responsibility in achieving what it is you are ultimately looking for

-doesn't it.


and lining these things up:   gifts/talents, with creative process..

that is when you just can't lose, even if you tried.


***

so, when it comes to sticking it out, or cutting your losses

Trust your God given heart; Believe in yourself...     you already know the answer.

***

In Jesus brought (me!) this far for good reasons...  name,   amen!






Wednesday, February 15, 2017

from the archives... for (david pogue) by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Thursday, July 30, 2015


fun things to think about for (me!) sandra, tvgp


im pretty fresh off watching NOVA's what makes us human? program. -great show. very well done. im quite fond of the host who i know from watching CBS Sunday Morning..  

its all very intriguing and entertaining.. and the primary focus of this particular show, in regards to what separates humans from animals was...

language & laughter.  

and, i mean really.. they nailed it didn't they.. because when was the last time you heard an elephant tell a good joke?

anyway.. distinctions between animals and humans.. that's what my mind was contemplating as i drifted off to sleep last night...

"contemplating!".  -hey.. animals don't contemplate do they?  i wonder..

" wonder!".  -do animals wonder where their next meal is coming from?   -wonder what will happen if they sleep all day vs. go out in the wild? -wonder what direction they should take? decision they should make? 

-do wild animals ever get wild ideas?  and then discuss the pros and cons..   do they have regrets?   are they ever self-conscious about their appearance?  

are there any animals who use forest fires to have a big BBQ?  and cook their prey instead of having to eat it raw all the time..

I mean, how unsanitary..      "sanitation!".   hmm,  what does separate us humans from other animals species?

" transportation!".   -do birds fly because they can get there faster? and do they ever stop anywhere along the way just because its beautiful?  do they ever change their minds?

are there any animals with faith or belief systems? who are "curious!" about the origin of their existence? whether or not they have any famous relatives?

  and speaking of relatives.. our closest relatives; the apes..  how come some populations have, in theory, evolved into humans while other populations remain apes? if we "time travel!" into the future.. in what year have all the monkeys and apes finally learned to stand up, shave and wipe their ass? 

do animals have any concept of our time in history? calendars? -remember birthdays?  -get sentimental...   stare up at the stars and "wish!" they could "explore!" outer space...  

are there any animals who have been "inspired!" to draw or take pictures.. or the equivalent.. to try and re-capture a scene in nature..

are there any animals who point at something  "on purpose!" so other animals will look in that direction  -and then run.. 

do animals have secrets?  hopes and dreams?  do animals pray?   meditate? 

i haven't "studied!" animals in any "great depth!" but..    are there any animals who trade? negotiate? barter?

-like, are there any animals who use there skill sets/instincts "gifts! & talents!" as a form of "currency!"   -and "place value!" on this to trade for that?

can animals "believe!" things they do not know..

are there any animals "conscious of their consciousness?  ..of their conscience?...

are there any animals that are also.. " trend setters!".

like,  (yawn) ... i wonder..  does one animal look at another animal.. (stretch..turn off lights.. return to bed) and "think!".. 

i like your mangled hairstyle... how can I get my mane to look like that?   ...is that where the term copy-cat came from...?

democracy.. free speech.. freedom of religion...scientific method..  chocolate... coffee..  ZZZzzzzz.....
.
.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

HAPPY VALENTINES from (me!) sandra, tvgp





everyone i love
knows how much i love them.

~of this i am quite proud.

Dear Almost Every Woman I Know, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I want to say this is worth repeating, but despite repeating...   so, it makes me wonder.  but here you go:

I am a devoted student of joyce meyer.  will be for life.  yesterday on the show, however..  twas easy to skip

joyce and three other women discussing ... "how awful..! the pressure put on women to look beautiful..    -how studies show the self esteem of women drops significantly after just 3 minutes of looking at  magazines   -where the beauty of the model is not even real to begin with..  a lot of photo editing..."

and here is the very, very sad part to me.   -this conversation was taking place in the 1970's, and in the 1980's, and in the 1990's, and in 2000...   and here we are in 2017...

 -for the record, I stopped looking at the magazines a decade ago..  I feel wonderful. happy. beautiful.  -just as I am.   the smartest, greatest, most successful diet I ever went on was

a mass media diet.  no consumer magazines.   and I keep wondering how long it will take everyone else to see they are creating and re-creating their own same problem..  and complaining about it ad nauseam, but not doing a thing to fix or solve...

it fascinates me.

In,   -when Jesus doesn't do anything about it... it is probably because YOU CAN...'s name..


amen.

Monday, February 13, 2017

"Happy Birthday to (me!)..." -from (stevie wonder!)

i have two favorite versions of the famous birthday song, stevie wonder's, and bear in the big blue house..    so, they take turns playing in my mind while i ready myself for work today..

as does prince's, lets go crazy song, and steven tyler's dream on song.

more later..

in.  if Jesus had a personal favorite playlist's name....    amen!

Sunday, February 12, 2017

'im gonna grow (me!) some potatoes!" -sandra. seasoned cashier; tyro farmer/gardener


and so a family came up to me at the cash register at alden lane.  they had a few potatoes in a white paper bag:

"are these potatoes okay to eat?"

and with a smile, I said, "well,  if it were me, I would just pop those babies in a microwave, pour on some cheese and bacon...  

but I'm just a cashier.. let me go find an expert."

and so, alex was the nearest by.   oh! if you could have seen his expression..

"are these okay to eat?"

***

now, the entire question to me was a little..      like, what possible reason would there be to not eat these potatoes?   -they come from alden lane, not some..  spray-painted; profit-tainted.. origins unknown shelf in a gold fish store swallowed by a shark..    -write

and, yet intuitively I knew the question was entirely valid; I just didn't know why

***

alex, for those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of making his acquaintance..   he is very knowledgeable.

and accurate.   and thorough.    another way I can introduce him, is to say, he is the opposite of a person who gives yes or no answers.

so what he said was,     /accompanied by facial expressions which emphasized but's and should,s which I will italicize and bold respectively.   and forgive me here, because if you knew how much new information comes at me each working day, you would know I cannot remember this conversations verbatim, but I can give you the essence:

alex:  "your question is:  is it okay to eat these potatoes?  well, yes..  I mean you ~could~  safely eat these potatoes if you wanted to..   and they would probably taste very good.   much better than any store bought potatoes

but

you wouldn't want to eat these potatoes.   unless you want to waste money..  these potatoes are too valuable..  they are certified potatoes.  guaranteed disease free and are specifically for planting."

and then he went on to gesture how you would want to cut these highly valuable, disease free,  delicious yielding, certified potatoes into smaller chunky parts, and make sure there were at least two eyes, and then how you would plant them in a single layer and...

and then I spotted another customer in line across the way, and I was like, "oh!  that makes perfect sense..   can you walk over here to this beautiful family, and say all of that   -what you just said,  one more time please"

***

and that beautiful happy family left with a couple pounds of seed potatoes...   and potatoes seemed to parade through my mind throughout the rest of the evening..

never in my entire life have I ever planted a potatoe...    that would be so cool!  to plant a potato..  remember the scense in martian...    remember the famous painting...   which artist was that?   -vague memories I will have to google later..

and then, as I do not have the yard space to garden..   I came to the realization that this desire to plant a potato will have to wait..

or will it?!?

LOOK!   you can grow potatoes in a fabric pot!!   I cant contain myself...






seasoned cashier; tyro farmer/gardener...










 








Monday, January 30, 2017

Heart Panes. Creative project (still) in progress

by (me!), Sandra, tvgp.  -what are the chances I can be done by Valentine's?  Xoxo

Aww, written by my (Charlie rose!)

and public "Thank you!" here to Carla Graci for sending it my way.. and to Gayle king for sharing it so she could!  I've always known he is all that... /she says with a smile...

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Secret Fairy Door Treasure Hunt in the Enchanted Alden Woods

now, I have to figure out a way to create a link which shares a slide show because I have like 40 pictures.. but for now:




















and although it was my day off,  i drove to alden lane specifically to take some pictures.  it did help keep my spirits from sinking..     as the process of putting things in boxes is..

awful.    but i went and immersed myself in all these smiles..    and what an outstanding, off the treasure map charts! Sue Fordyce did at creating the map, the clues; 95% of the doors, the fairy garden making station..    and then,   -please!   is that not the most beautiful, radiant, perfect! alden lane fairy princess...!!

/that part was my idea...     and, oh! when i pulled in the parking lot, to hear a couple young girls shout with delight, "i see a fairy princess!!   mommy, mommy...  hurry!  daddy.. hurry up!"

the turn out was spectacular..   and the smiles and pictures say the rest...

"thank you!" to everyone who made this event possible!      In Jesus loves a treasure hunt's name, amen! 


Saturday, January 28, 2017

The New Yorker Caption Contest Winner (taryn!) -knows (me!) writeousmom

-so fun to come across during my unpacking/repacking..        /my 37th? move..      when the potential for depression is a little higher than other times,

-things like this turn out to be the pick-me-up-and-keep-me-goings:    -now prelude to this,

is THIS

which should help you appreciate this...   because this picture is from when I was collaborating with artist, nancy eddinger, on comic strips for the arts & crafts industry:  Sandyland

and what you can see here, is Taryn, at a much younger age..   8? years old.   and she has  -on her own initiative,  taken the panels, and provided her unique comic spin




so, this past recent Christmas, her Grandpa Pez gifted her with a year subscription to The New Yorker Magazine,  -and since she can legally participate in the contest now, and has met the age requirement + only had time since then to further develop her craft..

I'm predicting a winner.

now,  -he also gifted (me!) a year subscription..

so:  I think there might be two...

***

I'm not sure when the first magazine will arrive in the mail?  but looking forward to it, and..

already need to provide a change of address.

**

In Jesus I cant thank my mom and Rick enough for taking me in's name...    amen!


The Heart Seen by (leonard stegmann!)



   speaking of leonard..    he just emailed this fantastic addition to the heart seen collection.  it was taken in san gregorio beach.   I do like how it is all dark, and cave-ish..  looks like a tiny little heart shape too, in the upper left corner...   "thank you!"  

and when i saw this! on (steven pressfield!)'s website... (me!) sandra, tvgp

straight to comments with this:

“84, Charing Cross Road!!” -this is a direct cerebral hyperlink for me to a true story I must share -write now!-

LOVE the book! and the movie too!

For years I referred to Leonard Stegmann and myself as “The 21st Century 84 Charing Cross Road”

because my introduction to blogs came via Leonard Stegmann, who, beginning in 2005, wrote an entertaining blogumn, like 5 days a week for years!

REVOLUTIONARY to me, was that as a READER I could RESPOND to what i had just read

/kinda like i’m doing write now.. only this is when it was brand new

SO! Five days a week, for NINE YEARS, I read and responded in comments to Leonard’s blogs. As he has a sense of humor much like my father and brother, I felt like I could be as playful, lighthearted, and facetious or funny as I would be with family.

Of course I did wonder, what Helene and Franks relationship would have been like if they had access to blogs..

Anyway, -It was my great joy to read and respond.. read and respond.. to Leonard’s blogs for years.

And he did/does credit me for helping him keep going, as a writer.

Now, -I tried forever! to pitch this to agents/publishers; because I knew other people would find it entertaining, but -big fat nothing, until one day

a bite! -some interest! at last!

and so I went back to share the good news with Leonard, and..

NINE YEARS OF BLOG ARCHIVES 2005-2014 -GONE!

I went into a bit of a panic.. contacted him immediately.. “Leonard.. there must be some kind of virus! where are the archives?!?”

and that’s when he explained to me, there was no virus.

they were -UNpublished.

apparently, when he turned his blog posts into books with Amazon as Publisher, the rules/regulations say that the stories cannot be published anywhere else online. so he unpublished everything; which vanished my 5 days a week/9 years worth of comments

-they were very entertaining.. a lot of thought/craft went into how I would respond -it nearly killed me.

but, they sit in his blogspot domain UNpublished. -when I asked to have copies of his archives for just my own memory archive

he said he would republish for a short time, and I could copy/paste only my comments; not his posts.

so, if you could imagine 84 charing cross road, with only Helene’s letters, and not Franks..

my comments were in RESPONSE.. so, what good/use?

I just let it go.

And have continued to do an enormous amount of creative non-fiction writing on my own blog.

Have let go of the 21st Century Charing Cross Road pitch & dream,

and currently believe my memoir could sit on the same shelves with Jeanette Wall’s Glass Castle, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, and Anne Lamotts work..

so that is the goal I’m working toward now

Thank You for letting me share,

Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist
WriteousMom.com
SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Thursday, January 26, 2017

what could be next... a handwritten letter on stationery?! wonders (me!) sandra, tvgp


don't you know, my almost 51 year old self just smiles with happiness and curiosity to see the 20-somethings enjoying polaroid cameras..

really?!    -here you have in the palm of your young, strong, beautiful hands, cell phones which can take extremely high quality photographs  -instantly!-    

that you can zoom in on with the tip of your finger, share in the blink-edited-out of a no-more-red-eyes..

and you just bought a polaroid camera?   where not only is the quality low-grade, but

what suprises me,   (me!), most of all, is the fact, that once you click the button..

  -you have to   ~wait.

your generation has virtually no training in this area..   microwaves; on-demand tv; speed dial; electronic door openers; instant this and write-now that..     research that used to take months/days..  

takes hours/seconds with internet access.

so,  -to witness you self-imposing some patience exercises.    -and self-imposing exposure to -process

I am very impressed!   and fascinated.     and "thank you!" Daniel here for letting me take a picture with your polaroid, because

aren't they just pure fun!   opening, pushing the botton (not flat glass); having the photo slide out..
the magnificent sound effects of everything..    and then the patience and suspense involved in waiting..  wondering...

with anticipation and uncertainty..   for the results!

many spiritual virtues are put to the test here..      and, what better way to initially gain and/or deepen your -appreciation- for the evolution of photography.

***

appreciation; can this be quantified?

***

anyway, this got me to thinkin'...

I wonder what you might self-impose next?  you young people who inherited an on-demand, instant everything world and culture..

  -maybe you will handwrite a letter to someone you love, on beautiful stationery, with a pencil or pen?  and put it in an envelope, and lick it sealed, and place a stamp..   and mail it...

and this too..   will require patience; effort; thought; creativity...   reliance on the united states postal service..      you will experience process..    and wait, wondering, did it arrive today?    and surprise and delight the recipient

who is so accustom to email or texts ...   /or bills..

and you will initially gain and/or this will deepen your  -appreciation-  for the evolution of person-to-person written communication; and perhaps even the evolution of language itself...   /inspire investigation into graphology...


but, in this patience-required exercise; you must hurry...    because I think stationery and ink and even artistic, beautiful stamps are on the endangered species list...

graphology .. just needs a vocabulary update: type~ology.  -because even with digital fonts making uniform the shape, size, of letters of the alphabet..    doesn't everyone still have a unique way of employing the fonts; selecting them.. arranging them...

especially notable when provided a blank page and not forced inside a template.   -unique expression..  keeps finding a way

***

and speaking of evolution..   just saw hidden figures with a group of amazing women in their own-write last night at Livermore cinemas, where..

   please!  in electric recliners with popcorn and a beer...

and, its brilliant; this movie..   a story long over-due to be shared, and will no doubt inspire millions..


but, it struck me, what a great example it is, for what ive been preachin' &; teachin' for a while now:

my greatest concern:


technology out-evolving human-beings.    -and don't you see it so clearly in this movie!   a rocket ship...

and, simultaneously racism; sexism..

oh, isn't it fascinating how unevolved human-beings can contribute to something like

-the world wide web...      innovate some of the greatest communication tools in human history, but

cant communicate sometimes just among themselves.

***

we've got some catching up to do with the tools we create...

   /a.i. is coming to mind here..


***

In Gods ways are higher than our ways...     and thoughts higher than our thoughts..  

/and now, cant you see   -based on our pathetic human thoughts & such slow to evolve ways...  

cant you see it..


-in thank God for Jesus name,  name  amen!





Monday, January 23, 2017

naming miracles... (me!) sandra, tvgp


stealing the show at alden lane on a rainy day


 there were several people looking out the window from the garden store..   obviously mesmerized by something..    and when I inquired..  turns out it was this show stopper.    you can see from the picture at the top, the attraction; especially, on an otherwise gray, rainy, cold day


but what you cant see from that angle, is this:
-how this gorgeous flock of flowers reaches out from the fence
-as if it is stretching, reaching, with all its might

grasping

there was a brief flash in my imagination of a crowd of people
at a baseball game; fans in the stadium..   everyone reaching out in hopes of catching the fly ball..

and when I learned its proper

 -not proper, but its current -scientific?- name

terrible.

not to offend, but the analogy for (me!) would be..

have you ever met a particularly attractive person; someone who just takes
your breath away, but then you learn their name..

and there is huge disconnect.

that's how it felt.

and often times at alden lane, i'll learn the formal name of a given spectacular plant, flower or tree and it is.. usually something that,
A. I cannot pronounce
B. I will never remember
C. I cannot spell properly without research..
D. don't like
E. doesn't match the appearance of..


i'm always light heartedly saying..  this is when you need some poets
these scientists..?!

but then there are a large number of plants, flowers, trees
miracles, all of them

that DO HAVE, what is referred to as a
COMMON NAME   ("thank you!" to everyone who has contributed here)

and, what common name ='s is,   -prettier, easier to say, remember and spell and a better match of sounds to appearance.

what is a great, perfect example?  I will come back to this..

the point today, is that,

apparently, according to the passionate professionals/knowledgeable sources/certified/trained horticulturists at alden lane

this very spectacular living, breathing, reaching, grasping, golden
show-stopper, sunshine on a rainy day flower-tree above

does not yet have a common name!!

it only has this name:

leucadendron

/honest to God, who comes up with these names?    we forgive you.

I mean, I do respect the identification process..  and you know how I adore scientists

but, come on

step back and look three times at these pictures  -please!

leucadendron * proteaceae * fynbos * shrub


no, no, no..

this will never do.   

so I was very excited then to learn, it does not yet have a common name,
because that means we can come up with our own!

sunshine on a rainy day.  yes.  maybe. closer.

-there is something so pronounced about the way it reaches/grasps..
how vibrant..   how showie~offie

then, I was thinking..   how can we remember the formal name...

maybe something that phonetically connects it..

so,

leuc..    sounds like,   -luke!

then I came across this passage from the Bible:

and decided yes!   -so for (me!),

the common name, I have projected on this sensational creature is:

The Golden Luke 2:40,   /how is that as a batting average?



it does come in other colors!  so, adjust accordingly..


In Jesus magnificently creative vibrant name,   ~amen!



Saturday, January 21, 2017

cerebral hyperlink to.... (martha stewart!)

i'm only sharing two, of what must be dozens that happen each day.. but, on this occasion, I had a customer come through alden lane, who, during our small, friendly talk, at that register mentions she used to work for

martha stewart.    -she had a fun story about crashing a van she was driving during the time she worked for Martha..    and so, I verbally bullet~pointed my Martha stewart story

and we exchanged names/numbers..

and  -she told me about Martha stewart and snoopdog..

and I told her about  -the Justin Bieber roast...

and there you have it.

the older you get; the longer you live; the more cerebral hyperlinks you will have..  and the more effort you will need to employ deciding whether or not to  -open- for more information/details, or skip and keep going...

   -there was just no skippin' this one

In Jesus knows all about redemption and resurrections name..   amen!

cerebral hyperlink to... my (robin williams!)

  -the picture didn't upload.  but, it was just of a piece of small metal wire..  maybe, a paperclip someone had played with for a bit, set down, but did not throw away.    -when my eyes landed on it,
and I picked it up   -had to take its picture.  and I was positioned write near a garbage can.  -so that is the picture that is not here but should be.   a small metal wire, in an odd shape, in the palm of my hand, and my hand is just above the trash can.

cerebral hyperlink to a scene in my favorite movie of all time; and one of my favorite actors.

miss you. love you.  in Jesus is the thirst quenchers Name..    amen.

Friday, January 20, 2017

FOR MADABANDON from (me!) sandra, tvgp

01/20/2017:    -k-,    greg from alden lane, showed me this picture on his phone..   of..  what did he playfully call it?   -unicorn horn farm?   -anyway,   he showed me where it was at alden lane..  so then I took a picture with my own camera:


and, i'm like..  /to myself only, at first:  that's the rat brain! or vegetable..    from madabandon's blog..!

   -turns out, according to gerry and greg.. it's broccoli..

but, I tried to retell, what you can see here below..     how a long time ago, my blogger friend had this picture from a farmers market,

and then,  different day/different time, but...   -then I saw the same thing  -or what looked very similar, but was described as a peek inside a rats brain..

then I was all grossed out, thinkin'    -OMG, are people buying and eating rats brains at the local farmers market,  -thinking its a vegetable?

anyway, check this out:  the top picture is from madabandon.blogspot.com,   and the other I took of the TV when the dream life of rats show was on..


original post 11/28/2008:




hey my blogger friend..


had to take a picture of this image from a documentary on the science channel titled

dreamlife of rats, -a look at how laboratory rats are used by scientist to understand the human brain. this picture, i took from the program on tv, is a micro-close-up in the brain


doesn't it look so much like your -vegtable? -had to share it with you




in-not-my-wish-for-the-nation day -by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so,

i'm going to wear all black today.  carry a small flag and a big cross and pray for our country.



I will not lose heart;
I will not grow weary;
I will not give-up
~
in Jesus name,   amen.


photo by vanessa frick "thank you!"

Thursday, January 19, 2017

photo by anne jewett.. of (me!) sandra, tvgp -authentic warrior fan

public "thank you!" to anne..    pleasure to take a quick break from inventory, merchandising, cashiering, and get to be an Instagram model.   love these hoodies!

and did you see that last game!!  awesome! 
and extra gratifying to see them win with such a margin over the cavaliers..  honey!


  &  blessings!   and as I transition to alden lane full time, will just repeat what ive said many times over the past several years

hit the lottery when it comes to co-workers!  loved working for, and with you.
and it has been one of my favorite, favorite, favorite jobs Ive ever had..

stretched and grew..   and learned so much from each of you.

and, am going to find some way to slide-show share the ricky~picky photo collection soon..

God Bless!  xoxo

Much love!   ~Sandra


/I will myself have to type ricks picks in the search bar of this blog; ~ my external memory storage.

In God has got me on the move's name...    amen.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

PARADIGM SHIFT -the seed. in (me!) sandra, tvgp

for the best definition of what a paradigm shift is:  watch bishop t.d. jakes sermon on the topic.

***

I can tell you what was said   -I can tell you what was said, but not the person who said it, or when..

I just remember   -when?   but someone suggested, or mentioned..  that

when a person was severely attacked in one way or another, or in multiple ways

what that meant, was that

that person was a great big threat to the devil.     -that the greater the attacks, the greater threat that meant you were; to the enemy.

that was the seed.  planted in my heart and mind, I don't know when.  I don't remember by who..

but it has been watered, and nurtured, and cultivated over many years.  ive since heard it preached on/about by several different pastors in different ways and on many different occasions.

I suppose there is an opportunity for seculars to see this as a self-fulfilling prophesy.  but us Christians:

we know.

that seed that was planted..    it was one of the greatest gifts of my life.   it landed on good soil

/see Matthew 13:1


it marks the very first time  -ever-   that I was gifted a new way of looking at all the ugly, evil, traumatic, life-threatening events I had survived

     you mean..  I'm not just a magnet for evil people..   mean people...  trauma...

I am a threat?!   

the more and greater the attacks..  = the more mighty works I'm destined to do for God?!

this information changed things.

it changed everything.

   -I went from cursed to complimented.

the enemy has attacked me from every angle, and at some of my most vulnerable ages and stages in life.

but here I still am

and a mighty lot of work for God I sure do intend to do


and for anyone else out there, like (me!)..  who has suffered under intense, relentless, and multiple attacks     - I pray this spiritual paradigm shift for you too.   may your heart and mind be of good soil  -so this seed may be planted and take root

water with love.

Hallelujah! & Amen.




WHOSE VERY HANDSOME YOUNG SON IS THAT?!? asks (me!) sandra, tvgp AKA WriteousMom

I had just sent a text.. it said, maybe I should tell you 9:00am, when its really 9:30, so you'll be on time.

he has his own sense of time; always has.

but, sure enough, 20 minutes late..  I watched his car pull in the parking lot.   watched him from inside the bagel store, walking through the parking lot, all tall, and,

"i wonder whose handsome young son that is?!"   I said within ear shot of a customer who I knew was watching me, watching him

"mine!   that's my handsome son..   thank you very much."   

***

we have to schedule our visits now, or I might not see him unless its Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving..  Graduation

he has a car, and a job..   and friends..   and video games..   and a second house with his dad..

have I mentioned once or twice, how much I miss taking him to school..?

***

anyway..  what a wonderful visit!  -he walked me through all of his classes, what he's studying, whether he likes it or not..   and of course, we briefly discuss grades.   the car incentive his dad provided helped quite a bit..

my stance has never wavered:  A is for Awesome.  B is for Brilliant.  C is for Creative.
     -we didn't even need to address the others this time..

Don't do that again, or is this class entirely Foreign to you?!    

I just felt so happy and proud..   all is well...     and we talked about a recent death of a family friend, and discussed how   -sad,    -but how our last visit with him, included hugs, and Merry Christmas..  and group visits..         -I mentioned how he had a good life, and very good memories..   sometimes that's the most we can ask for..   and explained how, the people I ache for,  -when they die early..  are the people who are still stuck,  -who never evolved..  still stuck in addictions, or fears, or unforgiveness..       but, Paul was not stuck.  He shared lots of wonderful memories anytime you sat to talk with him..       

and I shared all about my work, and art, and hopes and dreams..

and he shared all about his work, and friends, and things he's looking forward to..

and we talked about a new movie coming out...   a dog's purpose..    and, look forward to seeing that with him.   

/and I'll go see hidden figures with my mom-friend..

and, just to sit and have a bagel and a visit; an in-person visit..       -all filled up.  put the sun in my heart on an otherwise cold and rainy and very gray day.

"Thank You!"  Jesus..   and "Thank You!" Jack..     I feel very blessed indeed.

***

speaking of..  skipping a longer story to say, I was asked this question very recently:

"so what do you want to be when you grow up?"

and I said with a smile, I said, "exactly who I am write now, only with more money."


    -work; good.   -relationships; good.    -art; good.    -health; good..

bank account; not so good...

but ive done a lot of personal work over the years, with a lot of help..    and the insides are in very good shape.     and Ive met a lot of people in my life, that have plenty of money, but their insides are in awful shape..

neither one should be ignored or neglected.         In Jesus gracious name,   amen.


what the Bride & Groom should wear... suggests (me!) sandra, tvgp

when did I have this conversation with my daughter?  recently..  and did I let her get a word in? 

  -because, it flashed through my mind..  several decades worth of married peoples relationships; all I had seen, been through myself, read, heard, witnessed..

so I said with a smile, I said

"do you know what the bride and groom should wear..    MATCHING JERSEYS!   -because someone needs to remind them..

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME TEAM!!    The Same Team!    Together..  united...

common goals and values..!

My God..  the amount of husbands and wives ive seen who..    just give the ball to the opponent..

like, WTF

can you imagine if steph curry just handed the ball to a player on the opposite team?   -that's what these spouses are doing when they cheat on each other..   when they lie to each other...

why do they even get married?!  I do not understand..     you need to be on the same team..

the bride and groom should wear matching jerseys..   and the bridesmaids.. and the groomsmen..

    -and the families for that matter..  and all the guests..

honey, I know ...      I cant even repeat out loud all ive seen and know..   

but I think people need a very visual reminder that..   husbands and wives are supposed to be on the same team!   -k         and anyone or anything that undermines, threatens..

  -enemies! opponents!

don't settle for less..

   -then we've got all this free agent BS..  but at least!   at least when they trade teams

WE KNOW    -because they wear a different uniform..

   my God, at least be on the team and for the team that matches the jersey you're wearing..

  -just promise me you will not settle for less...        and Jack too..  

I love you!    I love you!    oh!, you have to go don't you..   k baby..

jerseys at your wedding.. "     xoxoxo


***

turn to totally different page: 

-in the Bible..  when Jesus turned the water into wine..

at that wedding; ive always wondered who it was that got married, and how long they remained married, and the quality of the relationship

and the quality of the wine..    like, how amazing that must have tasted

and speaking of teams and loyalty to:

Christian Jersey's with Bible Passage Numbers..

In Jesus faithful, loyal and holy name...   amen!








Monday, January 16, 2017

CONTENT OF CHARACTER.. appreciated/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

and you know, if I could have a song playing in the background today, it would be stevie wonder's happy birthday song, which helped put Dr Martin Luther King on the U.S. calendar as a National Day of Celebration..   and, plus it is far easier to dance and groove to than the traditional version..

I have no moves for that one.  cant sing it, either.

anyway..

I want to be bold enough to ...   make some edits.. to one of the most famous speeches in American History:

"i have a dream, that everyone's children, will one day live in a world, where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,

or by their sexual orientation

or by their gender identity

or by their religion, denomination, or lack there of

or by their financial status, or by their ex~ten~you~waiting circumstances

or by their outstanding or lack of formal/expensive education..

or by their very human flaws/weaknesses/idiosyncrasies,   -which we all have some variation of...

or by the brand names they do or do not wear

or by where they dine, or by their worst mistake..   -you get the point.

I have a dream, that one day, everyone will live in a peaceful world, where each person will be encouraged to know, manifest and master the fruits of the spirit  [love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control]

and evolve, during their brief lifetimes, into humanitarians.

I have a dream, that love  -really will-  conquer all.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (taryn!)

...YOU are the salt and light.!..   what a wonderful, flavorful addition to the collection...   "Thank You!" love...  xoxo

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Dear Fellow Tax Payers, from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Oh! They love to tell you how the whole world might fall apart if minimum wage for hard working, honest, good, ethical people gets raised to

$15 hour?!?

but..  am I reading this correctly? Superintendent gets FIRED

and still collects $256,000 + health benefits for a year + 4 vacation days..

and reimbursement for mileage

and a life insurance balance of $803.

and tax payers are denied any other details..

and all of this is being labeled:

"quick and responsible"

/as a hard working, over-taxed paying, contributing citizen of Pleasanton for 20+ years,who works two jobs, sometimes 7 days a week

And can't even qualify for 'affordable' housing.

this is difficult to read and impossible to swallow.

In Jesus I think would turn the tables upside down.. name,  -amen.

The Heart Seen... by (keeshie!)

Awww,  how blessed is this child!  sweet as can be..   -details to follow, but my understanding is this baby was born a year ago..  family in Turkey.  "Thank You!"    -made my day..    xoxo

The Heart Seen... by (juju koop!)

... if this does not put an instant smile on your face...   "Thank you! JuJu!"   grateful to add to collection.   Xoxo

Friday, January 13, 2017

RESERVED: brian perrin's talk/livermore amador valley garden club

-exceptional!

HOW 'BOUT FUN & BEAUTIFUL by (me!) sandra, tvgp



designed/photographed by (me!)..    

RESERVED by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this space is being reserved for some humor; soon.    amen.

VICTIM BLAMING as seen/read/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-k-

not sure who coined the phrase/term, victim blaming, but the only time I read about it, or hear about it, is in relation to sexual assault/rape victims.

so, somehow,  -quite unconsciously, irrelevant/unnecessary/unjustifiable questions get posed to a rape victim/survivor

like,  -what were you wearing?  why were you even there at that hour? what did you have to drink? and I could go on and on, but these conversations have played out a million times already,

and I'm pretty confident, mature/evolved people of both and all genders, arrive at the conclusion, that they didn't even realize they were victim blaming, until it was brought to their attention,

and most people agree..  and arrive at the conclusion that you want to put ALL OF THE BLAME,  -WHERE IT BELONGS
   -which is on the evil rapist and not on the human being that was raped.   

-k-

but what feels worth pointing out   -one last time, is that,

victim blaming is written into our current laws.    and for this reason, we want to look closer at

where victim blaming and personal responsibility may in fact overlap:

so, pay attention:

write now, as it stands, not in matters of sexual assault or rape, but in matters of having your car broken into:

   -if your car is broken into, and your car was locked,   -felony.

   -if your car is broken into, but you left it unlocked,   -misdemeanor.

this has always; and continues to fascinate me.   and I believe the value of what is stolen, factors in also..

but,

the point:   is not that a very similar thing; is that not also a form of victim blaming.

"he stole my laptop, my stereo system! my wallet...!"

"well, ...  was your car locked?"

because..   stealing is stealing is stealing to me...   and ALL THE BLAME should go on to the person who did the stealing

and we should not BLAME the person who may have, in a hurry, with lots on their mind, may have forgotten to lock their car doors

and we should not reward any type of stealing    -because it was easier  (?!?)

but the ways our laws are written,  -each citizen has a responsibility:

to lock your doors.
to get an alarm for your home/office.
etc.

and the consequences for thieves are less severe the less they have to work at stealing from you; and more severe if they have to work harder at it..

is everyone comfortable with this?

***

now,   -cant put any blame on me, at six years old..  when a masked man broke into our home..

   /but curve ball here;    -the lock was broken.


can't put any blame on me, when at 17, a serial rapist, came up from behind and shoved a gun in my head

/but I was in fact asked all the typical questions..

 -can you blame me.. at 16,  when a rapist lied about age, name, place of birth, occupation, and had plotted all along to kidnap..       -can you blame me, when I learned he had kidnapped/raped and used all the same maneuvers, modes of operation, on two young girls prior to me who opted out of going to court and prosecuting? 

my contribution was being young, naïve and stupid and vulnerable.   so, I am very happy we successfully prosecuted and he was sentenced to 20 years!

the upshot,

is that I believe we should each stay in the practice of locking our car doors and windows, and being aware of our surroundings, etc., etc.

but as far as blame goes..      it should always go to the person committing the crime; the criminal.


   -for committing the crime.   and I'm not sold on the idea that we reward criminals according to how easy or difficult their criminal action was; and punish and/or blame innocent, law abiding citizens for naivety or forgetfulness or vulnerability

I'm thinking here of children, youth, and the elderly..

***

it is a dangerous world

***

on the subject of crimes/criminals/danger:   I had to change the pin on my Verizon account.. and wonderful customer service during the process..

but, "identity theft"     -and, I just laugh, pray, and smile, and pray..     to consider how much I share here on my blog

   -how dangerous.

there is no getting around that fact.    -but, deep, deep, deep in my heart, soul, psyche

if you want to understand why I take the risk

it is because all of the crimes I mentioned above that I have survived

I survived them BEFORE the internet, blogosphere, identify theft..

I could have so easily, and on numerous occasions been killed   -and not a soul reading this write now, would even know I ever existed..

so, there is no relationship for me..   the one people speak of

     -don't put yourself out there = staying safe.
In Jesus knows sufferings and resurrections' name...     amen.












Thursday, January 12, 2017

to alden lane high school & college students, from (me!) & (President Barack Obama!)

in my recent post, great come-backs, I mention how I got all attached to the young adults when I started working at alden lane in june, and then how..   they all abandon me

(me!)

in pursuit of a higher education.  left with little warning.  and how I suffered abandonment issues, and then..   how "happy!" I was to learn that a % of them return to alden lane when they have school breaks and return to their families and homes.   

and so ive thoroughly enjoyed seeing their faces, and hearing their voices again..  seeing them here and there around the nursery.    excellent work ethics!   very impressive what they each do..  how they contribute..

but different colleges = different schedules, and for some,

very tiny gap between, "welcome back!" &  "today is your last day!?   -already?"

and, ive been wondering how I can say goodbye properly.  wish them well...    look forward to a future return..

and, so, let me please thank    -who has turned out to be, within my life and voting time,  my favorite President of the United States of America to date:   Barack Obama.

and the reason i'm thanking him..  /again,

is because "he said it for (me!)" in his recent farewell speech, which I just finished watching

and  paused/replayed/paused replayed, several times to capture:   /I will bracket code my editorial + creative license variances


"...  and that's why I leave this [nursery] tonight even more optimistic about this country than when i started

-because, I know our work has not only helped so many Americans

it has inspired so many Americans!  

  Especially so many young people out there  [like YOU]

to BELIEVE YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

to HITCH YOUR WAGON TO SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOURSELVES

let me tell you,

this generation coming up: 

unselfish;
altruistic;
creative;
patriotic.


ive seen YOU in every corner of [this nursery]

YOU BELIEVE in a FAIR and JUST and INCLUSIVE America

   -You Know that Constant Change has been America's hallmark    -that it is not something to fear; it's something to embrace

and YOU are WILLING to CARRY the HARD WORK of DEMOCRACY FORWARD

               -You'll soon outnumber all of us,

and I BELIEVE as a RESULT

OUR FUTURE is in [GREAT!] hands."


***

so, President Barack Obama said it better, clearer, calmer, louder, and on a much larger stage than I can.    /but let us learn from that also..

when someone can say or explain something better than you can;
  

let her.

***

GOD BLESS each and every one of you on your academic, and school-of-life journeys

In Jesus is watchin' over you's name...




amen.


p.s.

every characteristic/reason I read the audacity of hope, and that inspired me to vote for Barack Obama in the first place

was still present and evident and shining bright in his farewell speech.

and, does he not demonstrate in word and deed, with great consistency, in peace and in crisis, in prosperity, in lack, in every situation  -with allies; with enemies

does he not demonstrate a manifestation and mastery of all the fruits of the spirit..    ~he does!

he is my personal definition of a fully evolved human being;  -humanitarian

and we've been very blessed.






things i KNOW but cannot PROVE (me!), sandra, tvgp

my apologies; have to get serious again:  here is a very small sample..  3 things I KNOW to be TRUE, but cannot prove:

1.  about 20+ years ago, I was at a small size social gathering, of say, 50 people or so.  There was a clue..  something different in volume and tone, about the way one of the men in the group was laughing..    the laughter itself was appropriate, and other people were laughing in response to the same story, but he captured my attention..    what was it?

I would learn, months later, that within a week of that social gathering, he died.    -cause of death, I was told, was accidental..    I don't even remember the detail.   but I knew..

what I knew is that   -he already knew he was going to die.   that information was tucked inside his laugh..    and I Know it was a suicide not an accident.   or he was ran off the road...     the part I'm certain about, is that he knew the night I met him for the first, and last time,   -that his death was very near.

***

2.  for financial reasons, many people have suggested I should have stayed married longer.  based on laws, I would have been better off sticking it out to the ten year mark, vs. the seven, I barely made it to.    -what I know, but cannot prove, is that  -my spirit & health-   could not have lasted.   I avoided and prevented what had the potential to become a life-threatening illness; I avoided and prevented  trips to the hospital

but you can't prove that kind of thing.    I only know to "Thank You!" Jesus here, because, financially, I was without health benefits for lots of years, and without financial resources to pay for any doctors visits        -but guess what..   I never needed them.   I stayed healthy! I know that I spared myself, I prevented/avoided illness..        -and, "Thank You!" Jesus here again, because..   my ex-husband does provide for our children, and we can be in the same room for holidays and anything involving our children.     -so, plenty has gone write, even though the marriage itself went wrong..

***

3.   I KNOW we have President Obama to thank for..     -the fact our recession did not spiral down into something the likes and length of the great depression..      and, -the fact that something the nature of 9/11 did not repeat during his Presidency..

but do you see, how  -things avoided-  -things prevented-   are hard to prove.    -in every area we had peace and diplomacy and progress.. over the past 8 years    "Thank You!"  President Obama  -and your team.

  -for the capture/death of Osama bid laden..     for, all the work behind the scenes to identify/disrupt terrorist activity of any kind..

-for all the hard work, late nights, sacrifice,  -for the very careful and thorough   -thought-  you put into every ultra difficult and very consequential decision you had to make..

-for the love, grace, compassion, and yet unweary, way you represented all of us in the face of mass shooting traumas; and found the words..   and the ability to speak them..  into traumatized and grieving hearts of parents.. family/friends of victims..

-for your outstanding leadership and communication skills..       which, prevail and shine, even in the current moment..   

I could go on and on..   but, "Thank You!"     and your beautiful family..  and your remarkable staff, and our military..   and..    .. and..  and...


In Jesus Shines On You, In You, and Through Your Name..       amen!


Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Hallelujah & Amen from (me!) sandra, tvgp

  I will get a better picture and repost this soon...

details to follow.. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp










Tuesday, January 10, 2017

MY CHARLIE ROSE.. on (stephen colbert!)

  -how do I "thank you!" squidmann...   too funny.   and last time I saw my Charlie on Stephen Colbert he was dressed as FrankenRosenStein.    makes me appreciate Colbert even more; for what he brings out in my Charlie..







and you've all seen this picture once or twice;    -write.    Charlie just about to kiss the heck out of (me!):


yeah.  I have a poster.

***

now,

he is featured as a 2017
MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR
 in towne & country's
magazine,

and I found it hilarious, how Stephen Colbert asked him,

"are you sexier in the town
or in the country?"

but anyway, if you visit the website...      the caveat is:   he has a long term companion.

so, FALSE ADVERTISING..      but!   honey, I had already researched this information, so it came as no surprise..  

of course she is talented, beautiful, a socialite, wealthy..  

so..    "i must challenge her then to..     a dance-off!"             

yes..    to the theme of the Charlie Rose Show...             

and I will dance ON that round old oak table...          and make him forget her name..



Monday, January 09, 2017

VERIZON -a very new experience for (me!) sandra, tvgp

briefly, due to time constraints:

based on my last experience purchasing a new phone at Verizon some 3 or 4 years ago..

based on that experience, I had it in my mind; heart and soul, that I NEVER

EVER

wanted to enter another Verizon store again, and have to purchase a new cell phone

UNLESS, I had with me:

1. my very own lawyer: to help me deal with all the convoluted contract; fine print; BS, the average person does not understand or have the time to read..

2. a highly trained therapist: to help me deal with, handle, process the trauma of unexpectedly learning that all my most prized, treasured, photos..    -gone.

3.  an undercover agent:  to help me know what the hell they do when they take my cell phone behind closed, opaque doors, and return...   and why they even have to do that..

4.  three friends:    -just to serve as witnesses to the madness..

5.  a bodyguard:   -because I would just feel safer

6.  a great book:   -to entertain/educate me while I sat on the floor waiting for hours..

7.  a teenager:  so that after I did finally endure the multiple traumas of purchasing a new phone, I would have the help necessary to figure out how to use it

***

so, the incentive for (me!) personally, to ever return was..    zero

and/or:  only if I absolutely have to

***

and very recently, when my cell phone died:  I absolutely had to.

***

and I am beyond delighted to report, that I had a polar opposite experience.  polar!

it was recommended, only moments prior to me having to go, that I might want to check out the Verizon location in Dublin; the one in the shops at Waterford plaza on tassajara, so, "thank you!" here to my treasured friends Carla and Catherine..   

and, I did not have the time or budget to hire the accompanying staff of 8 I mentioned above, so I ventured on my own

  /only, as a Christian, we know we are never really   -alone.

and before I got out of my jeep blue see, I sat quietly and prayed.   and I held a beautiful

and I do mean beautiful

vision in my mind.   specifically, Jesus and I locked hands.   When his hand locked with mine, then my body was enclosed within the shape of a cross

but at the bottom, where my feet would be,

my feet kind of elongated, and branched out, deep, deep into the earth..

and then I was like,  "Thank You!" Jesus..  and I braved my way inside the

    -very spacious, and very clean, and  -very uncrowded store.     and I bellied up to the phone bar, and shook hands with Ryan, a handsome young man, with a wonderful nature/disposition, calm and reassuring voice,

  -a graduate of St. Mary's I would find out..

and he seemed,   -dare I say,

almost..                 trustworthy.

and we small talked along with  "no-more-contracts!" talked..    yes.    pause there.

VERIZON  -no more contracts!  my heart did a cartwheel and my spirit skipped a beat.

and, he didn't try and talk me into a cell phone or plan I couldn't afford..

and he gave me the "great news!"   -that even though I didn't know it   /or use it..  

all my treasured photos/videos have been in a cloud!   glory to.. Praise God!

   -now it is not glitch-free, the transfer of data/graphics to the new phone..

but it is pretty close.    and, the rest I do have a very handsome, intelligent, wonderful, cell-phone- savvy teenager, slash, son, to help me out with..

   -first call on new phone was to my beautiful mom..

I had been three or four days without a phone..     "your voice... sounds so beautiful to me..."

anyway,

the experience was literally, and figuratively, and actually, and practically,

the polar opposite of my last experience, several years ago,

and I am very   -very-   grateful for it.

"Thank You!"   Verizon for all your customer-friendly improvements
 & "Thank You!"  Ryan, for being   -YOU.    and making my experience a less traumatic
and more positive one.

Blessings!

***

in the hierarchy of needs in 2017:

shelter; transportation; communication.    -and ive been working so hard just to keep these three things going..

as they break or falter, or need repair..  I say to myself:  "oh.. I'm in adversity training again.   oh!  it is time for another crisis management skill test..

***

GOOD NEWS!    -well, have you ever thought your computer or printer died only to embarrassingly learn you forgot to plug it in?

   -similar.  the hard top on my jeep did not come loose, or shift,   -that is not why it was all soaking wet everywhere inside.

it was all soaking wet inside because

each of my windows was accidentally left cracked open..  just a tiny bit.   I didn't notice until I went to show Anne..

oh!  you know, solvable problems are my very, very favorite.

In Jesus rode a donkey's name...    amen!

/same issues in the Bible, huh     -shelter.  transportation.  communication.

~the more things change; the more they stay the same

Sunday, January 08, 2017

The Heart Seen... by (me!) at Alden Lane...

 I mean to tell you,

love is everywhere



 and
such a pleasant surprise; every single time.

livermore wine country literary harvest 2006 livermore wine country literary harvest 2008 the social cause diet 4th street studio's saturday salon literary harvest mag time frames writeousmom@comcast.net shesayswithasmile.blogspot.com